Many of us have approached someone of the opposite sex with the help of our own personal wingman or wingwoman. But Thomas Edwards' goal is not to get you laid. His goal is to help you overcome your insecurities so you can have a great long-lasting connection with the kind of man or women you want.
Six years ago Thomas Edwards founded a social strategy consultancy called The Professional Wingman. The objective of his agency is to help men (who are shy or are afraid to approach women) face their fears with innovative dating, lifestyle strategies and one-on-one coaching. Though the consultancy was originally formed as a of way helping men, Thomas now assists women who want a guy's perspective on what could be preventing them from finding the kind relationship they want.
This week we sat down with him — The Professional Wingman® — to ask how he came up with the idea for his business, what advice he has for single men and women trying to find love and how his skills have helped his love life.
1. Growing up did your friends call you their wingman?
Ha, I was far from that. In fact, I was the guy who wished he had a wingman to help him out. I was the worst with girls growing up — never knew if they liked me, what to do if I liked them, and even if I was able to make something happen, it’d typically end in girls cheating, taking advantage, and even joining the bullies to make fun of me. I definitely did not have the best “dating” life growing up. And even to this day, my closest friends make sure to remind me of that. I love that though — keeps me grounded.
2. How did you come up with the idea for The Professional Wingman?
After years of “being my own client” and spending a lot of time working on myself, I decided to blog as a way to hold myself accountable and track my progress. Readers were enamored with my results and started asking me for advice. After a while, I was motivated to find a way to monetize this new passion for personal development that can also serve others.
One day, I went to the South by Southwest Festival in Austin, Texas to find inspiration. I was out at a bar with a buddy, who saw a very attractive woman. Out of nowhere, he begs me to be his wingman and help him get a date with her, offering to pay for my drinks the whole weekend if I can do it.
With nothing to lose, I went over, chatted with her, introduced them, and walked away. The next day, I got a text from my friend saying his lunch date went well, drinks are on him, and thanking me for being his wingman. That’s when it hit me: It’s one thing to facilitate introductions but I knew there was value in teaching others how to do it on their own. So, like a college athlete, I decided to “go pro,” and become The Professional Wingman.
3. How would you describe what you do to someone who has never heard of you?
Most media, people, and friends call me the “real-life Hitch.” But for those who haven’t seen the movie, I help singles find long-term relationships through developing their social skills by going out with them, acting as their wingman, and giving them real-time feedback on what’s preventing them from making a romantic connection with the people they desire.
4. What is one piece of advice you would give to single men and women trying to find love?
Always go for the bold move. Confident people take risks knowing rejection is a possibility. If finding a quality relationship was so easy, no one would do it because it’d be seen more as a convenience, not a luxury or challenge. If you really want success in your dating life, you have to live outside of your comfort zone, because it’s likely that ‘yes’ you're looking for lives in the land of ’no.’
5. When it comes to dating what do you think a guy's biggest insecurity is?
It all comes down to rejection. If a guy doesn’t think they’re good enough to talk to her, they'll make an excuse to not make the move, like, “I’m too short,” I’m not rich enough,” “she’s talking to her friends,” “she’s too far across the room,” etc. These same guys equate rejection with acceptance, thinking if they don’t “get the girl,” they won’t be accepted by their peers as a quality, desirable person. This typically explains why guys are afraid to approach attractive women in the first place.
6. You also work with women; do they have the same insecurities as men?
It’s similar in some ways and very different in others. In the near 7 years I’ve been doing this, I can say that many women, too, fear rejection. They don’t want to be seen as too aggressive as that’s unattractive to some men. At the same time, they, too, deal with insecurities that come with being vulnerable and allowing themselves to be courted by a guy, not knowing if he’s the one.
The major difference between men and women that I’ve found over the years is men’s insecurities are ego-driven, while most women’s are emotionally-driven.
7. Lastly, have your skills worked for you?
I love to tell people I’m a product of my own service. I’m proud to say I am happily married to the love of my life. We’ve been together for over 5 years and will be celebrating our first wedding anniversary later this month — but, my love story has just begun.
***
For more on Thomas and his services check out his Facebook page, Twitter and The Professional Wingman® website.
Most Helpful Opinions