I spit on my boyfriend and he slapped me?

[Anonymous]

I know spitting on someone is incredibly disrespectful, so I know I'm in the wrong for that, but he grabbed me by my wrist and wouldn't let me go, so I told me "if you don't let me go I'll spit on you" and he said "I dare you, I'll slap you" so I'm incredibly stubborn and I spit on him, it was more like a sprinkle because I honest have no idea how to spit, lol.. but then he slapped me, it hurt a lot and left a red spot.. the only reason I'm so upset is because although I do know I deserved it, he knew about my toxic relationship with my ex-boyfriend... I used to get slapped punched and sometimes kicked, so it was a horrible experience for me and my boy was so understanding and respectful and sympathetic about the whole thing.
After he slapped me he kept repeating "i didn't hit you hard" and said I was being dramatic...
We aren't really talking right now, but he's sorta acting like everything is okay... should I apologize for spitting in his face and it'll be better? I love him more than anything, what do I do?

Updates

+1 y

I know I deserved it I don't know what to say to him though he has called a few times, I didn't pick up, don't really know what to say

Updates

+1 y

I'm not justifying my actions, but I think it's a little unfair how all you say he should dump me. He is always grabbing me and hurting me when he does and I do not like being touched like that and I've told him this before.

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

The white knights are on patrol once again. Dionysos is the current knight-on-duty.

Firstly, you spit on him. He warned you that he'd slap you. It's no surprise that he did what he did.

The both of you fucked up. I don't know the whole background obviously. You're not divulging what led to all of this. But yeah, there's no way you can expect to spit or hit a guy and get away with it. That's completely disrespectful and I don't understand why some chicks think it's OK for them to do whatever the fuck they want with no repercussions. It's like that dumb bitch Snooki from Jersey Shore after she got punched the fuck out lmao.

Although I don't know what led to all of this I can say that I would maybe have handled it differently. I wouldn't have "dared" you to spit on me. I dunno, I can't honestly tell you what I would have done because I don't know the story. Don't let these White Knights tell you that he was completely wrong. Fuck that. I suppose if a kid is aiming a gun at my head in a war zone like Iraq then I'm supposed to just let him pull the trigger? just cuz he's a kid? Fuck no, I'm wasting him. Then pumping two more rounds into his body for good measure.

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

Apologize for spitting. Move on from it. Learn your lesson.

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

and no, don't dump him unless he's a serial abuser or something. He was simply reacting to your physical abuse.

If anything HE should break up with YOU for spitting. I know I would have.

[indian_empress_91]

you forgot he would let go of her wrist, he was grabbing her

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

grabbing the wrist doesn't equate to spitting in the face, does it? I don't think so.

[indian_empress_91]

but why did he grab her is what we need to know as well? I not saying spitting or hitting is acceptable

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

Well yes, precisely. That's exactly what I said above. We don't know the whole story.

[Asker]

he grabbed me because I didn't want to do what he wanted so he grabbed me and told me not to talk to him like that and I tried moving his hand off my wrist then he grabbed my other wrist so I spit in his face so he would let go of mw

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

what did he want you to do

[Asker]

hang out with his mom

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

Did you say anything mean before he grabbed you?

[Dionysos]

He should be done. There's no excuse for not letting go of a girl when she says to let go. Not unless you're a cop and you're arresting her. That shit shouldn't fly and you spitting on him was (gross, but) completely reasonable.

If you've still got the bruise, call the cops and have him arrested.

[Dionysos]

To the guys who down voted this opinion: I hope whatever girl you try to manhandle is armed. >:-)

[chessqueen]

Let me get something straight to you. First of al, he was ythe one that grabbed you. Secondly, you never, ever, VER deserve it. Thirdly, a real man would never hit a woman. Only a coward would and fourthly, if he didn't acknowledge that he did something extremely wrong by justifying that he didn't hit you hard, he is bound to do it again. He knew that you had a toxic relationship with your boyfriend.You have no idea how angry I am from those comments that justified his actions. You dont love him, you want the stability of a relationship. I am so angry at you too for wanting to APOLOGISE to him? From what I see you felt you were being mishandled and you stuck up for yourself in a way you knew how. Leave. Leave before he does it again, and eventually kill you. Love doesn't hurt and you have to cut your losses because he certainly doesn't love you. Look up what love is and compare your relationships to it. Not bible bashing but look up the biblical definition for love and It's properties. Be strong as I know you are and leave. Sooner or later, you are going to get stomach ulcers from dreading his presence. You will get another boyfriend who will love you more than anything.

[chessqueen]

Thank you for the most helpful. That was very nice. But yeah I really worry for your safety and if you want someone to talk to for advice, I would be more than happy to be your friend. Please don't listen to those stupid people that think you deserve it. Thank you.

[Insaan]

Thanks for your compliment :)

[chessqueen]

Give me give minutes with you alone and I will "compliment" you more.

[Insaan]

And keep this crap with you :) and don't act oversmart. Try to have argument. It's a healthy thing to do madam.

[Insaan]

Yeah keep complementing with your bullshit hypocritical crap.

[Insaan]

Calm down..calm down...you know i have done all these b4 and when i try to justify my things or try to show her where she is wrong...what girls do is blocking me or reporting my posts for nothing. Hence i refrain having any argument with you.And once again my advice... Have tendency to sort out the things... :)
Avoid the posts you don't like to see or you can have series of arguments before actually declaring someone a moron. ^_^

[Koldhearted]

sooo you're saying if he hadn't grabbed her, and she spit on him anyway she doesn't deserve to get hit?

you're saying if a woman is an aggressor she doesn't deserve to be hit?

If your answer is no, she doesn't deserve to get hit I'm going to assume you are 100% okay with men being paid more

[chessqueen]

You need to educate and uplift young people. Don't put poison in their minds.

[Insaan]

Very judgmental you are...

[chessqueen]

I am certainly ok with men being paid more because traditionally, I would prefer them to be breadwinners. I have a friend who is aggressive to her boyfriend and he just pushes her off and walks away. She wouldn't have spit on him anyway if he didn't grab her. i don't know wheere you get your logic from.

[chessqueen]

I am extremely judgmental to stupid people like you :)

[Insaan]

His actions weren't justified i know. But my answer was in different context.

[Insaan]

Once again... Lol any ways... Have a nyc day :)

[twelveangrymen]

Why would he stay with his gf he is aggressive. If she takes it too far he should report her

[chessqueen]

HE should report HER? You think this is ok?

[twelveangrymen]

Lmao why do you keep threatening people and cursing at people are you trying to get banned?

[chessqueen]

Because I hate it when they justify violence... ESPECIALLY women!

[twelveangrymen]

I am certainly ok with men being paid more because traditionally, I would prefer them to be breadwinners. I have a friend who is aggressive to her boyfriend and he just pushes her off and walks away. She wouldn't have spit on him anyway if he didn't grab her. i don't know wheere you get your logic from.

My question is a response to this comment

[chessqueen]

This? " Why would he stay with his gf he is aggressive. If she takes it too far he should report her

[Insaan]

Both of them are guilty in spitting/ slapping case. But that guy was a jerk and hence she must not stay with him. It is for her good. Sorry chessqueen..for my remarks

[Red_Dragon]

I can't believe this got most helpful. Smh.

[chessqueen]

And why dont you think so? I advised her that it would never be ok to hit women. Never.

[Red_Dragon]

And it would never be ok for a woman to hit a man. Never.

[chessqueen]

I never said that either. It is never ok for anyone to hit anyone

[Koldhearted]

Oh okay then o.o then i have 0 problem with your opinion of thinking a man shouldn't ever hit a woman

[chessqueen]

Thank you

[sammy_31]

Okay I was going to say it was your fault and not his until I read the whole thing. Well HE started it by holding you too tightly by your wrist so he was starting this whole thing. He simply could have let you go but he also was stubborn and didn't. You told him that you were going to do something and you did so his fault, again he could have let you go. No one likes to be spit, hit, slapped, punched or hurt. If he didn't want that to happen he never should have grabbed you and held you and should have let you go. SMH, hitting a girl isn't right but spitting is also disrespectful. Either way you need to avoid getting with violent and foolish guys like this.

[Hopefuldreamer8]

I hope you dump him for it. You shouldn't have spit on him, but he shouldn't have hit you. You also said he grabbed you, and he wouldn't let go. Sounds as if he needs anger management before he should get in another relationship. If he can do that to you, what would he do to an innocent child? He doesn't sound like he would make a good husband or father. You'd be a fool to stay in a relationship with him.

Also, if this isn't your first abusive relationship, maybe you should stay single for a while. After being in two of them, you're probably going to have a harder time trusting men. Maybe get some counseling.

[funfunfun]

WELL! Aside from the disrespect, spitting is battery and you can go to jail for it. :/ Not to target you, but just so you know.
Now his hitting you... at any point in time, regardless of warning, is COMPLETELY inappropriate, disrespectful, asinine, rude, mean, evil - you catch my drift. I do NOT approve of domestic violence.
Any good couple can talk anything over. ANYTHING.

Excuse me when I say that this is no relationship any decent woman should be a part of. He has no right to put his hands on you. Screw spitting on him, to cause bodily harm is out of the question. Save yourself the pain.

Also excuse me, but...
Dump the fucker.

[AndyWes]

Lmao, man's got game.

You called his bluff, and so he followed through. Because how you could respect him if he was so spineless you could spit in his face and there by no consequences?

"I love him more than anything, what do I do."

Well, move on, go on a date or whatever.

[Sex_Panther]

Oh, looky, a statistic. One in 14 girls with teenage domestic violence if I remember correct!

I didn't know you really existed. Anyway: "I love him more than anything, what do I do?" You go back of course and prepare for the beating of a lifetime. <3 For love, of course.

This isn't a question. This is an testament to the failure of the human condition.

[Baboo]

i mean yeah you should apologize for spitting on him because that was pretty immature. but he should NOT have hit you. especially knowing your past relationship experience with that kind of thing it was too far. he should apologize too, and if he doesn't you should have a talk with him.

[skyscraper83]

If this isn't the first time he has grabbed you, then it sure as hell won't be the last.
Listen, take the advice and walk away, if you have already been down this road then you know it could get much worse. Have respect for yourself.
He shouldn't have hit you, but he did tell you beforehand.
Also don't ever spit on anyone, it is extremely disrespectful.

[Asker]

I also told him before hand not to touch me like that and to let go of me and that didn't stop him

[xxxifeelpainxxx]

We need to hear the full story, what happened that led up to this. I know several people have asked and you haven't replied so I'm taking a wild guess and that you probably did something really bad to make him grab you. Thats no excuse for him grabbing you and you shouldn't of spit on him and he shouldn't of slapped you. Two wrongs dont make a right. Both of you should learn from this, if anything happens again you both should call it quits.

[Asker]

I just responded to a girl who asked me go check that

[indian_empress_91]

"he grabbed me because I didn't want to do what he wanted so he grabbed me and told me not to talk to him like that and I tried moving his hand off my wrist then he grabbed my other wrist so I spit in his face so he would let go of mw" thats what she said

[Red_Dragon]

I'd rather for a girl to try to whoop my ass than spit on me. That's the ultimate disrespect I'd probably slap her too. Sorry, I mean if I have never told her that then I might give her a pass but still just hit me. That's better than a deliberate spit.

[PhiOmega]

No offense, I see what your saying but whenever you put it like that you end up putting a reason behind everything, like... her spitting on you, it's best not to jump to the extreme and say you might need too

And there's a difference between defense and assault, it's taught forensic analysis, and if evidence points to assault, law will come down on you for good reason

[Red_Dragon]

Or should come down on her if she assaults me. Many guys don't report when their girl assaults them because that's not the "manly" thing to do. Even if she doesn't hurt you if she's attacking you it's still assault. I don't see one slap as assault no matter who did it, but I guess that's just me.

I was just saying I'd be more upset if she spit on me than if she attacked me even though if she attacked me she might (or should) end up in jail.

[PhiOmega]

I agree there's no point in reporting if the girl attacks you, likely she was just frustrated, and I doubt she'd hurt you sicking the police on hey just cause u wanna be petty is kind of being a pussy (not referring to you), and the courts will see it differently, they will look at culpability, and there is a huge difference between a 200lb man slapping a 120lb woman, when looked at by a group of your peers or doesn't look good, one slap is too much and you could severely hurt her, but in any case a man should never bully a woman cause he can, it's low down, and those are the types of guys who get hit by women, difference is, they deserve a lot worse

[Red_Dragon]

I weigh less than 200Ibs I'm actually closer to that 120 LOL!! I feel like no one should bully anyone. She shouldn't attack him knowing she can get away with it and he shouldn't attack her knowing he has a better chance of seriously hurting her than she does of him.

Again I will not be as mad if she is attacking me as oppose to a deliberate spit, but it still doesn't make it right. I hate that double standard of society but I do understand it.

All that said going back to my origial point females know guys are typically stronger, bigger, & maybe faster. They know guys are known more prone to being rapists and murderers by a wide margin. They know some guys have short tempers. So with that said why in the world would they try to provoke him? "Poke the lion" so to speak. Why? And now days women feel it's ok to beat on men. It's a lot of men beaters and they think they can get away with it because they are females.

[PhiOmega]

I'm not saying all cases where men were stabbed to death it was there fault, but a lot are, there's a lot of cases I disagree with because a woman is put in jail for life for killing her abuser, and sometimes it's just because the guy is a pig, i.e. sleeping around on a girl with a mental disability (prone to break down)!

I think it doesn't matter who pokes the lion, I've always been twice the size of my younger brother, he's kicked me in the nuts b4, but I've never swung at him, only restrained him, he's like 60lbs lighter than me, in these times less and less men are learning the responsibility that comes with power, it's one to defend and not harm

No one said it's okay for either side to hurt each other, but men also know they're bigger, stronger, and faster, so why do they let things get to that point, just so they can put someone's life in danger

Generally the ball is in our court

[Red_Dragon]

There is no reason to kill anyone unless they are trying to kill you. I don't care if they are beating you, cheating on you, or w/e. Those are not legitimate reasons to take someone's life male or female it doesn't matter. Get help. Call the police and tell them you are getting beat on. Don't kill though. And if you kill someone because of those reasons you should go to jail and if it's a female she should get equal treatment a guy would because she did the same thing. The mental thing depends. That's a case by case thing and that isn't determined by gender either or it shouldn't be.

Has your brother pointed a gun at you and started shooting though? If he did would you still try to restrain him? In most cases men have control but it's not as much anymore as you think. I guess I can see the problems of both sides here. The bottom line is that each person in such relationship should tell the other what pisses them off the most and try to keep from doing that.

[Red_Dragon]

And each person should defend themselves but not attack or kill the other unless the other is trying to kill them. Because then it's just survival.

[PhiOmega]

U keep bringing up attempted murder basically, and in the grand scheme of spousal abuse from spitting to hitting that's probably 2% of the demographic considering it's usually generational

Her trying to kill you is a RARE occurance compared to the spousal abuse being dealt out every minute across the globe by men, they justify their evils by rationalizing in the extreme, I say it's NEVER okay and don't have any girls that want to harm me (but u wouldn't let anyone murder you, of course if you kill them it looks guilty, depending on culpability) but there's those men saying, "nah, it's okay sometimes, and they are in the abusive relationships! It's not coincidence, it's gateway thinking, they're saying sometimes u need to hit her when that's just not true for how rare those times are, things don't show up out of nowhere, if u didn't leave by then, well...

[PhiOmega]

In my state of Texas I walked in on my sisters husband assaulting her and killed him in the heat of the moment, state laws won't hold me culpable

I'm not going to protect woman beaters, whose gonna care if someone like that died, FEW, those are the men who receive tears of joy at their funerals, it's never right to kill people but where I grew up, a lot of sons went after their fathers when they grew old enough, why? Cause he made the life of the mother and children a hell, most of the times those guys don't even go to jail till the wife and children are dead! WTF! If he makes me choose between my sister and my nephew or him, he's a dead man

[Red_Dragon]

Again the only reported stuff is when a guy hits a woman. Now sometimes when a guy is beating his spouse (or GF) it goes unreported but not like if a girl hits a guy. That's never reported and if it is the law wouldn't do nothing about it unless your bleeding or something.

Yeah it happens. Girls get mad and punch, kick, scratch, and slap. Guys get mad and hit. I say it's NEVER okay for anyone to hit anyone and if the law was truly just they would punish based on the act and not the gender. That's true equal justice.

[Red_Dragon]

Again unless your just defending yourself. I mean if I'm attacked by a girl I'ma try to restrain her until she calms down but that doesn't make her act ok. She still attacked me regardless.

[Red_Dragon]

Sorry that your sister was in a abusive relationship.

[PhiOmega]

I know there's probably a lot of answers hear that have you thinking, but, ITS NEVER OKAY FOR A MAN TO ASSAULT A WOMAN! He took advantage of the fact that he knew he'd get away with it for you, him saying crap to justify it or act like everything is alright is BS, leave him and learn how a woman is supposed to be treated because truthfully it sounds like you don't have any good male influences in your life if you think that's okay

[Asker]

your right not having any good male influences.. i used to witness my father beat my mother when i was little.

[funfunfun]

amen

[PhiOmega]

I was afraid of that, it's typical, usually most women in your situation do witness such acts of spousal abuse, but think of your future daughter's or sons, don't let them suffer the way you are, your young and now's the time to learn before this ends up putting you in a really bad situation

[Red_Dragon]

Dude if a girl's trying to kill me she'd get assaulted. JS. There are legitimate reasons.

[Asker]

I wasn't attacking him, I simply refused his request he grabbed ME and I wasn't gonna let him hurt me so I told him "if you don't let go i'll spit on you" he questioned me so I did it.

[PhiOmega]

You don't need to justify yourself, you were completely in the right

[Red_Dragon]

Yeah I know you didn't do anything wrong. You even told him you'd spit on him. I would have told you I'd rather for you to try to hit me because spitting pisses me off more but nah I wasn't talking about that.

PhiOmega was saying there is no reason for a guy to hit a girl. I was saying if she had a knife or a gun and I think she's trying to kill me then I'm doing anything I can to live. I don't care if it's to knock her head off I'm not going to just let her kill me. And don't say girls don't do that because I see it on the news all the time. So and so's GF stabbed him to death. It happens.

[Asker]

oh of course thats definitely understandable, i wouldn't blame a guy putting his hands on a woman if she was trying to hurt him or kill him

[kangaru2]

Under no circumstances should a guy hit a girl. Yes it isn't right for one to spit on another but it is worst when another used violence. I am not at the scene to judge what happened but still what he did wad wrong.
I would reconsider the whole relationship if I were you. It isn't easy to just move on immediately..take ur time n once decided give him The answer.
To me, only my parents can hit me..husband can't let alone bf

[MrOracle]

"Under no circumstances should a guy hit a girl."

Actually, there IS one circumstance: if she's physically attacking him, he can use whatever force is necessary to stop her attack.

But THIS situation certainly did NOT call for him using physical force on her. Yes, her spitting was uncalled for, but him slapping her was not justified.

[Asker]

i wasn't even trying to attack him he wouldn't let me go and i was in pain so i did what i thought i had to do

[kangaru2]

@QA if this isn't the first time he did this to you, and you know you did it out of self defense, then please really think whether he is right for you.

@MrOracle yes under that special one circumstance but the hit by the guy on the girl shouldn't be too hard as well..

[BrighteyedAsh]

You shouldn't be with someone who thinks it's ok to keep you (grab your hand) against your will in the first place. While I don't think spitting is proper...this started OUT abusive in the first place because he wasn't respecting your boundaries. Walk away. And don't move on quickly. You need some time to find yourself and not be so lost in ANYONE that you harbor a relationship with unhealthy habits like that. It only gets worse. I promise you.

[Ladyegg67]

When arguments arise and your going to talk trash , don't get so close that he can grab you. Secondly don't dish it out if you can't take the consequences. If I punch a man in the face , I expect to be punched in the face. You stated that you have been in abusive relationships before so you know that a slap is not the worst reaction you could have gotten. Be thankful he did just go nuts and beat you black, blue and bloody.

[AdamThomas]

You should leave him. I was gonna say you deserved it because if a guy spat on you and youslapped him that's what everybody would say, but if he wss grabbing you because you woulsn't do what he wanted that's a red flag, you're gonna get hurt if you stay.

[indian_empress_91]

Why was he holding onto your wrist? What caused that? How hard was he holding onto you? We gotta know the story too

[kheserthorpe]

I agree, this is key info.

[indian_empress_91]

Yea like a lot of answers on here ignore the line "but he grabbed me by my wrist and wouldn't let me go,". Yea knowing the back story of what caused the wrist grabbing is key info. No one should say what you should do until you do so.

[Asker]

I had an attitude because I didn't want to go somewhere with him and his mom and he said "who you talking to like that" and grabbed me and then I said "don't touch me like that" and I was pushing his arm away from my wrist so he grabbed my other wrist so that was when I said if he doesn't let me go I'll spit on him and so fourth happened

[indian_empress_91]

He still had no right to grab you. The only he should grab you is if in self defense. Whether you had an attitude or not. Why did he say " who you talking to like that". What were you saying before that? He is wrong to grab you and slap you, and spitting is nasty. You should end this relationship. I can promise you he will do it again.

[Asker]

he said who am I talking to like that because I had an attitude when I said I didn't wanna go

[indian_empress_91]

OMG. He has NO right to grab you just cause you said " i don't wanna go with an attitude. Is he your father? He didn't make you, your parents did, he has no right to do that.

[indian_empress_91]

I think you should just simply end this relationship. I agree that this relationship is heading down a toxic road. learn from your mistakes hun=\

[Asker]

thank you for being so kind

[MaskofInsanity]

I think both of your behaaviour is disgusting. Apologise, get him to apologise, and don't do it again. Use your words and discuss your issues, don't be childish and spit/hit.

[Mesonfielde]

Said better than I would have!

[tvede1027]

I say leave him, and don't say you're sorry. You shouldn't have spit on him, but that doesn't justify his actions. If he hit you once he will most likely do it again if you make him mad enough. Know that there are guys out there that will never hurt you by grabbing you or hitting you. You are a human being, and you are entitled to a certain level of respect.

[COCOCHANEL]

i never experience slapping i just see it in movies so i can't understand what it's like but it sounds bad. i never feel compelled to slap anyone either. i think that's a big action and you are right to feel confused. if you know it won't escalate like your last bf then stay with him.

[Trinology]

Honestly both you behaved irrationally and immature. Being as you're young maybe you two shouldn't be together. Percentage is very low you'll actually end up together long term. Just my opinion.

[JohnWhilkins]

You both acted ridiculously immture. The again Im guess you're both under 18 so stuff like that happens at that age. You just gotta learn as much as you can from it.

Either you should both quit it or apologise to each other.

[OnceUponADream143]

. He shouldn't of grabbed you, he shouldn't of hit you. Those things he told afterward are usually what abusive people say. You should leave him and go to therapy. So they can help you to stop choosing abusive boys and recover from that.

[AidenBlue]

At some point you have to ask yourself a couple questions:

Do you provoke this behavior?

Do you pick the wrong guys?

Or both? Sounds like you are the way to lots of domestic issues.