The Friend-Zone: What it is & Why it Doesn't Matter

[NoFcks2Give]

Friend-zone

A space that you create in your mind when you lack the proper social acumen to understand that what you want, is not always yours to have. It's a tragic form of self victimization, a less romanticized version of unrequited love.

Does it exist.....

Well, no. What the reality is, is there is a point where a relationship hits a fork in the road for an individual. Maybe one person starts to develop certain feelings for a person, sometimes the feelings are mutual. Other times they aren't. Either way you have some options.

The Fork in the Road

Just stay with me for a while. Imagine a fork in the road, and you and a friend stop at it, both weighing your options. Than out of nowhere that person makes a decision and starts walking, but that's not the way you wanna go. You'd much rather see what that other road might show you, and your really sure that it could possibly lead to something made of unbridled intrepid beauty. However, this other person is not convinced, they want you to venture down another road with them, as they like the journey that they are on, wanting to stay the course.

The Decision

This is a quite a mess your in now, here's this person with whom you already share a bond with, and now there's this possibility that you could potentially change the nature of said bond, forever. You've been given this impossible ultimatum, keep the path, or start your own. Neither is a bad thing, but only if it's a pure decision will you be made better.

The Friend-zone Teaches Us What?

It teaches us nothing, but it provides a space for self improvement. It tests the limits of your hearts maturity. That road you want to take, is really just letting you know that your life has more options now, that your ready for something more, and that maybe you should explore that. However if you decide to go with your friend, you will be tested everyday, and it will hurt.

The Older You Get...

It matters less, because school, work, or both will usurp most of your time. As your priorities set, and you know what you want, you know which road to take from the go. You don't hope, you just make your intentions known early, and if it's not a match, it's not a match. So you keep looking honestly, until you find him/her.

Final MyTake

If this is a problem you are facing, it's fine, no one is in the wrong here, sometimes sacrificing a friendship in search of something more is what we all must do at some point. Just know that it's all in your head. Just be straight up with this friend, and see what happens, either way it's a beautiful thing to know your ready to love.

[Browneye57]

Uh, no, it's not in your head, it's a real place girls put guys that they want to keep around for one reason or another but will never want sex with them. And mostly guys that will go along with this pine away their time with her, kissing her ass, hoping one day if they are nice enough, long enough, that she'll somehow fall in love with him, and wantt to have sex with him. The guys that will hang around for this are called beta-orbiters.

No straight-up guy worth his salt is gonna bother, he has more important things to do with his time, and he's only gonna hang around a girl if he's really interested in her. Casual acquaintances, group friends, mixed company, are all different than the FRIEND ZONE. So those are not the same thing - that's the first thing they'll tell you, 'Oh, I just love having a friend that's a girl.' Yeah right.

And the girls will keep these guys around if they VALIDATE her, or do shit for her. Like gay friends, they make perfect girlfriends. The thing is, no guy worth his salt is gonna want to go shoe-shopping, or makeup parties, or any other girlie shit, unless he's a beta chump. Those are the guys stuck in the FZ and they're NEVER going to get out unless they move on and forge their own way forward, go after a gal that reciprocates, and really appreciates him.

No, the FZ is real, and it's an awful place, something like purgatory. LOL

[Nyx_85]

I have some guy friends that liked me in the beginning but I knew it wouldn't work out. And now years later (some of them I've been friends with for over 10 years) I've never regretted that decision. They are cool people but the more and more I've gotten to know them the more I see how incompatible we would be as dating partners. One of my best guy friends (who hit on me the first night we met) and I have joked around that if we ever dated we would probably kill each other hah. We know our personalities are so different. And the thing is I knew it from the get go. I didn't have to talk to him long before I knew that.

But then again most of my interactions with my male friends involve us doing this in groups. And as far as them doing stuff for me... Well. Hmm. I drive 99.9% of the time we go out (and often that involves driving to our friends place half an hour away or the city an hour away) and never rarely any gas money. But that's ok because hanging out is for me too.

[Nyx_85]

Hmm ok what else. I help out my friends a lot. If they need help moving, a ride somewhere, someone to talk to I'm there for them (as long as it's not cutting into my own schedule. I do have to go to work and stuff). I don't remember the last time I asked any of them for help. OH wait... Maybe like 3 or 4 years ago I asked one of them to help me move a REALLY heavy TV (like one of those old box ones. I literally could not even lift it off the ground). And I paid him for it. So can't say that is a favour.

Yup can't really recall any sort of special favours I've had from them. I don't generally take favours from people. If they do something for me I feel I HAVE to give something in return.

I had a guy friend (who I've not friends with anymore) once offer to buy me things. Like clothes... Of course I refused. Because that's weird.

[Nyx_85]

But I have no issue doing things for people I care about, or giving them things without expecting anything in return. I just feel I have to give something back if they do anything for me.

[NoFcks2Give]

@Nyx_85 I think the problem with most guys, is that they never learn to float socially. Like I have female friends, but they're more like close acquaintances. I'm not really in a space to ask for favors, or vice versa but I'll get invited to the party, you know. If it's not happening sexually, I tend to just focus on other women in that way, and try to keep the relationship on a lesser level. Plus when I do find time to chill with friends, it's usually with my homies. Like at a bar or a hookah bar, or a strip club, or the gun range. Lol. #ManShit lol jk

[Nyx_85]

@NoFcks2Give There's nothing wrong with keeping your female friends at a comfortable distance. Quite frankly the girls you date would probably prefer that. Yes I have male friends but the majority of the time us hanging out involves gaming (board games or video games). I'm often the only girl there. We have more friends in our group that include other women but when they are involved it's usually about going out for dinner, or the strip club haha. However I rarely hang out with a guy friend one on one. If I'm dating someone they don't need to be concerned that I'm spending too much time with some other dude. I personally think that's inappropriate.

[Nyx_85]

@NoFcks2Give But yeah I've had guy friends that liked me literally hover around obviously waiting for something to happen. And I don't mean like "Oh I'd sleep with her if she wanted to but I'm not begging for it". I mean it was blatantly obvious that they were never going to be ok with being friends. I've had them try to do things for me. Offer to buy me things... I cut those 'friendships' off quickly. I won't give them what they want so they need to find someone else who will.

[NoFcks2Give]

@Nyx_85 Yeah, it's all about developing social cadence. It's a delicate balance that needs a constant check lol.

[Nyx_85]

@NoFcks2Give Yeah. The thing is us females have had literally all of human history to develop and hone our social skills (we had to in order to survive) while up until fairly recently it wasn't as necessary for men.

[NoFcks2Give]

@Nyx_85 Yeah, our social styles are different, like the few men who do think socially do so with a mans mindset of competition. So we hone more Machiavellian proclivities, than our counterparts more genuine use of communication. It's weird.

[Nyx_85]

@NoFcks2Give True, though more and more women are becoming like that these days as they try to compete with men. Which upsets the natural balance.

And sorry to @Browneye57 for hijacking his comment haha.

[Browneye57]

@Nyx_85 - Naw, conversation is no problem.
What is curious is all the things stated to argue against my point that FZ is a real thing simply serves to reinforce it. Like this: "It's a delicate balance that needs a constant check lol."
I don't have to walk any kind of 'delicate balance' with my buddies - my guy friends. And any woman that I know socially is either hitched with someone else or is primarily a girlfriend of my wife's. My wife is my "best friend", she's the one I'm closest too. It just wouldn't make sense to have other women hanging around that would replace that.
Anyway, my point is the Take is that FZ definitely does exist, but I see it as a specific thing rather than a more broader description of girl-guy interaction. Specifically, if a girl has a guy she's friends with that she keeps around without any intention of ever being romantically attracted to is in the 'friend zone'. It's not that complicated, it is what it is. -->cont

[Nyx_85]

Yeah not saying it does exist but to assume a girl wants to be friends with a guy to get stuff or attention well... Not always true.

[Nyx_85]

*doesn't exist

[Browneye57]

I'm not getting into whether it was the girl or the guy that put him there, he's just there. You can call it platonic or whatever you want, but he's a guy she's not interested in sexually. Guys are more simple than that - there's not much reason for interaction if there isn't some kind of attraction. What drew him to her in the first place? Cuz she was like a guy? I think not.
Anyway, there are a lot of relationship dynamics that take place early on when a girl and guy meet, and the first thing he does in his mine is to decide if she is do-able - it's either a HELL YES or a HELL NO. If it's a no there's not much point there. Guys generally don't seek out a bunch of girls for friends if they don't have some kind of attraction to her. And almost every girl-guy 'completely platonic' relationship tends to have one or the other that at some point wants more. Also called 'sexual tension'. There's a reason they're attracted to each other in the first place. To deny it is to ignore it.

[Browneye57]

@Nyx_85 - "Yeah not saying it does exist but to assume a girl wants to be friends with a guy to get stuff or attention well... Not always true."
You're trying to make the exception the norm. MOST women will keep beta-orbiters around if they'll do stuff for her or validate her. Why else would she want them around? As a general rule, a guy doesn't make as good of a girlfriend as a girl does. This gets back to the difference between girls and guys in the first place. Like the 25K words a day uttered by a girl, whereas a guy has about 5K to speak. I'm just not gonna be the chatterbox for you that your girlfriends are. And I don't have all the feelings and emotions floating around in my head that I want to talk about, like you do. It's just basic differences.
But back to the FZ - once a guy gets put there she's just not gonna get the tingles for him. She has decided in her head that this is not a sexual partner - no way. That's what FZ is.

[Nyx_85]

"You're trying to make the exception the norm."

I said it wasn't always true. How is that trying to make it the 'norm?' Perhaps if I were to say "That's rarely true".

[Nyx_85]

If I wanted to do girly things I would do them with my girlfriends. Or a gay guy.

[Nyx_85]

"Like the 25K words a day uttered by a girl, whereas a guy has about 5K to speak. I'm just not gonna be the chatterbox for you that your girlfriends are. And I don't have all the feelings and emotions floating around in my head that I want to talk about, like you do."

*Looks around and behind her*

[powerwoman]

Are you telling me that women... subject these poor men to FRIENDSHIP... and then don't even have the decency to sleep with them as compensation? Not even a little?
... what is the world even coming to?

[Browneye57]

@powerwoman They are just hoping... :(

[NoFcks2Give]

@powerwoman In my experience it became more about falling in love unexpectedly with someone I had felt a sexual attraction too. What guys on here won't admit is that spending time and more importantly moments with someone who can't be yours is a very strange way to experience love.

[Browneye57]

"What guys on here won't admit is that spending time and more importantly moments with someone who can't be yours is a very strange way to experience love. "

Sure. Why do you suppose this is?

Bottom line is that guys view friendship in a different manner than girls do. Girls brains work differently than guys. The FI keeps trying to tell us we're all the same. FAIL

[powerwoman]

@NoFcks2Give no I get that-- it's more that I just think it's dumb when guys act bitter/resentful about it like... dude. she's your friend. treat her like one.

Hurt feelings are one thing, and I definitely can sympathize there-- but when people act like in being "friend-zoned", they've been wronged and lash out I get kind of ticked off.

[Browneye57]

@powerwoman Naw, they just bag off. F - the FZ!

[NoFcks2Give]

@powerwoman Yeah, I think they act out here. I highly doubt they expressed their discontent to the friend herself. At least in my case I didn't, I just made a decision based on what I felt was right for me, and it was a good decision, I mean there was no fallout or anything. No cryptic passive aggresive FB or IG post lol.

[powerwoman]

@NoFcks2Give Nice, see, that's called being an adult. I'm really hoping it'll catch on one of these days.

"I highly doubt they expressed their discontent to the friend herself." --one would hope, and yet, LOL.

[powerwoman]

Thanks for bringing this up-- I was literally just about to make a post about this.
You did a good job on this, and I think it's important to address it-- sometimes it seems like half the posts on this website are complaining about the "friend-zone", and while I don't want to belittle any one individual's feelings-- I get that this can be tough-- it's also like... do you guys seriously not understand why talking about your friends like this is sort of unfair/messed up? At all?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJOvr-b6PoM

[FatherJack]

The " friend-zone " is a self imposed mental prison , the vast majority of the time , the inmates are male ( just like the real prison population ) Best thing is to cut all contact , if you want more & walk away completely. I have witnessed many a " zoned " guy , be used for goods / services , by the uninterested object of his affections. One advantage of my very detached nature , have never let this happen to me !!

[Gonetowardthewind]

Whenever I meet someone new the only think expect is to form a friendship with them. Who would ever say no to making a new friend? This has helped me to make a lot of friends and I don't have to worry about rejection or whatever it is that people are afraid of.

[deepguy]

What about if you don't meet them when they are single tho lol. E. g. at uni I met plenty of girls who were pretty much in my work group (assigned by the university) who were not single, yet I found attractive as well as getting on with them.

Years later they are single?

In fact I have a question on one as well, dunno if u can help me

[NoFcks2Give]

I'll give it a shot

[Anonymous]

Wow - it's amazing how many people obviously don't know what the friend zone is, think it's just a simple case of unrequited love... and then, decide that since that's all it is, they must educate the world that unrequited love is a bitch, but not a zone or anything.

Never seems to occur to them that they don't know what the fuck they are talking about...

[Kkaos]

Rather than ranting about people not knowing what they're talking about, why don't you actually explain it? Or are you just one of those people that complain all the time and contribute nothing.

[CoolSky01]

if you want her romantically and she wants you as a friend simply move on quite easy no need to suffer or try hard

[StickStickity13]

If you are friendzoned, litterally just move on to another girl

[NoFcks2Give]

Of course, but I think people think its a social construct. I think it's more mental.

[nasarita]

I agree, it's either you admit your own feelings or suffer in silence.

[Namejo]

SEnd a message thank you

[Anonymous]

womens want friendship, guys don't like friendship, the reasons why these guys hang out with girls is because of their genitals. if they don't get what they want and they get an unwanted relationship instead... friendzoned

[Anonymous]

i think it is a part of life, people over think about it

[John_Doesnt]

Women suck as friends, they should know this!

[Nightinggale]

Great myTake dude. I agree 100%

[Anonymous]

I agree 👏👏

[NoFcks2Give]

Thank you (takes a bow) lol

[Anonymous]

Well said OP!