I was unfortunate, inexperienced, and dumb enough to fall in love with the wrong person. Here's some general things I wish I knew about relationships that could have saved me a lot of heartache:
1). The most important thing of all is to always respect and love yourself enough to never put up with any unnecessary bullshit. If your partner doesn't seem to appreciate what you do for her/him it means she/he doesn't respect you and if she/he doesn't respect you then she/he doesn't love you.
2). Don't put more into the relationship than what your partner is putting in because the relationship will quickly become unbalanced and onesided.
3). Don't jump into a relationship right away, you should date for a few months and only when you really know the person and are falling in love should you get into a relationship.
4). Her/his friends are a huge indicator of what type of person she/he really is and not who she/he is portraying themselves as. If most of her/his friends are slutty/bitchy/assholes/immature then she/he is as well.
5). If your partner plays the blame game or accuses you of being something you know you're not, she/he is hiding something.
6). Never stop hanging out with your friends just to spend more time with your partner because they want you all to themselves.
7). You're the most important person in the relationship, not your partner. If you don't love and respect yourself then how can you expect your partner to love and respect you as well? Never stop trying to be the best version of yourself.
8. Don't ignore the red flags, they're red flags for a reason. You know what they are when they crop up and when they do you should seriously consider if that's really the type of person you want to be with.
9). Look at her/his dating history. How they behaved/treated their past partners is a huge indicator of what to expect down the line. Also, remember that there's always two sides to a story. For example she told me that her past boyfriends were all very controlling, jealous, and clingy. Turns out she was just a very cold and unfaithful person.
10). Ignore what your partner says and instead concentrate on what she/he does. Actions always speak louder than words.
11). When dealing with problems in a relationship you should always know what your partner views as the problem, why it's a problem, and how it makes her/him feel. This is what proper communication is all about and if any of those pieces are missing then there is no proper communication. Also, if your partner refuses to cooperate it's only a sign of immaturity and you should really consider if your partner is mature enough for a serious relationship.
12). Try to limit the word "you" as much as possible when discussing problems, instead focus on "I". You don't know exactly what your partner is thinking or why she/he did something, you only think you do and you have no control over her/his actions or feelings. However, you do know exactly what you feel and why you behaved the way you did.
13). If you're dealing with a personal problem and your partner is not being supportive, RUN and never look back.
14). If you're thinking of leaving your partner for any of these reasons, DO IT, even if you really are in love. Yes, it will be one of the most painful things you'll ever experience, but you'll be so much happier once you're done grieving and you can now go out there and find someone else who truly loves you, respects you, and appreciates what you do. Everyone deserves that.
I know some of these are obvious, however it's hard to spot these when you're completely in love with the person and 95% of the time things are going well. It really is true what they say, love does make you blind. Even if this list helps out one person, I will be ecstatic.
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