Is romance dead?

[kaylaS91]

‘Why is he such an ass?’ ‘Would it really kill him to just take me out and make me feel how I deserve, to be treated like a princess?’

Are we in a relationship because we care for the individual, or has it slowly but surely become more for show? A matter of whose boyfriend or girlfriend can get them the flashier, more expensive gifts. Take them out to fancier restaurants, bend over backwards further than the other.

Is romance dead? More like society’s perception of the difference between romance and a man who has some self-respect and doesn’t complete disregard doing well at work and making a living for himself to one day possibly share with someone. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had a friend make a random off-hand jab about my boyfriend and how I ‘had to’ (more like chose to) pay for myself at dinner, or didn’t get a fancy pair of earrings for my birthday like the ones she got.

The difference? Most time’s, their boyfriend would be controlling, manipulative, borderline abusive. Essentially buying their love by pulling out his credit card to help overlook his douchebaggery. Whereas sure, my boyfriend may not shower me with gifts, but in my eyes it means much more to see through his actions that he cares for myself and my well-being.

Love or romance is not showering someone with gifts, buying expensive things to temporarily appease your partner. It’s not satisfying sexual desires when they pop-up, or a guy dropping all of his other responsibilities because he’s ‘really’ into you.

It’s more like putting someone else’s needs before your own because you care for them. Two people who work as a team to help and support each other in reaching their goals.

So no, romance is not dead. Some people have simply created these completely unrealistic ideals after watching one too many romantic comedies. Paired with having these huge expectations of the minimum they'd put up with yet wanting a self-made man who is able to make a living while also catering to evey one of her needs, perhaps the idea of what romance even is has just become a bit distorted.

[meatballs21]

It depends on your idea of romance.

Idealised:
thumbs.dreamstime.com/.../...to-woman-28701955.jpg

"Chivalry":
upload.wikimedia.org/.../Dicksee-Chivalry-1885.jpg

Soppy romantic comedy:
images.sodahead.com/.../...78541546453_xlarge.jpeg

Reality:
comps.canstockphoto.com/...k-photo_csp15458451.jpg

[kaylaS91]

... truth be told, I'd rather the realistic version of romance than any of the others! I love evenings where we spend hours just cuddling and being goofy and/or fooling around a bit. Those are the times I feel closest and most in love with him versus being taken out to fancy places.

[meatballs21]

That's exactly my point. Actual romance isn't dead. People need to have realistic expectations, and those are spending time together. What you do together doesn't matter as much so long as you're both enjoying yourselves.

[xHoneyxBeex]

I agree. I've never been the type to expect expensive gifts, that doesn't equate to romance for me. There are many ways to show affection, care, and love in a relationship and none of them that are truly meaningful to me involves spending money.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. I absolutely agree with everything that you said. I have a job that allows me to afford all those nice things but I don't give them to "buy" a girl's love. I give them because I want her to have nice things and a pampered life. I don't expect anything in return. . . except sincerity.

2. "Douchebaggery!" I love a wordsmith and I am very fond of people like Mark Twain who could us language so colorfully. "Douchbaggery" has set a new standard for the turn of a colorful neologism. Most excellent!

[Rawrzz]

Oho. Pulling out the princess word. Hell yeah. If romance is males doing everything for females--and or 'wooing' females and doing unique and romantic things for females, then yes and no.

Though, I remember, one of my first serious girlfriends did the most romantic thing. I was 16, and she was 17, and she had her license, but I didn't. She drove to my house at midnight and picked me up after I snuck out. We drove to this park in the middle of the night, on the other side of town. It was easier then, because I wasn't supposed to be the 1950s man, and those social indoctrinates or larger expectations hadn't really dug their heels in yet. Anyway, we walked through forest and through this path where this willow tree was hanging over this small pond with the moonlight reflecting off of it. We walked across the playground and into the middle of this giant field underneath the stars. We put a blanket down, and just smoked and talked all night long. Along with other things. Nudge nudge, wink wink. I took her out to dinner a few times, but nothing like that: but we didn't really have much time. Her parents disapproved of me. And there really wasn't any boundaries or expectations or requirements. We just did what we wanted to do, which often entailed doing things for each other. Anyway.

So no, I don't think general romance is dead. Neither is the 1950s chivalrous romance, either though. I still hear so many males and females talk like that. Particularly older females, but a lot of younger males. I think it's namely based on what females decide they want. You know. It's really confusing from a male perspective. You don't know if you open that door for that one woman, whether she'll punch you in the face and call you a misogynist, thank you, or just say nothing because you're expected to open the door for a lady.

I grew up being taught that a relationship was a partnership: not garnering to or doing everything for a female.

It's like this one chick on here told me about males. "Why would I date a man who couldn't or wouldn't pay for his own shit?" Why would I date a female who couldn't take care of herself or pay for her own shit?

Reminds me of this Jenna Marbles video.>

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ7wT4CUprQ

She has another one about 'nice guys [don't] finish last' which I find I have to post on here quite often.

[Roostah]

jenna marble actually looks cute in that video. What is this 2009 ?

[Rawrzz]

No idea. But it was awhile ago. And she is still attractive. >:|

[Roostah]

nah she looks haggard now. Especially after dying her hair red.

[Yelppoor]

I don't know. I don't think that the things we clarify as romance are things you can force and they definitely aren't things that can be constantly expected. Our ideas of relationships are so distorted now a days and it seems in either one of two extreme directions. Romance if you break it down is just a show of affection from or to someone you love. Think about any strong relationship in your life. Your parents? Your friends? Your siblings? Have you ever just thought about how much you loved them and suddenly purchased or did something you knew they would appreciate and love? Have you also neglected to think about their feelings, act selfishly, or purposely say something that hurt them? You've probably done both if the relationship between you is a healthy one. That's what all love is about. Sometimes you buy flowers, sometimes you make mix tapes, sometimes you hurt feelings and sometimes you fight, but you always wish they were still a part of your life, you expect similar treatment and respect to what is given and you are never afraid to apologize, even if you feel you did no wrong.

[AleDeEurope]

To me, romance is not how many gifts s/he gives you, or how fancy the restaurant is, cause anyone with money can do that. To me romance is what you show through your actions, how you express those feelings and how you treat your partner, and how much effort you put into showing that person how much you care.
Anyone can drive you to the best restaurant in town, have chef cook for them, pay, and go back home, but not everyone can go to the store, buy the food, spend hours cooking, prepare the table and a romantic environment, and serve you dinner. To me that's romance.
Showing with hugs and kisses how much you like the other person, instead of buying them a teddy bear to hug. Cleaning their tears and telling them it's all ok, instead of buying them something to feel better.

I don't think romance is dead, at least not in me. The problem is many girls think romance is measured by how much the guy spends, and many girls expect and demand romance, but never give it back.

[ChocoLada]

Oww, you are so romantic ❤️
You are totally right, money is not important, hugs and kisses are :*

[Octavius]

When you can spend Valentines day sitting in a park together just relaxing and huddling close together cause it's still cold and being able to sit quietly while still enjoying your time together; THAT's romance. Not getting a bunch of chocolate and gifts and hallmark cards.

[rjroy3]

That's how I define true compatibility. If you can both be in the same room, doing two separate things, not saying a word to eachother and it doesn't feel weird. Or like you have to say something, then you're compatible. Their presence was enough

[Mesonfielde]

Those girls are actually looking for someone who is controlling and borderline abusive, which is why Twilight and 50 Shades are popular. Some people think that is exactly how a respectworthy and atrractive male behaves.

I think the ability to see people as individuals is dead.

[heavensgift2girls]

I agree with most of what you wrote, except I think traditional romance is dead. Romance isn't accepted in today's culture. I got a girl flowers once just to show I loved her, and got accused of cheating. She thought it was impossible for a guy to just decide to do something for her, just because he wanted to. I am not the only guy this has happened to.

In our culture, modern ideas on romance is closer to ownership of the other person. They drop everything and give up everything at the other persons beck and call. Any romance done out of actual love is met with mistrust. If the guy takes her to a fancy restaurant, because she made it clear it was his job to do so, then it is "romantic". If a guy takes her to a fancy restaurant, because he wants to show his appreciation of her, his actions will be met with mistrust.

[Jimrat86]

My friend and I talked about how most guys are willing to do everything to try and win the affection of women. We both agreed that we will never be like that.
We do not exist to cater to every emotional need and desire to self-entitled brats who don't bring anything to the table besides their looks.
We are individual beings with free will, not unpaid body guards who pay for everything simply because society tells us to.
Females in this country are self-entitled, but not self-aware. I personally wish more men would be like me and just do what they want.

[MysteriousChick93]

You made me get my guy more it's not about dropping responsibilities , but supporting each other through bad an good times. Gifts an material things don't matter. It's about understanding someone else's needs an respecting them with them equally doing salt for you 💘

[helithchambers]

ABSOLUTELY NOT! My ex was one of the most romantic people on this planet. He lives in the UK and I'm in Denmark. He'd call a flower shop in Denmark and get me flowers which is something I've never tried before. It was the first time I got flowers. He'd send me cards and write letters, he'd give me a mockingjay pin, knowing that I love the hunger games. He'd do so many things that made me smile, just to surprise me. I loved and still love the hell out of him, but sadly I took it all for granted. Romance is not dead.

[hifromkai]

This <3!

Okay I agree with you on the most part but it's not just buying them off with a credit card. Girls react to borderline abuse. I don't know why but they just do. It's like they think if someone is abusive that they're not good enough for the other person creating a sub conscious need to impress that person and when the plastic comes out they get excited because they think being bought gifts means they're getting through to him when it's just a way to manually manipulate..

But yeah thankyou for posting this more chicks need to think like you

You have a sexy brain

[Anonymous]

I definitely agree that if your in a relationship the guy should take you out and be there for you and do things for you. But in it being all expensive things I don't believe in. If I had a girlfriend I would prefer to get some nice food from a take away store, drive along a nice road and then stop for a romantic picnic anyday over an expensive restaurant.

So yes dates are important but that they are expensive are not so important. Of course you can show affection sometimes with a special gift but I believe that if you truly are amazing at the relationship there is no need to show money.

I could take a girl out to hang out in the industrial terrain, I am fun to be around and can make her enjoy everything then money won't matter!

[shadowlegend]

Unfortunately... in an age where technology has replaced physical interaction... yes, romance has become scarce, because you can't download an app for romance lol I have a great post about "wooing" which no one seems to even recognize anymore! getresurgatized.com/.../

[OpenWine]

Why should I buy someone expensive things without them having proved it's worth being.

Everyone has a different expectation of how to show affection and mine is not with using money.
Romance here romance there, your mind just doesn't want to understand what doesn't seem right to you.

[kaylaS91]

yeah exactly my point. You don't have to buy things for anyone to 'prove' anything. Actions should do that much more effectively and be all the more appreciated in my opinion.

[OpenWine]

There are diff types of people. Some want a hug, others a necklace 😂

[Rei02]

I like it, thanks. It is true that romance hasn't die, it is just that society and social media have distorted it. The true romance is about respecting and caring for the other.

[Roostah]

A lot of women in this generation seem to be looking out for money bags first and then everything else (character, moral values, kindness, loyalty etc) later. They go after the guy with money, get their hearts broken. What they want is a rich guy who is willing to treat them nice and commit to them.

[Roostah]

Romance seems to be dead because doing all these things just aren't appreciated when guys try to date women initially. Showing kindness, being romantic, opening doors, preparing a romantic setting all are lost on women of this generation mostly in favor of wild parties, yacht, fancy resturant, buying them expensive gifts, nice cards and houses. People are more concern with showing off to their friends than actually being with someone who actually took the time to show them that they cared rather than buy them off.

[MysteriousChick93]

I'm not wanting that

[JayB124b]

I agree. What I have found is that women's perception has changed drastically. It is now expected that a man have sis pack, get promoted at work every year, be perfectly well dressed, and at the same time be entirely devoted to his girlfriend. It's not really feasible.

[Roostah]

So this?

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...381bc8ca49.jpg

[JayB124b]

@Roostah No rolex?

[dudeman]

well for me romance is dead because I can't be romantic with the modern women. most women have slept around and started fairly early so I can't be romantic with her because my heart won't be into it. I guess to be romantic truly you have to love the person and I honestly can say im incapable of loving a modern western women.

[kaylaS91]

I'm sorry the modern western women you've met were incapable of being loved by yourself. However, you blame them as being the root of the problem, though you're the one who decided to sleep with them fairly early on in your relationships or when dating?

[dudeman]

well am i supposed to forgo women due to me not being able to love them? im 29 I've given up on finding a unicorn. its not going to happen so my relationships are reduced to sexual ones. at least this way i get women but i also retain my freedom.

[kaylaS91]

it sounds like you're the one who's choosing to have sex with women early on in your relationships. If so, why should they buy the cow if they can get the milk for free?

[dudeman]

of course also why buy a cow that has a history of giving away free milk

[kaylaS91]

not everyone judges people by their past. As long as you weren't with 100+ people, it's fine so long as that remains in the past.

[dudeman]

well people are free to do as they please myself included.

[mr90skid]

Romance seems to be like in a ressession, it's there but weak

[rcmp1234]

is romance dead? not completely, but it's a dying institution. I agree that romance should be about "putting someone else’s needs before your own because you care for them." The problem with this is that more often than not when this happens one person in the relationship cares more about the other and someone ends up getting hurt.