I need advice: to tell or never to tell, that is the question?

[Anonymous]

My bff is a virgin. She is 29 years old. Don't judge her. She is super sweet good Christian girl believes in saving herself.

Last year she decides she wants to be more sexually exploring. She meets a guy she likes and is attracted to and starts to fool around with him. Tells him she's a virgin and won't have sex but wants to explore and do other stuff...

He was fingering her "kind of rough" and it hurt but she was ok. Later he called her to see if she was ok because he saw blood on his finger. She thought it was weird and had never had that Happen before. And wanted to know if I knew what it could be.

I'm pretty sure HE POPPED HER CHERRY!!!

At the time I didn't say anything, just said I didn't know. It's never come up since.

Usually I'm in the tell then truth camp, but I don't know in this case if there's really a point to it or not.

Was I right to keep it to myself or should I have told her the truth?

Should I tell her now? Or never?

Tell her!

Don't ever tell her!!

Updates

+1 y

So far everyone says tell... But... How do I bring it up now, a year later?

[AlexCab]

Ok hun... I'm the only one saying no so far, so here we go: why on earth would you tell her she lost her virginity to a finger? The girl is obviously sweet and believes strongly in marriage = sex and nothing before (for some reason, she's not considering fingering as sex but penetration by a penis totally is sex?), and the minute she starts exploring it you go out and say "hey, you lost it, congrats!". I wouldn't do that to her. Consider the following:

1. She waited till she was 29 years old to start exploring non-penetration-by-penis sex.
2. It was kind of painful but for all we know, she did like it a bit.
3. It could or might lead to other experiments.
4. At one point it might or might not make her question her beliefs.

In my head, if you tell her, you can actually stop her from enjoying this, and you can potentially make her scare of "experimenting". I think it's healthy to do so, even if you get to the point of questioning what you believe. You can only come out stronger out of that... as opposed to "scared" because you got some finger stuck up your hoo-ha. Know what I mean?

Don't tell her :P

[Asker]

I actually agree with you. This is exactly why I didn't tell her in the first place.

[Asker]

I don't see what good can come from it

[AlexCab]

Great! At least for me, some stuff you just don't need to know right. She's happy the way she is, and it's not like you're hiding a terrible truth from her, so why bother her? I say don't tell her :)

[AlexCab]

Thanks for MHO :-)

[BinaryColor]

Just because he popped her cherry doesn't mean she's not a virgin, the hymen can break from various things and is a terrible indicator of someone's virginity. I would just inform her of what actually happened (as in her hymen breaking) but assure her that everything is okay and she is still a virgin. :)

[Anonymous]

Your call. I feel like virginity is both a state of mind and a physical thing. If he indeed popped her cherry then I suppose physically she is not a virgin. If, however, she defines virginity as never having penis in vagina sex then she's still a virgin by her standards. If you don't tell her then she's going to have a much nicer time when she chooses to have vaginal intercourse though because the cherry popping part will be over.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her if that when she bled she had her cherry popped. Also reassure her that since she has never had intercourse she is still technically a virgin and that when she does lose it, it will be much less painful. Oh and let's hope that the guy she does save herself for won't know that he should be popping her cherry. Hope this helped!

[ibrakh12]

You can say i am sorry for not telling you at first but you got your cherry popped you bled because of that but i assure you that are still a virgin
Thats my opinion

[SüßeJäger]

of course you should tell her. She needs to know about her own body. I would think if she decided to get fingered, getting her cherry popped kinda goes with the territory.