Sometimes we get caught up in this whole quest to find the loves of our lives. We think finding that person is going to make everything in our life better, more fulfilled, and complete; we are going to be whole again. The truth is, finding someone may make you feel less lonely and more loved, but it's not a complete solution to all life's problems or your own problems.
Working on yourself first means that you're actively developing a life for yourself that doesn't revolve around the needs and care of others. It may sound selfish, but knowing who you are as one person, can help you develop in a realtionship into who you are as a couple. Knowing what you want, what your dreams are, where you want to go in life are just as important as knowing those same wants, dreams, and needs of your partner. If you don't have that for yourself, you may become co-dependent and do things only your partner wants, and live a life where you're only ever fulfilling someone elses dreams. What happens if they die, or you break up, or you get divorced? Even if you share the same dreams, it is still important to have something outside of that, that is just about you.
It's also important to take a look inwards at yourself and work on issues with self-esteem. Many people think that they are somehow terrible human beings if they are not in a relationship. They put themselves down calling themselves losers and ugly. You have to know your own self worth. You don't get that from being in a relationship. Your self-esteem should not be dependent on what someone thinks or doesn't think about you whether you are in or out of a relationship. Know just how good you are, smart you are, funny you are, and own that. When someone rejects you, don't automatically resort to feeling like you have nothing to offer anyone, anywhere. That is the wrong attitude to have. When you know and love who you are, you seek people who both respect that, and have that for themselves. It helps you to find your equal, and not someone looking to put you down or take advantage of you.
Beyond the internal, is the external work. It is no secret that if you are healthy, happy, and confident, people are generally more attracted to you and want to be around you. When you routinely engage in bad habits like not exercising and/or eating right, smoking, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, or any other bad habits or health choices, you are never going to be your best self or your healthiest self. Not too many people want to date the guy always fighting other people, or the girl puking on herself, or to make out with someone who smells like an ash tray, or marry a guy who can't be bothered with basic hygiene. People want to date a person who has their stuff together, who takes care of themselves, who dressses well, and has good hygiene. Also, just becuase you're in a relationship doesn't mean you should stop putting effort into yourself. Look good because you want to and first and foremost it makes you feel good. Exercise because you know it will keep you healthy for a much longer life. Don't simply give up and shut down all efforts because you found someone. Respect yourself and your body more than that.
So before you start whining about how everyone and everything else is the problem, work on yourself first. Work to be a person you would want to date and don't stop living your life and following your dreams because you aren't in a relationship or when you are in one. Use this time, use your life, to become your best self.
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