We all have toxic people around us that we know are not good for us yet we keep on clinging onto them anyway, or we're too blind to see the red flags and keep on making excuses to keep them.
I've been surrounded by a lot of different types of toxic people, but they all have one similar trait, they always bring negativity into your life, and you don't always realise how much until you've gotten rid of them from your life.
The one thats only there when they need you
I'm pretty sure every person has had one of these kind of people in their lives. They don't always have to be toxic people per se. Usually I classify these ones as "aquaintances". But if you call these your friends then maybe you may need to rethink some things.
Usually these people will ask you for favours, for help, can I borrow this? Always taking advantage of your kindness and say "you are so awesome/I love you man". And those words is what makes you feel happy, they feed your esteem. But then when YOU need help or when you need to borrow money or ask for a favour. They are just not there, always have some kind of excuse.
Malicious in arguments
Disagreements in arguments is normal, but when they start to say things in intent to hurt you or make you feel insecure, thats when its not normal. In these arguments they will often insult you in some kind of way or make you feel guilty instead of just proving their point.
Thinks everything is an attack
This one I had to painfully deal with a lot. Say they did something that you didn't particularily think was okay, or there's a specific habitual behaviour of theirs that you want to adress. And you confront them about it in a mature and calm way, yet you get an agressive response back from them, trying to defend themselves and accusing you of attacking them.
Eventually this leads to your silence about addressing problems, specifically with them because you know damn well that it will end badly and that your voice means nothing to them.
They have huge double standards
This goes pretty much hand in hand with the point above. They can constantly critizise you about everything, yet when you critizise them about something they go ballistic about it.
It's always your fault
For some reason they always manage to make the problem your fault and complain about what you're doing wrong. And they never ever admit that they are a part of the problem at all. They are masters at convincing you that it was your fault. This extremely bad for you mentally because you'll actually start to believe this, even if the problem has nothing to do with you at all.
They are not interested in your achievements and success
Toxic people generally don't like it when you are doing better than them. Usually when you bring up the topic of your success they'll most likely change the subject fairly quickly or they won't act as excited and happy for you as you thought they would. This is because they are the insecure ones and they like to feed their esteem by knowing they're better than you, so if you're doing better they will obviously get jealous and insecure.
They're controlling and only think about themselves
The world revolves around these people. Its their opinion that matters the most. Its all about what they want, what they think and what they need. And they tend to put down your opinons as insignificant.
They love you the most when you are hurt
This is a nasty kind of manipulation that I know far too well. Yes it is strange, after all the hurt and insults and guilt tripping they've given you they can flip like a switch and be the nicest person ever "Im always there for you, you know that, I would never judge you". One really shitty comment I've heard from one of my "best friends" when I was feeling extremely low, she said "You can always talk to me, (my second best friend) probably won't understand what you're going through, Im the only one who understands".
There is so much more I could add to this list but I think these are some of the main points and the ones I've come across the most.
Now, getting rid of these people isn't always easy, because some of them may be one of your closest friends or your SO. I know I had a real hard time accepting that my best friend was an extremely toxic person to me. Its just that after having known them for all these years, putting up with them for so long. You think, why and how can I waste all that? "I've accepted their flaws, I know they're a bit much sometimes, but Im used to it." IS NOT A GOOD EXCUSE. That was my second problem. I kept making up excuses as to why I should keep this toxic friendship because I love them and I care about them.
If you have friends or loved ones who fit into more than one of these categories, please please reconsider your relationship with them. And have a look at your life right now. Are these people bringing more negativity into my life than positivity?
What people don't realize is that these people can bring you far more damage than you think. They can bring down your confidence, your self worth, they can silence you, and they can even try to bring you down on your road to success. They also drain a lot of your energy and make you stressed out.
Now I'm not saying toxic people are inherently evil. They can be extremely nice and fun people. And also, they have most likely gone through a lot of things to become this insecure (which is often another excuse you make to keep them). But don't think that you can change them. I tried that, several times, did not work. You have to realise that sucking up to people won't make them change, it'll just keep them the same way that they are.
I've currently let go of a whole bunch of people in my life, and I cannot believe how happy I am now compared to only half a year ago. I've regained a lot of lost confidence and I value myself and my time a lot more now than before. Its such a big burden off my shoulders. Its a daunting task leaving your loved ones, and sometimes you believe they are your only source of happiness, but you know what, they really are not. Find people that respect you for you and actually enjoy your company.
Thanks for reading my first myTake, really appreciate it :) 💜
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