My boyfriend shoved me the other night?

[Anonymous]

A few nights ago my boyfriend & I had a disagreement and he shoved me down. A couple of months ago he did grab my wrists a couple times but this is the first time he's done something like this
The argument was so stupid, but he started to raise his voice and sorta backed me towards the wall. When I saw I told him I didn't want to fight anymore & tried to walk away & that's when he did it then I fell into the wall. He said see when you nag at me and then left the apartment. I was so shocked that all I could do was cry. I'm still shocked and I haven't talked to anyone about this. He did apologize the next day and started to cry a little as well.
At this point I don't know what to do, I'm a little weary, I was just always taught to leave if your partner puts their hands on you.
But I do believe he was sorry and he said he would never do something like that. I know he loves me just like I love him, I can't imagine throwing everything away. I moved away with him and even changed schools and like I said I love him so that wasn't any issue and I wanted to.
But he has been getting more aggressive whenever he's mad and grabbing my wrists the other times.
Other than what happened the other night he's a good boyfriend and he works hard and is sweet to me when there's no argument.
I just feel really conflicted right now, and still feeling pretty upset about it. I hate fighting with anyone, I feel off.
I'm not sure what to do? and I keep thinking about what if it happens again.

[loveisbeautiful]

I'm always the first to tell people to work things out, because we all know people
today break up for stupid reasons. But, if there was ever a good reason to break up
with someone, this would be it. Everything I read sounds exactly like how all abusive
relationships start and once you're in one, it's hard to get out. I'm sure you do love
him and I'm sure he loves you too, but sometimes love isn't enough. I know it would
be hard to leave but it's better to do it now when things are just starting to get physically
heated when you have an argument, then when it's full blown and your life is in danger.

I don't know how old you are, but I have a cousin who was in a abusive relationship
when she was 17 or 18. It really screwed up her life, big time. He wasn't the greatest
of catch's, he had pretty bad life. Mom was drug addict. Dad was in prison. He was
kicked out high school for starting a fight. He had been fired from jobs, for the same
reason. He lived in apartment in bad part of town and called my cousin for EVERYTHING,
even when she was having some health issues. So, there were give away's and my
cousin is a tough chick. Has a black belt in karate, but despite all that she stayed
with him. And, he hit her. Once he slapped her for trying to avoid a car accident
and another he hit her so bad you couldn't even regonize her. She eventually
broke up with him, but not before it took a toll on her life. She stayed because she felt
bad for him and wanted to help him. Her life is back on track now, but maybe it
all could have been avoid if she would have paid attention to those signs.

You have some signs yourself, pay attention to them. If you don't think your situation
is as bad as my cousins was or will every reach that level, then just take a break
from him for a while and evualate the situation from a far and see what happens. (to be continued)

[loveisbeautiful]

However, in my opinion. It would be in your best interest to break up with him now,
just for the fact that he utter the words "see when you nag at me". That's how it
always starts, something minor like a grab of a wrist and always blaming the other
person for why they got angry and violent. he shoved you into a wall and bascially
said it was because you nagged him. Women nag men everyday and no man likes
it, but doesn't mean he would get physically aggresive with her. If he does, that could
be the start of a serious problem. One that shouldn't be taken lightly. So, don't let this
go. Don't assume it won't happen again, just because he said it. Either break up with him and
save yourself now or take time a way from him and decide what to do. Just don't brush this off as a minor thing, take notice of it and makesure it REALLY doesn't happen again. Good luck.

[Azara]

not just his violence. its that he won't discuss things. when he decides its done its done and if you dont agree he uses force.

even of he wasn't violent he's still an ass. not worth it i dont care if he's sorry. people can murder then have true remorse.. he's not in control of himself. he's volatile and can not manage to conduct himself like a rational human being.

[Azara]

you have a right to express your feelings without fear of physical retaliation. communication is very important in relationships. how can you have honest communication when he calls it nagging and walks away at best hurts you at worst.

[Anonymous]

Get out. Please don't be one of those women. From tne outside you look weak and Sick with no sense of logic. No man should ever raise a hand to you ever. There is no excuse.

[Regnatrix]

For him to grab your wrist and shove you when he's angry seems like a serious problem. If this behavior continues and he can't simply talk to you, he may adjust to force as a way to state his point of view. If your feeling uncomfortable to the point where you have to move schools, that's a red flag. Try talking to him about it. Being in an abusive relationship is something no one wants to be in.

[BertMacklinFBI]

what is causing him to go into rage?

[Asker]

He finally had a break from work, and I wanted to go out and do something fun. He said he didn't feel like it, so I said okay, but I did mention that we don't go out and do fun things as much anymore.
Then he got kinda irritated and said "what am I supposed to do quit my job" and I said no I just wanted to do something nice. So he said "fine lets go" in a really irritated voice so I said "lets just
forget about it" because I didn't want to force it if he didn't want to. and thats when things escalated and he said it was like I just wanted to nag and bother him the whole time and then change my mind at the end.. and said "if you want to argue then let's argue"
I didn't want to argue with him but things got out of hand from there.
I feel like it was my fault and I didn't mean to nag him I know he can get really stressed at times, I still feel upset about the shoving.

[BertMacklinFBI]

it wasn't intentional on both ends. I've seen this many times. he just lost it and acted out of impulse due to his emotions he was experiencing during the time, which would be stress, exhaustion, etc. trust me it literally feels like the guys head is getting really light then a flash of heat and then a bunch of needles in his head and it just makes guys do stupid shit sometimes and that is usually the impulse based decision they act out of. yeah it wasn't cool he took it that far but when he is in a peaceful state of mind discuss it with him and tell him you understand what was going on and you didn't realize it but what he did was really not cool either. he should be quite understanding based on your description and now you two have this experience for the future. if he does it again then be extremely weary.

[Panzer103]

Up vote. This guy is the only one with any sense in this lot.

[Asker]

Thank you. That makes a lot of sense to me.

[BertMacklinFBI]

ooh noice:D TyvM!:) and you know I hope things work out for you. I don't want a girl to ever learn the hard way ever again. it just sucks.

[Azara]

@acted out of impulse due to his emotions he was experiencing during the time, which would be stress, exhaustion, etc. trust me it literally feels like the guys head is getting really light then a flash of heat and then a bunch of needles in his head and it just makes guys do stupid shit sometimes and that is usually the impulse based decision they act out of.

this jus not some specials 'guy feeling' everyone feels this way sometimes, but they manage to control themselves. you can dress it up ashy way you like. yeah he felt bad so what? he took it out on her. there's no excuse for that.

[BertMacklinFBI]

@Azara true that :D you always find me ^-^ lol :D

[Azara]

lol do i?

[AleDeEurope]

It's the first time, so I wouldn't tell you to break up, but do keep an eye on him, and if he does it again, dump him.
Maybe he hasn't hurt you, yet, but you don't know what can happen in the future if he can't control his anger.

I know you love him and all that, but it's preferable to stop it before it gets any worse.

[05Jueey]

"& that's when he did it then I fell into the wall. He said see when you nag at me"
HUGE RED FLAG!

It sounds like he's becoming more and more aggressive. Are you willing to let it go to the extent that he hits you harder and more often?

[silmshady]

violence of ay kind is not okay. it might start off being one time, but before you know it you will mentally drained and trapped in this relationship. I really do think you should get out before its too late. it doesn't matter if there's a change he might NOT do it again, you should look out for yourself over him (as harsh as that might sound)

[been_waiting]

Sounds like he's just now showing that side of him. I don't think it will end well. You need to have a serious talk with him about this and if anything like this happens again you should leave him.

[kellytheman]

Maybe he should go to a anger management class or go to some kind of counseling but if he starts hitting or punching or be very violent leave him and get a restraining order on him because some guys will try come after u.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you guys are nice I asked something like this on here and I was attacked as a horrible person until I broke down I tears.

[Asker]

That's kinda whats happening to me in the comments section.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry to hear that, don't let it get you down. You're doing the right thing by asking for help and at least knowing the situation is not right. It's up to you what you do about it though.

[JustAskMEH]

i'm sorry to hear that. i'm not in a relationship but my mom also kicked me out of the house and pushed me real hard. also my dad tends to hurt us in a sort of playful way but i thin it's just he's way of showing his frustration with us. i don't know what to do :\

[Opinion Owner]

Wow, girl that sucks! When I was growing up I was kind of built up and torn down all the time and sometimes hit too! :(( I'm sorry you're going through I wish I could help!

[Opinion Owner]

But at least talk to a friend, not just online or try to speak to a counselor maybe that can help.

[jag420]

Get out as soon as possible. That stuff does not get better without help

[jmmmfi]

End it plain and simple