How Learning to Love Myself SAVED My Relationship

phil2

Hello GAGers, this is my first myTake and I am a little bit nervous writing one. Usually I write only questions, because I'm more concerned with learning more about YOU than about you learning about ME. Here I am sharing my story, because I think it might help SOMEONE with their life. I don't really share too much of myself with anyone, so I hope you enjoy. (Just a heads up, this is a very religious point of view).

This story starts out in elementary school, where a little girl and a little boy happened to be in the same 5th grade class. (Yes, the little girl was me, and I realize I am writing in third person narrative).

How Learning to Love Myself SAVED My Relationship

And no, they did not fall in love.

She found him annoying and really bothersome. But she always remembered him as the boy who wore Star Wars shirts, dragon shirts and had long wavy brown hair. She also remembered that he had friends, and he was funny.

14 years later, she is alone. Living on her own, working full time, and going to grad school. She never really dated because she just wasn't "ready" as in she didn't feel any sparks with anyone. Then one day her loneliness spurred her to find old friends on Facebook. She found him and sent him a friend request, not thinking much about it. Three months later, he adds her back and sends her a short message asking how she was doing.

This was something NEW to her, no one has ever done that to her! She wrote back, really excited for some connection. After a few months of writing to each other, they finally called each other. Unfortunately this was a LONG distance relationship, as he was stationed in ITALY and she was in the USA! He felt that they really did know each other, and she was high on the LOVE HORMONES so they continued the relationship. Nothing he did or said was wrong, and she only saw that they were perfect for each other.

How Learning to Love Myself SAVED My Relationship

They were engaged after three months of dating and then married after three months of being engaged! She was so excited to have three years of honeymooning in Italy! What an amazing life! Three months after being married, they were finally together in Italy! Venice here we come!!!

How Learning to Love Myself SAVED My Relationship

Life is perfect right?

Wrong!

After the honeymoon glasses came off, things went downhill. As they were living with each other, the girl started to see her husband in a different light. He wasn't perfect. This devastated her, because she grew up thinking that when she got married everything would be perfect and her husband would be perfect.

How Learning to Love Myself SAVED My Relationship

Angry at her husband for not being perfect, she reached out. They went to marriage counseling. It did not help at all. The marriage counselor told her that she was jealous of her husband's sins. How could that be? How can someone be jealous of some else's sins? That was untrue and a waste of time. She wasn't jealous, she was angry at him for not being perfect. The marriage counselor told her that other people were not perfect either, tried to get her to realize that she needed to settle with a sinner. She didn't want to settle, she wanted to solve the problem. How can she love this SINNER!?

Not wanting to give up on finding a solution to her hatred for him, she continued with the marriage. She was really angry at herself and at him for not having all the answers, and she wrestled with her thoughts for many years. Having kids did not help. Having money did not help. Traveling all over the world did not help.

Her world was dark, full of bitterness, anger, and thoughts of revenge and finding a new person to marry. Not wanting to make the marriage worse, she never attempted to cheat. They continued their name calling, yelling in anger and just living together in HATRED!!!

Of course, as a Christian she turned to God. Asking God, why? Why am I like this? Why do I feel so hurt? How can I get out of this hurt? Why doesn't anyone love me!!!!! Why doesn't my husband love me!!!

How Learning to Love Myself SAVED My Relationship

Things started to turn around when she realized ONE thing, that was that GOD loved her. Does she want that love or not? She realized that she WANTED that love. For her to receive that love, God had one thing she must do. She must also forgive, accept and love others. That was it! That was the turn around for her. She learned to love herself by wanting this pure love from God. This fear of losing God's love taught her to learn to love others.

TA-DA! New woman, problems solved! Just kidding. It wasn't that easy, and she is still learning what it means to let GOD forgive and love her, so that she can forgive and love her husband.

How Learning to Love Myself SAVED My Relationship

She said to herself, "God is patient with me, he is kind to me, he does not envy me, he does not boast to me, he is not too proud to be with me, he is not rude to me, he is not easily angered with me, he does not keep any records of my wrongs, he does not delight in evil and teaches me to do good, he rejoices with my truths and always trusts that I am telling him the truth when I say I love him, He protects me, he trusts me, he hopes in me, he always will persevere in his relationship with me, he never fails me", and then she said that she wanted that. She wanted God to continue to be with her and love her.

She then she decided, she will do the same to others from her heart, especially her husband! She said "I will be patient with him, I will be kind to him, I will not envy him, I will not boast to him that I am better than him, I will not be too proud to be with him, I will not be rude to him, I will not be easily angered with him, I will not keep ANY records of his wrong, I will forgive him, I will not delight in evil but gently teach him to do good, I will rejoice with his truths that he loves me, I will protect him, trust him, hope in him, and always persevere in my relationship with him. I will not fail him".

It is not easy to love, but with God's help all is possible. Love overcomes all obstacles. I hope this myTake will help you in some way with your relationships. I wish you all the best in life, and don't give up. Choose to love yourself today! God will always be there to help you, if you let him. I am still learning to love myself so that I can love others. Let's learn to love together.

How Learning to Love Myself SAVED My Relationship
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