An Ex and a Bad Break-Up vs. a Truly Awesome Guy: Which Do I Choose?

[Anonymous]

So I am sure we have mostly all been there and this wraps our head up in knots, and I wanted to get my thoughts out before I go stir crazy...

I was with Guy A for 4 years and while he was not perfect for me I molded myself around him and fell in love as we got to know one another better... We lived together around 2 years and then someone got between us, his mother.

She had played a long game I failed to see and she even made him move out of our place when I was at work one day. I returned home to find he had left something he needed for work and he came over to pick it up. She tagged along which quickly turned nasty and now she would never give up the vendetta.

We continued to see one another in secret and then he did something horrible and upset my family. He told me he would erase me from his life and so I started to move on and joined a dating site. He of course came running back 3 days later and feeling crap but now I am not comfortable having him round or seeing my family although we do go on dates. There is a rule of no sex for me however and this is where it has started to get tricky. I will get back to this in a moment...

Now I have met someone from a dating site, we went on 4 dates in a week and I have returned from spending the night with him. Sex was had and now I feel like I cannot go back to my original guy because I have taken it too far.

My ex is hot, younger but immature. My new guy is a little outta shape (but doing something about it), older and still extremely good looking. I have a good time with both but feel more relaxed around guy B as he isn't a fitness fanatic like guy A who judges me by my build and appearance every day.

Guy A is going to be working away for a month so I am hoping as guy B is still new I will spend a month with him however I know guy A is going to want me to go visit him where he is working where he will want to have sex...

So the way I see it is this:

Guy A can go away and I will see what will happen while I get to know Guy B better... Then make a decision but this is so awful. This massively goes against the grain and because our relationship only ended due to his mother and no relationship issues (although I was unhappy for a period of time and my missing him seems to have removed these problems)... Guy B is so great but lives an hour away and has other commitments in his life he would rather I 'fit into'

So what have you guys gone through? Who would you pick? Guy A will never stand up to the witch.... and surely I deserve more from Guy B?

*Disclaimer: Please note I am not a bad person and Guy A has done some terrible things and Guy B is understanding of my situation so please dont judge me harshly! I know it is wrong but I feel this could be the decision of my life...

[lizziepooh03]

My feeling is to think of these two guys independently.

Guy A - dump him! I can't not say this enough. I know that your heart is with this guy as well as your time, experience and hope for what could be but you really really really need to dump this guy. Any guy that allows his mother to dictate his life and does not stand up to her is not a real man. And this will never change. Even if you get married and have kids, his mother would rule the roust. Do you want a man that is ruled by his mommy or anyone for that matter or do you want a guy that rules his environment? Dump him and do not look back.

Guy B - Yes, he is not as fit and he is older but that is all you know yet about him. Take the time to date him and get to know him and it may be that he is a good man and a decent man and you may end up liking him. Once you do like him, his unfit older body will be hot to you. That is our woman superpower. We can take any man and find him super hot if mentally we find him hot. lol! So with him, I say give him time. He is an unknown so he deserves a chance.

But Guy A is known and he needs to be dumped. Do you want a man that has his mommy decide his actions? Not good... ever!

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for this, I think you have voiced everything I have been too scared to admit! I really like B and I am going to dinner with him tonight. I need to get A to sign some forms terminating our last financial connection.

[Anonymous]

Would you be happy if you found that one or both of these guys also had another woman they were stringing along with you, until they deside who to be faithful to? Not likely. I don't understand why you would date someone when your still tied to someone else. That just confuses everything.

This should be simple. End one relationship befor you start another. Or you are just messing with people and that's not right or fair. These are people not handbags.

[myTake Owner]

well guy B is still in dating stage so we are not committed and what do I owe the other guy for? We are technically broken up, he made sure he said the words... So as I am not committed to either its hardly a crime?

[Opinion Owner]

So your sleeping with a guy who is not committed to you and you wonder why things are confusing?

I would end it with A, and AFTER that see where it goes with B. But that's just me.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks I appreciate it...

See there is a massive history behind A where I basically fought for him and got him out of his others control and then she sucked him back after his dad died I hate to leave him but I think he already made the decision he doesn't need me. Guy B is the one I could see myself with but my ties to A suck. I know B would be able to pull me from A its just tough :(

I slept with B because we have been on quite a few dates and we decided not to really commit for a while due to him being separated and going through a divorce. Just to there is no pressure for either of us. It was a weak moment we had sex as I wasn't wanting to do that with him for a while... I am disappointed in myself TBH

[Opinion Owner]

I get it, and I have been there once myself. Just understand that when you still are tied to A sleeping with B will always confuse things.
Sounds like you have trouble letting go of A but that may be the best way since you seem to want to anyways. It sucks now but you will get over it. Just be sure your feelings for B aren't confused by troubles with A and that he's not just a rebound to make you feel better. That would be unfair to him.

[myTake Owner]

yeah I have dated a few since A and I officially broke up and B is the only one I really like so I dont think he's a huge rebound but maybe a tiny bit. Not enough for me to break it off though as he is lovely and we get on effortlessly :)

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

Ha, that sucks. Be considerate and honest. Don't be a skank and date both of them. If Guy A won't clearly demonstrate a change after years together and you made it clear there is a problem, move on. Know it hurts after investing all this time. Learn from your mistakes and screen for this and other hangups you have when dating. You should have picked up on and intervened on this muuuuch earlier. Guy A will be better off if he learns from it. If Guy A does commit to change, he needs to show you in a big way. One of them being set up boundaries with his mom. Don't know all the details of his mom, but she needs to let go. Not fair to you it sounds like. Sounds like a real b**** as you describe.

[myTake Owner]

The issue is he has had a rough time since his dad died last year and she actually didn't tell him he was dying. I have hoped he would see the truth ad he has shown glimpses of this even up until Friday but now it has become apparent...

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

Oh s***, that's really rough for you. So his mother is trying to fill a void. She needs to get her a** back out on the dating scene pronto. Or at least be more welcoming of you. Surprising she can't see how much she's hurting her own son based on what you've described. Selfish. But Guy A is the one who needs to smooth this over if he wants to make it work.

[myTake Owner]

Guy B did something yesterday which was so lovely for my best friend he has never even met... Guy A is meanwhile sending me videos of my dog when we lived together and he was a puppy... What the?

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

Ha. Ohhhhhh s***. You should gopro your life. Would be riveting. So Guy A wants things to go back to "the way things were" and Guy B is stealing your heart. Oh yeah, poor you, sucks having guys pine for you. I reiterate, don't juggle. It will blow up in your face in ways you can't forsee. Namely you'll become something you hate. One guy at a time. And made abundantly clear to each of them. Be fair to them as girls constantly demand of guys.

[myTake Owner]

Well I will see him before he goes away for the month and then maybe let it fizzle out i need to close our bank account so need his signature...

Guy B is definitely becoming special and i won't mess him around...

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

No maybes, no stringing along. End one before starting the other. Be fair. That's the mature thing to do. Adults know this. Amateurs do not. No sleeping with multiple guys, not even dates, one at a time. Don't be a monkey of a woman not letting go of one branch until you get hold of the next. And make sure they know it. Then follow your heart, whoever may be in it or wherever it may lead you. This standard applies to men as well.

[myTake Owner]

Well I am not in a relationship with either...

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

You and I are of different schools of thought on dating then. When you use terms like "my new guy", that implies dating to me which in my opinion, is the beginning of relationship building, which is what this section is about. Maybe this question would be better posed in the dating section. But I see chicks use this dating justification all the time to see multiple guys, it's selfish as f***. Guys of this philosophy are no different. These people have the hardest time making relationships work. The choice between the guys is clear to me depending how things unfold. The choice on dating you however, is unclear. My two cents.

[myTake Owner]

This is something I adopted after numerous guys did it to me... being told whether or not we were 'exclusive' or not...

[Mdossat]

Hey doll! I was in an on/off relationship a guy for 5 years. I know how difficult and scary it can be to let go of comfort and take a risk.
From what you've posted it sounds like even though you have a long history with guy A, and some perks; things just aren't... working. If his mother dislikes you, your family dislikes him, and the fact he has done you wrong has probably already ruined his character and your trust/faith in him.
Guy B sounds like a clean slate. He sounds like a good guy, and although he might end up just being a rebound, I think the healthiest thing for you is to move on and see what else is out there.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks... Guy A was meant to see me before he goes away on Sunday, usually I see him the day before he leaves so I kept Saturday free. He has now told me he won't be seeing me as he has plans that day. I think this is the end of Guy A...

[Anonymous]

Go with the New guy.

The old guys mom is going to continue to call the shots. Do you really want to be in a relationship with her too? What do you think it would be like if you had kids with him? RUN!

[myTake Owner]

Thanks :) I know you are right!

[Sabretooth]

it seems that guy a is only interested in the sex-has she shown genuine love for you?

[myTake Owner]

he has but in bad ways. Guy B and I are going quite strong, guy A is being difficult from afar. He tries to upset me to get a reaction but now guy B is being amazing guy A is probably out the picture. Should probably update that guy A has stood up to his mother before he went away. However guy B... he just gets me...

[Sabretooth]

Bad ways

[Anonymous]

I don't really know why people make this so hard... there is a reason you the one guy is your ex. It is a no brainier, people just complicate things.

[myTake Owner]

he is not an ex out of wishing to end things though his mother ended us... he reckons he will fight for me but i dont believe him

[rekhap]

what i do i lost my boyfriend..
saulat. com

[Anonymous]

Nice Take

[myTake Owner]

Thanks... hopefully I get my head sorted out! Which would you go for? History or New?

[Opinion Owner]

New.