I slapped my boyfriend during an argument, is this okay?

Question

Me and my boyfriend were arguing in public. It was quite an irrational argument, I had been under a lot of stress unbeknownst to him. I was irritable and we were arguing, about how I was being uptight, I brought up a a few incidents of him being less than tentative and he got mad. I suppose I am quite possessive at the moment. Anyway so things escalated, I was talking about how he cares about himself and other people way more than me, I ended up slapping him hard and calling him a useless bastard in front of all of our friends then walking away.
Slapping a girl is unacceptable, but is slapping a boy socially acceptable? I haven't seen him since, what will he/our friends be thinking?

GoodManDave · Accepted Answer

Slapping a boy is unfortunately socially acceptable. That doesn't make it any more right for you to do it to him than it would be if he did it to you.

There was a "What do people do segment" that has been passed around the internet recently, where two actors play a couple fighting in public. The guy starts getting abusive, and people step in to defend the girl. Then they start again, and this time the girl starts beating on the guy. People don't intervene. In fact, a lot of the people watching seem to be laughing about it.

Guys in abusive relationships (which happen more than you think), justify it more "I provoked her," accept the blame, or refuse to talk about it because of embarrassment. Guys get laughed at if they claim to be abused. They hide it.

Now, for me, if a girl slapped me, I'd be done with her. It'd be over. "Socially acceptable" or not. He's not to put his hands on you to hurt you, and you're not to do it to your boyfriend. Abuse is abuse, period.

Honestly, I've had a lot of girls slap me, never with good reason. Usually just because they were so insane (several were actually on drugs and thought it'd be funny)

Last time a girl slapped me (not a girlfriend)- she actually thought it was funny. I told her that this was her ONE shot, and if she EVER did anything like that again, we'd have a HUGE problem. We're friends, but we're not close. And I do not go near her.

You might lose friends over this. Or they may remain friends. or they may talk behind your back. No way to know other than just wait and see.

But why are you more worried about how you look than what you did and why you did it, and how you can make sure you never let yourself get that out of control again?

And no, you definitely do NOT deserve a romantic relationship.

front2back · Accepted Answer

Meh. Could've been worse. That shit happens all the time.

MaskedSanity · Accepted Answer

What the hell?

So you were having a bad day and decided it would be totally cool to take it out on your boyfriend as well as hit him? Uh, EPIC BITCH, much?
He should have slapped you back, then dumped your sorry ass in front of all his friends.

You have some fantastic delusions there, if you're not sure whether it's ok or not to hit another person.

I find it exceptionally disgusting that you believe that it's unacceptable to hit a woman, but are unsure about men. Speaks volumes about you and your entitlement issues.

Also, your justification "Cause it causes pain for a few seconds? I just lost control, I've been clinging onto all my problems for ages and it all just erupted at him." is appalling.

You're a terrible human being and you should be ashamed of yourself. Having a vagina doesn't give you right to hit anyone regardless of how long it would hurt for.

You should apologise and hope to god he forgives you. You should apologise in front of all those friends, because most people think it's always the guy's fault if a girl slaps him, so you pretty much made him look like a douche when you were the one in the wrong.

cococami · Accepted Answer

hm. personally I think slapping a guy is only reserved for one of two scenarios 1) he was physically aggressive toward you or 2) he cheated on you

anything else is uncalled for and certainly not ok.

several people here have mentioned or implied that it would be the same level of unacceptability as him slapping you and I have to say I strongly disagree. I think a guy slapping a girl is far worse simply on the basis that guys are generally stronger than girls and the outcome would be much different. but no one should be resorting to that level of physical aggression. It would have been better to just walk away.

that being said, the real issue is that it was public. guys are much more conscious about this! you humiliated him, challenged his masculinity and did so in front of his friends. I would be surprised if you heard from him any time soon.

the best thing to do is not even go there! just walk away and when you feel calmer you can rationally talk it out with him privately

Stacyzee · Accepted Answer

You have no right to put your hands on anybody.
There is never an excuse for that.
You need self control.
Honestly, I expect that behavior from a toddler who doesn't quite yet know how to control what they are feeling.
You should be apologetic, and I am sure you are.

In this society, It is more acceptable for a woman to put her hands on a man.
If things were reversed, the man would probably end up getting tackled by other men and the police called on him.
It worked in your favor because you are a woman.

But to me WRONG is WRONG.

Would it have been worse if he hit you?
Yes, because he would probably have done more damage.
But no one should hit any one.

BabyGunn · Answer

He should have you on charges. Had he hit you, he would have been jumped by four men in the parking lot right before he got arrested for it. You hit him and NOBODY said a word! That doesn't strike you as odd? Did you even notice that most people just watched? Some pointed and laughed...You're a bleeding coward!!! Hit a WOMAN! There's no such thing as a "Battered Mens' shelter" If he called the cops, they would laugh at him. (They may even ask him if he enjoyed it) One of these days, you're going to hit him, and he's going to knock you clean out! Don't hit him and rely on HIS self-control to keep you safe from the ramifications of what SHOULD happen to you if you hit someone. It's NEVER ok! No more than it would be if he had hit you! Socially acceptable? Please. That's the kind of misandric opinion that gave you the audacity to hit him in the first place.

Mesonfielde · Answer

You slapped him?

You would no longer be neither a girlfriend nor a friend to me. Anyone who resorts to physical violence is basically dismissing their quality that makes them human: the capability to resolve conflicts in a civilized manner.

And you even did it in a social setting. I hope he'll do the right thing and cut you out of his life until you mature up a bit.

lkjhg69cum · Answer

Fuck no its not ok!!! Seriously? Just because you have a vagina means its cool if you hit someone you argue with? You want him hitting you back? No, you'd have the cops there hauling him off. You are lucky he has some restraint. I hope he dumps your sorry ass. Have some respect. What they are thinking is "What a bitch!" And they are thinking right! Damn!

Theguyoverthere · Answer

The fact that you have to ask means you were probably brought up improperly. Regardless of gender, you never hit anyone. Don't be like the self-entitled girls who think it's ok to get away with stuff like that. It's not and I hope he dumps you for it and finds a mature woman because you're clearly not in this case.

kangaru2 · Answer

Regardless of genders and situations unless he try to assault yoy, violence is never acceptable. I dont understand why these days people like to slap one another and to do it in front of others, it would hurt his pride. Have u tried to look for him and apologise

Camallunt · Answer

Firstly, if you are not communicating with your partner about your life why are you dating? Being under stress is something you share with your partner. You cannot vent your frustrations out on him especially if you are not telling him things so he is not aware.

Secondly, violence isn't ok even if women try to hold onto the notion it is ok to hit a man. While it is more social tolerated your friends will be gossiping and laughing behind your back calling you crazy and ill tempered. His friends will likely think you are a bit of a bunny boiler as you blown up over nothing and like a child lashed out. He will also respect you less now.

Hannah591 · Answer

There is no need to be physical with your boyfriend. You need to have self control to tell yourself to walk away. Involving violence causes so many more problems in the relationships and makes the argument 10x worse. It makes you look like a crazy person who can't manage her anger too. You've humiliated and insulted your boyfriend. You should apologise to him for it and forget about the argument and promise never to hit him again. If you can't refrain from hitting him again, you should go for anger management.

Chronos91 · Answer

While I get that you were stressed and everything, it's not ok to hit anyone. Especially when they're not responsible for what you feel. ESPECIALLY someone who loves and trusts you. It must hurt even more that you did it in front of people you both know. I'm fairly certain you've left a bad impression on him and your friends now.

They could've been sympathetic if you voiced out your distress earlier. But instead, you expressed it the wrong way. Now you need to take responsibility for it and apologise.

its_the_shrink · Answer

Not alright. Not at all. It falls under the category of domestic violence even if you are a woman and he is a man. Now, of course I wasn't there, but no matter what the situation was, nothing excuses this. You can leave him if he hurts you, you can do other stuff, couple's therapy or sth, but I would say no, this is the wrong way to go.
God knows I wanted to slap mine numerous times while we were fighting - I never did it though and it was not easy. Try to work on your self control, it will be fine.

Anonymous · Answer

No it isn't socially acceptable. I hate girls like you who think it's okay to hit their S/O. I actually saw a video earlier today that kind of suits this question: themindunleashed.org/.../...woman-abusing-man.html

It's not right for anyone to be abusive. Even if it was one slap, and you haven't done before and never will again, it was still very wrong.

Anonymous · Answer

The slap is forgivable (for a guy). Calling him a useless bastard in front your friends...well not so much. Maybe he deserves the label, i don't know. Either way both of you are fools for continuing this relationship. It's one or the other. You're a fool for giving someone that doesn't care about you another chance. Is he the fool for staying with a girl that disrespects him (and physically) in public?

You realize the only reason you weren't arrested is because of his generosity. You assault someone, you usually get arrested.

You're wrong, what you did is wrong...maybe he's wrong to. This relationship is toxic, get out of it. You come on GAG for advice, not to hear what you want.

Paritosh23 · Answer

Slapping someone (male\female) is not acceptable..
And that too in public.
If you are in stress , you must try move away from the situation, rather than slap him in front of all of the friends. Had this been secluded incident, he might or might not have slapped you back..
But slapping someone is never acceptable. NEVER.

Anonymous · Answer

The fact that you think it's not OK for a man to hit a woman but OK for you to hit him shows what a sexist you are. It's disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself.

I hope he's done with you, and that you will learn from your mistake and adjust your sexist attitude.

AdamThomas · Answer

No it's not okay. I got hit before by a girl and she wouldn't stop so I slapped her back. Of course then I was made out to bevthe bad guy for not just standing there and taking it like a "real man". People can fuck off with that shit.

FatherJack · Answer

This is just one symptom of male-negative brainwashing , always painting men as dumb , sex obsessed morons , that are also , by default , evil bastards too !! Unfortunately it IS seen as acceptable for a woman to strike a man , ( he DESERVED this !! ) having been hit from behind , across the head , by a total stranger woman with a stiletto heel , resulting in a deep cut , even being snarled at , then kicked , by a nasty young woman... for holding a door open for her like a gent !! This is why so many women look down on men...& it's open season on men. The result for women will be men turning their backs on you all... even when you REALLY do need us !!

rthomas43 · Answer

If you were my girlfriend, I would've kicked your ass to the curb on the spot.

Anonymous · Answer

It is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE!!!
I am surprised that you do see just how horrible that is.
If it is unacceptable for a guy to slap a girl then why would it be ok for a girl to hit or slap or kick a guy? IT's NOT!
It's not ok in front of his friends it's not ok in front of strangers its not ok when 2 people are alone together.

FlyingTurtle · Answer

PHYSICAL VIOLENCE AGAINST ANOTHER PERSON, REGARDLESS OF GENDER, IS NOT OKAY! Ever.
...
Okay so maybe two dudes get into a fist fight and nobody cares. But what you just described could be considered domestic violence, and hell no that's not "socially acceptable". Laying hands on your significant other is abusive.

T-shirtsandkneehighs · Answer

Are you seriously One of those stupid girls that think it's okay to hit guys but not okay to hit girls? What if he'd slapped you back? Would that have been acceptable? I hope he ends it with you

Anonymous · Answer

You called him a useless bastard in front of his friends? You could of at least had the decency to not put him down im public. Its like you have no respect. You shouldn't be hitting him, that is immature. That is the only way you can get your point across? By using violence? No hitting is never ok. You need to work on your possesive and jealousy issues before he leaves you

I slapped my boyfriend during an argument, is this okay?

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