Communication - Important but Neglected

Anonymous

Communication is key in any relationship. It’s not only important for you to be open and honest about what you’re into and what you want, but it’s also important that you listen carefully and allow them to share with you. While you want to embrace your differences, you also want to be on the same page with your partner to promote better understanding.

Communication - Important but Neglected


Why Communication is Important



You get to learn about each other!

You want to know the person you're with. You want to learn about interests and hobbies. You want to learn about dreams and goals. You’ll find out what you have in common and what your differences are. You’ll learn about upbringings and recent history, helping you understand each other better on a psychological level, helping you understand motivations and why they react that way to this, or feel this way about that.


You know what the relationship is!
When you’re both open and honest with each other about how you feel and what you really want, it helps you decide what kind of relationship would be best for you two. Sometimes a serious relationship isn’t the answer, sometimes an exclusive relationship isn’t the answer. You don’t want one person thinking it’s serious and exclusive while the other doesn’t.
You also know where you stand at any given time. If they are upset about something, you want to know that so you guys can work it out quickly and get back to your bliss (or something similar :-P).


You know where the relationship is going!
If you’re both unafraid to talk about how you feel about things like marriage, children, locations, and careers, you’ll be able to paint a picture of what the future of your relationship might look like. The canvas may be blank, one of you may not ever want to get married while the other does. That is something you want to know before you’re 7 years into a relationship wondering why they haven't popped the question yet.


Why Communication is Neglected


Fear!

Communication - Important but Neglected

This is probably the most common reason people don’t communicate as honestly, openly, and often as they should. When you care about someone and you want things to work out, you’re obviously going to fear the end. You’re afraid to do or say anything that may jeopardize the relationship and turn things ugly. People are also often afraid of being seen differently. They put forth a certain image of themselves and the idea of that image being shattered or distorted paralyzes them into silence and dishonest compliance.


They’re not used to talking about themselves or their feelings!
I’ve started to notice that more and more people don’t have the fear, they simply aren’t sure how to do it. They don’t think about sharing stories from their childhoods. It doesn’t occur to them to talk about how they feel about marriage or politics, jobs or family. They aren’t comfortable talking about these things because they’re unsure of how to effectively express what it is they are feeling.


They don’t care as much as you think!
This one is painful, sure, but definitely one of the reasons someone may be neglecting the communication aspect of your relationship. They keep you around for a reason. They’re getting something from you that they want or need, but they don’t see it as something that has a potential for growth or longevity. Because they don’t care as much, they aren’t concerned with if you guys agree on marriage and children. They know that will never be an issue for you two because they know things will never go that far. Here's an article that could help with identifying this issue: 10 Ways You Can Tell She’s Losing Interest.


How To Make It Better



Do not lie!

Especially during the early stages of dating, people like to lie to “get in”. They want to be liked and think nothing of saying they enjoy something when they know they don’t. They say they’ve been to this place or that, when they haven’t. What is the point of lying when you know you’ll eventually have to come clean if the relationship blossoms? Remember that you don't have to have everything in common to have a happy relationship. Girls, especially, this is a common mistake… don’t say you love sports or action flicks when you don’t. Most men are completely fine with their women not being sports fans, they can hang out with their friends for that. I promise, he’ll be way more disappointed about the lie than he will about you not loving the Giants as much as he does.


Don't bottle up!

Communication - Important but Neglected

This is one that I can’t stress enough.
For some, like me, I like to go over things internally before bringing them up. Sometimes I find that I was overreacting and I simply let it go... never having to worry about fighting over it. Other times, I still feel upset, I still feel the need to discuss it. Try the internal workthrough first, any chance to avoid an unnecessary fight or uncomfortable conversation is welcome. After that, if you’re still mad or upset, no matter how stupid you may think it is, say something! If nothing else, you guys can laugh about the silliness of it and then it’s over… it’s gone. It’s no longer eating at you. The curiosity and confusion are no longer building and forming a resentment tumor that’s capable of destroying relationships that were once perfectly happy. Sometimes, you may find out that your suspicions are just. Your instincts are right and something is off. Get these things worked out as quickly as possible, again, to avoid feeding that tumor. You may be able to resolve it, you may not.
This goes for the good times in your relationship as well. If you're really grateful for something, if you love that they did this or that, if you really appreciate a particular quality in them, tell them! People want to know that they are appreciated and loved. They want to know when they do something you like, they want to be reminded why you chose them, why you love them, what you love about them. Even a simple random text message in the afternoon is sometimes enough to make the day light up... and the night heat up ;-)


Listen!
Some would argue that listening is even more important than not being afraid to share with honesty yourself. You not only have to hear what they say, but you have to understand exactly what they mean. So, if they’re not being clear, do not lie by saying you understand! Tell them to clarify, ask them what they mean, ask them what they want from you, what they need from you. Be involved in the conversation but know when to shut your mouth and just listen. Too many people carry out entire conversations simply waiting for their turn to speak. Avoid that! Also, pay attention to body language to gauge their comfort level, among other things. That, too, can help you understand what they feel and where they're coming from.

Compromise - Encourage without nagging!
You want to make them feel comfortable, you want them to know you are there to listen, happy to listen, eager to hear about who they are, hear about their day, their life. You want them to know that it's safe to share with you, you are trustworthy. The key here, though, is to avoid nagging them about it. The more you nag, the further they'll run. Don't fall into asking them what they're thinking all the time. Give them space when they ask for it, let them know that it's okay if they don't want to talk about it right then, but that you want them to talk about it soon. When some people are upset, they want you there, but they want silent support at first. They want time to digest what's going on and what they're feeling. Be there for them but try to resist the urge to fill the silence with nonsense or nagging questions. By being there, you're showing you care, you're being supportive, showing that you want to help. By giving them the chance to first marinate silently, you're letting them know that you not only respect them and their needs, you understand them and their needs. Try not to be offended in these situations, it's not their intention to cause more strife. Remember that they aren't you - they may handle things differently.


Communication - Important but Neglected


Your relationship is yours too!
Take the initiative; be an active part of the team!
Open your mouth and talk!
Then shut your mouth and listen!
:-P

Communication - Important but Neglected
18 Opinion