I Cheated, What Do I Do Now? Advice For Cheaters Or Getting Cheated On

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

This tends to be a serious topic on here, and I think it's quite dumb. ALL of this goes for EVERYONE, regardless of sexuality or gender. Male, female, whatthefuckever you are. This take can be subjective but I tried to keep it to the basics. If you disagree with someone, don't be a butthurt little bitch and act superior to those whom agree with me. Just saying.

I do not think light flirting is cheating, but that's because the way I talk comes off as flirting sometimes (especially when I'm nice), but flirting, kissing, fucking is cheating. If you do one of the above with the opposite gender or even the same gender, it's still cheating. I also suggest NOT cheating on your SO to "get revenge" if they cheated on you first. That's childish and immature and both of you aren't mature enough to be in a serious relationship yet.

cheat
CHēt/Submit
verb
gerund or present participle: cheating
1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, especially in a game or examination.
"she always cheats at cards"

Those "side nigga/side ho" memes CAN be very funny, but the reality is terrible and a serious issue in my opinion.

What to do when you don't know if you've cheated:

If you do something that you have to hide then it's probably cheating. Do you delete a certain persons texts cause you feel as if your SO will get mad? Probably cheating -> it isn't only under certain circumstances.

What to do when you know you've cheated:

I suggest immediately telling your SO. Break it to them softly, be kind to them if you don't want them to leave. Now they'll either stay if they're not self-respecting or they genuinely love you. If they don't, then they'll leave you and you'll be left to do as you please. It is better to tell them rather than stay in a relationship as a liar and a cheater.

What to do when you suspect being cheated on:

Confront your SO but do it not accusationally. That will stir up some trouble between the two of you, and usually they should understand as to why you think they've cheated if you give them good reasons.

What to do when you KNOW you've been cheated on:

Leave them if you can't deal with cheaters, but you can always stay. Only stay as long as it was a 1 time thing and you genuinely love/care for them.

Now, cheating shouldn't be tolerated. Hand-holding in my opinion is OK, as long as it's OK with the SO. I hold hands with all of my female friends and a few of my male friends. My boyfriend knows and he's okay with it because he knows I love him. The only time having more than ONE partner is okay, is if the SO is also consenting to it.

Sorry, I just felt the need to get it out, people can be kinda ignorant to cheaters/cheating. Do not tolerate someone cheating on you (my personal opinion), if they do it once, they'll (usually) do it again.

[lovestruckangel]

Sorry can't help you. I never have and never will cheat on anybody. I'm loyal to the bitter end. I also hope I never have and never will be cheated on. From what I've witnessed of it it's horrible and wouldn't wish it upon anybody.
I do however hope you own up to it and the poor victim overcomes it and knows it's not his/her fault you chose to betray thier trust.
Even thinking of somebody else is cheating in my books. Because to think of somebody else means you don't really love who your with.

[gapminder]

The whole cultural acceptance of "side chick" needs to be called what it is. "Being a dishonest asshole to your gf/bf/spouse".

[BarbieDollT]

True

[Bananna]

Amen!!! Clearly everyone has lost their self respect

[gapminder]

@Bananna indeed they have

[Bananna]

Whatever it is. He/she clearly didn't give two fucks about you. So no cheating isn't ok. Even if you broke up for 1 day and got back together it's still not ok. Whatever horrific scenario it is... leave the asshole and find the next best thing because there are 100000000 people in the world and you shouldn't be settling for anyone who treats you like dirt. You are the king/queen of your own world. Clean yourself uo, fix your crown, own the respect you have and give to others and move on. Life doesn't stop for heartache for disrespect. You pick yourself up. Dust it off. Recover and don't look back to those who mistreated you even if it was.05% everyone can be replaced and there is someone else out in this beautiful world that would value you more than he/she would.

[Weber17]

I have to put in some words as someone on the side titled "cheater."
Many people have never been on either side of this situation, or have only experienced one side. This creates an extremely bias opinion. Not every cheater is the same, not every situation of a cheater is the same, and definitely not every relationship is the same.

[Weber17]

In my situation, it was a series of immature, naïve relationship mistakes that led to my decision. We were young and still learning about love and life. We were at a point in our relationship where I was very unhappy, but I didn't want to walk away from the hurt and pain. I was drunk when I cheated, no this is not an excuse. As people say drunken words are sober thoughts. My actions of cheating that night was my sober idea of wanting him to feel my pain. No, I would never of done this sober, it was a horrible judgement call as I was drunk, young and mad. I didn't know how to deal with life at the time (there's always more then just the relationship) so that's how it led up to it. Cheating is NOT an accident (you can't say oops I tripped into some other persons bed and accidentally had sex), but it can be a mistake (as in you did something knowing exactly what you were doing, but not thinking of the consequences, and later regretting and realising what you did wrong). Which is my case.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

I agree that it isn't an accident but it can be a mistake.

[Weber17]

Here's the better part of the story. People do heal, and learn to understand. Although my case wasn't as bad as cheating goes, it also wasn't as minimal either. What saved me was my honesty and apology. If you love that person and have made a mistake, TELL THEM! Let them know what you did and why you did it and that you regret your actions if that's how you feel! Your partner may leave you and you have to take that risk because you'll be living under that fear of them finding out for the rest of your relationship, and once they do find out you're not only a cheater but also a liar.

There's also the flip side of not telling them. If you don't love them, you're not going to be an acquaintance in their life if you break up, you're not interested anymore... just break up with them. Simple as that. Telling them will only hurt them and ruin their self worth. If you aren't in it for the long haul, there's no need to hurt someone more.

[Weber17]

Its been almost a year now since my boyfriend and I broke up after telling him what I had done. There was about two months that followed that we didn't speak at all. Followed by another couple of months trying to just be friends, and a little bit of time trying to re light the flame. Then again about three months with absolutely no contact.

Then it came. When you really love someone, or truly have feelings for someone, that memory of them and thought of them never goes away. We started talking once again. Just as friends, catching up, getting out initial friendship where it all began back. At this point that's all we wanted. Although I had made the mistake of cheating, time had past. Many people say things along the lines of "people never change" or "once a cheater always a cheater." But that's not true. I had never felt worse about myself as a person after I had done that to someone I had truly loved. That's something I think he realized in the process of getting back to friends.

[Weber17]

Anyways... Its been a few months since we've started talking again, but after a while it was kind of like "what are we doing?" We knew those feelings weren't going away, and they just made everything so much more complicated being "just friends" while having those feeling and emotions, and the actions we took physically together during this time made it every bit more confusing and difficult for us. So we called it on our friendship and decided its either all or nothing. We chose to go all in.

We're happy as ever with our decision although its only been a short time, but when you know, you just know. Of Corse he still has the thought of me cheating in the back of his mind and I have the fear of his wrongs in the past in the back of my mind. But those things diminish over time after earning trust back. Maybe we will have our happily ever after and maybe not. All I know is we're not giving up because of a young and foolish mistake.

Don't give up.

[thorthorley]

How is flirting cheating? Maybe hardcore flirting, but flirting just in general isn't cheating.

Cheating in my opinion is either making out or doing anything sexual related. This excludes porn tho bc you dont actually know the person and its just a harmless release whereas if it was an online cam with someone you do know then thats probably cheating too. So handholding, pecks on cheeks, porn and flirting i dont consider cheating.

And yea cheaters are just weak and stupid bc if you werent happy being in a relationship then just breakup. And if you were happy and you just can't control your desire for sex then you are just weak.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Yea I agree, light flirting is ok in my opinion
I dont think porn is cheating-he and i both watch it and sometimes together. but pecks on the cheek or light flirting isn't cheating to me.

[ThisDudeHere]

"What to do when you don't know if you've cheated"
-But what if I just happen to delete personal texts but ones that are not related to cheating or being unfaithful? I mean, not every thing has to be an open book.

"What to do when you suspect being cheated on:"
"... but do it not accusationally. That will stir up some trouble between the two of you"
-And? if they cheated then they have already stirred up trouble/.

"Only stay as long as it was a 1 time thing..."
-I believe there's no such thing. You did it once, you then have it in you to do it again.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Thats why I said there are exceptins.

andif they havent? then it might show distrust

i agree, but some people may differ.

[Riggers]

''I have cheated now what do i do?''

I don't know.. Potato peel your skin and take a lovely bath of Lime juice salt and vinegar?

Whatever takes your fancy scumbag (Not directed at you OP... just cheaters... Assholes).

[Tdieseler]

Thats why i don't put much thought into these things. If i cheated, i rely on "what they don't know won't hurt them" unless i want to hurt them, then i'll happily tell em. If they find out on their own... oh well.
If i feel im being cheated on, i fall back on the "feel" part, im not insecure, nor do i use emotions, im gonna need hard evidence... until then, "ignorance is bliss".
Cheating is not a big subject to me, its the chain of events that lead to it that is the biggie because if anyone "... whatthefuckever..." they are, plays their cards right, there won't be any cheating.

[Brokenheartedx]

If you feel Cheatin walk away from the relationship there and then,

[Tdieseler]

@Brokenheartedx you do understand that sometimes, its just not that easy right? its easy to say... but its not that easy to do. That also applies to what i said above.
Im just saying, its not that big a deal really. everyone wants to rip each other's throats out over something that could have been simple.

[TheDevilInside]

Cheating is for cowards. You don't have the balls to end your relationship, so you cheat and hurt the person who really cares about you. There's a special place in hell for cheaters.

[Tdieseler]

@TheDevilInside I hope so... lord knows i won't want to be put in Gen-Pop lol. People can classify cheating however they see fit, blind themselves as much as they want, but in about 90% of cheating cases, the problem began with the one playing victim. Cheating just doesn't usually happen overnight, it takes a selfish ignorant partner to be cheated on. Thats why it always comes as a "surprise". if they had been attentive to anyone But themselves, they would have seen it coming and readjust. so forget being cowardly, thats only like what? .7-1% of cheating cases. the problem started waaaay before the act. the act was just the breaking point. you can say walk away, but everything looks good on paper... till it happens for real.

[TheDevilInside]

Yeah and the cheater is always too cowardly to just fucking breakup and end a relationship they claim unhappy. Noooo, because they have no balls. So they choose to cheat instead.

[Tdieseler]

@TheDevilInside its circumstances hon, its always the circumstances. believe me, in most cases where people will walk immediately, they walk. its always the circumstances, that is the unpredictable part that makes it hard to just "walk away"... i wrote one of those circumstances in a question of mine. im just gonna quote one of my comments here.
"i saw a situation where it was the girl's apartment and he had given up his apartment and moved in with her since hers was "nicer" and they had been "serious" for a bit...
when he caught that happening, poor bloke didn't know what to do... obviously the stranger left but the situation was so awkward after, i mean, they shared the 1 bedroom, and its not like he could move out immediately or throw her shit out. What could he do? even if he broke up with her, they shared a room... still had to share a bed. the situation wasn't funny but i was dying laughing. Poor guy had to endure it until he could move out."

[TheDevilInside]

Sure. Circumstances. Cowards always blame circumstances cause they're too cowardly to admit they have done something horrible and have no self control. Poor old circumstance as a scapegoat...

[Tdieseler]

@TheDevilInside i honestly believe you will be alright. Being what i was, im surprised i only experienced it once, but once was enough. "cheating" only happens in a scenario when one just can't "walk away"... you might talk a good game darling, we all do, but when reality hits, you find out its way harder. I was part of the 10% that cheated just cuz, not because of the partner but because i was an opportunist... believe me when i say that when it happened to me i realized... its harder than it seems... you will too.

[TheDevilInside]

Except that I'm not an opportunist like you. I hold on to the things that are good in my life and don't constantly strive for more.

[Tdieseler]

@TheDevilInside Darling... Guys are the opportunists... thats why its often heard that guys cheat more than girls. thats a huge lie. a girl can decide she can go out today and get laid, and it will happen, its not the same for guys, thats why they get swayed easy, no control. as for you saying that you don't strive for more... i call bullshit.. girls ALWAYS strive for more, more than the guy has to offer. its just the way it is, its not just from me. I've seen many a time when a guy swears that if only he can have a girlfriend, eventually he does and some other girl ("hotter") shows interest, he goes in that direction.. its just a thing. thats why i don't care. I reverted back to the laws of nature, and i abide by that rather than what society tell us what its supposed to be. Do i condone cheating, no.. but i also don't condone an "ignant" selfish partner as well. it all goes back to genes... do you know that staying committed according to nature is Not for males?

[TheDevilInside]

Then go be in a polyamorous relationship. Don't commit to one person and then cheat. That's just as bad as raping for me. And you keep saying "girls"... Acting like you know every girl in the world from Adam... Generalising is for stupid ignorants. And you don't know me, so don't call bullshit on what I know about myself.

[Tdieseler]

@TheDevilInside i can apologize for generalizing, i know there are different people in the world, you might be different (for all i know you might be the same) . thing is, it tends to happen, a lot. in order to understand relationships, one has to go back to roots, understand animalistic mentality, only then does one get how it goes. sad part though (and this is from experience) the "good" ones are always "taken"
p. s... its called polygamous...

[TheDevilInside]

Polyamorous is pretty much the same thing as polygamous, silly... It's a legit word too.

You say it's in our animalistic nature to cheat... Yet so many animals species are monogamous. Besides, even if it were true, do we have to resort back to being animals? Animals don't have a conscience. They don't understand the concept of right or wrong, they don't feel bad when they hurt others. We, on the other hand, are equipped with these things. So why turn back to become a lower life? Just to find reasons to legitimate lack of good morals, I guess?

[Tdieseler]

@TheDevilInside damn, i knew that was a word too...
anyway... who said anything about "our"... i said Males... its in OUR nature to be that way. Females are meant to be monogamous... males, not so much. you can't run away from nature darling, try as you might because of civilization, you can't. we are biologically animals... I've told a lot of females (and now you) that when a guy is Faithful... it takes a Huge toll on us... we are constantly fighting our nature... have you ever wrestled a tsunami, or tried to quell an earthquake? hell.. try to reverse a tornado. thats what we go through and that why most males seem to cheat. we are constantly fighting, but you girls don't seem to understand.

[TheDevilInside]

So we're supposed to fucking sit there and accept the fact that you're gonna cheat and hurt us deeply? In what world is that OK? Oh right, a cheater's world cause he's trying to blame genetics and the universe for his lack of morals and commitment abilities.

I know a lot of guys who would never be polygamous and would be happy to be with just one great woman.

[Tdieseler]

@TheDevilInside so do i... i know a lot of them too. You don't get it. its ok, I've found out that a lot of people don't get it.

[TheDevilInside]

And you apparently don't get that hurting people is a bad thing and if you keep doing that, you might just get reincarnated as a toilet brush in your next life. Seriously. Just go for polyamorie. Then you're not cheating on anyone.

[Tdieseler]

@TheDevilInside you don't get it...

[TheDevilInside]

Tell me, what are we girls then supposed to while you guys go animalistic and cheat on us again and again? Sit nicely with dinner served?

[Tdieseler]

@TheDevilInside I've got an inbox if you want to continue the conversation in great detail, i think we have spammed HomicidalQueen's notification icon bad enough. if not, it was great going back and forth.

[TheDevilInside]

Feel free to explain. Yourself and answer my question in my inbox. I won't ask for the third time.

[Tdieseler]

@TheDevilInside i can't lol... i tried... why you think i told you to. you have restrictions... i don't. im a free spirit.

[Grungenoreos]

@Tdieseler I agree... i didn't read all that shit though. Just some of it. And yes most times when people cheat its usually the victim in the relationship but not all the time. Reason I say this is because there are always exceptions the everything and plus I know couples where the cheating just happens with no actual problems in the relationship except that the person just wasn't a person capable of fidelity (just like impulsive liars who get away with all kinds of shit.) etc

[Tdieseler]

@Grungenoreos you are saying the very same thing i said. its not always the situation but in most of them, its usually the victim that caused it. i didn't forget the fact that there are just some people who are just scared of commitment.

[somebodysaycheese]

The meme about the side chick , side nigga... lol so true guys think they are playing girls , yet your main chick 5 steps ahead of you and you are the side dude! I don't entertain the whole thing you wanna have a side chick... I'm going to throw up the dueces... you need to realize their are better looking, better in bed, bigger dick men out their... lol... no one should settle , no one.

[Luvme66]

I don't think light flirting is good either... cause it never made me feel good... because my ex cheated on me and we broke up... and it all started with some light flirting...

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

That's your view then, this take can be subjective but I tried to keep it to the basics.

[Luvme66]

Yeah true that too...

[flypaper]

Cheating should only be defined by those in the relationship. My Husband is a flirt and I don't consider that cheating in the slightest.

I've never been cheated on but it def. wouldn't be the end all be all for me as long as he owns up to it shortly after and had used a condom and got an std check before attempting to touch me again. Sex is not the most important to me, not even close. Trust however is, people make mistakes... that doesn't hurt my trust... lying over it does.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Well yea thats why i said it was subjective.

[Grungenoreos]

So you would be okay with his cheating if he was honest about it? Like only if he did it once or any times he actually did it. I mean part of being in a committed relationship is not going behind each others back with another person whether its kissing or having sex. Doing that itself is an act of disloyalty. Unless you are speaking of open relationships

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

@Grungenoreos I personally wouldn't even if he was honest, I'd be very upset and tbh it depends on if he told me right away and who it was with and why

[Weber17]

@Grungenoreos I think what @flypaper is getting at is... If her husband were to make the mistake of cheating, and own up to it honestly and maturely, they would work it our rather than call it quits right then and there.

Yes part of being in a relationship is being loyal to on another, but mistakes will always be made. Getting through situations and working issues out is a huge part of the relationship as well. Many people will value the relationship more than enough to get through whatever mistakes, situations, curve balls, or whatever is thrown at them.

[Grungenoreos]

@Weber17 i think if someone truly loves you and is loyal, no cheating will be done.

[Grungenoreos]

@Weber17 In fact who is to say it won't happen again? Someone that cheats usually does it more than once?

[Grungenoreos]

@Weber17 i am not saying no mistakes will be made but that isn't a mistake. It was a choice the person made. You dont just slip and have sex. As a mature adult you know if the situation is going to take such a turn and that you should leave.

[Weber17]

@Grungenoreos First know the difference between a "mistake" and an "accident." What you're referring to is an accident. Cheating isn't always something that a straight shooter "I'm going to go get laid from someone other than my spouse." It can be a situation you've put yourself in that led to something completely different, and as a person made the poor choice of letting it become cheating. Its not always black and white. I did not say he would do it again, nor did I say he wouldn't. The point of my comment was to clarify that some people will value their spouse enough to move past it, and work on whatever may have led to that decision ( no matter what it may be ).

[Grungenoreos]

@Weber17 but what would you do if he cheated again? Being a ride or die chick means being with a guy even if he is broke, not cuz he cheated 2,3 times. And I know that it isn't always black or white. What i am saying is that if you are situation smart, you would see the situation enfolding and have a choice to back out of it.

[Grungenoreos]

@Weber17 I know very well it isn't always "I am gonna sleep with someone else." But regardless of how it came to be, THERE IS NO EXCUSE. You are just making excuses for the said cheater. We all should learn at a young age that we ought to not make excuses for our actions and blame no one but ourselves

[Grungenoreos]

@Weber17 I just think its weird how you wouldn't be mad. The whole point of a serious relationship is commitment.

[Grungenoreos]

@Weber17 but to each their own. You're okay with someone cheating on you? It doesn't hurt you? Great. More power to you. However I couldnt handle that. I will accept any flaw. But if you ended up in a situation where cheating could happen, I dont care if all clothes are already off but you didn't stop it before the act took place then fuck you because that is breaking my trust since clearly your ass couldnt remember me as you were busy makimg out and taking each other's clothes off and being alone.

[Grungenoreos]

@Weber17 And dont tell me I do not know the difference between and action and a mistake. I study about human nature and I know not everything is black and white and that its not always a planned thing. But we all know that we can stop things before it actually gets to the point of no turning back even if it is at the last second.

[Grungenoreos]

@Weber17 people cheat for all kinds of reasons but there is no excuse for it. It doesn't mean that they didn't love you enough. But I personally wouldn't ever take back a cheater. I dont expect perfection. You can be cocky or humble, annoying, tall or short, skinny or chubby, sometimes lie about something, etc. All I care about is loyalty in front of me and behind my back.

[flypaper]

@Grungenoreos
I'm not saying your wrong. Different strokes for different folks. Sex is not the center of my relationship, so I don't put a ton of weight on it nor do I look at it as a reason to throw away everything that we have.
I'd be far more hurt if he lied to me or hid something from me.
We talk about everything... there is no jealousy are guarded emotions in my relationship. If you feel you have a crush on someone or think someone is cute at work I am kept in the loop and I do the same for him. I choose him above all else and I know he chooses me... that's what's important to me. This would not work for most people and that's okay... it doesn't need to.

To be honest though I feel I should disclose that I have never been cheated on. We have only ever slept with eachother but that has to do with how young we were when we got together. I have known him my whole life, he lived next to my best friend 8 house from me. We got together at 16 & 18 (together for 13years, married 9).

[Grungenoreos]

Lol so you are saying you would be okay if he had sex with someone else because its not important? Listen, i dont put such a high value on sex either. I am still a virgin even though I am about to be 18 and I could care less what people think about it because I am definitely not a prude. All i am saying is that we all lie or do annoying stuff. I am talking about white lies that aren't of any big deal really. I can't say i dont know anything that has never lied before

[Grungenoreos]

If you have never been cheated on then you dont know what it feels like... Not saying that you don't have a clue about it but until you have been cheated on, you can't really say how you will act just like a lot cheaters never thought they would cheat

[Grungenoreos]

Oh and I am not actually a jealous person either. I know that often in a relationship there are plenty of people who really blow you away whom you would say you would probably go out with if you weren't with the person you are with now. And I know we all still get little crushes even after in a relationship and that there isn't anything wrong with flirting with others as long as it isn't serious...

[flypaper]

@Grungenoreos
If you have never been cheated on then you dont know what it feels like... Not saying that you don't have a clue about it but until you have been cheated on, you can't really say how you will act just like a lot cheaters never thought they would cheat

That's why I added that. I believe I'd have no issue getting over it but I've never had to. Just trying to be as honest as possible.

For me if someone cheats and they don't want to the relationship to end, but they know you will end it if you find out... what do you think happens next? Your more or less asking to be lied to. in my opinion anyway. I mean you don't want them to cheat but if they do then they really can't come to you and talk about it unless they want to be dumped... which is your right but your stance would probably cause many people to lie vs. just taking their punishment for the mistake you feel they made.

[Grungenoreos]

Anyone can lie no matter how comfortable they are with you.

[Grungenoreos]

Just because you tell you partner that they can tell you anything and you wouldn't leave if they cheated doesn't mean they would lie any less

[Grungenoreos]

The whole point of commitment is staying faithful to each other. Acting as if it is okay doesn't seem right to me. So I guess people can cheat and not suffer the consequences? Ah huh okay. Why bother with strings attached. Might as well have an open relationship hun

[Grungenoreos]

There is nothing wrong with one and it sounds like that is what you are in, its okay for either of you to have sex with some one else. That my dear is an open relationship.

[Grungenoreos]

Open relationships aren't common in the places I have lived in. I mean I have encountered some but not often at all. Most people I know specifically expect to have exclusive partnership

[Grungenoreos]

But yeah honestly though I feel like you dont really know what heartbreak a cheater can cause. I mean Id be willingly to try again with someone once they cheated but see my ex who cheated on me ended up just leaving for the other girl to begin with. So I dont have a good experience with a cheater wanting to stay. It felt like hell and it still does

[Grungenoreos]

But yeah if you are in an exclusive relatioship, esp considering marraige, you vows are worth so much. Saying that its "okay, no big deal" if your SO cheated then thats like "What was the point of your vows in the first place?" Might as well just say "Ill try not cheat more then one time." And also if you and your husband really can speak to each other about anything like you actually say, you would know before he would actually cheat that something is going on with him because after all you two share all your feelings and you would realize it before it happens. If your SO felt like he was in a bad place (because thats why people cheat, they are in a bad place usually) you would know about it and can work with him before something actually yakes place. Not always. vSome times cheating is just a spur of the moment but many a times there are multiple events that trigger such a mistake to have happened and a lot of times its a victim in a relationship that doesn't

[flypaper]

@Grungenoreos
Yeah, like I said different strokes for different folks. I wouldn't call us an open relationship by any means but I can see how it may come across that way to you.

We don't date other people, we have never slept around and neither of us is interested in sleeping with anyone else. I'm just saying if it happened and he was honest, it wouldn't hurt my opinion of him and it would not end our relationship unless I have to find out on my own or you only tell me because you know I'll find out. I value honesty above all else.

[Grungenoreos]

Want out but wants to find something to make them feel wholesome

[Grungenoreos]

And being honest is part of being faithful. And actually if you really do speak to each other baout anything you would notice things going on with him that could trigger his cheating. I too value honesty. And part of being honest is being faithful by NOT LYING ABOUT YOUR VOWS. But ya seriously if you too know so much about each other and speak to each other about everything, you wouldn't be in a situation where you would cheat because you guys would work through any problem you feel is there. Generally, there is something going on interally with someone that can lead them to cheat. In most cases, they are often the victim. Cheating isn't strictly a spur of the moment act and neither is it necesarrly a breaking point in a relationship which i agree on you with. But see since a lot of cheating is caused by whats going on badly with a person, you would be able to work things out with each other before it becomes cheating because you woulf know what is bothering you two and if one feels very

[Grungenoreos]

Unhappy about something. There I put in my two cents. Not saying you will see what I mean. Yout
are clearly set in your ways and apparently the vow is okay to be broken and that is dishonesty. Plus not to forget, but often times affairs aren't easy to break up. Its not always about sex. Even when someone tells you about it and says they are sorry they could still be secretly seeing the other person because turns out the love you both.

[flypaper]

@Grungenoreos
I believe in ultimate trust with without boundaries and like I said you can call it whatever you like. I like him to be loyal to me out of want not need or obligation. If he wants to cheat and leave then I want him too. I wouldn't want anyone to hang around that wants to be with someone else.. that's fair to no one. I'd love him always, as my love is unconditional but it would become platonic if need be. He'd always have me. I'd move o if he made that choice and I'd be happy with it. I'd strive to be close friends. i still am with my only other ex that meant anything. If I give it my all then I walk away with no regrets and that works for me. Everyone is different. I know he loves me, I can see it when he looks at me and I can feel it whenever he is near me. He does anything and everything for me and I for him... if that stopped then it would be time to move on. I look at him confiding intimatly as more of an act of disloyalty then anything else.

[Grungenoreos]

Honey I believe the same. Sorry if I didn't make myself clear. I was very tired yesterday and probably sounded very off since I was trying to type really fast. Anyways, let me just add that being someone that has been cheated on I can honestly say that it doesn't make me mad. In fact it makes me glad because now I know that we just weren't meant to be and thats okay with me because he is happy now with someone that can give him things I can't. The only reason it hurt so bad was because I trusted him to not do such a thing. Thats the only reason why it hurt. Other than that its like whatever. Things happen, people change. He told me that he didn't mena to hurt me but he can't help but feels what he feels and I wouldn't want to keep someone that fell out of love with me. But honestly I kind of knew something was going on. I am analytical and study human behavior as well as logics and like I said, most cases people cheat because of whats going on around them and how they feel internally.

[Grungenoreos]

I am glad that you too do so well. I am glad he treats you so well. Sometimes people fall out of love with each other and can do hurtful things not just on the lines of cheating and its not something I would recommend someone be in a relationship with because sometimes we have to love from afar and accept that the person you once knew and loved isn't the same person and is simply someone using you, making you feel good and then dropping you down low time and time again until you don't know what to do anymore.

[Grungenoreos]

But yeah I agree. You don't want someone to be loyal out of feeling obligated to be loyal unless of course for some people, including myself who feel as if marriage vows are obligatory unless its 99% beyond fixing which I have seen before. But yeah your perspective on loyalty, staying together, and trust is exactly what I believe in.

[Grungenoreos]

But as a person that likes to find out more about human nature and studying logistics, most of the time cheating isn't an overnight thing and usually it stems from great problems between the two partners. Not always but in most cases its not a spur of the moment or about all of a sudden wanting to do something with someone else. Most cases is stemmed from a problem between the two lovers that they haven't worked out because of poor communication between the two and not trying to keep the bond alive with each other. This isn't always the case but I am sure you know about this. You hage a good thing going for you and I hope you keep him if it is meant to be. Good communication with all kinds of things between you and your partner is priceless and keeps the relationship going because their is no breach in trust by hiding anything from eaah other, including how you have been starting to feel lately and what you think the other partner is missing.

[flypaper]

@Grungenoreos
Haha I know. Cheating can occur for many different reasons, a big one being a break down of communication & trust, boredom, feeling used, feeling alone... I get that. My Husband and I communicate everything if something happened to hinder that we'd sit down and figure out what that was. We are adults and I've always treated him as such. If he ends up having a weak moment like I said as long as he came to me and was honest I would definitely get over it. I know how he feels about me and sex isn't the ultimate brutal to me... lying is... making a mistake and hiding it. Biggest red flag would be if we stop talking to each other and start confiding in others instead... that would kill me. Yes that is usually how affairs (not necessarily cheating) is started. I would still get over it though even if I was hurt, he is worth the effort, just like I'd still want to be worth his effort if I did something to hurt him. I'd do anything for him. He is the love of my life.

[flypaper]

@Grungenoreos
I can't see him ever cheating though TBH. I mean he is the perfect man. He's had plenty of chances, never has and has always talked to me about it afterwards. He even stayed friends with the girls and the relationships just fizzled on their own. They usually do. He had even slept over girls houses that I knew (he didn't) that liked him. nothing ever happened and that trust bred trust. When we first started dating, his friends hated me. He'd want to hang out with me but I'd encourage him to go out with them. In the end he decided to be with the person who wasn't making him choose. The person who wanted him to be happy above all else. Like I've said it wouldn't work for everyone. I think nothing wrong of someone who views things differently then I do. My relationship is my relationship. It wouldn't work for everyone.

[Grungenoreos]

You don't seem to be understanding what I am saying. I am basically saying the same exact fucking thing. And glad you are happy with him because I would hate to see you in a relationship that is bad for your well being just because you love him. Lots of women do that and they only set themselves up for disaster. Glad that you dont feel he would cheat because if you did then that isn't trust. Trust is trusting someone to never to do something even if they will. Honestly I dont like liars either. My point about lying is that 99% percent of the time someone that says they are always honest is lying.

[Grungenoreos]

"i would do anything for him. "
Interesting. Since when does being in a relationship equate to doing whatever pleases you partner? Thats not healthy.

But for real though you dont seem to get what I mean. I am saying practically the same thing you are aside from some things I dont agree on. I think its hot to be honest when a guy is jealous. Not the crazy kind that turns into needless drama. But its cute. But yeah I wouldn't want a guy to stay with me if they didn't want to and I dont believe in obligations to stay with someone unless you made vows to try to stay together despite your wealth or lack of it, health or lack of it, for as long as you live if you really want that, that is.

[Grungenoreos]

But yeah we basically are saying the same things. Except that I would never say I would do anything for someone. I am a person too and I have my own needs. Its not being selfish. Its just I no longer desire to be what I used to be : a big push over. Also, if you mad vows to each other it is to remain faithful. I value these virtues: justice, honesty, integrity, love, faithfulness, kindness, strength, etc.

I mean in the future husband cheated I WOULD TAKE HIM BACK IF HE WANTED TO STAY AND WORK IT OUT SO IT won't HAPPEN AGAIN. IT doesn't MAKE HIM A BAD PERSON... But it doesn't take away the fact that he lost his integrity, faithfulness, and honesty because he broke his vow.

[Grungenoreos]

But ya I wouldn't be mad. I would want my future husband to stay depending on if he wanted to and work it out like you said. And i wouldn't mind just staying friends either. But what I am saying is that there is no excuses, its broken faithfulness and honesty due to the vows that were broken. Vows are serious business. You got a good one who is faithful and honest to his vows. I hope you know how blessed you truly are. Again i wouldn't keep someone who didn't want to say so dont act like I would ever force someone or oblige them to stay.

[Grungenoreos]

And yeah no relationship is perfect and like you said, different strokes for different folk. Open relationships are okay just as much as any other relationship, including those that involve bdsm. But honestly it sounds to me like you are saying what I am saying, just from a different perspective. But basically the same thing.

[MarianaDom]

How about when you are the person they are cheating with?
I really like this guy, he said he would tell his girlfriend about what had happened that night of heavy drinking and drunken games.
It's been 6 days and he still with his girlfriend eventhough he has asked me out Friday afternoon.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Then it's their fault if I didn't know. For you, did you know before or after the cheating happened? Either way he's in the wrong.

[Unit1]

"I Cheated, What Do I Do Now?"

Simple: You tell your partner about the "incident" ("She/He tripped and fell into me! I swear!") and be prepared for your partner to rightfully but without violence to make the judge on you.

Or you can not tell your partner about it but when the secret breaks out, be prepared for the even much worse.

But still good work.
whosyourdaddy

[EllieLexis513]

Not a very good Take... you think flirting is cheating but hand holding isn't? Huh? This sounds weird and like someone with a naïve relationship experience wrote.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

I think serious flirting is, and if my boyfriend held hands with a friend I wouldn't care because I know he isn't that dumb.

[orphan]

under what context would your boyfriend ever need to hold someone's hand outside of pulling them to safety?

[Whizzy83]

Puppy killers!

If you love and betray that love you deserve the same treatment. I see them no more then a weak seed and an excellent example of people who make one of the most poor choices in life.

[bcromartie]

What about things that are not so simple such as pornography, repeatedly giving attention to specific models and persons on social media like Instagram, or non-physical situations involving emotional attachment?

Just curious what your take on those matters is.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Porno depends on who veiws it as cheating and who doesn't. I dont personally and neither does my boyfriend.
and thats not cheating either, emotional attacthments WILL happen as long as they stay platonic. Also, there should be reasons to get mad if your SO is praising someones looks (famous or not) all the time, but i dont find it to be cheating. They're just being really dumb.

[DarkHumorRUs]

Flirting isn't cheating dude, flirting is a natural response to talking with an attractive person of the other gender. I don't think you can "turn it off".

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

I mean intentional flirting can be seen as cheating, I personally think it's cheating if it's serious.

[DarkHumorRUs]

I guess that makes sense. I wouldn't know though, cause I don't think I actively flirt.

[marisa2664]

I think that flirting can be cheating. To me it all depends on what is being said and how it's being said. my ex would be on Facebook chatting with on particular girl and it would always end up with sexual innuendos being thrown around. That to me is wrong. , my ex also never would admit he had a girlfriend. People would ask and he would flat out avoid the question. (Wouldn't say yes and wouldn't say no) That made the flirting even worse for me! I found out 6 months in (thankfully) not to much time was wasted that I was just a filler and from day one he was biding his time to get his ex girlfriend back. (The one that had dumped him just before he had met me) sad thing is it wasn't even his ex he was flirting with.

[worldscolide]

This is a well written myTake. Unfortunately i am one of the ones that can't forgive for that kind of thing. Cheaters are the worst.

[Battooot]

you are wise for your age, i'm impressed. I agree with many of what you wrote

[Karedonald01]

It's really painful when someone cheated. respect and honor each other is the pillar of love. I just want share little bit of my story. I was cheated by my boyfriend and even I have no idea about it. But one of my friends suggests me about iFindCheaters. Thy respects my privacy and also the good thing is they never disclose your user information or alert your partner.

[TheDevilInside]

Cheaters are basically like rapists. Both of them scum.

[Waffles731]

Cheaters are scum