![What is love? [baby don't hurt me]](https://cf.girlsaskguys.com/a8670/41017675-3bb2-49ae-911a-234045a6a8a8.jpg)
Sorry for the wonky title. I needed to make it long enough. Anyways...
I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert on the subject. I've only been in 3 relationships. The third being my current one and I'm only 2 months into that. But I've had many changes during those 3, within myself and within my partners.
My first relationship I was 17. My partner was younger than me. I'm not sure if age matters for anything although personally i think it does and this is my take after all. At the time I started dating him with good intentions, or so I thought. Afterwards I realized it was just because I was tired of feeling like the only one in my high school of my age that hasn't been I. a relationship. I also didn't know it at the time but it was an abusive relationship. I was so in love with the idea of being in love that I didn't realize what was happening. It wasn't physically abusive. It was emotionally. Every time i tried to break up with him he threatened to kill himself and sex was for him. When he wanted it. No foreplay just right into it. I lost my virginity to him and him to me. Not out of love. But because I was tired of feeling like the only virgin. A good thing I can say about him is he was fairly loving. We lasted approximately a year.
My second relationship was a bit better. I guess. At this point I hated being alone. I think, i know now, that at the time i only wanted the relationship because I hated being alone. I guess this one was also emotionally abusive. This aspect was neglect. Seeing him always felt like a chore. And if i didn't put effort into setting up dates for us. He is/was very career oriented. Not that that's a bad thing but I always took the back burner. Honestly I can't think of many good aspects about him. I always felt I was doing something wrong and perhaps I was i dont know. Sex was also a chore here. He would get very upset with me when I didn't want to do it. Eventually his frustration with me turned him to talking to girls on the internet.[we both were not virgins]. But this by far was the worse because it lasted the longest. Almost 4 years.
This new one I'm in. We've been together for 2 months. And started dating 5 months after my last one. It's significantly different than the others. And I wish I can 100% say its love. But because I suffer from terrible confidence. Perhaps even depression. I like to think maybe its just because I'm in a new relationship. Or just so broken from my last that I'm being tricked again. Although certain indicators can disprove that. I didn't decide to date him because I hate being alone. Although honestly it was a small factor. Maybe 10% or less. But the instant I saw him I was attracted. I had this insane desire to get to know him better and this insane attraction. I've honestly never felt that before. I set up our first date but after that he's being setting them up. Which is a welcome change because i feel like he actually WANTS to be with me. I took his virginity, and another welcome difference is sex isn't a chore here. I'm highly attracted to him and him to me and basically want to jump his bones every chance i get and sometimes [ most of the time] i do. And it's great. And even if he finishes first he takes the time i keep going and make sure i finish to, and he does it without him or me having to ask and that's vastly different from the first two. And I'm actually comfortable being naked around him which is also a welcome change. So far honestly i can't say anything bad about him.
There's a lot more i can add. At least to my second and third relationships but they, and this my take are already getting longer than i anticipated.
To clarify also I'm not perfect I'm sure my 2 failed not only because my partner but because something I've done too.
I guess what I'm trying to get across is a relationship, especially one you want to call love, shouldn't be a chore. It should feel comfortable. It should just work. It should be something you crave. It shouldn't feel like your doing bad things. You shouldn't feel trapped. Although like I said I've only had 3. And despite my brain telling me otherwise, i honestly think this 3rd one is/could be/will be the one. I can only hope i let go of all my insecurities to let it continue being amazing and further blossom into a loving relationship. The loving relationship that,honestly And maybe selfishly, i think i deserve.
And I can only hope maybe some of you can give me insight and help me out. Also maybe I can help someone out. Someone who is in the place i was in during my first two. Help them realize that something better is out there and you'll get it and you deserve it.
You'll find it. You just have to be patient.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
You always hear the saying, "you accept the love you think you deserve," but I don't think it's always that simple.. I've dated toxic people and only had one good one. Sure I knew I deserved better, but I dated them anyway.
At least for me, I dated these people because number one, I didn't want to be alone and number two, I was terrified to fall in love, not only that actually have something amazing. I was naturally drawn to these people because, they posed less of a risk to my heart. I knew what I was getting when I decided to be in a relationship, I knew I could never really be happy. It was Self Sabotage.
It wasn't until I found an amazing man that I couldn't turn away, that I realized this. I tried to push him away countless time, and he kept coming back and coming back until I finally gave in. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why I was so lucky. Sure enough, life had us going in other directions and we were force to part and I went back to dating a jerk, that thought I was nothing. Then, something clicked. Even then I knew I deserved better, even then I knew I could never truly fall in love with him; I realized that not only did I settle because, I didn't want to be alone, but also that I wasn't ready to receive the love I deserved and wanted.
The problem was me. I honestly think that it all boils down to being ready for the love that's meant for you. So many of us find ourselves in the same unhealthy relationships with different faces and don't realize we're avoiding something that can be truly earth moving.
I, for one will not make the same mistake of settling for a crap version of love again. I'd rather get my heart broken a thousand times giving someone all of me and getting all of them in return, than to waste my time avoiding intimacy out of fear.
Ask Haddaway.