One night stand... now she's calling it rape?

[Anonymous]

Right guys, I'm in huge trouble right now and I nee some help/advice.

I was out with some close friends of mine last night, and I managed to pick up a girl. I took her back to my place, we had sex and she left in the morning. A couple hours later I got text from her friend and it read: "Julia just let me know what happened, you're in trouble - she's getting the police involved".

I'm literally shitting myself right now... I don't remember her giving consent, but we were both drunk and she was definitely not objecting to sex.

What do I do? Am I wrong?

[JSmuve]

Man, that absolutely sucks and I hope it all blows over for you. That's terrible. There are some truly shitty people in this world.

----Start rant----

Okay, when I read your question I got really fucking pissed off. How can any girl claim rape just because she feels like a fucking slut the next day? She made a decision. People who say that she was drunk so she couldn't give proper consent need to get their heads out of their collective asses. Yes, she was drunk but who gives a fuck. She made a decision. If someone gets into a car drunk and crashes into a pole they get charged for drunk driving. The judge doesn't say "oh, he/she was drunk so they didn't know what they were doing". No. That doesn't happen. That person gets slapped with DUI because they made a choice. As long as she's able to speak coherently then she can give consent and make decisions. End of story.

Now, while we're on the topic of consent, what the fuck does consent even mean nowadays? That's a question that we, as a society, need to sit down and decide once and for all. There's explicit verbal consent (i. e. saying "yes, let's have sex") and then there's tacit consent (i. e. not objecting and eagerly going along with it). Well guess what? You're not going to get explicit consent from people all the time because that's ridiculous. 99% of sexual encounters start with tacit consent. And neither methods of consent can be proven in court. So there's no fucking way of legally proving that she gave consent, unless you videotape/record her saying it...

Or, have her sign and date a waiver prior to having sex with her that says she's consenting to this and is of sound mind. Can you imagine doing that for every girl you have sex with every time (and you'd need to every time) just to avoid potential rape charges if she gets buyer's remorse tomorrow or sometime next week? It's ridiculous. And can any girls imagine doing this every time they have sex with a guy?

[JSmuve]

I imagine the lot of them would be offended, find it really unromantic, and would never sign such a thing because the guy doesn’t trust her. The idea of signing a waiver is ridiculous, but in today’s culture where women can freely cry rape and the guy is guilty until proven innocent, it’s the only way to protect ourselves.

So we as a society need to figure out what the hell consent really is so that all these false rape allegations can be put to bed. And just like any potential crime, the defendant should be viewed as innocent until proven guilty and the onus should be on the plaintiff to prove there was rape. Also, if false rape is shown then the plaintiff should be counter-sued for slander.

Now none of this was to trivialize the crime of rape because it’s a serious crime, but when the system is set up to be abused and some women start abusing it, then the women who are actually raped, and the guys who didn’t commit rape all suffer.

----End rant----

[Debbie2020]

I agree with everything you said.
Just one thing, the people who end up suffering from all these shitty 'rape' stories are real rape victims.

[Vinnithexplorer]

Hey,

I think the best thing to do is to wait until the police contact you, if they do. TELL THE TRUTH!! If you start contradicting her story and making stuff up then you will be treated with suspicion. Right now its your word against hers.

Did anybody see you two leaving together? When you guys where together at the party, was there any kissing or any physical contact that might have led anyone watching to believe that she was physical with you of her own free will? How about when you guys left the party? Did you leave with arms around each other? Where you holding hands? Do you live with anyone? Could anyone give a statement saying that they heard nothing unusual going on that night? How did you and she make love? where you and she rough, could there be any marks one her body? Did you use a condom?

So what's the lesson here? Leave the stray drunk girls alone! That's what you need to take away from this. Right and wrong are value judgements and are irrelevant here.

Good luck and let us know how it works out...

[xobrowneyedbeauty]

since you were drunk too I think that can probably work in your favor. unfortunately (but fortunately in this case, assuming you're being entirely honest) rape cases are rarely ruled in favor of the girl. since you were drunk as well and can't remember everything that happened you can also probably even turn it around on her. it would be a shitty thing to actually do but if you threaten it she might drop it.

I don't know what's up with all the stupid chicks on here who think that being drunk is only an excuse a girl can use what the hell girls that's not feminist at all and you're being daft. if they were both drunk how the hell is this only his fault I'm embarrassed for my own sex

[BassistForever]

this

[Debbie2020]

Well said!

[Rcjh1987]

Well said x3

[Rcjh1987]

Glad you got mh

[xobrowneyedbeauty]

Thanks for MHO anon. I really hope everything works out for you.

[Anonymous]

That's just girls being immature. She felt like the slut she is and is pointing the finger. You've got nothing to worry about. Let them get the police involved. Sit back, wait to be contacted (which I DOUBT you will be) and it will all be settled.
The more they act like that the worse she will look. Don't worry about it. "You're in trouble" means "she knows she's a slut and we are going to try to whipe the slut status off by blaming you *biitch, piss, moan*

[Opinion Owner]

And that's cute the friend texted you. I call bullshit on all of it. I'd never be in contact or warn someone if I were calling the police for rape. They're just trying to manipulate the slut story.

[dreawolf]

At this point, the police will only be going on he said - she said. Unless she has proof to back it up (i. e. witnesses, bruises, etc), it will be almost impossible to charge you of anything. And if they do you can call mistrial based on insubstantial evidence. Whether it was, or was not, rape.

[Ersacol28]

This should've been the MHO

[Tractorbeam]

You should be able to claim that she took advantage of you, and the fact that you were drunk.
Because she voluntarily went back home with you, that's in your favour. She knew what to expect, and had plenty of time to change her mind.

It's too much of a risk messing with women who've been drinking heavily.

[CreativeUsername_no]

This this this. OP has nothing to worry about.

[Asker]

Oooof ok that's made me feel better.

[Debbie2020]

No body was taken advantage of in this situation not him or her.

[Kinstrome]

Even if it is somehow legally considered rape, it's obviously a very, very minor case of it. You didn't do it out of malevolence, you didn't physically hurt her, you didn't threaten, and you didn't get her drunk. What did you actually do wrong? You did something foolish, sure--it's just never a good idea to have sex drunk--but obviously you are different from sociopathic torture-rapists.

First of all, did you just get this one text? Are you absolutely certain that it's serious? Have you talked to this friend again? You need to find this stuff out.

I would tell the truth to people as soon as possible. Don't let this fester. If people find this out from her before you, they're likelier to think you were trying to hide something. At the same time, don't tell just *anyone.* If you can talk to your parents, I would do that right away.

[BuchitaBuchys]

See. You always give the best answers. I admire your maturity and intelligence.

[Debbie2020]

This^^

[Kinstrome]

@BuchitaBuchys
@Debbie2020

Thanks :D

[JackKerouac77]

MH answer right here.

[Kinstrome]

:D

I should add, if you are going to tell people about this, get a lawyer first.

[Rcjh1987]

This

[Starrk]

It depends on what state you live in. Some states have strict rules (ex: California) thats states that in order for sex to be consensual both parties must consent by saying ''Yes'', so the whole she didn't say ''No'' argument won't work in that state, but seeing how both of you were drunk and not just one of you, then you should be alright. Even if she do try and say you raped her such a case would never get far, since both of you guys weren't in the right state of mind, so proving that one person knowingly tried to take advantage of someone else when both parties were clearly drunk will be impossible to prove.

If she does indeed go that route, then who are fully capable of doing the same thing. If she said that you took advantage of her while in a drunken state, then you have every right to go and use the same exact argument against her. Just Sayin.

[madhatters4]

it's a lesson for our modern world. do not have sex with drunk people. regardless if it is consensual at the time most states have laws in place now that state if a person is intoxicated that supersedes consent and can be called rape. it is essentially to protect people who are plied with drinks and then a person takes advantage.

now it obviously doesn't sound like that's what happened in your situation. I'd try to sit down with her, even let her bring a friend along and try to get to the bottom of how she is feeling. and then try to explain how the events occurred in your opinion. a very civil conversation, don't argue, accuse or do anything to add fuel to the fire... but if she says no to meeting and talking don't press. also don't text, call... you don't want e-paper trails.

I'd imagine that she is going to come to her senses and realize that trying to say she was raped isn't accurate and the process of trying to press charges is long and arduous

[Bandit74]

Are you wrong? I wasn't there so I can't say.

What to do?

Has she officially pressed charges?

If she does, make sure you talk to your lawyer before you say anything to the cops. Never say anything to them without a lawyer present.

" Anything you say can and will be used against you"

[abundantlyrich]

It's common sense, not to have sex with a drunk person.

[Blondiee2014]

These days a huge amount of people go out every weekend to get laid.

[Asker]

It was a one night stand following a boozy night... I don't need to be lectured on when to have sex and when not to.

[abundantlyrich]

Hope you get a very good lawyer

[abundantlyrich]

Fine. You sound easily manipulated. Hahaha.

[Asker]

Easily manipulated?

Wth are you on about?

[abundantlyrich]

You got a brain, use it.

[Asker]

Why are you being so bloody condescending. Grow up.

[abundantlyrich]

No I'm not. You're an anarchist.

[Koldhearted]

for all we know she raped him

I'd quickly tell the police you feel violated

[Asker]

an anarchist... puahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaahahhaahahahahahaaahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaahahhaahahahahahaaahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaahahhaahahahahahaaahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaahahhaahahahahahaaahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaahahhaahahahahahaaahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaahahhaahahahahahaaahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaahahhaahahahahahaaahahahahahahahahahahhha

[Anonymous]

You're a lying sack of shit. This is just another in your long line of questions about rape, (maybe you have a fetish or obsession about it) but you're hooked on this question of consent and drunkeness. Fixated on it.

If you were in this position, you'd have NOTHING to worry about. Even if she went to the police (which is highly unlikely) they'd take a statement and perform a rape kit exam. And find NOTHING. No signs of struggle, no signs of drugs in her system, no skin under her fingernails from when she tried to fight you off.

NOTHING.

It would be her word against yours. And that's not enough for them to even try and prosecute you because there's NO evidence of a crime.

We've explained this to DEATH with you. Now stop obsessing over it, you freak of nature.

[Debbie2020]

Oh he's done this before?

[Opinion Owner]

Typical of his shit...
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1260219-if-both-parties-are-drunk-then-who-is-the-rapist

[Asker]

Euh... that's not be :/

[zinithin]

I wouldn't be too afraid. They have to prove that it was rape, you were both drunk. They are probably just fucking with you.

[anastasis]

Feminist social Marxism at its finest.

Population control. Famial dissolution. Attack sex itself.

Mission accomplished. Like clockwork. Almost too easy.

Create a sexual revolution, and then profit from it. That's social engineering dialectics at its best.

Congratulations. You're a statistic.

[Anonymous]

Technically she could claim you took advantage of her. A shitty thing for her to do, but at the same time hearing only your side its hard to judge. Just because she didn't SAY no, doesn't mean she consented. THIS is just one of the many reasons why sex should be based off of a strong emotional connection, and should be kept sacred. Not to just fuck the next person because it'll be fun or you're drunk.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

Both people were drunk, both were irresponsible. If gender equality ACTUALLY applied, then the original poster could also claim he was raped by her.

[Asker]

She didn't object to us having sex... which is enough for me to assume she wants it as much as I do.

Again, I don't need to be lectured about when or who I have sex with. Put two people who are extremely attracted to one another, and you'll get sex.

[Opinion Owner]

Hope you've got a good lawyer ;) court almost always rules in favor of the female when it comes to sexual abuse of any kind, hate to tell you.
I had a cousin that got angry at her father and sued him for sexual assault on her when she was a child. It had happened 10 years prior. There was no proof, just his word against hers. He's now in prison for the rest of his life.
I just hope you take some wisdom away from this, don't sleep with people who's judgement is compromised by alcohol

[Asker]

Just great...

[Debbie2020]

That's not necessarily true. It's actually very hard for rape victims out there. Half of the ones that were actually raped (not like this girl) have not had any justice brought to their rapists.
@asker just because you are attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to fuck them. It's called using your brain first. Especially if you don't know her.

[Asker]

We were drunk - not thinking straight. I thought she was hot, so did she, I got turned on, so did she, we had sex... it's all natural.

[Debbie2020]

If you're not able to make simple decisions when you are drunk, don't get drunk!

[Asker]

Stop lecturing me!! ... What I chose to do is up to me... Why are you bringing up me getting drunk? The question was about help/advice... ANSWER IT.

[Debbie2020]

What you chose to do is what's gonna cause you hell now.
Otherwise, it's just gonna be back and forth like the first anon said.
I suggest you find out if she's screwing with you or she's actually serious.

[Opinion Owner]

Just because she didn't verbally say no doesn't mean shit. If she feels violated she has every right to prosecute, just like if you felt taken advantage of you could do the same.

[Debbie2020]

That's true but, there are girls who go out do that and then cry rape. That's why it's so hard for girls who were actually raped, they're hardly ever believed and get real shit for it.

It's hard to answer this correctly from just hearing his side if the story.

[Debbie2020]

Of*
Filler

[Asker]

Why is it that women get more support and are more often than not victors in sexual abuse claims in court?

Surely it's men who are ridiculed if they claim rape!

[Debbie2020]

Ok @asker I think you can answer that for yourself.

[Asker]

I'm asking you lol..

[Opinion Owner]

Let's put it the simple way. Men, you need to be hard in order for sex to happen. If you don't want that to happen, surely you have enough control to keep it limp? Unless she drugged you, you don't really have much of a standing point

[Debbie2020]

In this situation did you feel violated?

[Asker]

@Opinion owner... it's not that easy.

@Debbie..

I didn't feel violated when having sex with her... now I do.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't see how it isn't. If you're being raped, against your will, you should be anything BUT aroused.

[Debbie2020]

So then there's your answer. @asker

@OP it really isn't that simple. A girl can't be all over a guy, touching his crotch etc... Then when he 'gives in' (cuz he's a pussy) cry rape. That's an abuse of power I'm sorry.
If she was not doing anything and kept pushing him away and he continues than she has every right to prosecute.

[Stacyzee]

You didn't do anything wrong.
It's your word against hers.

I hate women that use alcohol has excuse... and then
cry rape just because she regret what they did the night before.

[zombiebabe]

nice point

[Anonymous]

"we were both drunk"

Unless she was screaming no and pushing you away, then you were both on even ground since you were both drunk...

[Tokana]

1. If you get arrested, you'll most likely win the case.

2. Take her to civil court once its all over, and sue her for false accusation.

[crazyincalifornia]

Run!
You have no chance in any US court.
They will take her word.
You will be convicted absolutely.
I'm sorry about that.
Some girls just do that stuff, even more than once.
Rape fantasy, victim complex, whatever.
Run!

[lovestruck12]

don't worry explain the situation to the police if they contact u. I'm sure this is not the first time a girl has done this to a guy so I'm sure they know. and will hear u out too. there not just gonna go by what she sais

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Did you injure Her in anyway? Unless there are large chunks of the story being left out I don't know. I don't think you will do time, if she doesn't have any extensive injuries. Most people will just think she regretted drinkin sex.

[kangy]

this tells u dont have sex with a girl who is drunk omg
i not sure who is really right or wrong in this case

[Anonymous]

I fucking hate girls like that! They are horrible human beings, ready to ruin someone else's life, just because they regret having sex. It's disgraceful!

[Debbie2020]

I agree!
Think about all the real rape victims who are second guessed and not believed because of shitty stories like these.

[Opinion Owner]

@Debbie2020 Exactly! Those girls make the real rape victims being taken less serious, it's horrible and incredibly selfish.

[Crazyced]

If she really was getting the police involved, why would her friend tell you? What is there to gain by giving you a headstart?

I might be wrong but it feels like a case of regret and making you feel bad for it.

[Debbie2020]

This whole thing is BS

[JackKerouac77]

Seek legal counsel and learn a lesson from the book of experience about the dangers of massive intoxication.