Is it unreasonable for a girl to ask her boyfriend to stop watching p*rn?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for quite some time. I always knew he watched porn; I accepted it as normal and didn't talk about it. As time went on, it started bothering me. I know that I can't compare to those girls. I know that I can't be as skinny, as sexy, as pretty or appealing as those girls are.
It's bothered me so much, that I get so self-conscious during sex and it distracts me. Those girls please him, and I start thinking that I'm not good enough.
I personally think it is unreasonable to ask of him, and I don't want to be that kind of girl, but what do you guys think?

Ask him!

Let him be..

Updates

+1 y

I asked him if he thought it was unreasonable.
He replied, "No, I guess not."
"You're your own person. I'm not going to ask you not to, nor can I control what you do or even tell."
"It's worth dealing with if it bothers you so much."

Updates

+1 y

All is well. He understands how I feel and is going to work on it. I know that it's unenforceable, and I'm not going to force it or ask of it. But our relationship is pretty honest, so I don't see this becoming a big issue.
Thanks guys!

[Distant]

It's okay to feel insecure but not okay to ask your boyfriend to change. All you can do is let him know how you feel about it and hope that he does stop but he likely won't. As a guy who has been in several relationships, you just want to 'bate sometimes when you're girlfriend is not around. That's not to be confused with "... because you find your girlfriend unattractive" which is often not true.

If it's an excessive amount of p*rn or it's interfering with his life then you may ask him to tone it down a little but you cannot ask him to stop. Or rather, you shouldn't ask him to stop.

[DodgersGM]

Well you can feel free to ask him anything you like. I'm sure there's quite a few couples out there that abstain from watching p*rn at the behest of their partners.

That said, it's gonna be pretty rare event that a man will completely quit watching p*rn.

I would tell him how it makes you feel, but don't make any demands. Maybe you guys can work out a way that is better than the current situation (example: he stops watching it in front of you, or stops talking about it, etc.).

[DodgersGM]

Thanks for MH. Good luck! :-)

[Asker]

I did let him know how I felt, and he seemed to understand. Now, I don't know if that means he'll stop, but at least he understands how I feel about it. Thanks for answering!

[DarkSider]

Yes dear
relationship is holy thing and understanding
if everything has happened as u described then no need to worry
u can have freedom to say
but say politely and u request him also say whatever u feel while sex and also when not doing that
just talk
see any problem can be solved by talking politely
u r in relation means u both trust and understand each other that can talk with freedom go ahead

best of luck
have a nice time

and this mho also have right to become mho
also do as he says
don't worry too much
specially when u fuck him
just empty ur mind and feel the plesure and happiness of having him with u

[dragonfly6516]

Sweetie, he's with YOU. If he wanted a hot slut, he wouldn't be with you. Men don't watch p*rn because they want to date a p*rn star, the watch p*rn because they need a visual to help them masturbate. And masturbation is normal natural, and healthy. Just like your body producing eggs and you shedding them through a period, their body is going to produce sperm and they need to ejaculate every once in a while. And if you ask, MOST men imagine the face of their lover when they watch p*rn.

[Anonymous]

p*rn is really just a quick fix for most guys. And I can assure you most guys don't sit around wondering why their girlfriends don't have p*rnstar titties or why they can't do weird sex acrobatics. He wants you, the living breathing female. Unless of course he's a p*rn addict. That could be an issue.

[obligations]

U can't change someone. Especially if u knew he watched p*rn and dated him anyway

[decemberxblue]

Hey, you can add me. I just read your comment and ran into you here by coincidence

[decemberxblue]

A part of me feels like masturbating to p*rn is emotional cheating. Our beliefs are shaped by our cultural norms, and it's part of our norms to believe that p*rn is somehow different from masturbating to anybody else. It obviously varies person to person, but I think it's fair.

[Asker]

I agree with you. I think that's why it bothers me so much.

[decemberxblue]

It's why it's good to have those questions in the beginning you know? You don't want to feel like you're changing someone later, but you should just talk with him about it and explain the reasoning. It's one of those things I wouldn't be able to ignore.

[Asker]

Thanks, I talked to him about it, and we'll talk more about it later.

[decemberxblue]

No problem good luck

[Anonymous]

If him watching p*rn is having an adverse affect on your relationship i. e. he's not sexing you because he's too busy whacking off in the dead of night with Knobby Knuckles and his four wonderful wives then I don't think it's wrong for you to confront him.

If everything is fine and dandy, then just let him be, p*rn is fantasy and most normal men can tell the difference between paid actress who have had 1000's of $ of surgery to normal girls.

[Asker]

I actually never thought of it like that. Thanks!

[Mesonfielde]

Fyi if he found you unappealing he wouldn't be dating you.

[Asker]

This comment really helps. Thank you..

[kheserthorpe]

It's unreasonable to control how he masturbates.

It's more reasonable if you live together to be clear that you want him to bring 100% of his sexual needs to you. That you'd -always- be happier to get him off then have him fantasizing on his own. That being able to take care of him makes you feel special.

[WesTheGuru]

You can't ask him to stop watching p*rn unless you want to always be able to video chat or get him off when he is horny. Otherwise he's just going to start ling to you about it.

If he is watching p*rn instead of having sex with you, then you need to have a talk. Otherwise just let it be. It's perfectly normal, and I'm sure you don't want to give him head or have sex with him EVERY single time he is in the mood anyway.

[Anonymous]

You're basically asking him to stop having certain thoughts, which is quite dictatorial IMO.

Yes it's unreasonable. It's also unenforceable. He'll start doing it again, except this time he'll be lying to you about it. Do you really want your boyfriend to lie to you?

[Asker]

It's not really trying to control his thoughts. I understand that he can masturbate to whatever thoughts he wants, but visiting a p*rn site is an action, not a thought. I know it's unenforceable, but it's not like I'm declaring it law. I would have just asked him not to.
I did tell him that it bothered me instead of asking for action.

[Opinion Owner]

OK, but what's the real difference between thinking about having sex with Sheila Bigboobs and watching a video of Sheila Bigboobs having sex? It's not like the video was commissioned for him. If anything, watching a p*rn is less personal than just imagining it. If he just imagines it, he's probably going to imagine himself having sex with her. If he's watching her, he might be too distracted to actually imagine himself with her.

Or to put it another way: is it wrong to read The Notebook or to watch The Notebook? I don't think so. But like just imagining Sheila Bigboobs, it might actually be more personal than watching a p*rn.

[Opinion Owner]

And masturbating is an action.. And actually thoughts are actions too. You can control your thoughts to a large extent.

[GrowStrong]

its hard to stop atching p*rn, but if my girlfriend asked me t stop, i would stop

[Anonymous]

if you ask him to stop watching p*rn IE masturbating expect to have sex with him way more often maybe even more often than you are willing to.

let him be.

[Asker]

Having sex with him isn't the issue, except for the couple days we don't see each other.

[Anonymous]

When a guy tells his girlfriend he's got no interest in p*rn, he's LYING to her to spare her feelings.

Let him watch his p*rn. At least you know he's not getting off to gay p*rn in secret or anything.

[Anonymous]

Well as long as you want to be his substitute, then ask him.

[Asker]

More than willing!

[Opinion Owner]

He's lucky. ^_^

[Asker]

Haha, I think that's another thing that bothers me. We have sex quite a bit.

[Anonymous]

The issue here is not the porn; it's your insecurity. I don't say that to be mean but I think you should give that some thought.

[Asker]

Already have. If I didn't take my insecurity into account, then I would have thought it would be completely reasonable to tell him to stop. But I realize that I might be overreacting. I've given it so much though, and that's why I never asked him about stopping before.

[Shoepoo4]

Fuck off, you aren't even as interesting as the p*rn that's out there. Girls should realize that every guy will be jerking it to p*rn while in a relationship.

[Asker]

Actually several of my exes didn't believe in watching p*rn.

[Shoepoo4]

Because they were effeminate losers.

[Asker]

I didn't know that NOT watching people have sex makes you a loser. The more you know!

[Shoepoo4]

Well you are just a female, so I don't expect you to know very much.

[Asker]

Dude, it's not like I've never watched p*rn. I watched it regularly when single. Girls aren't always that different than guys.

[Creole_Flavor]

Maybe you should watch it together

[Asker]

Too shy about that kind of thing. I use to watch it alone before a relationship

[Creole_Flavor]

Don't be shy it could actually help your relationship. Watching p*rn is not like cheating no more is it like having sex. Its basically watching fantasies and thoughts come to life.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you are not good enough in the bed. Ever seen the movie Don Jon?

[Asker]

Well, I hope I am with how frequently we have sex.. I've never seen the movie.

[Opinion Owner]

Surprise him during sex, know his fantasies and play them, that's hot

[fr4nk]

It would be pointless to ask him to stop.