I've decided to share some tips on dating somebody who is from another country, or even just a different culture. They are mostly based on my own experiences with being in this kind of relationship. I'm Canadian and my fiance is Serbian. We met each other almost 10 years ago, when he was visiting Canada. He moved here permanently a little over 4 years ago to go to school, and we started going out about a year afterwards. Everything that I mention below are things that I've learned throughout the last few years that I feel are important to share with other people who may be in intercultural relationships.
The Dating Stage
Communication is important. As in all relationships, always having an open line of communication is the key to making sure you understand each other and how you're feeling about all aspects of the relationship. As well, other cultures may view relationships differently then your own does. For example, some cultures are far more conservative than the West in terms of accepted gender roles, or sex before marriage, things like that. It's important to talk about your expectations and reservations about the relationship with your partner so you can make sure there are no misunderstandings.
Respect and learn about their country, culture, traditions, and religion (if they are religious). Your partner will expect that, and you will likely expect the same from them. Have them tell you about their country, what life is like there, what some popular traditions are, etc. Always ask open ended questions on these topics. Also, make sure to try some of their favourite foods or meals that are native to their country.
Teach them about your culture. Much like you should learn a little about their culture, your partner should learn a bit about yours. Encourage them to ask questions and be as informative and honest as possible when you answer them.
Learn basic phrases in their language. If your partner's first language is not English , have them teach you some basic words and phrases in their native language. Perhaps they can teach you how to count, or how to greet people on the street. My fiance has taught me simple Serbian words and common phrases and it's really brought us closer together. It's fun, and they will appreciate you making an effort. After all, he/she learned English , so it's nice if they can teach you some of their language.
Don't force your customs on them or try to change them. That's probably the worst thing you can do. Their culture is part of them and who they are, and that's the person you fell in love with after all.
When Things Get Serious
Always expect the possibility of a long distance relationship. There may come a time when your partner needs to go back to their home country for whatever reason. Maybe their visa is expiring and they have to go back to sort out immigration papers - that's what happened to my fiance and he had to go back home for a few months to get everything together. I was lucky we were only apart for a few months - for some people, it may be a year or more. You HAVE to be ready for that, whether it ever happens or not. Go back to step #1 about communication and TALK to each other - make sure that they don't just spring this on you. You don't want to find out that they're going back home for 6 months and that they're leaving next week.
Questions to answer if you're heading towards marriage or a life together. Besides the usual conversations about finances, children, careers, etc that should happen before marriage, couples who are intercultural have additional questions to consider. Here are some important ones that should be answered:
- If you're having a wedding, what kind will you have - religious or non-religious? How will you integrate traditional wedding customs from each culture into ONE ceremony?
- Do you want your children to learn both (or more) languages? We have decided that our future child(ren) will learn Serbian alongside English .
- What religion will you raise your children in, if any at all?
- Where will you live? This is probably the most important question of all. You need to decide which country you want to live in, especially if you're planning on raising a family. When you have a child, you can't just pick up and move wherever and whenever you want. It's best for them to be raised in one place for as long as possible. Do be prepared to travel with your children in either case, though.
It's really fun and rewarding to date someone from another country, especially if their culture is strikingly different from your own. Likewise if you are the one living in another country and dating locals. There may be times where there is a language barrier, or when you may be at odds over something really simple, but if you have a good relationship the pros will definitely outweigh the cons.
Please feel free to share your thoughts and opinions below. I'd really appreciate that! Perhaps you can also share your own experiences with intercultural dating.
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