Oh look, it's yet another of that kind of myTake from those blue gagers, who are [insert anything here ranging from lack of confidence to parents-basement dwelling virgin boys] AGAIN!!!
Not exactly.
This myTake pretty much summarizes things, that I am in no control of in what I believe (based on my oh-so-reliable online research, which cannot be fully trusted) are the reasons, that I will remain single and never find love until I die.
I never had a girlfriend, never had my first kiss, never touched a girl and never had any form of sexual activity with someone...
... but I don't make a too big of a deal out of it. Sure I do feel like I am missing out on love-related action and lonely at times and would love to cuddle and have plenty of sex and share romantic moments and all that stuff BUT it's no reason for me to be really upset about something, that I am of almost in no control of.
I have the need to remind myself, that "the grass is always greener on the other side" whereas I prefer saying for the same expression "It's always cooler on the far other side" (meaning when you drive in a vehicle on a road and see those mountains far away with a little blue fog on a hot summer day, thinking it must be cool there but it reality it's a 'mirage'. Once you're on that mountain, you see the exact same fog on the road you were driving before).
I also have a Mytake explaining why I would make a horrendous boyfriend - Semi sarcastically and semi serious.
Buuut but but but but!
My case is entirely different and unique unlike those common "i'm ugly", "i'm short", "i have 0 confidence", "i have 0 experience", "girls go for alphaholes", "i'm unattractive", "i'm fat" reasons, which can be resolved like changing clothes, altering appearance, working out at the gym or getting a cheering boost.
This is called being
Single by fate.
There is a whole story behind it and I will tell the medium version of it. Keep in mind, that this story is the main reason why!
1. (The story) I'm stranded... sort of.
I was born in Germany, lived in Germany until in my mid-teen years, my parents decided to move out to another country permanently with no going back. I am since then distanced from my former home 2500 kilometers (~1553 miles) and had no say in it.
This new home and different country was unfamiliar to me, I didn't know it's language (I can speak it now). I will not disclose the country, that we moved in but for as much as I can tell, people FROM here move TO Germany, and not the other way around (because quality of life is better over there than here)! And the reason why we moved will never be known to me. My parents aren't the people, that I can rely to and I lost all trust for them for personal reasons, that I'm not going to disclose either + they do not support my wishes and goals as they are extremely opposing to them and will tirelessly try to convince me otherwise instead and going against my own will, so I 'will' remain their puppet under their control.
This country is a strange new world to me and I don't like it here. It's not a place I would call or feel home. I managed to finish high school here in this country and am currently in the last course of finishing my college degree. After that I do not plan to continue studying, as time is growing very short for me and I can feel the youth draining from me.
I used to work for a company before during my previous college course but it turned out, that my boss started to personally hate me and terminated my employment at her will. It was easier when I had that job because I could finally eat properly and healthy (my parents don't care about me being very lightweight and skinny), buy some things from my wishlist and generally have a much better time.
Since I lost my job, I tried applying for many positions even some as low-waged as warehouse worker or cashier and I still can't get a job even though BEFORE my first job, I was invited to become a cashier at the supermarket and TODAY the same supermarket has no jobs anymore as it seems.
And to this day I still fight for my own freedom and independence and I strive to bail out of here either back to Germany or even better to USA.
I still have the German citizenship and I will not give it up. As a migrant/international citizen I am also at a heavy disadvantage here because the stupid employers not trusting me with my permission-of-residency and permission to work.
It will take quite many years until I am able to move out of here on my own and relocate to the USA because I have no job and I'm broke. I see no future at all.
Girls here are... well... not matching my preference as I feel I am forced by my parents my dating pool, as I eavesdropped them talking, that girls in this country are "the best and only girls to have" - thus, I feel it is forced upon me and as a result, I fight for liberation because I believe I should choose my future girl, not my parents for me. Let's just leave it at that.
Now the other major factors are stereotypical women (yes, STEREOTYPICAL!), that happen to be common:
2. Women expect the guy to pay for (first/ALL) dates
There are plenty of sharks out there, who exploit a guy's wallet in order to get free dinner meals.
I for one will not give into that even if I had the money. I could date one of those sharks, 5 of them, maybe even 20 and my losses can accumulate quite to a sum, that could have been spend much better.
This privilege has to be earned by a worthy girl first.
As in, the first step is to split the bill on the first date alone would earn you most of my respect already, as it shows you are concerned about men being used AND you believe in gender equality. This alone makes a girl very special to me. The girl has to put HER effort into OUR date just as I would.
Only then, I am willing to spend money on a girlfriend and keep dating her at MY cost. After that, I'm willing to cover the second paid date 100% by myself (if I had the money for it of course).
Some of you will disagree with me but I don't care because women are not objects, that can be bought via dinner dates or expensive things and a vagina is no better or worse than a penis.
But that applies only when I am not so broke as I am now and IF the date costs money.
By the way: I had once a smaller broad girl asking me out for a date to go to the club with her and she said, that I should cover the costs (and I had 0 money), to which I declined. She asked why and I should have not responded at all but I did "I'm broke".
(What a gold digger!)
3. Sexist double standards, gender roles and entitlements
This one doesn't need any explanation.
Sexist double standards like it's OK for women to beat guys but it's NOT ok for men to defend themselves against them - it's shunned upon a lot! Also simply see number 2
Entitlement: There are some women/girls, who take relationships with guys as granted like it's something they have simply deserved. Or they literally EXPECT overpriced gifts for valentines day, Christmas and other holidays. Or they are entitled to have a "real man" aka Christian Grey.
Some women literally feel entitled to have a good man and expect one to ask them out but they do nothing at all and offer nothing other than their bodies to get what they feel they deserve.
On second thought, I'm glad I have no girlfriend like that then.
4. Nearly every woman wants to get married AND have children (I think so at least)
The essential reason.
The only women and girls, that I see not wanting to get married and not wanting to have children are only on here on GirlsAskGuys or YesChildFree, where the latter has very few members (2415 total members as of the time of writing this mytake), whereas the case with marriage is unclear.
Marriage does NOT benefit me at all and is extra unnecessary work and greatly fails the risk-vs-benefit analyse. Divorce has reaped many men and I plan not becoming part of them. I am also not religious.
Children are too much work and too expensive and I cannot afford that. I have my share of dealing with life and it's enough for me to handle and I am not competing it with anyone.
I was a child myself and I didn't like it.
5. Good, working and healthy relationships are a scarcity while it's not unreal.
When it comes to real and serious relationships, it seems, that many people have simple issues and making problems as they are even worse instead of resolving them.
When the sex is bad, it's not being worked on.
When someone is concerned it is not being voiced.
When someone cannot trust their significant other.
When loyalty is not there.
Lack of communication and/or affection.
And my personal favorite: Getting upset about being honest about something. ("I'm going to be honest, I did *this* because *of that*")
Unlike the typical "alpha" male character Christian Grey (which some/many of us men believe is what women expect from us because of it's popularity), my ideals CAN be achieved as it doesn't require unrealistic achievements and unrealistic work.
6. I'm broke
Who wants to date a broke 21 year old college student guy?
Although I am still working on getting a job while finishing my last course. I'm on the job hunt for a half year now with no success so far. Being broke freaking sucks but what can I do apart from keeping applying.
But on the bright side I am immune to become a victim to gold diggers! Yay!
It is said, that wealth is in the mind, not in the pocket. If that is so, then I consider myself wealthy.
7. The vast majority of girls and women have self destructive behavior
I see it everywhere and I see it more often than not. Stats report, that 81,something% of all inhabitants of this country where I am now are smokers.
I do not smoke and I do not drink alcohol and I have never done drugs. I also never really went to parties and clubs as I was never invited to the former and lack the interest in the latter (and heard it's the worst place to get a girlfriend and I believe that).
Smoking girls are a complete dealbreaker for me and at the same time a turn off.
Excess drinking too. 1-2 glasses every now and then are fine but it shouldn't be a developed habit of frequent alcohol consumption.
Drugs are the killers.
I don't understand why and how self destructive behavior overrides the necessary maintenance of someone's own well being and health.
How I cope with it
Maybe I am meant to be a loner, maybe I'm overqualified to be someone's boyfriend, maybe I am not visible/available for some ladies, the reason could be anything. But what's for sure is, that I'm currently not in the right place (as I said before) and I don't have a girlfriend.
I do have a desire - yes, I actually do WANT to (and not need to) - have a good relationship with a sweet girl and hug her, communicate with her, cuddle her, touch her soft and warm skin, comfort her, surprise her, listen to her, advise her, compliment her, share moments with her, respect her, rely on her, love her, sleep with her, wake up with her, please her, carry or hold her, play with her, give her massages, cook with her, cheer her up, warm her up when she is frozen, take care of her when she is sick, help her and everything, knowing, that I have a good girl on my side and I want the same things in return.
But reality over here proves it's (almost) impossibility with many kinds of different and non-dateable people.
But it doesn't really matter so much and yet sometimes I get worried and depressed over that fact. I'm kind of used to it and soon I will realize, that it didn't even matter at all and just carry on with life.
As I and @JudgmentDay have been communicating, I've came to the conclusion together with him, that reality is just what it is: It's rigged, fucked up, retarded and taking advantages of us.
Even a relationship cannot fix people (say's the one, who never had one, ironically)! Still it's something, that makes sense to me because I had my previous big goals achieved, felt much happier after my big wishes were fulfilled but after that I asked myself "Well, I got what I wanted. Now what's next?" and after some time the happiness faded away and I find myself back to where I was again - unsatisfied. The same case can be applied to relationships and I'm sure of it.
Because there is always the cold void, the dark emptiness in life and it cannot be filled. It's like a sucking black hole inside of my body: You can only feed it temporary with fulfilling wishes and happiness but it doesn't go away permanently. Such is life.
Meanwhile I have been single so long, I just keep being myself and do what I always did. These include:
Daydreaming, tinkering, philosophy, Play some video games and call of duty (and drink mountain dew while I am at it if I can fund that. We do not have doritos here.), do research online (like sleep, sex, fun facts, lifehacks, coffee, ABC health effects, technologies, how-to-do-things), browse and ask on G@G, study, make new pictures with photoshop, do some video editing, masturbate while watching porn, squish my body pillow (and sleep with it), mod games, read wise quotes, watch my little pony, re-think my life, apply for jobs and get occasionally jealous of sweet love stories.
No, I am not a stereotypical gamer, who rarely showers, stinks, uses memes (as in etiquette-wise and in real life. I strictly limit my usage of so called "memes" to only when it's necessary), is and looks nerdy, shy, badmouths other players online and doesn't use deodorant.
If I bump into a sweet lady worth a relationship, then that's great, it's about time, that I have! If not, then that's OK because it's not like life revolves around relationships or that it is "unusual", at least in the animal societies or that there is someone for everyone out there.
But I still desire a sweet girl in my life ♥ :(
Most Helpful Opinions