Boyfriend being distant and ignoring me?

[Anonymous]

Okay my man and I had a fight 3 days ago, but before that fight he started acting distant. I'm staying at Job Corp in Michigan and he is in Ohio. I went out to see him in April, and we had a serious talk about our relationship. He promised all these things for example he promised he would text me more and say I love you more and change himself and better this relationship and he promised he won't break up with me and he also promised he wants to be with me, forever. He also promised to start talking more romantic and also promised he would be there for me more. Well, he kept his for for a few weeks, he was in college and once he got out of college he has been very distant with me and I don't know why. He hasn't called to talk about the fight or anything. he doesn't say I love you very much anymore and in my eyes he's acting like a thug. I don't want to give up. I am not a quitter I am a fighter and I have a big heart and he even know that. Last night I sent him a 9 part text mgs and he complained it was too long. It was meaningful and telling him how I feel. What do I do? Should I start ignoring him so he misses me? I still love him even thou we been through our rough patches.

[BerinChesYael]

Woman, you are asking for too much. He is still saying ily right? If you are worried about that he will break up with you means you don't trust him? Him acting as a thug means he changed or he isn't living up your expectations anymore. If he complained it was too long means he didn't understand your feelings.. And maybe he is just busy thinking about his future? Ever thought from his pov?

[Asker]

huh diont know wht you are talking about? I don't trust him he has lied to me in the past. He is ignorig me girl!

[Baboo]

Maybe he feels that you're being alittle clingy... You are asking for quite a lot and if he's in college things are going to be different there. Try just giving him some space and making him come to you instead. Dont overwhelm him with requests about how you want him to change for you, maybe ask what you can do to help him. Look at it from his point of veiw.

[Asker]

he's no in school

[Baboo]

either way its going to be different if he's out of college too. he needs time to adjust

[Asker]

ik i am crying

[Baboo]

dont cry it's not your fault he's ignoring you, try to focus on something other than him and make him come to you. or try to talk to him like everythings back to normal and see how he responds

[Asker]

i am scared that my phone got hacked, i always get scared it got hacked if he doesn't respond, I don't know why

[Baboo]

has it ever been hacked before?

[Asker]

no, I don't know if it is even possible

[Asker]

it's just an android not an iphone

[Baboo]

ok then it probably hasn't been hacked, he may be very busy right now or he might not have his phonee

[Asker]

idk, just want to break down

[Asker]

I don't know if we ever will get back to normal in our relationship and i am not waiting forever

[Baboo]

dont break down, stay strong. and if you dont go back to normal thats okay, you'll be able to find someone better. hell see what he's missing out on if he doesn't pay attention to you

[Asker]

yeah, things are getting worse, he's complaining about things now. I even told him I can't wait to much longer and he said chilol. I told him don't tell me to chill.

[Asker]

feel like he has became a monster!

[Baboo]

he seems like he's not respecting you like you should cause he's not really caring about your emotions. i'm sorry, he's not being very nice.

[Asker]

yeah things are getting worse

[Asker]

I asked him ig he is thinking about things and he said yes. Then I said I hope so. He said i's hard for him and then he said it's harder for hm. I don't know what he means.He said it's something he can't just lightly make a decision on, or something like that. I don't know what he means. He told me all these promises in April, I said I hope u keep the promises and if you don't ill be disappointed

[Asker]

he also told me in April that everything was going to be okay and that he was going to change

[Asker]

So I sent him a text saying basically he acting like a monster and that I am tired of being treated this way ad that I love him and I reminded him about April. I also told him to wake the fuck up and realize were met to be with one another.

[Asker]

he hasn't texted back yet, he must be pissed or feel guilty. he told me yesterday in a text that tonight he would know where he stands

[Asker]

yeah things are getting worse


getting worse.yeah things are getting worse.he said their has to be changes when we already talked about things in April.then this morning he said why shoulld he change if i don't. he is all over the place. he sounds like he doesn't care.I told my bf tha

[Asker]

he said their has to be changes when we already talked about things in April

[Asker]

then this morning he said why shoukld he change if i don't. he is all over the place. he sounds like he doesn't care.
I told my bf that I am concerbned about my emotuional hea, lth and he should be concerned to. and his response was okay well u gotta not let soo much stuff affect u gotta be positive i stay stres free a lot and blessed

[Asker]

I responded back um its cuz of our relationship duh

[Asker]

then he said well okay I'm not stressing bout that cuz things happen in relationship and in life y stress over thenm all the time

[Asker]

I said cuz ur treating me like crap. your not caring or being loving, and he hasn't txted back

[BrunetteNYC]

It shouldn't be that much work... pull away quietly and just give him some space and see what he does.

[Asker]

I can't

[Asker]

He's not probably going to have a phone next month either

[Sex_Panther]

First, a 9 part text is too long, that's ridiculous and I wouldn't read it because that's something like 5,000 characters or 2.5x the maximum length of an OP here.

Secondly how long has he actually been distant and what was the fight about?

[Asker]

It's been a few days that he has been distant. The fight was about how he promised all this stuff and he said some things to me that wasn't nice and never apologized or called. he hasn't called for 2 nights now.

[Asker]

this morning he txted me first but didn't say I love you but he said he loves me when I asked him and he did said he will read txt, he ahsnt responded back since

[Asker]

met hasn't

[Asker]

I don't know why he is doing this:( he promised all this stuff when I came out in April

[Sex_Panther]

Ah, okay so it's just a basic backslide. No worries. The man isn't who you want him to be, he tried, and unless he's directly thinking about it the backsliding begins! Basically it's a reversion to himself.

[AndyWes]

Move on.

And also, call people up on the phone if a text message is going to be an essay.

[Asker]

well it doesn't go anywhere on the phone as u can see

[Asker]

if he gets mad about a long text then he doesn't really love me or wants this to work

[Asker]

I dont know why he is doing all this and why he is saying all this. i dont know what to do!!!

[AndyWes]

Move on. Find a better man who's not a thug. Probably someone same race as you. :P

And realistically, it's a long distance thing. He's probably got a girl he's hooking up with regularly locally.

[Asker]

I dont know why he is saying all this stuff

[Asker]

Im am going to send a meaningful message to him and take my time to think about it and give him space after i write it and see what happens

[AndyWes]

Haha, good luck with that.

[Asker]

wow!

[AndyWes]

You know the definition of insanity, right? Trying the same thing repeatedly and hoping it will work this time?

[Asker]

No its not

[Asker]

well I sent a long meaningful text message to my man and how I feel and he said he is going to take time to evaulate

[AndyWes]

oh, you can feel the love. you do realize that a caring BF's not going to reply that "I'm going to evaluate"? Look, for your own sake, move on, find yourself a decent man that cares about you. Odds are he's got a local girlfriend.

[Asker]

:( I don't know normally he txtxs me everyday

[Asker]

he told me he isn't cheating but he could be

[AndyWes]

Of course he said he's not cheating. Look, it's painful, like ripping a leach off, but it seriously sounds like you two are done. Move on, find yourself a GOOD man locally and be happier for it.

[Asker]

but he is still texting me

[Asker]

I sent him a meaningful message and told him how I felt and he responded he needs to evaluate things. love u

[Thatguy321]

Its either he needs space or he wants to break up, guys like to distance themselves from girls and make the girls hate the boyfriends so much that they just break it off with them, i dont know why but it just seems easier on the girl to do that

[thunthunthun]

That really sucks.

[Asker]

he said he wants to be with me thou

[Asker]

i don't know what to do

[Asker]

don't want to loose him:(

[Thatguy321]

Mmh well its either of those, it could be he just needs space (:

[Asker]

I don't he txted me saying I love u 2. he's hardley talking to me. I did ask him why is he distancing himself from me and I also told him, if you need space just tell me

[Asker]

I want to to cry, should I just ignore him and see if he misses me?

[Thatguy321]

Yeah thats what i say is best, give him some time to think it out, if he truly loves you, he'll realize quickly how much he needs you and what its like for you to be out of his life

[Asker]

just wanna cry, this so hard. people keep telling me that I should break up with him but I love him too much and I have a big heart

[Asker]

how many days should I do it?

[Asker]

The thing is I never done anything to him, I don't think. One day out of the blue when he was acting weird he said he didn't want to talk much today and he was supposed to call me that day about the fight and never did

[Thatguy321]

My ex did it to me for a week, but it felt like an eternity, she broke off all communication with me, not even talkin to me in school, it made me realize how much i needed her. And she told me like a year after that that it was so hard on her because she never wanted the breakup and wanted to break down and just grab and hug me whenever she saw me but she knew i wouldn't learn how i truly felt about her if he let me off easy so she did it for a week, never questioned the relationship until well obviously the end haha

[Asker]

I do feel like he might be cheating on me. I did say in one of the txts, u must be cheating on me

[Asker]

I miss how he used to call me every night. I don't know what his problem is. i want this to stop. I want him to talk to me more like he used to and call me. he hasn't called me beautiful in such a long time!:(

[Thatguy321]

Mmh:/ if i was your friend id would strongly suggest breaking up with him, take time and eventually move on. But i know if i was in your situation, i wouldn't know what to do

[Asker]

just want to break down

[Asker]

he msged back and he said he was cleaning and that he is thinking about things and he did say love u

[Thatguy321]

Well its up to you, do you think this is a temp fix or are you guys solid?

[Asker]

whats temp fix or are you guys solid? mean?

[Thatguy321]

Like do you feel that the relationship is strong? Or do you feel like itll fall apart at the smallest fight

[Asker]

I don't know

[Asker]

feel like crying, he is totally ignoring me and won't tell me why besides that he was cleaning and was on a break, but yet he didn't text much:( I don't know what to do

[Asker]

should I ask him how he would feel if I broke up with him or if I ignored him?

[Asker]

just feel like tearing up

[Asker]

please people help me!

[Thatguy321]

Bring up the breaking up part and see how he reacts to it

[Asker]

I am tearing up

[Asker]

he hasn't said anything since tht last text thathe said he is thinking about stuff. I am crying. I just ant him to tell me what the fuck is wrong

[Thatguy321]

he's just not that into you as you were in to him love, dont text him out of emotions, just calm down, relax, access the situation, figure out "do i want a guy who treats me like this" and then continue with what youve decided

[Asker]

I want to be with him, I love him and i promised him I wouldn't break up with him and he promised me too and he told me that what ever sticky situations we get into we would figure it out:(

[Thatguy321]

But do you want someone who can leave you hurting so bad and just ignore you? Like he doesn't even consider your feelings?

[Asker]

no but i love him. i was thinking about ignoring him for the rest of the night but its hard especially when he txts back

[Thatguy321]

Just turn off your phone, let your emotions resolve and calm down and then text him in the morning maybe

[Asker]

we were in a situation kinda like this before and he finally realixzed what he did wrong and he was the one blowing up my phone. about a month ago or longer we went through this break thing, he was so evil to me and one night he decided to contact me and he realized what he has done, I want him to realize again, but I don't know if he will

[Asker]

yeah

[Asker]

I talked to my man last night, well I was texting him and I asked him do you wanna loose me? he asked are you breaking up with me or something? I said no and I told him it's not fair that Iam being treated like this. HE did call last night and we talked last night, I am still hurt. I told him all my feelings. I told him I can't be in a relationship where it's going up down up down. He said he is having a hard time keeping his word basically aboutt he promises. Like he told me he still wants to be him and make m happy, but at the same time he told me for some reason he said part of him wants to make me happy and part of him wants to go his own way. I told him you promised me.

[Asker]

He also said their something that irrated him about me that he hasn't told me about. He was about to tell me but I didn't want to hear it. I told him I wanna be with him and he told me he wants to be with me. I also aske if he was scared that he was gpoing to loose me when I asked do you wanna loose me. He said yes.

[Asker]

I told him if he needs space and time to think that it's fine to make this relationship work. I don't know what to do. I don't feel the love from him ever since I went out there to see him in april.

[Thatguy321]

It seems he has doughs about the relationship, thats not healthy, its either yes or no

[Asker]

Then he was complainginng about the trust thing. I told him at the moment I am confused if I even believe you or not. He has lied to me the past. I also told him that I did try to not contact him for awhile to see if he would realize things and I told him it might come to a point where I will not contact him even longer so he can see what he is missing and for him to miss me and see what he did wrong.

[Thatguy321]

I think he's trying to distance himself from you so the break up won't be as bad and you won't feel like you cared about him honestly thats from a guys perspective, he doesn't wanna break up with you, he's being a 🐱 about it saying he wants to he with you and all but isn't putting in the effort so you'll eventually be like "fk this! I dont like you any more! Im done!" And stuff and you'll break up with him, thats my honest opinion, with every ex I've had, we've always resolved the problem within 1-3 hours of the problem. If he's not putting in the effort and telling you what you wanna hear so the fight will end and you'll be happy again, he doesn't want the relationship as badly as you do

[Thatguy321]

No matter how bad he says he wants it, it doesn't seem like he truly wants to in his heart, itll take losing you for him to figure out how good he had it before

[Asker]

I don't know i am just sad right now

[Asker]

he said miss me

[Asker]

just sad. he hasn't txted since and Iam crying and i always get afraid that my phone got hacked cuz he isn't txting me

[Thatguy321]

Just give it time, ignore his texts and dont reply. You need act like he needs to straighten up because you won't deal with this crap and he needs you, not the other way around and you can go on happily without him

[Asker]

yeah, things are getting worse, he's complaining about things now. I even told him I can't wait to much longer and he said chilol. I told him don't tell me to chill.

[Asker]

feel like he has became a monster!

[Thatguy321]

Im telling you, just distance yourself from him, ignore his texts and show that you can go on without him, he needs you, not the other way around and that you won't "chill" and that you won't wait for him to make up his mind and you'll just continue on dating perfectly fine

[Asker]

I asked him ig he is thinking about things and he said yes. Then I said I hope so. He said i's hard for him and then he said it's harder for hm. I don't know what he means.He said it's something he can't just lightly make a decision on, or something like that. I don't know what he means. He told me all these promises in April, I said I hope u keep the promises and if you don't ill be disappointed

[Asker]

he also told me in April that everything was going to be okay and that he was going to change

[Asker]

So I sent him a text saying basically he acting like a monster and that I am tired of being treated this way ad that I love him and I reminded him about April. I also told him to wake the fuck up and realize were met to be with one another.

[Asker]

he hasn't texted back yet, he must be pissed or feel guilty. he told me yesterday in a text that tonight he would know where he stands

[Thatguy321]

Choosing to be with some has to be the easiest decision you make, otherwise you have doubts and doubts dont exist in true love

[Asker]

yeah things are getting worse

[Asker]

he said their has to be changes when we already talked about things in April

[Asker]

then this morning he said why shoukld he change if i don't. he is all over the place. he sounds like he doesn't care

[Asker]

I told my bf that I am concerbned about my emotuional hea, lth and he should be concerned to. and his response was okay well u gotta not let soo much stuff affect u gotta be positive i stay stres free a lot and blessed

[Asker]

I responded back um its cuz of our relationship duh

[Asker]

then he said well okay I'm not stressing bout that cuz things happen in relationship and in life y stress over thenm all the time

[Asker]

I said cuz ur treating me like crap. your not caring or being loving, and he hasn't txted back

[Thatguy321]

If he doesn't care about your emotions and how you feel towards a situation, he doesn't care about your relationship

[Asker]

yeah he txted back and said he is busy

[Asker]

I sill feel like he is a monster:( he doesn't sound like the man I know, every time I mention about how I feel he doesn't say anything.

[Asker]

met still

[Thatguy321]

😔 sweetie, if my gf that i loved was really upset and stressed to the max, i prioritize that much higher than whatever he's doing right now

[Asker]

I asked him if he wants to loose me and he said no

[Asker]

I told him we need to talk about things and about April and about when I come home in June and I told him I'm being serious, I ma this close of giving up

[Thatguy321]

I would of already given up.. If a girl said no but did nothing to make any chances to the relationship or fix any of the problems

[Asker]

Like he always switches the subject if I say something about our relationship

[Asker]

I don't know if he is feeling guilty or not...sight:/ he's not being comforting at all or loving or caring, I think all he cares about is himself

[Asker]

I am supposed to go home in June for two weeks and he hasn't said to me that he can't wait to see me

[Thatguy321]

Be doesn't care about the relationship

[Asker]

:( so sad

[Asker]

feel like everything is my fault

[Thatguy321]

Its not your fault. Its his.. he's not putting in any effort to the situation. Dump him and look for a new guy.. The minute a relationship feels like real tiring and work is when to end it.

[Asker]

huh don't get this text Its not your fault. Its his.. he's not putting in any effort to the situation. Dump him and look for a new guy.. The minute a relationship feels like real tiring and work is when to end it.

[Thatguy321]

I've replied 23 times to your question and all i keep doing is rewording it and saying it over and over again, the last messaged was just the condensed version of all that i said. If you still dont wanna break up with him after all the points I've said, i dont know what i could say that would make you believe that its best to cut all connections and move on. Good luck

[knotme]

I think you should move on

[Asker]

I don't know he says he's gonna call tonight

[knotme]

well good luck, because long distance relationship usually dont work well

[Asker]

we started out together, if he loves me he will stay with me

[knotme]

okay

[Asker]

yeah

[Turkish_Guy]

I guess you're black

[Asker]

no I am not black, my man is

[Turkish_Guy]

Cos u said ' my man ' especially black people say it ( i like black people they funny ) Well my friend. As i understood he promised you to text tht he loves u etc... Text means nothing. Do not play PRETEND. He gotta say it ferom his heart otherwise it would be s.hitty u get me? And try to be strong.. I dont know how many guys u had but stay strong. Don't get onto your boy.. And let him breahe abit. PLUIS he is n the college.. so.. college changes people, I live in Turkey/Istanbul the most crowded and complexe place you would ever be. I tell u from my experiences.. Pay attention to what i say and u will be the winner.

[Asker]

he's not ion college anymore

[Turkish_Guy]

Well , you are an adult you have your own life. U ain't gonna cry to ur mommy or daddy about this. Do what is right for you. Do what your heart says

[Turkish_Guy]

And i think that long distance relationships end up in some time and it be short

[Asker]

well we started together at home

[Asker]

I think he's seeing what I am saying now. I told him I felt so far in a text msg, he is supposed to call tonight. I just about had it feeling depressed and sad and hurt

[Asker]

well i talked to my man last night and it all fell apart, meanig he was abusive and an asshole

[Asker]

he told me that I amnot the only important person to him and back in April he said I was the only important person

[Asker]

he said the promises have a conquence and a price and I also told him he is being an asshole and he said I have to be an asshole for u to get it, basicakly that's what he met

[Asker]

I told him about us in April and he said it's not April no more and I can't be like what I did april, your walking all over me. ik I want a lot form him but he understood and agreded to what I said

[Asker]

one min he said he didn't want to loose me and then he mentioned about the break thing again and then he said he would be still be happy if we broke up

[Asker]

but then he said he loved me this morning and I said i am upsrt with u and he ignored what i said and he said I am happy i'll be able to work again cuz I will have money. then I was trying to to explain to him even if he has guy friends I can be the only importsnt person and i want our relationship back to normal

[Asker]

then he ignored that and said ggttyl love u

[Asker]

last night he did send a text being an ass about this and he said r u trtying to stress me out becaucause its not working and I said o and he ws like lmfao. i told him he was being an ass asshole and he said alright cool

[Turkish_Guy]

Girls.. u put too much on this guy.. just let it go... He doesn't deserve a girl like you. As i see you're pretty girl who is tryign to be nice.

[Asker]

aw yeah ik