Continuous Effort Is Necessary In Relationships!

[teawrecks]

Honestly to date, my biggest pet peeve is when people think that they can stop putting in effort.

Oh, we consider one another best friends? Great I don't have to do things I would normally do to try and make you stick around. Oh, we're mutually attracted to one another? You must not need me to flirt with or compliment you any longer!

Wrong. So wrong. So very, very wrong.

If you don't like someone enough to continuously put in effort for them, then you shouldn't put in the effort to begin with to make them a permanent part of your daily life.

People will always need at least some level of validation from the ones that they care for. Some will need it more than others. And no, you're not there just to validate them and to make them feel good. When you enter a friendship or a relationship it's usually because you like that person, and when you like someone, on any level, you usually want them to be happy and feel loved and cared for by you.

Neglecting someone will not make them feel happy or loved or cared for.

I'm not saying you need to continuously compliment this person on a daily basis, but offering up a compliment or words of encouragement to them at least once a week will make a world of difference. Especially if in comparison you don't find yourself doing that anymore typically.

We're all guilty of it. We put in loads of effort towards the beginning because we really want to be friends with this person or we really have a big crush on this person and want them to like us in return, but then when feelings and friendships are reciprocated, it's like a trigger goes off and we decide "Yeah, alright, game over. I don't have to put in effort anymore."

Relationships of any and all kinds are effort.

If you're both not mutually putting in the foot work to make sure you're both happy (in friendship or in dating), then are you really fit to hold a relationship with them? And if it's something you notice is a common habit of yours, are you REALLY fit to hold a relationship with ANYONE?

But this NEEDS to be a two way street.

I know a lot of you are most likely thinking, hey, if they aren't putting in effort for you, then you don't need to put in effort for them! I'm inclined to agree.

However if it's truly a relationship you cherish, then being the bigger and better person and being the one to reinstate the effort into your relationship may SAVE a relationship you feel is drifting apart.

Maybe they stopped putting in effort because you stopped putting in effort, or you stopped putting in effort because they did. Which means you're at a stalemate and at risk of losing a relationship in your life. But if you slowly start putting in effort again and they notice, chances are they'll start reciprocating that effort. And if they don't, then you don't need them in your life.

Lack of effort shows lack of compassion and is an alarmingly unattractive character flaw in a human. The word effort makes it seem like you have to do A LOT, but you really don't.

Words of encouragement, a compliment, flirting - all simple things that are considered as putting in effort to making sure your significant other or best friend remains feeling cherished and appreciated.

It shouldn't be a burden to make someone you care about feel appreciated, so don't let it be.

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing though. What usually happens with most relationships is that there's an early stage. In this stage the other person can do no wrong. You overlook their flaws. You agree with everything. You smile. Laugh. Compliment each other. If it was the opposite spectrum then the relationship would never start to begin with.

Eventually though as time goes on things begin to level off. The placebo "happy go luck" BS falters and reality sets in. That's when the REAL relationship begins. That's when you really find out if it'll work with that person or not.

Trust I've been in relationships with people. It's true. Often times it's not that they aren't putting in the effort. It's just that the effort they are putting out isn't the ultimate high effort that started the relationship. That ultimate high you'll probably never get back because again that's a placebo. That's a false reality created from trying to form a relationship. It's like smoking for the first time. People try to reach that first high but their body gets used to it and "levels off". That's how life works. That's how WE work. We "level off".

Do relationships take effort? Yes. I'm not saying they don't, but if you think you'll get that same high you got in the beginning of the relationship you probably won't.

[teawrecks]

I'm not saying it'll be the same high, not even close. But I'm still saying effort needs to be put forth. You'll still feel more appreciated than if effort wasn't, high or not.

There ARE people who stop putting in effort and that's what this particular take is focused on. Not your placebo effect.

[Opinion Owner]

"Do relationships take effort? Yes. I'm not saying they don't"

Effort is a byproduct of care. If people care enough they'll put in the effort. If not they won't.

[Darkfairie17]

I totally agree with you! To all those saying it should come naturally, well sometimes you are tired, sometimes you are busy, what about people who have kids? There are tons of reasons why complimenting someone or not putting in effort doesn't come naturally. It's not an all of a sudden thing, most times it's a gradual thing.

It's hard to realize it when it happens. But that doesn't mean it's okay. Both parties should be making it a priority so that if one person is slipping, they can talk about it and work out a plan.

[KDA20]

I like this take, it makes a very good point - I think the key sentence is
"People will always need at least some level of validation from the ones that they care for. Some will need it more than others. And no, you're not there just to validate them and to make them feel good. When you enter a friendship or a relationship it's usually because you like that person, and when you like someone, on any level, you usually want them to be happy and feel loved and cared for by you."
I feel that making friends is easy but maintaining friendship is where the hard work begins, the same can be said for relationships although for most getting a relationship is fairly difficult. If you want to stay in the relationship whatever type it is you have to develop the capacity to be comfortable in the relationship as to make the other person feel accepted but also keep it fresh with commitment to it. I honestly feel that it becomes instinctive to do these things and if you are not, your partner or friend is comfortable enough with you to say that maybe more is needed.
This is possibly where I can be accused of being an idealist or too much of a positive thinker but I defer to the great irish playwright George Bernard Shaw when he said.
www.brainyquote.com/photos/o/oscarwilde109715.jpg
So in my ideal world your premise is a good reminder to us in friendships and relationships that a well maintained machine will run longer and smoother than a machine that is taken for granted which may become neglected if we are not careful.

[teawrecks]

I'm glad you like it, and you're absolutely correct about a well maintained machine. ☺️

[CHARismatic110]

I love this. It bugs me so bad when people are inconsistent! You already know that. It's like enough with the flip floppin already! The hot and cold, up and down crap. Nobody got time for that! When people are inconsistent it makes me just want to cut them completely off. Especially if it's clear that I'm putting in twice the effort. Like no.

Great Take woman!

[teawrecks]

Well thank you ma'am 😍😁

And I agree entirely. No effort = okay I guess this relationship is over, then.

[AvaMarina]

Love this take. Getting close to someone shouldn't mean getting lazy about caring for them. The more I care for someone, the closer we are, the more I would do for them to make sure they're happy. Relaxing and being comfortable with someone is ideal, but that certainly doesn't mean neglecting them! I think some people are too focused on "achieving" a relationship, but not maintaining it.

[Phoenix98]

Well of course continuous effort is always needed, I agree with you 100% I like to look at relationships like a garden, because just like a garden a relationship needs constant care, attention and effort/maintenance. If you ignore it, it will wilt and die, just like your relationship will run into some big problems and eventually die if you don't put in effort into it.

You would think this would be common sense but I guess not *shrugs*

[Sorrento_Moon]

I love this Take! 👍 Great points, and 100% true 😊

[gobsmacked3]

correct, relationships are like living entities that you need to tend too, and nurture.

If you do not they wither, and die

[Entity]

You keep up effort for 20 years and see how that goes!
Relationships are full-time jobs in my opinion.

[croxy]

Yeah I know. That's why I can't be in relationships. I'm not able to put that kinda effort into a relationship.

[tyber1]

So true, I've never let a lack of effort be an issue because your SO deserves to be a priority.

[pavlove]

shouldn't it come naturally if you're in love? I mean if you have to remind yourself is that not forced? just curious not fully disagreeing with you

[Roostah]

Is that the trinity killer?

[Bluemax]

Yep. I very much concur