Why cheating is OK

[Anonymous]

Okay, people get really hung up on cheating, but it isn't a big deal. It can actually be a great test of a relationship.

Think about it. Why does cheating seem bad? Because it hurts our feelings. But what are our feelings? Emotions. Emotions are just chemical releases in the brain. We could design a medicine to make us not care about the feeling of cheating, or to make us feel happy when a kid dies, or anything. We just have to give the body the right chemicals.

Having your feelings hurt from cheating just isn't an excuse when we know we can change our emotions with a drugs. Our emotions also change rapidly. One minute you can be happy, one minute you can be sad, one minute motivated, the next lazy. Why base our decisions about our partners on cheating? They had sex? So what! The feeling will pass, or we can get a drug to change it.

The problem of cheating is all in your head, so your brain is the problem, not your cheating partner's penis or vagina. Don't break up, stick around, and you'll get over it.

Going back to what I said, cheating can be a great test of a relationship. If your partner can't forgive you, they don't love you unconditionally, so why would you want to be with them? If they won't forgive you for cheating, you should break up with them for being so irrational. Who wants a dumb partner? If they stick around and let their irrational emotions pass, you know you've got a keeper.

Cheating isn't a big deal, and we should stop ruining our relationships by condemning it. Sex is fun for everyone, and if you love your partner, you should want them to enjoy themselves. Stop being so selfish.

[xHoneyxBeex]

What the actual fuck did I just read? If you don't care about cheating then be in a polygamous or open relationship. I, on the other hand, prefer monogamy and yes, I expect loyalty in my relationships. Cheating is NOT okay and I will never tolerate it. Period.

[Solaayy]

Im thinkin the same thing

[myTake Owner]

You are likely being cheated on now, if you're in a relationship. 72% of men cheat, 70% of women. So why condemn it? It's no different than p*rn or masturbation, everyone does it, but we condemn it because of antiquated moral holdovers from times when people were burning witches at the stake. Let's modernize. Let's stop belittling each other's nature. Let's stop being possessive, jealous, and selfish. That's the root of the problem.

[xHoneyxBeex]

You have serious issues.

[myTake Owner]

Why define it as a wrong when it's our natural behavior? If you define swimming as immoral, then all fish are sinners. Rather a violent way to think, no, condemning them for their natural behavior?

[xHoneyxBeex]

Cool story

[SuperMan89s]

@myTake Owner why killing people is wrong? why stealing is wrong? etc
whats the point of calling ourselves humans if we have zero moral code?

See ! your logic fails really bad.

[KHaskins]

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[KäseChäe]

Cheating is a self serving act. By betraying me, sleeping with someone else, one is only thinking of themselves. It's a blatant act of betrayal to committment.

So your point justifying cheating is that emotions can be controlled, and cheating is all emotional? What the hell is the point in dating someone if they don't make one happier, and can prove committment before mairrrage (i. e a greater committment.) Meaning dating itself is purely emotional.

According to Socrates, (in case you're unfamiliar, he was Plato's mentor) evil is simply defined as any self-serving act done unto others, that does not benefit the collective. That is why Satanism, or devil worship, is not worship of the ideology, it is worship of one's self.

For example, stealing, is a self-centered act. You steal a few loaves of bread from a local baker, he loses $20 worth in materials; in a retail sence, for every dollar he loses, he has to make $50 to break even. His business is failing, the community suffers from your act, as they lose their baker.

An act of selfishness like cheating is never simply emotional. Cheating can have a profoundly, uncorrectable negative effect on the way a person sees themselves, Physically, mentally and obviously emotionally. If someone expects a committment, a strain like this can cause jealousy issues, commitment issues and self worth problems for people, that no drug can modify.

This question begs the age old concept of Good vs. Bad - which not a lot of people know the definition of either, historically speaking.

But hey, in your world, I guess we all rely on booze and weed for our happiness right? Cause that works out great.

[Estelita]

I love you and this answer. I couldn't have said this or thought this any better than you.

This reminds me of my favorite quote "there is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft. When you kill a man, you steal a life... you steal his wife's right to a husband, rob his children of a ather. When you tell a lie, you steal someone's right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness... there is no act more wretched than stealing."

I'm glad there is at least one man in the world with a good head on his shoulders.

[myTake Owner]

The point of dating isn't "love." It's about mating. Making babies. Most relationships are possessive, selfish, and jealous, based on cultural conditioning to provide exclusive mating opportunities with a binding "contract." Why oppress ourselves? Why not go beyond archaic and violent cultural norms, passed down from less civilized people, and instead embrace our natural tendencies, rather than do violence to them?

[KäseChäe]

Agreed, why restrain ourselves to committent? Let's all just have babies with whomever we'd like regardless of our ability to support them or their mother. Throw caution to the wind, and responsibility to women.

Call me crazy, but I think old Hammurabi had something going when he fledged the first set of laws regarding illegitimate children, and protection of females who carried them.

If I'm not mistaken, a law is made to deal with societal immoral norms like impregnation multiple people at a time, causing dependency, and jealousy issues, and further fostering the belief that responsibility is for the "violent"; what's archaic are the issues that founded the laws. (I. e that people went around making tons of babies with multiple mates, and eventually let's just say a lot of children ended up in the trash.)

But honestly, is this about mating, or just the desire for casual sex?

[KäseChäe]

Furthermore, that Washington Post article that you keep touting with the 70% statistic is a NATIVE ADVERTISEMENT aimed at selling a book. It's a crock. The blue URL is linked to an amazon page for the book. Check it out.

A Psycologists analysis based on current and former statistic detirmines that less than six percent of signifficant others cheat. Men and women. Thats an averaged number. Far cry frome the from the falsehood of "70% of people cheat."

psychcentral.com/.../

I rest my case, no need to beat a dead horse.

[Starrk]

Disagree big time. This entire take is defending the actions of the cheater while condemning the person who was cheated on. You even go so far to devalue our biological system of emotions to further validate your point.

First of all, just because emotions are caused by chemicals in the brain, doesn't make them any less important. Our ability to feel emotion is one of the main reason we've made it so damn far. Without those chemicals in our head we would have went extinct as species millenniums ago.

Second of all. A person who was cheated on is not obligated to take back someone who cheated. When you enter into a monogamous relationship with someone. You are basically signing a social contract stating that you would not betray that person with another. When a person cheats, they break that contract while at the same time hurting their loving partners and forever changing the dynamic of the relationship. If someone feels that they can't stay with a cheater, that doesn't mean they didn't love that person, it just mean that they can no longer trust someone who was able to betray them in such a way.

If someone can't control their urges to sleep with someone else, then that person has no damn business being in a relationship, point blank period.

[kittykatg]

The whole thing about brain chemicals being meaningless and that we should all just be doped up all the time pissed me off too. They obviously don't actually understand how the brain works or the fact that most mental health medications were created on accident and we really have no idea why/how they work but continue to push them on people.

[myTake Owner]

Emotions are one reason we've made it this far. But what has been the bigger reason? Rational thought OVERRIDING emotion. We can subvert the misfiring of emotion with reason.

For example, against your second point. Marital vows where they pledge fidelity are an explicit agreement not to cheat, but there are other vows as well, are there not? "Until death do us apart" being one of them. However, where 50% of marriages end in divorce, it is clear that we as a culture have agreed that marital vows are symbolic and not enforceable. In which case, it's clear that cheating is likewise permissible based upon those same cultural agreements.

[Starrk]

That rational thoughts that you speak of was brought on due to emotions. Take any big event in mankind history, and yes rational thought and thinking was involved but it was usually emotions that brought about that way of thinking in the first place. Every innovation we have today was created and thought of by thinking, but that thought process just didn't pop in our heads one night. No it was brought on by emotions of either anger, fear, sadness, disgust, shame, envy, pride, admiration or etc. For example, without the emotion of fear, how would we ever know what is dangerous or when to be cautious. Simple, we wouldn't. We would run head first into danger at any chance. Without feeling fear, our species would have died out the moment it began.

[Starrk]

As for the marriage vows, that is based on the traditional Catholic wedding ceremonies which dates back centuries ago. Many religions regard marriage as a unity among people by God himself in which they will remain united until death. But like I said these marriage vows are traditional in nature and in my opinion are very outdated, but we continue to follow it due to tradition. Most marriages nowadays are civil matters ran by the state. There are something on this world that shouldn't be taken literally, and marriage vows are one of them. However I'm still not following your logic on how the lack of enforcement of marriage vows = it's acceptable to cheat.

[myTake Owner]

I don't deny the importance of emotion. I simply am pointing out that our greatest advancements in culture and knowledge happen when we override our emotional tendencies and move beyond our instincts.

72% of men cheat, 70% of women cheat. Overwhelmingly, people approve of cheating because they engage in the behavior. It's like judging people on p*rn or reading romance novels--except everyone is doing the same thing! It's silly, and we should just embrace the activity of multiple sexual partners rather than play this charade.

If we got rid of our childish, vestigial Puritanism and embraced our actual inclinations and nature, we'd all be better off.

[Starrk]

I don't have a problem with someone going into a open relationship and having sex with however many people they want. What I'm trying to say is that if people make the commitment to be in an exclusive relationship then they need to abide by the rules. If they know they can't follow those rules then they either should stay single or find someone who share the same belief as them and is open for a open relationship. There's is no need to string your partner along, with them thinking they can trust you when in actuality they can't.

[WhiteSteve]

This take is... interesting. I'm not going to crucify you for it, it looks like everyone else already is, haha.

I'd say this: I'm all about sexual liberation. I think the world is such a fucked up place and I dead honestly think sexual repression/deprivation fucks with your head. We literally drive ourselves nuts. Obviously there's a lot more that goes into the world's ills, but I believe this could be a factor.

One of my biggest problems with religion is the sexual repression aspect. Most major religions inspire guilt over normal, natural sexual desires. It literally can brainwash you to squash your most natural and primal desires. To me, the meaning of life is to just have fun. I honestly don't think it goes any deeper than that. We're all a flash in the pan in the grand scheme of the universe. "Life is short, play hard", as the slogan goes.

That said, I think you're mis-categorizing. Whether monogamy is natural to us or not, it is what it is: a pact. If you enter into a relationship, you know what you're signing up for. Cheating is breaking that pact, plain and simple. For whatever reason, that's the system most of society has bought into, right or wrong.

I think there's nothing wrong with emotionless sex. Fuck a million people, I really couldn't care less, and I'd think no less of someone for doing it. I don't know where we got this crazy idea that sex is some sacred ritual. That seems a little misguided to me. It's just about getting off. If you can enhance that feeling by having love and feelings and shit involved, knock yourself out. But once those feelings are there, that's what it is, and we shouldn't be hopping ourselves up on drugs to fuck with our psyche, unless our psyche is harmful to our well-being.

That's where you lost me. I'm all for doing what you want to do. Having multiple partners, even being in an "open relationship" is all fair to me. The problem is that cheating is done behind people's backs, and that just ain't cool.

[mef1975]

Breaking the pact is not considered cheating if you're honest about it, according to the terms in the pact, providing proper notice, and what-not. We got the "crazy idea about sex" being special, because it is, not only special, but also, the way we procreate (very special). Sex without emotion is not worth the addiction. I feel for you. I too am a nymph, but I like being connected with who I'm with.

[mef1975]

I guess I should've said nympho, not nymph.

[WhiteSteve]

@mef1975 I hear what you're saying. I guess we have a different approach. For me, there's nothing special about procreation, that's my nightmare. The most thought I put into sex is to make sure I DON'T procreate. It's strictly recreational for me. There's definitely something better about it with someone you love, but to me, it's also pretty damn awesome with anyone who looks good to me. I don't think I'm addicted per se, but I sure wouldn't want to live without it. The older I get, the less I feel like life has to offer me, so it's my one failsafe that I know I'll enjoy. And the pact I'm speaking of is the traditional monogamous relationship. If you have other arrangements, then you have other arrangements. Although I do know of one open relationship that looks like it's about to boil over between the wife and the girlfriend. Kudos to anyone who can make that work, haha. So I think it's kind of all-or-nothing realistically, but if there are polyamorous people out there that can...

[WhiteSteve]

... handle it, more power to them.

[Noxifer626]

If mankind were to accept your ideas, we would still be naked apes humping dogs because that is our "primal instinct".

[lerzygirl]

I have to disagree with you. Cheating is not just an emotional thing. It is a loss of trust, broken relationship and feeling like you were obviously not good enough for the cheater. If I was cheated on I would dump them. The reason is because cheating is a choice. You choose to be faithful or not. And if you choose to not then you obviously do not want to be in the relationship. I would not force a person to like me or be my friend if they really did not want to be with me. It is cruel to both parties. Yes emotions play into it but they are not the only thing. You feel hurt (emotions) but ultimately hurt is not the issue. Broken trust is. To me this article is written by a person that does not take relationships seriously. If I was married to someone and they cheated on me yeah I would be super upset. They went behind my back and decided to sleep with another women that is not their wife. I feel like I am an old hat, trash or old story. No one wants to feel that way. You trust that person and if you don't you don't really have a relationship. So I do not think you should be happy if your significant other cheats on you or think your relationship will grow because of it. Ultimately the relationship is broken because trust is broken.

[myTake Owner]

Cheating is no different than masturbating. If she cheats on me, the only difference is that she has someone inside her. I'm not jealous or possessive, so why should that bother me if she does that? Doesn't she have a right to have sex with whom she chooses? Why should her autonomy be a threat to me?

The only reason to be upset is possessiveness born of insecurity and selfishness. There's no place for it in a loving relationship.

[lerzygirl]

Well for starters we don't masterbate. But to me sex is more then just having someone member in you or vice versa. It is a trust thing to allow someone do that most sensual thing and be so open with you and trusting. And it is so powerful to know you were the only one they chose to do it with. I am still a virgin and I plan to only change that when a marry and only to my husband.

[chrisbigman]

It makes sense that you marked your profile anonymous. Just about everything you typed in your take is rather idiotic and wrong. You are trying to justify your actions. Whether you are 45 or 18, you have a bit of growing up to do in terms of maturity.
First off, you say this is a great way to test the relationship. Yeah, for you to test whether you can get away with it.
Secondly, are you seriously saying that drugs can "cure" emotions that we'd rather not have? Are you seriously that high on drugs right now? Taking drugs is rather unnatural. Sometimes we need them to stay alive. Otherwise, we need to kick this drug habit. Controlling emotions is not life threatening.
Thirdly: "the problem of cheating is all in your head, so your brain is the problem, not your cheating penis/vagina" - yes the problem of cheating is all in YOUR head. YOUR brain is the problem - not your cheating penis/vagina.
Fourth of all: "if your partner can't forgive you, they don't love you unconditionally" - are you serious? What the hell does forgiving someone have to do with loving them unconditionally? You can forgive someone, and not love them unconditionally - and vice-versa.
Fifth of all: "if they won't forgive you for cheating, you should break up with them for being so irrational." - not if they break up with you first for being a dumb-ass cheater. You might as well ask the question, "do you allow cheating in the relationship?" early on when beginning to date someone. That way, you won't waste either of your time.
Sixth of all: "who wants a dumb partner?" I don't think anyone does, and you are living proof of someone they wouldn't want.
Seventh of all: "if they stick around and let their irrational emotions pass, you know you've got a...": dumb bitch.

[GirlScoutsRevenge]

I agree with almost every point you've made except the last one. I think people are vile about those who forgive their partners, we forget that there is usually a reason why that person has cheated and it's usually due to neglect from the other, but the reasons are so varied it's extremely unfair to judge those who are willing to forgive.

[chrisbigman]

@GirlScoutsRevenge Point taken.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

@GirlScoutsRevenge But I guess even if a partner is neglecting you, cheating is NEVER an option. First step is communication. Express the needs to your partner. If he tries to improve himself well and good. Or If he is genuinely stuck and can't do anything about it (like being out of country due to continuous business projects) it 's still not a ticket to cheating. Again, find different ways to make it work through Communication.
Though if everything fails and you are HIGHLY unhappy in the relationship and nothing can make it work anymore, why not break it first? Instead of cheating, talk to your partner and tell him that you are not happy about the relationship and have realized that someone can keep you happier than the current SO. It will hurt A LOT, but still, better than cheating.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

So, I think in any case, we shouldn't stick around a cheater, after all, they are not truthful enough to keep their thoughts forward. If they did it once, they can do it again.

[GirlScoutsRevenge]

@thatcomplicatedgirl I understand where you're coming from and I agree, communication should be used but we all know that is a lot easier said than done and personally I believe that's why a lot of these incidents occur, when communication shuts down. I'm in no way condoning cheating but I don't actually think it's the worst thing people allow in relationships. I think it gets a lot more vitriol because people's egos are hurt and that's hard to get over. Personally there are plenty other things I wouldn't forgive but I have forgiven, and been forgiven, for infidelity.

Humans make mistakes, they do foolish things they wish they hadn't to people they love. It really isn't anyone else's place to judge those who don't instantly condemn the person they love.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

@GirlScoutsRevenge Yes, I guess we can't judge anyone for what they do and why they do, but as per my opinion (of course), cheating someone else is more like cheating your own self and your own morals. Despite what others do, we should learn to be loyal to ourselves first. BUT there are always different cases. If a girl is in an abusive relationship, she finds a good guy and just kiss him one day, it's cheating, but still... it's something for which she shouldn't even ask forgiveness. She shouldn't feel guilty for finding a love that never existed in her current relationship. She should move ahead with the good guy. But such cases are quite less. Most of the people I have seen cheated because they find a better a person in terms of superficial and material aspects. And the one who was left behind spent years after years crying over that person.

[GirlScoutsRevenge]

@thatcomplicatedgirl no I understand and I do agree, a lot of the time it's just asshole people being true to their nature, but a feel a lot concur time it's lonely people who feel trapped and unloved.

Personally for me that's what it was. An abusive and isolated relationship. All communication has broke down and I just desperately wanted some human contact. To know I wasn't this vile person I had been convinced into thinking I was. I just wanted some love that didn't come with catch.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

@GirlScoutsRevenge i can totally understand. I don't think a person should ever be guilty of finding love outside of an abusive relationship. That time period can be the worst and finding even a tiny bit of love by someone can means a lot.

[ComDom]

Bravo. I wanted to go through and read all of the responses you've gotten but there were just too many of them. So I was make my own response. Someone may have already covered what I'm about to though.

First and foremost we must be accept that this entire piece is an opinion. I cannot argue against an opinion because it is not science. It is essentially only conjecture aside from a few things like 'emotions are chemical reactions in the brain'. I will however try to address it in the following way:

"Okay, people get really hung up on cheating, but it isn't a big deal. It can actually be a great test of a relationship."

Eh debatable. It's also a risky test of a relationship because you presume that the person will stay with you afterward. It could be a great test of a relationship UNLESS the social contract was that you remain faithful. If that is the case they broke their agreement and are therefore unworthy of your trust.

"Think about it. Why does cheating seem bad? Because it hurts our feelings. But what are our feelings? Emotions. Emotions are just chemical releases in the brain. We could design a medicine to make us not care about the feeling of cheating, or to make us feel happy when a kid dies, or anything. We just have to give the body the right chemicals."

Sort of but not exactly. This comes back to moral relativism. All morality is either divinely inspired or created by people therefore one must consider the purpose of retaining said morality and determine if it is conducive to the benefit of civilization. My point is that it isn't JUST emotion. There could be practical benefits to monogamous relationships and that's probably why they have been most common throughout [our] evolution.

[ComDom]

"Having your feelings hurt from cheating just isn't an excuse when we know we can change our emotions with a drugs. Our emotions also change rapidly. One minute you can be happy, one minute you can be sad, one minute motivated, the next lazy. Why base our decisions about our partners on cheating? They had sex? So what! The feeling will pass, or we can get a drug to change it.
The problem of cheating is all in your head, so your brain is the problem, not your cheating partner's penis or vagina. Don't break up, stick around, and you'll get over it."

An extension of your previous point but it's basically all conjecture. I think your belief is that it's only emotion and we shouldn't care but as I mentioned before it does not appear that is true. If you want to believe that you have the option to do so but again I say do so with caution because it's probably false.

[ComDom]

"Going back to what I said, cheating can be a great test of a relationship. If your partner can't forgive you, they don't love you unconditionally, so why would you want to be with them? If they won't forgive you for cheating, you should break up with them for being so irrational. Who wants a dumb partner? If they stick around and let their irrational emotions pass, you know you've got a keeper."

It's a very common misconception that people love other people "unconditionally." That's mostly fairytale stuff. That's why most marriages have stipulations that have to do with infidelity.

[ComDom]

"Cheating isn't a big deal, and we should stop ruining our relationships by condemning it. Sex is fun for everyone, and if you love your partner, you should want them to enjoy themselves. Stop being so selfish."

It sounds to me like you're a cheater and you want people to let you cheat. The problem is that isn't how most modern relationships work. They have stipulations like... not to cheat. If you want to sleep with people outside of a typical relationship I would suggest you find some sort of open or polyamorous relationship.

The bottom line is that this appears to be a rant by someone who got caught cheating and is upset that the person didn't let them get away with it. Sucks to suck I guess.

[TheLoverNotHater]

Women, take note. What you see here is a weak little boy. A child who has been hurt, and the only way to cope with his hurt is to hurt others. And to try and justify it! A weak, spineless fool. Do not feel anger towards this lowly creature. Pity him. Pity him, as he cannot recover, and has fallen plague to a deadly illness named: Dumbass. All joking aside, seriously. Only a weakling approves of cheating as a test of relationship, or at all. I, too, have been brutally dumped (as a result of cheating, ironically. Lemme tell you that it's the worst feeling, being left simply because "you aren't good enough). Yet I carry on. I despise cheaters. It's cowardly to go behind someone's back. It's a sign of weakness. But I can't approve of it, no matter how much women hurt me. Now I may AVOID relationships, but that's different, ne?

[myTake Owner]

So judgmental, you are. Take a read through some of the comments, perhaps you too can be enlightened. Cheating is the cultural norm, just like masturbation, P*rnography . Why pretend otherwise? Because of an antiquated Puritanism?

[TheLoverNotHater]

I'm not pretending. Look child, over half of the comments disagree with you. Now answer straight. If I'm in a relationship. WHY would I want to see someone else? JUSTIFY hurting the woman I LOVE.

[myTake Owner]

Of course they disagree. They are reacting, as are you, to cultural conditioning. From morality that stems back to the time when we were burning women at the stake for "witchcraft." Let's grow up a little bit, shall we?

[TheLoverNotHater]

Welcome one and all, folks. We have someone who can't argue with me. I said JUSTIFY HURTING THE WOMAN I LOVE.

[myTake Owner]

You aren't hurting her. Cultural conditioning is what has done her violence, not your behavior. We can move beyond antiquated puritanism and embrace a more refined view of human sexuality.

And she can stop being jealous, possessive, and selfish--yet another reason you aren't hurting her. She'd be doing it to herself.

[TheLoverNotHater]

I've made my point. You've made yours. But we both know that mine is more human.

[MaskedSanity]

This is literally the most retarded take on the entire website to date.

How about you stop being a scummy human being instead of making up bullshit reasons as to why cheating is OK.

This post is entirely devoid of any logic or common sense, so I sincerely hope you're trolling. Please be a troll, please.

Just so you can grasp the magnitude of idiocy in this post, replace the word "cheating" with rape, theft or murder and see how that goes.

If you're not a troll, on behalf of all humanity please jump off a very high cliff. <3

[myTake Owner]

It's rather sad that you've chosen such a hostile stance to reality. Cheating is no different than masturbation, it's just that I'm either inside another person or she's letting someone else inside of her. Why should that be threatening? I don't believe in being possessive. Is she not an autonomous person? Why can't she do as she pleases, with whomever she pleases? What right do I have to tell her otherwise? What right does she have to make such demands of me as well?

[MaskedSanity]

This take has caused quite an uproar, I'll give you that, but you're definitely a troll. Go feed yourself instead of relying on GaG users.

[fun-weird-guy]

I was thinking if it was murder and not cheating how would this person think. Everyone I know would disagree with the take owner. He needs a reality check.

[jacquesvol]

@fun-weird-guy
chrating is not murder

[jacquesvol]

@MaskedSanity
chesting is NOT murder or rape. Or theft.

[MaskedSanity]

@jacquesvol

Theft, rape and murder are scumbag things to do. If your objection is that cheating is not the same as those other things, I never said it was. It was to give PERSPECTIVE on take owner's retarded logic.

It's utterly ridiculous that I had to elaborate on this.

[jacquesvol]

@MaskedSanity a slanted comparison thus, very close to a strawman fallacy.

[MaskedSanity]

@jacquesvol

Every argument since the invention of the internet has turned into a strawman fallacy. You're no longer allowed to compare things to put them into perspective, because every pseudointellectual and their grandma cries "strawman!!!" at the sight of a comparison.

[jacquesvol]

@MaskedSanity
The fact that you don't like to read the term 'strawman fallacy' doesn't change the fact that your comparison is slanted.

[MaskedSanity]

@jacquesvol

Your alleged strawman does not change the fact that take owner's logic is extremely flawed and I'm sorry, if comparisons of any sort are threatening to you.

What exactly were you trying to achieve by crying "strawman!!" here?

[ajr92]

I disagree completely. If you're in a relationship with someone that expects you not to cheat, you don't cheat.. simple as that. It's not a question of emotions, it's a question of respect and morals. If you can't respect their want for you not to cheat, don't be with them.

I just saw that you asked someone if they can hear how selfish they sound.

Can you hear how selfish you sound? Regardless of your opinion on whether cheating is okay, if you cheat on someone that does not think cheating is okay, and they're hurt by it... to put it bluntly, you can fuck right off.

For the sake of whoever you get with - please don't get yourself into a relationship.

[myTake Owner]

So judgmental. You don't sound ready for a relationship. Seriously, if you can't make allowances for your partner to experience pleasure in life, what kind of person are you?

[ajr92]

Everyone's judgmental to some degree; my personal viewpoint is that cheating is not okay, so I would expect them not to cheat. So yes, I suppose I can make my own judgement of your outlook. Not trying to change your mind though - just giving you my opinion.

I'm more than ready for relationships; one in which my girlfriend would have the same standards as me. I'm not naïve enough to say I don't understand your point either; of course I'll want my partner to experience pleasure. Cheating, though? That's a betrayal of trust. A more open sexual relationship? ... maybe.

[myTake Owner]

Here's a little reality
www.washingtonpost.com/.../gIQANGdaBR_story.html

Marital vows where they pledge fidelity are an explicit agreement not to cheat, but there are other vows as well, are there not? "Until death do us apart" being one of them. However, where 50% of marriages end in divorce, it is clear that we as a culture have agreed that marital vows are symbolic and not enforceable. In which case, it's clear that cheating is likewise permissible based upon those same cultural agreements.

[ajr92]

Good attempt, but that's still all irrelevant to my view. I couldn't give one whether 78% of men in that sample cheat, 50% of marriages end in divorce, whatever other statistic you want to point my way as some attempt at an argument; I shall not be cheating because I disagree with it, and any girl I'm with won't be with me for much longer if she cheats on me.

You want to cheat on someone? Go right ahead; personally, being honest, I'll look down on you if you do. For me, my morals and idea of respect, cheating is not permissible. My mum cheated and told me before my dad; I shot her down and told her she'd end up regretting it, and funnily enough, a year down the line, she does. I think you'll be hard-pressed to find many people that agree with you too.

[myTake Owner]

72% of men cheat, 70% of women cheat. Overwhelmingly, people approve of cheating because they engage in the behavior. It's like judging people on p*rn or reading romance novels--except everyone is doing the same thing! It's silly, and we should just embrace the activity of multiple sexual partners rather than play this sill charade.

If we got rid of our childish, vestigial Puritanism and embraced our actual inclinations and nature, we'd all be better off. If that's the choice you want to make, by all means do so, but it is quite antiquated.

[ajr92]

Fantastic copy and paste skills for every other opinion comment. As I said though, stats are irrelevant here.

If I'm in a relationship with someone, I don't need more sexual partners. If I wanted more sexual partners, I wouldn't commit. It's not hard is it?

[myTake Owner]

They are quite excellent skills, no? What IS depressing is that the same response has been relevant to many of the objections, which only goes to show how reactionary and thoughtless the typical person is being on this matter.

[Creole_Flavor]

"Going back to what I said, cheating can be a great test of a relationship. If your partner can't forgive you, they don't love you unconditionally, so why would you want to be with them? If they won't forgive you for cheating, you should break up with them for being so irrational. Who wants a dumb partner? If they stick around and let their irrational emotions pass, you know you've got a keeper."

So stay with a cheater if you love them but if you don't then you don't love them unconditionally. That sounds like something a cheater would say. What about if the cheater loved you and respected you they would not be a cheater. I don't know why I even commented on this crap seriously.

[myTake Owner]

I assume she's cheating on me too, for what it's worth. Cheating is no different than masturbating, the only difference is that she has someone inside her. I'm not jealous or possessive, so why should that bother me if she does that? Can't you see how I'd be selfish if I felt that way?

[Creole_Flavor]

If you don't mind being cheated on then you have no self-respect or worth

[Creole_Flavor]

Masturbation is not like cheating because cheating is something that you can only do when you are with someone and it involves another person. Masturbation can be done whether you are single or in a relationship. I don't consider self pleasure as cheating. You don't know what the hell cheating is and and how it really affects relationships and have the nerve to write a take about one. Do us all a favor and don't pollute this site with anymore nonsense please.

[abzence]

Have and open relationship instead if that is your thing, or be single. No reason to go behind the back with lies and deception.

Be open and frank with your intentions and eventually you will find someone that shares that belief.

There's also lots of "swingers" and such who have great relationships. They are honest with what they want and share that with their partner.

[myTake Owner]

Everyone is doing it. 70% of women. 72% of men. Why play games? It's like masturbation, p*rn , romance novels, any form of erotica--it's what people do. Why pretend otherwise? Cheating isn't a big deal, or otherwise, everyone wouldn't be doing it. It's a vestigial Puritanism that we're holding onto that's the problem, not cheating.

[abzence]

Yes, why play games?
If you want to have multiple partners then say "Hey, I want to have multiple partners. What about you? Want to join me on my ventures?"

It's the pretending to be faithful and the sneaking around behind their back that is the problem. Just be honest about how you want to live your life and find someone else who shares that view. Problem solved.

[myTake Owner]

Just about everyone is cheating, yet they don't agree to that arrangement. Why is that? Selfishness. Possessiveness. Insecurity. I'm calling on people to move beyond their petty egocentricity and embrace a more expansive existence. The first step in that is culturally bring cheating out into the open as the acceptable thing it is.

[abzence]

You should then promote open relationships instead of closed ones filled with deception. If you are honest with what you are doing and your partners accepts it then it's not cheating.

[myTake Owner]

At least you have a reasonable compromise on the matter. But if we're honest about the situation, almost everyone is effectively in an open relationship. We just haven't culturally accepted that reality yet. It should be able to go without saying, rather than all this haughty condemnation.

[abzence]

I'm sure many people could benefit from open relationships since that's actually what many people secretly want but society have deemed wrong. Those who want this should openly choose this path and not pretend that they don't want this but still do it secretly.

All I'm promoting is to end the secrecy. Then we can do whatever we want in honestly and openness. Some will want this and some don't. It's their freedom of choice.

[madispute]

"If your partner can't forgive you, they don't love you unconditionally[...]" If you cheat on your partner, you don't love them unconditionally.

If you want to sleep with more than one person at a time, don't be in a relationship.

Cheating is not like masturbation. If you are willing to sleep with someone while you're in a relationship, not only are you scum, but you're probably not getting something from your partner that you need/want. People masturbate to release sexual feeling/urges when they can't or don't want to sleep with someone.

Instead of cheating, leave your partner or talk to them about what the relationship is lacking.

Also, cheating also doesn't just hurt your partner's feelings, but it breaks their trust as well. When you enter a relationship, your partner trusts you to commit to them and only them unless others stated. When you break someone's trust, you can't just expect them to forgive you and have things go back to normal.

[myTake Owner]

It is like masturbation, you simply have someone in bed with you (or your partner has someone with them). Love isn't required for sex to take place.

Do you also see how you place expectations upon your partner? They are independent human beings. Why can't they do as they choose? Why can't I in turn?

[madispute]

When you enter a relationship, you commit yourself to that person. Nearly everything you do affects them. You smoke? It affects them. Lose your job? It affects them. Cheat? It affects them. If you're not willing to see that your actions affect your partner, why the hell are you even in a relationship?

When you cheat, you're basically telling your partner, "You're not enough for me, and I need to get satisfaction from someone else." If your partner is not enough for you, leave them, but don't be selfish and do something that can damage their self-esteem, trust, and emotions.

[fun-weird-guy]

I agree with all that you said. A relationship is a commitment to the other person and is not all about your own self.

[fun-weird-guy]

My last message was agreeing to what Madison te said and not the take owner

[jacquesvol]

@madispute You do not own your partner and your partner does not own you.

[madispute]

@jacquesvol

Please show me where I ever said that.

[jacquesvol]

@madispute Only ownership ensures complete control.

[madispute]

@jaquesvol

Again, please show me where I said anything about that.

[Anno_Domini]

"72% of men cheat, 70% of women."

72% of men and 70% of women WHO ANSWERED THAT SURVEY have cheated. That does not equal 72% and 70% of the entire world population. I sure hope you have another backup for justifying cheating, because this one is simply stupid.

Cheating is wrong. Period.

[myTake Owner]

Yes, who answered that survey. Using the concept of sampling, that stat can confidently be projected over a population with some percentage of variance.

[Anno_Domini]

But it depends on WHO they asked.

[Anno_Domini]

I've taken statistics, but I think it's absurd to say that you can predict what everyone in the world would say based on a small number of individuals.

[myTake Owner]

Why are you so threatened? Simply give up false expectations. Stop doing violence to your relationships.

[Anno_Domini]

Right. So cheating on my fiancee who I love dearly and who loves me dearly will make our relationship stronger? No thanks.

[myTake Owner]

It isn't a matter of if, it's a matter of when. How will you respond when she does cheat? Are you simply going to throw everything away out of selfishness and possessiveness? I think we as a species can be better than that.

[mef1975]

Take Owner thinks everybody is the same, as if the math can just be spread throughout the entire population, and still be correct.. He is of the people that attack a respect for life and the freedom it needs to live. He can't see that we are individuals.

[Anno_Domini]

You've never met someone like my fiancee, then. She's about as hardcore devout Catholic as it gets. Neither of us are the kind of person who would cheat.

[Anno_Domini]

@mef1975 I agree.

[myTake Owner]

Monogamy has been a tool of societal oppression. A way to keep women down, actually. Most men aren't attractive to women, so forcing marriage and having it be religiously ingrained into our cultures is a way of ensuring that less attractive men have a higher chance of getting a woman and spreading their genes. Why continue to support oppressive behavior?

Take a look around the world. Only until recently, most marriages were not much by choice, but were arranged, whether for politics or religious reasons. There are still places in the world where that happens. Also look at deeply religious countries, and see the oppressive tendencies. Our society is only recently moving past that, and we are simply dealing with vestigial notions surrounding our sexual relationships. Why allow the vestiges to continue to dominate our thinking? Let's shed the baggage of the past and move on to a more enlightened form of sexuality.

[Anno_Domini]

Um, ok. You do that, and tell us how it works out for you.

[Anno_Domini]

So what you're saying is that my fiancee doesn't find me attractive? She would beg to differ on that.

[Anno_Domini]

I would feel the same way about marriage even if I was an atheist.

[myTake Owner]

I'm saying she has been culturally conditioned to accept sexual oppression, and sadly, enters into marriage willingly. I'm not making any assertion on your level of attractiveness--that's rather insecure of you to think...

[Anno_Domini]

She's quite a happy individual, even as a virgin in her late 30s, and she's happy beyond all belief that we're getting married. You simply have a different world-view than we do.

[Anno_Domini]

You're probably trolling, anyways. Good job on getting everyone riled up.

[ILikeToilet]

The fuck are you, a robot?

"If your partner can't forgive you, they don't love you unconditionally..."

Forgiving them? Understandable. Although how can you trust them again?

This should be rephrased to "If you cheat on your partner, YOU don't love them unconditionally"

[myTake Owner]

That's hardly the case. You are quite reactionary on this matter. Sex has little to do with love, it can be just a pleasurable past time that has nothing to do at all with one's affection for another person.

[ILikeToilet]

Are you some type of doctor or scientist to know all of this? And please further explain this so called "medication" that inevitably has the ability to cure our irrational thoughts. Alcohol? Pills? Yeah, we have these types of medication. They do more harm than good.

Unless you know of a specific type of drug that can harness these emotions without turning us into addicted, fucked up beings than go ahead and preach this philosophy of yours.

[myTake Owner]

No such medication is currently in existence, but the possibility for it is real, should we choose to make it. Or we could embrace our nature instead. Why define it as a wrong when it's our natural behavior? If you define swimming as immoral, then all fish are sinners. Rather a violent way to think, no, condemning them for their natural behavior?

[ILikeToilet]

Stop recycling the same shit -.-

However, you're entitled to your opinion and I doubt anybody could change your stubborn ass to think straight and I respect that. I'm a stubborn bitch too, and I will stick to my belief just as you stick with yours... but I still think you're wrong dude.

[myTake Owner]

Most people don't read the other comments, so if something is relevant to another comment, it makes sense to recycle the material rather than type it again. If you aren't open to new viewpoints, there's little to discuss.

[Fobananas]

What's the point of being in a relationship if that's not the only person you want to be with? I'm not okay with lying. Might as well be in a polytheist relationship if you want to convince your partner to be okay with not being the only love in your life. Physically or emotionally.

[myTake Owner]

72% of men cheat, 70% of women cheat. Overwhelmingly, people approve of cheating because they engage in the behavior. It's like judging people on p*rn or reading romance novels--except everyone is doing the same thing! It's silly, and we should just embrace the activity of multiple sexual partners rather than play this sill charade.

[Fobananas]

That's fucking bullshit statistics. Just because 55% of teens do drugs growing up doesn't mean the other 45% should.

[Fobananas]

And this also reminds me of the shitty ass comparison of gay couples vs zoophilia/pedophilia. Like what the fuck? "It's not of nature." Well, comparing two consious human beings of having a romantic or physical relationship as to an animal or child who has no idea what's going on is a pathetic excuse for an argument.

Also reminds me of rape, and how it happens outside of human nature. If you haven't noticed, humans and animals have different intelligent mindsets, so humans of COURSE are going to have a better emotional aspect on what is going on around them, as if you rape a fish it probably will go and focus on it's instincts and find something to eat afterwards.

[Fobananas]

Love is a social concept, but it is a tradition you must respect. Cheating defies the concept of love, and it isn't love. You might as well not call it LOVE if it involves more than one person.

[myTake Owner]

You're quite reactionary. Embrace our actual behavior. Cheating is just like p*rn and masturbating, everyone is doing it. It's normal, acceptable behavior. The only reason we consider it "bad" is because of a holdover of Puritan ideals, the same ideals back from when they were burning "witches." Let's try to move beyond that type of thinking, shall we?

[Hannah591]

Yet another myTake that shouldn't have been promoted. You can love someone unconditionally but have enough respect for yourself to demand the same level of loyalty in return. You can love someone unconditionally who doesn't have respect for you or love you the same, evidently so you shouldn't stick around with someone like that. If you've never been cheated on, you have nothing of value to say in terms of it "only being chemicals in the brain".

[myTake Owner]

I have no problem if she cheats on me too. In fact, I've little doubt she is. Why should that be a problem? Doesn't she have a right to have sex with whom she chooses? It would be rather selfish of me to have a problem with it.

[Mustachekitteh]

that's an interesting way of thinking about stuff differently. But I don't think cheating just because you feel hurt or anything. Well cheating comes off as that person doesn't love you anymore and is to much of a coward to end it. Actually the feeling of love is supposed to counter act the feeling of lust for anyone else. So if you truly loved someone you wouldn't ever feel like you have to cheat because the person your with means more to you than any other guy/girl out there. Plus I don't like sharing and would hunt both the people down and make them feel bad for it. XD

[myTake Owner]

It has nothing to do with being out of love with someone or anything like that. Having sex is pleasurable, whether it is with someone you love or not. Cheating is as common as masturbation, and I don't think of it as being anything different.

[Mustachekitteh]

I can respect that. But I'm a very selfish person and I don't like sharing anything that I truly care about. So no way in hell I would share the guy I love with anyone else, lol. Plus I could never get pleasure out of sex with guy's I never truly care about. Normally I would just keep thinking "omg please say this will end soon. I can't stand them touching me." lol

[myTake Owner]

But that's exactly my point: that's it's selfish. Love shouldn't be based in jealousy and possessiveness. Cheating is no different than masturbating. If she cheats on me, the only difference is that she has someone inside her. I'm not jealous or possessive, so why should that bother me if she does that? Doesn't she have a right to have sex with whom she chooses? Why should her autonomy be a threat to me?

[Mustachekitteh]

That's true which I'm sure there are chicks out there that probably are looking for that type of thing as well. Your type or relationship reminds me of the character from Game of Thrones prince oberyn. Which i'm sad that he was killed off since he was awesome. ;( For me it's not really out of jealousy more like I don't like anyone thinking they can just take something of mine. Plus who knows what else some other chicks have gotten stuck in their pussies. I rather not have to worry about where his dick as been. Which the guy I'm with doesn't really give a shit about anyone so he doesn't really talk to people to make small talk. So me and him have basically the same views so that's why we work out perfect together. Again that's just how I am plus I see masturbation being point less unless you just don't have anyone who wants to fuck you and u have needs.

[myTake Owner]

Well the problem I have with what you said is that you make it sound like your partner is a possession, and that strikes me as a form of violence against authentic love. I can understand your hesitation about STDs, but condoms are a great measure.

[Mustachekitteh]

I'm not to crazy about condoms lol which is y I got an IUD, lol. Oh the guy I'm with doesn't like sharing either, lol. If he was just an object to me then I wouldn't love him to begin with. He's more than that. What he is to me that he's not just a lover. He's also my best friend. He's my partner/team mate. When ever he needs space to work I'll do my own thing. If I need to workout or something he will go do his own thing. So for me I've never deeply cared about someone this much before. Why would I want to share this level of happiness that I have with him with anyone else? For me I don't need anyone else to pleasure me. His dick is the only dick I want to pleasure me so much that I can't help but scream out of pleasure. >:)

[musicbrain5]

What's the point of being in an exclusive relationship with somebody if you feel like sleeping around with other people anyways? What's wrong with just getting everyone to agree to a polyamorous arrangement? That way you can both bring in as many partners as you want and nobody gets hurt.

I wouldn't stay with a cheater and I wouldn't expect a guy to stay with me if I cheated on him. I have no desire to cheat on my husband anyways. I'd rather maintain my solid relationship with him rather than trying to keep it afloat if I'm getting some side piece along the way.

[myTake Owner]

You make a reasonable point, but currently, polyamorous relationships are not legally or culturally sanctioned. A shame, but the truth

Cheating, on the other hand, IS. An estimated 70% of the population cheats. www.washingtonpost.com/.../gIQANGdaBR_story.html

So why deny it or culturally punish it when everyone is doing it?

Plus, Marital vows where they pledge fidelity are an explicit agreement not to cheat, but there are other vows as well, are there not? "Until death do us apart" being one of them. However, where 50% of marriages end in divorce, it is clear that we as a culture have agreed that marital vows are symbolic and not enforceable. In which case, it's clear that cheating is likewise permissible based upon those same cultural agreements.

[musicbrain5]

Marriage vows are not insurance against cheating, and neither is being legally married.

[myTake Owner]

I agree, but that wasn't my point. My point is that we, as a culture, condone cheating in action, if not in word. To quote myself from other discussions, 72% of men cheat, 70% of women cheat. Overwhelmingly, people approve of cheating because they engage in the behavior. It's like judging people on p*rn or reading romance novels--except everyone is doing the same thing! It's silly, and we should just embrace the activity of multiple sexual partners rather than play this charade.

[musicbrain5]

Sure, but let's not shame other people who don't want to have multiple partners at the same time.

[myTake Owner]

They aren't being shamed. Heck, they're probably cheating too, they just haven't been caught!

Everyone masturbates, just like everyone cheats. Yet people get embarrassed, feel "ashamed" when they get masturbating, but it isn't a big deal at all! The real problem? Vestigial Puritanism. Let's drop and enjoy life, rather than setting up needless false moralities to bother ourselves with.

[musicbrain5]

I'm not sure why you're still trying to shove cheating down my throat.

[myTake Owner]

I'm not shoving anything down your throat, that's quite an unfair thing to say. You responded to my take, I responded back, and you have continued to choose to respond. I'm doing nothing wrong, we're just having a discussion that you are, by choice, engaging in.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

DAFUQ DID I JUST READ? :O
I am so so so so so angry right now!
A MyTake by loser who can't control hisurges and just give in to something as low as cheating. Poor losers!
God, I hate this MyTake thingy. It has brought all the stupidity from around the internet right on GAG.

[JohnBhoy94]

Don't feed the troll.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

@JohnBhoy94 hahaha yeah. Seems like a stupid troll but I have read such thing on other sites as well.

[myTake Owner]

If it's any comfort, I assume she is cheating on me too, and I have no problem with that. Cheating is no different than masturbating, the only difference is that she has someone inside her. I'm not jealous or possessive, so why should that bother me if she does that? Can't you see how I'd be selfish if I felt that way?

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

There is a thinh called 'love' Sex is not the beginning or end of person's life. Sex is just a way two lovers connect. It's a special bonding. If you are sharing the part of sex with every walking human, then there is no bonding between you as such. Sex wasn't created for the sole purpose of gratification but to reproduce as well. You are treating sex is it's something which is not a big deal, but it is! I bet you and your gf doesn't have 'love' between yiu two but merely a partnership

[myTake Owner]

The feeling of love, likewise, is just a chemical reaction in the brain. It comes and goes. Choosing to stay with each other regardless is the more mature form of love. In the meantime, why should I restrict her, or her me? Does she not have a right to choose who she has sex with? Who am I to tell her what she can or can't do with her body? I refuse to be possessive in my relationships.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

Hahaha as I thought. You don't understand what love is. It is beyond the chemical reactions that scientific studies feed you. The way you are stating it, guess what? It is not cheating. Cheating is the breaking of trust and loyalty. Since it does not even exist in your relationship, your gf or you are not even cheating on each other. I wonder what will happen to the future generations.

[Slavanna]

Actually, sex IS the beginning of nearly every human life (not true for folks conceived in vitro, though) ;)

[AshleyMD]

Cheating is a big deal if you have an agreement to be exclusive, if you have an open relationship then that's fine and that's what that couple has agree to. Cheating is more than just hurting someone's feelings, you broke a promise with them and that's why it hurts so much, I've never felt jealous of my FWB's, because we were never committed to each other and we never made that agreement.
If you want to cheat then have an open relationship or don't get into a relationship, have friends with benefits or some sort of relationship where cheating is expected, respected and allowed.