As a young guy, if a girl gives up sex on the first night and sleeps with 4 guys a month is she worth making your gf?

[jdotkidd93]

Ok so to be completely honest i'm a 20 year old guy and all i really want from a woman right now is sex. I know that may seem shallow but it's true. I want companionship and love aswell but above all i want sex.

I felt like i loved my ex of 1 and half years, she's my first serious girlfriend but now when i reminisce back on our relationship all i think about is the sex, i don't miss walking through parks holding her hands all i miss having sex with her. Maybe it's because we had a bad relationship, she was extremely controlling, forced me to stop speaking to my friends, told me if i didn't become a successful lawyer she would leave me (i'm studying law at university) as she can only be with me if i am successful and earning a lot basically.

So maybe that is why i only miss the sex because the relationship was so negative. But i don't know like one of my guy friends told me this, he has been with a lot of girls, good looking confident guy right. He was like he loves his current girlfriend, she is amazing i mean when he tells me the things she does for him like takes care of him, loyal etc and he does the same it make's me kinda wish my ex was like that. He told me he met her started speaking to her and tried to have sex after like a week of speaking, she was like no and he said that was the moment he knew there was potential of a relationship because she wasn't easy i guess.

I don't know i mean my ex has slept with about 16 guys, she sleeps around a lot and admitted she lied about a couple extra guys, i could have slept with her as soon as i met her she made that obvious but i didn't because i wanted to be respectful and do it the right way, take her out etc make her my gf

But look what happened she turned out to be crazy, if i just slept with her at the start i would have just avoided the whole crazy relationship we had. Girls that sleep with like 4 guys a month like her are usually messed up, respectable girls don't sleep around that frequently.

[Anonymous]

Everyone has a past, I think the thing is what that person wants to do with their present and future.

If she was using the present to be controlling and a terrible girlfriend, she would be a terrible person no matter if she was a virgin or a slut. I am surprised you stayed with her for so long!!!

Try not to hold women to a double-standard as well... if you say that all you want is sex, it's best not to talk about how messed up girls are for wanting sex!!

You're young, so go do what you want and be safe about it. You'll want companionship more in a few years.

[jdotkidd93]

Thanks a lot for your great answer, yeah she would be a terrible person regardless of sexual history.

I don't mean to hold women to a double standard aswell my apologies it's just that in my experience every time i meet a well adjusted respectful confident women, she usually doesn't sleep around. I don't mean never having sex with anyone bar a boyfriend, i'm talking sleeping around to the extent of my ex like 4 guys a month, any guy, guys she doesn't even find attractive or have feelings for.

I mean my ex once told me this guy approached her in a club, she didn't find him attractive so decided to just use him for sex, started asking him if he knows how to give oral etc, which is kinda disgusting. She tended to tell me how ugly the guys she slept with were and how disgusting they were and be like why did she do that etc. She would cry after sex with this guys aswell and say she felt dirty and used afterwards. It just seems like casual sex destroyed her emotionally

[Opinion Owner]

I do know what you mean... obviously if a girl doesn't care about her behaviour to others, it is hard to understand WHAT exactly she cares about or values. I do think she sounds a bit "too much", but I hope your experience with her won't put you off having relationships. Do what you feel comfortable with now, but don't assume all girls are like that!

[jdotkidd93]

100% i know not all girls are like that, it definantly hasn't put me off relationships, maybe even made me want to find a good girl like the girlfriends my friends have. I used to just think how come my girl doesn't act like this, how come she is so controlling and crazy. I think it's just made me more careful, i mean if i meet a girl tomorrow i won't just assume like i did with her, they are all innocent and perfect and girlfriend material just because they have a pretty face.

I will get to know the real them before i start a relationship with them and by doing that i'll hopefully avoid another my ex situation. There were signs with my ex anyway i just ignored them, like a month into being with her she was already giving me ultimatums and making demands like she will leave me if i don't take her out and buy her gifts etc. Anyway this is a learning curve no regrets, i'll find a better more wholesome girl because of this bad experience.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah dude you actually sound awesome and cool about the whole thing, I think you have the right attitude by taking it as a learning experience and not being bitter. Like I don't even know why you are asking this question, you seem to have your head around the situation pretty well!!

[jdotkidd93]

Hahaha just needed reassurance to be honest it's asking this question and getting these answers that make made me see it as a learning experience rather than being bitter.

I was trying to see it as a learning experience before then feeling bitter at the same time but your answer especially has completely got rid of all that bitterness i mean why be bitter, we go to the same university anyway. Our uni has 1000's of people so it's not like i will bump into her 100% but i may and if i do i don't want to be giving her daggers or getting angry she is just irrelevant to my life right now, i completely cut contact and i plan to keep it that way and move on to bigger and better things.

1 last piece of advice though, she left a lot of her stuff at my house at university over summer. I'm at home it my parents right now but in September i will move back to uni house. How do you reckon i should handle that situation because i have to see her again for her to collect her things...

[jdotkidd93]

It's a lot of things aswell so she will need a moving van, i really don't want to see her and have to interract with her at all i kind of what to just x her out of my life and that will be it. But i'm going to have to speak to her again in Sept i guess when she comes to collect her things. We haven't spoken in about 2 weeks since we broke up, so no contact as i told her i didn't want to speak her to contact me.

I was thinking of texting her in September and saying she should send a moving van to my house, me and my housemates can load it with all her belongings and it can take it to her new place. So she wouldn't need to come round etc. Reckon that's a good idea, what would you suggest, she has broken up with me twice before hand and then tried to befriend me and contact me trying to get back with me.

I really don't want to even interact with her in any way so i don't want her coming over trying to make convo, i'm pretty sure this time it's done though and nothing could change

[Opinion Owner]

If you have a mutual friend who you trust, ask them to be there and oversee her moving all her stuff. You could make it easy by putting it all in a pile (neatly not rudely - she's a terrible person but you dont have to be), so there's no excuse for her to hang around.
You could organise a time and get your roommates to be there, but don't tell her that you won't be there. Or pretend you will be there if you have to.

At the end of the day, it is HER stuff, so its sort of her responsibility. If she won't get it, you can honestly politely ring her parents and say, "Hi, I have some of XXX's things and she is unable to pick them up, would you be able to come and collect them?". Most parents are pretty reasonable and would react well to someone being polite like that. But that is your last resort option if she is really stubborn!

[jdotkidd93]

Thanks for the advice, yeah my housemates will 100% be there, there is like 5 of us so i'm pretty sure if she comes round there will be people in the house so it won't be just me and her.

Yeah i won't be rude haha, i don't want to be petty like that, i will probably just have all the boxes in the corridor by the front door, so if she comes we can just help carry the boxes to the van and that will be it. She's lucky anyway if i was nasty i could just pile all her boxes outside my front door and tell her to sort it out herself, but i'm not petty like that i'll help her load the van just so the experience is just short and quick. Now if i was her boyfriend i would load the van, go in the van to her place carry all the heavy boxes to her flat etc like i did when she moved her stuff to my house initially. But i'm not going to do all of that, hopefully she will just send a van and not come over so we can avoid this whole thing haha.

Thanks so much for the advice btw!

[Opinion Owner]

It definitely sounds like you have ways where you dont have to see her, or at least there will be other people around!

No problem about the advice, if you have a second I'd love your opinion on my question: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1089632-guys-what-is-this-guy-doing-what-does-he-want-to-achieve

[jdotkidd93]

Thanks a lot for your help btw, just seen this i'll definitely give you my opinion on your question.

Your help was much appreciated on my question.

[Anonymous]

Obviously not. You can't make a hoe a housewife. I thought this was basic common knowledge for anybody over 12.
If she can do it with you, she can do it with anybody... Duh... Smh.

[jdotkidd93]

Hahah thing is though eventhough she was a hoe, she was 100% committed to me and didn't even have any guy friends, would never cheat i mean i could bet a house that she never cheated or anything of that sort.

But being a hoe doesn't always mean if your in a relationship your gunna cheat, it could mean you just like sex when your single and that's it, that's just what i thought she like sex when she's single but is loyal when she is in a relationship.

But what i have realised is there are probably 2 types of hoes, a hoe that is just a hoe with it sleeps with multiple guys doesn't care no emotional bond etc, who just loves the attention and would probably cheat on a bf if a hot guy came up to them.

The 2nd type of hoe is my ex, the type of hoe that sleeps with anything, she would sleep with guys who she thought were ugly and just use them for sex, then feel dirty used and cry afterwards. These hoes are do it to because they are insecure, but they are crazy and messed up so avoid

[TheNewClassic]

Tbh, I wouldn't want a girl like that as my girlfriend.

[Mesonfielde]

Me neither. I wouldn't trust her.

[Rail2k]

No, if a girl gives up sex on the first night and sleeps with 4 guys a month then she's more than likely not worth being your girlfriend. You should try to find more meaning in things other than sex, but it sounds like you just had a bad ex-girlfriend. Sleeping with her right away might've avoided that mess, but it could just as well screw up a relationship in the future that could've been great. I'd keep your respect for ladies, just learn to better differentiate between ladies and sluts.

[jdotkidd93]

Yeaht that's the thing, i actually want to be respectful it's in my nature i mean when we first met i didn't try and touch her innapropriatly or kiss her i just wanted to take things slow respect her take her out show her i liked her make her feel special etc. She even would come over like a couple days into knowing her and sleep in my bed, we would cuddle but you know to the average guy a girl coming over to your house straight away to spend the night must want something sexual. She even was suprised after a couple days saying i had self control because we lay together and i didn't try and make a move on her, she even said that's one of the reasons she liked me as i was different to all her previous guys. Maybe because i liked her as a person and not just her body.

But i don't want to be that guy that meets a nice girl and tries to sleep with her the next day i want to do it the right way and respect her. But then how can i avoid situations like the one with my ex?

[jdotkidd93]

... CONTINUED... i have learnt that not every girl qualfies to be your girlfriend. I mean as soon as i met my ex she was my first ever proper girlfriend she was pretty so i immediately just went into the be respectful, take her out wine and dine her mode before i even got to know her. She didn't even really deserve all of that considering how it turned out.

Just wondering how to like distinguish a good respectful girl from a girl like her, every guy she meets immediately just sleeps with her and never calls her again and she continues to jump from bed to bed. When i met her i had no idea she was like this though, i thought she was a good respectful girl aswell, maybe that's why you should get to know someone for a while before you get into a relationship with them i guess.

[Rail2k]

The only way to avoid situations like the one with your ex is to simply discover what kind of person she is before getting into a serious relationship with her. This can be hard, and you're going to miss and have things like this probably happen -- that's just life and unfortunately there are too many bad eggs out there for it to not happen. The important thing is to try and not let it make you a bad egg, because even though you might have a few strike-outs all it takes is one home run for you to find a great girl to spend the rest of your life with.

As far as figuring out what kind of person a girl is, this is usually done either on the first couple dates or beforehand if you already knew them well before. Ask her questions about what she thinks is right and wrong, about things she's done in the past and whether she regrets or justifies them. Gauging her morality and character is probably the best way to determine if she's worth the effort.

[jdotkidd93]

Thanks for the advice, how long do you think you should get to know someone before you get into serious relationship as a rough estimate. You could go on 3 dates in 10 days and you wouldn't really know them that well, true your right that's life you will have a few strike outs i guess.

The thing is, that's totally true, my ex had strong beliefs that a man should earn x amount to be with her etc, guy has to be in a good career so she can use his money and stay at home etc. I guess if i gauged all this from her before we started getting serious i would have known she wasn't worth it. I don't know about sexual history though, i mean i found out she had slept with 4 guys in a month the first time i met her, maybe i would have thought maybe she doesn't respect herself enough and maybe she isn't worth investing time into, then i don't want to be judgmental though someone who has sex outside of relationships can still be a good girl as well... CONTINUED...

[jdotkidd93]

... some people lie aswell, i mean when we first met she told me about a guy that was trying to get with her, she told me he invited her to his house, she thought they were friends, then he tried to get her up to him room and refused and left. She met me couple days later and the guy was still trying to get her to come over again, she told me because she met me and i was a good guy she refused to go over to his and cut all contact.

When in fact what actually happened was they were having sex, i don't even know if they continued while we were dating before we were official but she told me she cut contact as soon as she met me. Anyway she had sex with this dude she just met and didn't even like or find attractive as she told me this and lied about it to me for our whole relaitonship. I don't mind anyway it was before me but that kinda shows you will get strike outs i guess because not everyone is 100% honest i guess, she only told me that after we broke up.

[Rail2k]

After 3 dates you should be able to sort of get a feel for the girl's character, I mean you'll never get a 100% answer on whether she's worth it and of course she can always lie through her teeth throughout it all -- it's just the margin of error you'll have to deal with. Of course if after 3 dates you're still not sure you can always wait a little longer, there's nothing wrong with taking things slow.

But yea, if a girl believes that a man should earn a certain amount to be with her then that's a pretty big red flag. A lover should be there for you for better or for worse, not just when you have money. As far as things they've done in the past, it's really about whether they regret it or try to justify it. I mean if she used to have sex quite a bit does she regret it now? Or does she act like it's nothing or give excuses for why she did what she did. If she doesn't truly regret it, she's probably going to do it again -- in this case probably behind your back.

[Rail2k]

American society constantly tells us that judging people is bad, but this really isn't the case. Judgment is only bad if it's blind judgment, where you know nothing about the person and make large assumptions. Frankly judgment is the only thing that's going to save you from heartbreak -- as well as a lot of things in life involving other people.

Listen to your judgments about people, just always think and make sure the judgments make sense.

[jdotkidd93]

Thanks a lot for the advice, really helped

[ZeusofOlympia]

well it sounds to me like she doesn t have time... to fit you in... as it were

[ZeusofOlympia]

Sorry... auto correct was sleepin... I mean he doesn't have time

[Mesonfielde]

Having so many partners in so little time reeks of attachment issues. I would steer clear.