My husband doesn't like/want to spend time with me except for having sex with me or when his friends are around.

He said this is normal once you are in a stable relationship. Is this true? This has been my only relationship. I asked him why he always invite his friends along when it's only supposed to be us 2, he said he wanted to minimize his suffering. I just think it's unfair I always tryout anything he's interested in and he acts nonchalant when I confront him about it. He said couples don't have to share any common interest at all as long as they love each other.Your thoughts?

Updates:
His parents are married but lives on separate continents & sees each other maybe 3 weeks each yr. I told him the fact that I don't feel wanted/needed and his response was a sigh, then says he doesn't know why he does that and he'll improve (been a cycle)
Yeah, I thought he was losing interest as well. We've been together for 7 years and he was like this after 6~12 months of dating. I'm now divorced because I felt so lonely in the marriage. Thanks for your insights
Divorce was finalized a week ago. I just can't stop thinking about the divorce. I keep thinking that it is all my fault and feel like a failure, maybe I was being too attention needy. This issue has bothered me and I wanted unbiased opinion.
 

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  • Mine does the same thing. He got mad at me this morning because I ruined his plans to suprise me by spending all wknd with me (immediately taking the kids off to grandmas after school today before I get home from work)...which always means he draws me a bubble bath (normally a sweet idea) but it is always just after I settle into doing something I need to do before the wknd is up...and then he wants to lay around for hours and have sex several times...I never am in the mood like that, because there is no emotional connection made aside from sex from him...which makes me feel like a means to an end. Then after sex he will have some great idea like spring cleaning the closets or washing every bit of laundry in the house. I bring up things like starting a garden, going to a small community festival, window shopping at Lowes/Home Depot, etc...and he makes me sound like I have some hair-brained idea to remodel the entire damn house...when I am just looking for things to build and accomplish together unlike loading the dishwasher again! I feel sucked dry! Any interst I have is stupid or not worth his time. Things that are important to me, ie getting out of debt or planning a vacation, are not important enough to put time or money into...he just wants everything done on a whim. I used to be spontaneous and fun, but after kids one of us had to grow up. His family GIVES him so many breaks...and he thinks he is busting his a-double to get things...bull crap. He busts his as to pursue his interests...and poops on any of my ideas. I am so sick of being demeaned and used. I do not think this will last, but I do not know what to do. I took this path, I have children from this relationship...and I feel like I have made a huge mistake with this man. I do not think we will be together after the kids move out. It is good enough to struggle thru with the kids, but if it was not for them, he would be no more than a good friend I keep in touch with now and then. I would be relieved to have my life back...my persona, my goals...b/c right now I do not have any little bit of them. I can compromise, I can share, I can even let go and let the other win...but not 100% of the time, esp. when I am the one left in charge of the dull important things like bills and dr's appointments and taxes. Why do I not have a say in the fun stuff. He used to think I was incredible...now I feel dull and muted. I hate my life aside from my kids. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

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What Girls Said 9

  • no you not being needy, yo know how a marriage should be and youra wasn't that...did you have kids with him

    • Well be thankful for that...trust me there is nothing worse then dealing with someone who you were so miserable with because you have kids. You are now able to have a clean break and find someone who will WANT to be with you.

    • No kids, I was so miserable that I could not bear the thought of having kids with him.

  • You are NOT a failure! Do not keep thinking that! That relationship probably just wasn't meant to be. There was something wrong with him, not you. Couples don't necessarily have to share common interests, but they should spend some quality alone time together. That's normally how couples are able to bond and that's when their love for each other grows stronger. He probably lost interest in you because he refused to be alone with you. This is not your fault. It was his.

  • You already got divorced? I'm curious about your update..

  • Um, fast divorce, no?

  • There is something seriously wrong here. It sounds to me that he has lost complete interest in the relationship. No, he's wrong, couples that love each other spend time with each other and enjoy it. Sex is a part of their marriage, but they also share a friendship. Marriage is between two people and he is obviously not contributing to the relationship. I would suggest counseling or something along those lines. Maybe a vacation to rekindle the flames. Anything with just you two were you can both talk is good.

  • that or he's not that into you anymore,he started to live on his own little world..

  • The "minimize his suffering" line is awful. Why did he marry you if he finds being around you so miserable?

  • That doesn't sound quite like a marriage. He is obviously mimicking what his parents do subconsciously or not but he is. Let him know things need to change if your gonna work it out.

  • That sounds very...unhealty. Where is he getting this info from? Were his parents this way, or is he making up the "rules" as he goes along? How can you love somone and not want to be with them/feel as if being with them is a form of suffering? Doesn't make sense at all...

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