Top Questions on 'Friendzone' and 'Friend-zoning'

[gagTake]

'Friend-zoning seems to be a particularly prominent question on GaG where many wonder what it is, how one got themselves into this grey area and how to get out. Check out some of the questions you asked on the 'Friend-zone' and all the great answers and advice GaGers had on the dating dilemma.

Is there such thing as the friendzone? By @Dtherockhaugen

What exactly is meant by 'friendzoning' somebody? By @DonkeyKong1979

"Friendzone" seems to be used somewhat inconsistently, what does it mean to you? By Anonymous

How to friendzone a guy via text? By @keke33

Have you ever made it out of the friendzone? By Anonymous

Girls get friend zoned too? By @Sairapanda

Girls, how can I avoid the friendzone? By @medical2523

Is there ever a reason to keep pursuing a person after they've friendzoned you? By Anonymous

Do guys ever friendzone an attractive girl? How do I avoid getting into a guy's friendzone? By @clara5

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Here is a great myTake written by one of our members who's written indepth about the 'Friendzone' dilemma:

Friendzone Is Real Ladies, Please Be Kind To Him By @inamorata

Great questions GaGers! Looking forward to more great insight on the topic! If you have something more to add then leave it in the comments please!

[PhoenixRisingDK]

The friend zone is real.
Because most people will try to soften the blow of rejection, by not telling the exact truth.

Very few people go, 'Well, I think you're really ugly', or 'You kinda smell like cabbage', 'You're too fat', 'You're too thin', 'You're too short' or whatever.
Because it really displays our own superficiality, and makes us look quite stupid and bad.
So in order to shield the other person, and protect ourselves from coming off as complete assholes, we try to come up with the most positive way to say 'fuck off', to someone we like, but not 'like' like.

And 'I really like you and all, and we have such a great friendship, but I really don't want to risk destroying it', is apparently the best we can come up with.

Because anything less is too little, and anything more is going over the top.
So quite a lot of people use the 'friend' argument in rejection.
And this is how the friend zone came to be.

But it doesn't exist as an excuse for being rejected.
It exists because people will rather tell a lie than showing their true colours - that they're superficial and shallow.

So if you're friendzoned, just be thankful.
Because the truth would destroy you.
Just live on happy, knowing you deserve better.

[bombamboum]

I love this Take. I totally agree with it. It's just so easy to just day "I've been friend zoned". We don't owe a relationship to a man. It's not being put in a friend zone, it's saying you don't want a relationship with that person. Most of those men wouldn't accept any girl either.

As for the sex zone, I do believe it exist. A woman who want a man so much that she'll hook up, hoping for turning into a relationship that will never happen.

[gray_sailor]

You strike me as a woman that is sophisticated about dating and relationships. That sophistication blinds you to just how clueless and ignorant half of all men are.

Friendzoning is not trying to force a friendship into becoming a romantic relationship.

Friendzoning is failing to understand that what you mistakenly think is a romantic relationship is in fact only a platonic friendship.

This is a story about error, foolishness, inexperience and misscommunication.

Many guys have no contact with any women they are not related to. As a result, even the attention paid by a woman in the context of a platonic friendship can feel like the beginnings of something much more than that.

Men are often ignorant and inexperienced.
Accusing these men of being disingenuous and manipulative does no one any good.

[bombamboum]

Thank you for writing an opinion for me about things I've never even said. Don't speak for me.

[sugarplum31]

I gave my friend mike O my cell phone number that wendsday morning at work.
I told him not to open it tell he was on the bus on the way home he called me we talked about hobbies, he likes to read and write he likes games just different ones. then mike O asked if I still liked him like that and I said yeah he said nothing wrong with that then we talked a, couple of wedsdays and Friday he said I could call, him any day. I was, like okay cool. well then I called him today and he said only one day a, week and mike O said he just want to be friends for right now?

[Nice_Guy_Last]

The one thing I cannot stand above all else is when people say that physical attraction or a lack thereof is the reason why they don't date a certain person. It's such an archaic way of determining the worth of a person. The only means of determining the worth of a person I feel are relevant are these: do their morals and ethics line up with mine? Do their interests fit what I can tolerate or enjoy? Do they like being around me, and vice versa? Do they earn enough?
These questions concern traits that can be chosen. To judge a person unworthy of your affection and attention because of how they were made, which is not their choice, is lowly and primitive. To judge them on the content of their character, that is the mark of a person who has transcended his or her primitive nature.

[pavlove]

I feel for the people who are not born with good looks, but I'm not going to date them. You should feel like the woman you're with is very beautiful physically not just emotionally. You have a right to expect both just like she does and if one of you isn't happy well then that's the real world.

[Nice_Guy_Last]

So it's socially acceptable to judge people by their exterior? I didn't realize I stepped back into the 1950s.

[Ulyss]

How to get out of the freindzone:

Step 1. Ignore them and delete them from your contacts and find another chick (she's not interested women have a hard time saying No so just take the hint)

Step 2. Don't be a door mat/ or a douche either

Step 3. Don't be to clingy

Step 3. Be confident in yourself not too cocky either

Step 4. Realize I said step 3 twice

[Riverock]

You also misspelt friendzone. ;P

[PhiOmega]

If i put u in the friendzone, u can't get out :p

[TinyTinaWuzHere]

I put my best guy friend in the "friendzone" he blocked me and doesn't want to talk to me. It's not my fault I dont have feelings for him. And bc people like you telling others to block them etc I am very sad because I lost mu best friend.

[Ulyss]

Whats the whole point in them torturing themselves with someone who isn't going to be with them and have to see her be in the arms of another guy

[tenchu11]

No such thing as the friend zone yes she only likes you as a friend. Friend zone is where you are interested in some one but too stupid to take the hint they don't want you. Just go find some one else and be there friend when all the smoke has cleared. It helps to not be around them for a while because one can easily become a door mat.

[gray_sailor]

You've got the right idea here. I would not call it stupidity though, but rather ignorance that comes from lack of experience. Men of all ages get rejected. Women of all ages reject men. Isn't it interesting that 'friendzoning' affects only the young? I think the reasons are twofold: 1) older men are more experienced communicating their desires and expectations 2) older women are more aware of the possibility that a man may not be on the same page as them in the relationship.

The interesting thing for me in this whole discussion is that guys are being scolded not for their ignorance but for manipulative behavior, while girls are not held to account for their naivete.

By naivete I mean this: If a girl has a new platonic friend show up in her life, she should cast a jaundiced eye on him until his intentions are clear. Taking young men at their word on their offer of friendship is foolish in the extreme. I say this as both a man who has dated and as the father of two grown girls.

[tenchu11]

I will spend time with a girl I like and after a while let my intentions be known. I have been called a jerk for cutting contact from these girls because it does hurt to be rejected. I'm eventually friends with them again. I do notice that younger woman sometimes hate being cut off emotionally after they reject a guy and if the guy isn't returning the attention anymore they tend to call or text more often. Seems like it happens with immature woman and can really mess with some less experienced males who can't accept that she said no and she's not interested but wants him around to boost her ego. Lack of maturity leads people to feel used and victimized when an easy no contact (till feelings are healed) policy could of avoided it all.

[FatherJack]

There is no such thing as " The Friend Zone " to me , if she's not interested then simply break all contact , forget about her & get on with your life , I've always done this , I'm on the aloof & distant side as a person , so have never been clingy & pining for something unobtainable... guys don't waste your time & energy , put it to better use !!

[wth_am_i]

My interpretation of this discussion:

THERE IS NO "FRIEND-ZONE". DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT THEY DON'T LIKE YOU BACK AND MOVE ON.

[PhiOmega]

i'd say there is, cuz I've friendzoned girls b4

[KAZ-2Y5]

friendzone is stupid. people are not machines you put kindness in to and expect a date or sex to fall out of

[Riverock]

Actually I think that is what most dating is about; at least from the perspective of guys. Girls don't really see it that way though and that is why most girls don't even believe it exists.

It's one of those issues guys and girls won't agree on because we experience dating differently.

[Azara]

If by experience you mean denial then yes guys have a diff experience. Sometimes people just are not into you there is no higher level to advance to if you make the right moves. Better to accept taut and go after someone else then waste your time.

[Riverock]

@Azara That's debatable (the denial bit, the rest is true).

Fact is that, to many guys, dating is exactly that: you're nice and treat a woman 'right' and you get 'rewarded'. When you look at it that way (you won't), the friendzone almost equals a scam. The misunderstanding comes from the idea that women only want personality traits and have no sexual impulses beyond keeping their bf happy therefore why would they not sleep with a guy who they like as a friend. But if girls have sexual impulses than why are guys expected to pay for things? It's more complicated than that though. There are cases of guys being idiotic and bitter towards a girl who never even knew of his interest and there are cases of girls keeping a guy around because they like the attention. Both genders feel the need to generalise the other on this issue because the idea of the friendzone makes them uncomfortable.

It's crap like the friendzone that has led me to just give up on the whole idea of dating frankly

[Azara]

I think if a guy knows he's not going to date a girl just bc she's nice to him he should be able to comprehend she wouldn't either.

Paying is residual custom from when women had no way if making their own money in most cases were not allowed to. There is no reason for it today and onovits a very unhealthy ritual to continue. In any case plenty of women won't let anyone pay for them- I don't.

I don't see why friend zone or no friend zone should affect your decision to date. Just make your intentions clear upfront, and stop seeing anyone you dint feel is intersted.

I didn't really mean denial in a derogatory sense just that refusal to accept women have sexual desire.

[Arthurred]

Girls have the right to be with whoever they want... the friend zone doesn't exist to me.

[xXiTacoXx]

The friend zone does not exist. Only unrequited love does.

[JaysunPro]

Which is the friend zone.

[gray_sailor]

The friend zone is a special case of unrequited love.

In a normal occurance of unrequited love, you move on and distance yourself from the object of your attraction and get on with your life.

The friend zone is different. Here, two people are participating in a relationship, but the nature of that relationship is not agreed upon. One person believes they are romantically engaged and the other regards the relationship as platonic friendship.

Clearly, this state of affairs can not long persist. The longer it does persist, the more frustrated the injured party becomes.

If a person mistakenly believes they have begun a romantic relationship, they can't get lost time back. They can't pursue lost opportunities. The whole thing is perceived as a waste.

How does friend zonIng happen?

Two ways:

1) The would be romantic partner is manipulative.

2) The would be romantic partner is naive.

[Azara]

The concept of th Freind zone implies there is something you an get out if or prevents getting Into. It's not simply unrequited... Though I don't believe in it.

[Azara]

Also hard to be mislead if you're honest yourself about your intentions.

[StickStickity13]

I don't even know or care what a friend zone is. This is why I believe it's very important to not pursue one girl exclusively so you don't get too heart broken

[TedStar]

The friendzone is a " state of mind. " <-- There is a take in there lol

[Noxifer626]

Thank goodness someone made this.
I was getting fed up of guys making a humongous fuss over being rejected.

[JaysunPro]

It's when one partner wants something the other partner does not.

[Anonymous]

Look up batemans principle, it's all you need to know in regards to the why, dating is far easier for most women

[RationalLioness]

That's not all there is to it though.

[Opinion Owner]

It encompasses it all

[Creole_Flavor]

This is just really sad.

[Nathand]

now the females are going to lie

[Anonymous]

Friendzone doesn't exist but brotherzone exists!

[ArabianPwincess197]

Cool Take :)

[YourFutureEx]

Good take :)

[MonaAmour]

I agree.

[KemalSönmez]

Very good :))