My girlfriend doesn't see me as a priority. Not even close. I feel like i'm there to be picked up and put down whenever she has nothing better to do?

[Anonymous]

So, my girlfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. 3 months ago she moved abroad for work. When going she promised me this amazing relationship based on communication and trust and gaining life experience and sharing that with somebody across the world.

She's in a new country and there's a time difference and with my university work and her job there's not a lot of time in the day for us to talk and communicate (usually via Skype or IM). maybe a 2/3 hour window most days. So to help cope i send her a 'morning message' just telling her about my day and reminding her that i love her and that i can't wait to see her. I send flowers every now and then and do all those 'little things' you read about. In other words, i really try. If i'm not going to be back home in time to skype, i worry and fret and let her know. But it's a different story with her.

But she hardly replies. There's no communication. She'll say she'll call me back in 5 minutes, but an hour and half goes by without a word and i'm just left waiting. She doesn't hesitate to drop time with me to do anything else. Any time i try to confront her about not communicating or not letting me know what's happening she says she doesn't want to talk about it and that i'm overanalysing.

She's all about gaining life experiences and making the most of her time. She says she feels suffocated by us, that she feels like she's not really in a relationship and that she needs space. So now i feel like i'm waiting around for her to decide whether she wants me. I made a commitment to her and i don't feel like i'm getting the same back. She doesn't want me to prioritise her. She doesn't seem to want me to do anything remotely boyfriend related and i'm getting stressed. I love her and i want this to work but i can't bring it up because she refuses to talk about it.

I'm so stuck on what to do, and i know it's not the full picture but i had to cram it all in to 2000 characters so feel free to ask for info.

[jannii]

you know my boyfriend said that once too.
we started dating when we were 14 and i started building experience to get a solid job before i enter uni, which i did and they're paying my uni fees next year, but he didn't understand why i was spending so much time on those kind of stuff mostly because i barely keep my family off the streets while he lives in a 6 room mansion.
so after about 6-7 months he confronted me and told me that i was prioritising everything else before him.. and that he thinks it's better to just end it. but i told him to give me a week, and during that week he should pretend he's in my shoes, a female who needs to gain experience etc to get into a good workforce and be treated equally. we all know that sexism still exists. and so does racism...
after a week he came back and apologised and said that in my shoes he would do the same and we compromised and after that hiccup we were even closer. and we're still together after 4 years and we're even getting married next year April.
try talk to her if you really want it to work.. if not, then just leave her.. spare yourself and her the pain

[Marleyxavier92]

Let her go... i know it's going to hurt but it's just not the right timing for the two of you. Maybe, in the future your paths will cross ya never know. But don't waste your time worrying and wondering when there is something out there potentially better. Gosh, where is a guy like you in my life anyways? I'd love to have someone who cared about me as much as you cared about her... and i'd never bring you down like she is. You deserve better. after all 50/50 is a good thing, isn't it?

[Asker]

Thank you. I stumbled across this site and saw some of the posts where girls had issues with guys not caring enough and i thought, rather narcissistically i must admit, wow a lot of people would kill to be thought of and cared for this much. But alas, she seems to punish that behaviour.

I'm still not sure. She's beautiful, and she's a nice person, she's just changed since she went. Part of me is dying to let go and yet i can't.

Thank you so much for the reply and support

[SunshineMoonbeam]

It sounds to me like the scales are off balance. Trust me, I know from experience, the more you give, the more you will be pulled down. It's exhausting to give and give and give and get nothing in return, even when there are no expectations. You need to take care of yourself, and do things that make you happy. Don't let it get you stressed out, just back off for awhile and see if she communicates with you. You should let her take the initiative, see how that works.

[Asker]

Thank you :) I'm going to take your advice and do what makes me happy.
I'll back off and see if she steps up. If not, then i guess i want somebody who's going to care a little more.

[SunshineMoonbeam]

Yes, often times we get so caught up in our relationships... sometimes it's necessary to take a step back and reevaluate. I wish you luck. :)

[daddysbaybegurl]

well hun she prolly didn't mean it that way if your between the ages of 18 and 21 she prolly want to establish her independence and forces on school/collage working getting her own place just because your not a first priority dosent mean your not a priorty at all

[InquisitiveMale]

What you want this with girl, what you try so hard to obtain, you're not getting. She doesn't respect you. Why should she? You're to be used at her discretion. You'll give her anything and everything- and it doesn't cost her anything. You've demonstrated to her time and time again that you have no value.

The best thing you can do now is tell her you're not satisfied and that you want to take a brake to see other people. Tell her that she's not giving you what you deserve and until she changes and shows her appreciation, she doesn't get to have you.

It will take that drastic a step to change anything. And even then, it's a long shot. But if you don't want to do something of this sort, that's fine. She'll continue to treat you as disposable and if you don't accept her treatment of you, if you continue to complain without demanding change, she'll break it off herself- you're being a burden.

[Asker]

Probably not what i wanted to hear. Probably what i needed to hear. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

if you're not being prioritised, and you're putting your all in, and its quite one sided, you can do better. i learned this the hard way. there is better out there for you! someone who will actually appreciate all the effort you put in for them

[Anonymous]

She obviously sees you just as she's treating you: something to do. She doesn't see you as husband-material or even long-term material. Dump her if you don't want to get hurt...

[thisGUYknows]

This isn't gonna work. Move on