I want a relationship!

[Anonymous]

I've been single for 21 years so I understand I don't "need" a man to survive, but I do want one. I'm tired of being single, I get very little perks from it. I don't enjoy doing things by myself and for myself all of the time. I also don't enjoy exploring my options, not that I have or have had any. I have a few friends but I can only do so much for and with them. Also, they all have men so i'm always stuck being the third wheel (i'm sick of it).

I am not single by choice, I just cannot find a man. Guys seem to have very little interst in me, my friends get approached but I don't. I stopped approaching guys after middle school. I approached one guy in highschool but he gave me the run around. I'm in college now but I don't think my ego can take any more rejection,I had enough in middle school.

I want to have sex, cuddle, go out, be spoiled and controlled to a certian extent. I'm okay my first relationsnhip being trial and error, I just don't want to spend another valentines day or birthday alone.

Everyone always tells me I'm really cute/sweet so they don't understand why I'm single (mainly girls). Well sh** me either. I did talk to a guy for (2) years before he eventually told me he didn't want to date me because I am not light skinned with long or curly hair. I didn't even approach him, he approached me.

There are tons of handsome gentlemen at my school, I want one! I just can't get them to approach me though and I'm to afraid to approach them. Being single in college for someone like me is stressful. Hopefully, something changes so I won't be 22 and single.

[Hannah591]

There's nothing wrong with not liking being single. A lot of people say it's better being single, you should enjoy it, you're free, you can focus on yourself etc. I'm someone who's happier and more efficient when in a relationship and I've come to realise this fairly recently. I develop a lot more in relationships than I do on my own. I enjoy things more and feel more confident when in a relationship. I never ever feel tied down or trapped in relationships. That connection with someone and constant support, drives me forward in life and when that's lost, I come crumbling down. I'm in no way saying that a partner is just a crutch for me to get ahead, I just generally blossom and feel happier when in a relationship and it's not co-dependency; I can do well perfectly fine alone (ambivert here). We're social animals and I guess it's the only social thing I really enjoy.

[myTake Owner]

"Two thumbs up"

[Bluemax]

"I stopped approaching guys after middle school."
That might have been a mistake.

I think it would help for you to understand that dating is more like fishing with a net, not hunting with a rifle. It seldom is one shot, one kill. You have to cast a wide net, see what you catch, and decide what to keep and what to throw back.

Also realize that rejection is the norm. Most requests for a date are rejected. Most first dates don't lead to second dates. Most second dates don't lead to relationships, and so on.

Ask yourself if you are doing all that you can to make yourself attractive, physically and emotionally, to men. Are you making your life interesting and attractive to a potential lover? If you aren't then perhaps it's time to change things.

[albundyfan]

Very well said.

[Bluemax]

@albundyfan
Thank you.

[myTake Owner]

I agree, it's time I change things.

[1GuyOpinion]

+1 to this guy

[MelioraValidus]

You need to become a stronger, more aggressive person, for those who do nothing rarely achieve anything.

Google "amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are"

This will lead you to an excellent TED talk to watch to start out with. Basically, your body language shapes who you are, thus if you take "power poses" per say, you start to feel more powerful and start acting with more dominance. Power is the key to getting what you want in life, and practicing with your body language is the first step on the road to getting it, and then acquiring what you truly desire. Once you start practicing this, it will be much easier to show confidence and start pursuing people. Some men don't like being pursued, but those are the same men who do not respect women, the men who are more likely to treat you as their servant rather than as their partner.
Rejection hurts, but it is through pain that we grow as people, through failure that we grow to success. Those who are the most successful are those who have failed the greatest number of times... because they never gave up, no matter how many times they fell down on their faces. So ball up your fists, pose in power, and say "I will succeed. No matter how long it takes or how hard it may be, love will be MINE"

[MelioraValidus]

Here's the TED talk:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc

[myTake Owner]

Great response, thank you :).

[RationalMale]

Well, for starters, do you keep your hair short? For a huge percent of men, a short hairstyle will murder your looks. Do you also keep in decent shape, and avoid being overweight? Being physically fit will make you a lot more attractive.

That, and even if you're too afraid to risk rejection (even as you want men to risk rejection to approach you) keep in mind most men aren't keen on completely cold approaching girls. Flirting helps encourage guys to approach--make eye contact, smile, wink, like that. Start a conversation.

[myTake Owner]

I do, I have a short bob. I'm skinny, but I have a very nice shape for my size. I've never been good at flirting and typically avoid eye contact with guys that look at me, I realize that is a problem.

[RationalMale]

ok. change your hair to a long style, and practice making eye contact and smiling at attractive guys.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you, I will defiantly work on it and I am growing my hair out, but I do not wear weaves, so that might take a few months to a year.

[springocelot]

Interesting how your little rant became a promoted MyTake. Cute pictures though.

Well, if you want a relationship, you'll have to take more risk with guys and try understanding the way they think. Good luck to you.

[Bluemax]

Good advice, though you decrease the chances of her reading it when you call her take a "little rant."

[myTake Owner]

It is interesting, lol, I don't understand, but thanks.

[Notcarelessman]

Seems like you made your mind up. Being single after a while stinks and can make one feel obligated to date because you see others date. Your 21 years old and single nothing wrong with it. How are you going to go about dating? Will you find a friend to eventually date or simply put yourself out there? Whats your expectations?

[myTake Owner]

I'm going to have to learn to put myself out there, unless I befriend a guy who I have chemistry with. I expect not to be single by the time I turn 22.

[sp33d]

Might be that you lack character and that in turn doesn't really make you all that interesting. At this point, you speak as if you want a relationship as some sort of title. Recall as you said " There are lots of handsome fellas in school. I want one!" You want one? One? Anyone? No, sorry love, that's not the attitude you need. Besides, I want a cat that can breakdance.

[myTake Owner]

Agreed.

[dark_browneyes]

Ohhhh... poor thing... dont worry I hope you will eventually meet someone... actually i dont myself understand relationship's or stuff because i haven't had one so i dont know if im saying anything useful... it must feel wonderful to be felt wanted by someone... who misses your presence... we as a humans need intimacy of other humans... maybe you could zero in on your problem like... is it that no one approches you at all? There must be some reason (i dont mean you maybe lacking in anything, just sometimes we dont project ourselves at optimum)... maybe you should try to approach someone... there are various methods to approach someone... or perhaps there must be way to let them approach you...

[Shantishanti]

I have the same problem too. I can't find a decent guy in Turkey. They think Im so childish, ugly and fat. They have no idea what reading book means. I am not childish. Actually, people think that Im pretty, funny and cool when Im abroad. Thank god I am planning to study in the USA🙏

[doireallyneedone]

I was single for 21 years too. I wanted a girlfriend bad. If you are skinny, have a reasonable shape you should be able to get guys. Just need to work on putting yourself out there, try and attend as many social things as possible where guys will be exposed to you.

[kxera]

I haven't even had my first kiss yet.

Maybe you should try being active with your community, joining extracurriculars to meet people. Have you tried online dating?

WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU AREN'T!

[myTake Owner]

No I'm not interested in online dating

[kxera]

If you're interested in online dating, someone's bound to like you!

[StrangeLife]

Listen, I am in the same situation as you, but I am 20.

I am wanting a decent girlfriend at least once. It does get frustrating when you get no where. I have faced rejection so much it far exceeds any success.

I am capable of loving and being loved, and as difficult as it is to face rejection as much as I have, I have to pick myself up and keep going.

My standards may be high. I may hold virginity as a deal breaker for a potential girlfriend. But it is because I seek that mutuality, which to me, I priceless.

[Thats_me]

I am single. I just wait the right time to like the right girl for me. I just want to like a girl and try to care about her. I dont want sex or something. I want to keep myself for my future wife!

[myTake Owner]

That is sweet :)

[Thats_me]

Thank you! :) Wish you happiness

[idkwtftoputhere]

Well you're most likely going to have to take the risk of approaching them and put yourself out there a bit more if you want a relationship lol.
You won't just land a boyfriend out of the blue, YOU have to go and make that change from being single to being with someone.

[idkwtftoputhere]

Rejection sucks but it's a part of life. Good luck though.

[Anonymous]

You faced rejection once and gave up on pursuing? Boo-hoo I have no remorse for you if you can't find a guy, this is the 21st century and men face rejection all the time and are told to get over it and keep going. No one said approaching guys was going to be 100% sure fire. Suck it up princess.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah, I agree, but unfortunately I like a lot of things to heart. I'm a work in progress, but I will learn though.

[RationalLioness]

What an asshole. Why would he lead you on like that? I get the feeling, hun, but just keep doing what you're doing. Eventually you'll find a keeper.

And NEVER settle unless if you want to. It will only serve to make you unhappy.

[Bluemax]

"but just keep doing what you're doing"
If she hasn't really approached someone since middle school, that might be ill-advised.

[RationalLioness]

If she doesn't want to, that's her choice. I think it's better to be approached than approach. A lot of guys will do the same thing to her as before.

[mysticarts1]

im the same way with girls. im the guy all other guys go to for advice about women but i can't seem to find some1 to date. all the people i hang out (both sexes) say im good looking and that i should get a girl but living in a small town there are none.

[Bluemax]

Perhaps a change of venue might be in order.

[myTake Owner]

I live on a huge campus, and struggle.
You live in a small city and struggle.
A struggle on both ends of the spectrum.

[Octavion]

I don't know why people care so much about valentines day. So many people break up on valentines day because of this ridiculous false importance so many people have placed on it. I don't have data but I'm pretty sure Valentines day has destroyed more relationships than it has started.

[Rloco]

I'm looking for the same thing. I'm in a similar situation. To be honest when hear about girls feeling this way I wish I could be the on ego love them and make them happy but girls never want me as more than a friend.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried internet dating? There are lots of guys that would go out with you, but you have to put yourself out there. At least online guys know you are open to being approached. The way a lot of women act, it is like we are sexually harassing them just by saying hi. If you are shy or nervous around guys you can put out the same vibe as the women that don't want to be approached.

[myTake Owner]

No, I haven't but I considered it and decided it isn't for me.

[papilia]

I am almost 23 and never had a boyfriend... I feel you

[Bluemax]

See my response.

[myTake Owner]

I'm afraid I will be single forever, I really don't want to be single by the time I turn 22, which is in 6 months.

[phanindra554plus]

Yeah, girls and guys can live single but doing work together is more enjoyable and I love it but I am still single 😃

[myTake Owner]

Defiantly