Pro: Have sex
Con:
1.) He'll love her and be with her still
2.) He'll nag to you about his partner
3.) You'll be his free prostitute
4.) You'll be wasting your time with a guy who'll never be fully yours, when you can find a guy all for yourself
5.) He can get needy/clingy on you
6.) You'll be one of the reasons why the relationship/marriage got destroyed
7.) You may feel guilty
8.) You might end up pregnant
9.) He might leave his partner for you, and you realize you don't want him anymore.
10.) Your family and friends find out and bash you as a slut or whore
11.) Almost everyone knows about it and gossip of you
12.) Guys will think you're easy and girls will look at you as a skank
13.) You'll be disowned
14.) The partner looks for you and beats you up
15.) The partner finds out, kicks the guy out and the guy wants to move in with you.
Etc.
As someone that has been there I can tell you exactly what.
Pros: you get the kinky sex they aren't having. They like to make you feel special and important.
Cons: the jealousy, oh the overwhelming jealousy. You are always convinced they are cheating on you as well, because why wouldn't they? Nothing like being left alone, again when they can't come up with a good excuse to get away. It's been a good day and you want to call them, that's great as long as it's not when they are at home. You love perfume and scented products, that's awesome as long as you won't be seeing them cause they can't go home smelling like you. And lastly, stood up again when you wanted to see them, you really will never be that important.
Granted I should mention my experience was with someone that was never going to leave his wife, even though he "loved" me.
Pros: If he's worth the drama, you must be really interested. At least you get his attention?
Cons: You spend the entire time wishing he'd break up with her. tbh
Well there are no pros or cons with this first it will destroy a relationship with a family which will effect the kids if he has any then of course there's the divorce which now the kids won't have a father so in reality yes the mistress may have a new man but in there but the worst will always come that is karma which I have seen one of my sisters friend did that and a year later her mother got cancer and died a few months later not pretty and was never the same after that so that's so food for thought.
It sounds like a bad idea all around honestly, you are helping to destroy a relationship and really knowing the guy is with another woman is not really the best situation.
Opinion
5Opinion
My qualifications to answer this question: I've been dating the same two guys for about 15 years. A is full-time, B is part-time. Both have gotten married while we were dating.
Pros:
*You always have someone rooting for your success, because it won't impact him at all. He's not jealous or covetous - he wants what's best for you. Always.
*You have someone in whom you can confide EVERYTHING!!! Who's he gonna tell; his wife? Lol
*You've an objective sounding board and someone who will call you out when you're out of line. It's not that he doesn't care about you; it's that he really cares about you and wants your time together to be pure and good. No worries about petty arguments, who did the dishes, etc.
*I mean, the sex. Woof.
*In my situation, I support boyfriend A a lot when he's going through stuff. It feels good to know he trusts me with his problems and thinks highly enough of me to take my advice. Sometimes he'll open up with things he can't even tell his wife. It's double-jeopardy, right? Who could I tell without outting myself.
*Oh, the gifts! The secret flights out while he's on work trips. Amazing dinners. Great wine. Getting drunk and just laughing at the absurdity of what we're doing. He got my the boobies and tummy I've always wanted.
*I mean this from my soul: one of the biggest pros, for me, is knowing how deeply he loves his wife. Sounds contradictory, but it's true. Hearing about the things they do together (even just sitting on the porch at night) makes me so so so happy for both of them. He loves that woman.
*He loves me differently, and that's ok.
Cons:
*It can get emotional, and that complicates matters. I just address it with my partner at the moment it happens: "I think I'm getting a crush on you again. I need to take some time off," and he gets it.
*I know EXTREMELY intimate things about his wife. Like the most personal things you can imagine. I would DIE if anyone ever knew that much about me - much less the other woman. It would be mortifying for her, and I don't want that. I love them being in love, and, by extension, I love her. Anything that would interfere with that is not ok.
*Yep, getting caught would suck. I have the built-in advantage, however, of their wives never knowing them without me.
*Over the 15+ years we've been doing this, A gets a little brash sometimes. He'll sneak me into his house while his wife is asleep!!! It feels like he almost wants to get caught, or the thrill is intoxicating to the point of abandoning his senses.
What makes my situation-ships unique is that I would never date these guys. I love them, yes; I'm fine with open relationships, obviously; and I'm attracted to them physically over a long period of time. All great things. However, they've kids younger than mine, and I've no intention of moving backward in life. I am done being a parent when my youngest goes to school. Period. So, there's not a "pining away, draped over a ledge wondering 'Romeo, Romeo, where fourth art thou?'" element
I'm a grown woman with unlimited independence, and I love it.
This is not for everyone, but I wanted to encourage those who can do it safely to go go go! Too much judgement and negativity about being poly. It needs to end, and that starts here. Xoxo
There are no pros. You're turning yourself into a prostitute and you're helping to break up a marriage and/or family. All for what? Money? You have no self respect on too of everything.
Pros- He's keeping a shitty person like you occupied so that a decent guy doesn't accidentally end up with you
Cons- You're a bad person
I can't see any pro's. You're trading in your dignity for sex with a characterless man. He will lie and use you to feed his ego and then toss you away. Just say no.
You're essentially operating as a modern day concubine!
Why not go for someone who trully loves you… seriously, such a dumb move.
if you're just looking for fun with no commitment fine, but, if you want more, or might fall in love with the person, you're headed for heartbreak
Like an Escort, basically?
PROS: nothing
CONS: everything
Lots of single men out there... just a thought
Nothing but trouble
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