I lost control and beat up my boyfriend?

Question

Last night, we had just come back from the club when he said something really mean to me. I was drunk and just snapped even before he could finish his sentence. 

I slapped him so hard he fell on the bed, after which I climbed on him and repeatedly punched his face. When I realized what I had been doing, I stopped immediately and apologized.

He didn't reply and rushed into the bathroom... bleeding. I cried myself to sleep.

This morning his face is blue and swollen. At least he learnt his lesson, right? :'(

Watermelonoma · Accepted Answer

I have a theory.

I think this whole thing is just BS. I don't believe that you beat up your boyfriend, and I don't believe that you are even a girl honestly. This whole question has no point to it. You threw out a story with little to no real context behind it, and asked us a question clearly meant to bait. "At least he learnt his lesson, right?" I've been a mod on here for some time, and have seen my fair share of guys making duplicate accounts to push some agenda, and its often to related to some gender issue. Here, I believe you picked one that has been a hot topic lately. I don't believe women should use their gender as a shield to get away with being abusive, but I do not believe this whole question one bit.

I don't have the admin powers to prove it, but my experience on here is telling me to be very skeptical over this whole post you've made. Too many guys on here go over the top when it comes to combatting feminism, when in my view it is a very easy thing to debate against. This whole thing is just too over the top, abnormal, lacking any genuine call for help (until you decided to update it due to the responses you received) and too fishy for me to believe a word of it. Seems like only @lumos might be skeptical of it too, so i guess your objective was a success

Byakuyarko · Accepted Answer

I'm tempted to abuse you and call your grandmother unspeakable things... Instead, let me try to get a proper grasp on how you think...
I hope you are a troll. If you are, ha ha ha... you're f@#king hilarious...
I'm assuming that you're actually that reprehensible a human being. I use the word 'human' very loosely. (Nazis were human too) you did something as horrible as this and then post about on the internet expecting... what is it you actually expect from random strangers on the internet? Validation? You want us to say that it wasn't your fault? Tell you that you're boyfriend 'had it coming'? That he shouldn't have provoked you? Is that what you are getting at?
Do you also want us to give you a verbal pat on your back and praise you for apologising? You beat him for saying 'mean things' about you... that in your opinion is reason enough to brutalise someone like that?
Is this how you feel about what you did? I genuinely want to know how you truly feel about this before giving you my answer.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

That's a lot of beating... What could he possibly have said to deserve that?
Don't mean to make you feel bad but really you should feel bad because you were wrong...
This is the first I've heard of such a thing and honestly it's left me speechless
Because I am always voicing to protect abuse against women and believe that even if the woman "hits" a man he shouldn't hit back because he is MUCH more stronger and could do a lot more damage... BUT...
you just proved me wrong...
I feel really sad and disappointed because really he could have turned around and beat you and with how the culture is going these days it would have been ok...
You need to learn from this and manage better in the future - someone else might not have been as nice as him.
Also from what I've seen when men fight back they don't stop at self defence they cross that barrier into rage and attack until the person is incapacitated...
You got lucky but don't deflect... Please take accountability, reflect, apologize and learn from your mistake

Otherwise you'll be knocking regret's door pretty soon...

Hannah591 · Accepted Answer

You lost control? Nah, you've always had it in you to do this. I've gone shit crazy with my boyfriend for very good reason but I would NEVER lay a finger on him, let alone punch him continuously in the face till he bleeds. You know why I wouldn't? Because I respect him as another human being. I know if I hit him, he'd be gone and he'd be right, no-one should have to put up with that treatment. Just because a guy opens up to you and declares himself your boyfriend, doesn't mean you can treat him like shit and beat him up. The police won't do anything to you? Damn right they would if he showed them his injuries and I hope he does. Women have been arrested for doing exactly what you did. Abusers don't realise they are abusers and often think they're better than the law. You need to accept you do have a problem, see a psychologist and I hope your boyfriend sees it and finds a woman who actually respects him and other human beings; a woman who can communicate maturely instead of using her fists to get her point across. Truly shocking behaviour.

uniquebutterfly · Accepted Answer

Why should you have to make it up to him? Wasn't he being an ass whole? If you lost control that means that you had been holding things in and trying not to let his words bother you so if you feel that bad maybe you should just apologize that's the best way to make it up to him. But if you feel like he deserved it for being such an ass whole you should just get over it and let that be.

HayHay93 · Answer

No offense but abuse is abuse. If your boyfriend had hit you you'd make sure he was in jail even if it was the one time. Or you'd leave him. Despite him being a good BG "most" of the time... You don't need to drink if you act like that... also violence isn't the answer just because someone said something mean... You also show little remorse with the statment "At least he learnt his lesson" wtf... if anything he learned he needs to dump your ass until you get your shit together. Stop drinking so much. And stop being so... I don't know... If my bf hit me once I'd leave him until he showed he was truly sorry and if he changed. However, some people don't change. Hopefully you were just drunk and stupid once... Still, you did wrong and need to appologize and show you're truly sorry. Maybe don't drink so much or something. And you WILL and CAN be put in jail for this type of behavior. You're not above the law. Just because he said something mean doesn't justify beating him... And just because you did it while drunk doesn't excuse it.

Zango91 · Answer

You deserve to be married to one of those wife-beaters, so you both can beat the shit out of each other. Did you realize for a single instant that he could have thrashed you to a pulp if he wanted to? He kept his cool while you were having an insane episode. And even now you are not really sorry for what you did.

"just snapped",

"At least he learnt his lesson, right? :'( ", " I am NOT an abuser. I just lost control. I know that the police won't do anything to me so I guess I allowed myself to get carried away. BUT this is not what I wanted so I am not an abuser at heart either. MOST OF THE TIME I am a good girlfriend",

" he made me do it"

"And for those saying he should call the police I HIGHLY disapprove as he will be the one arrested and maybe even humiliated by the cops a little more I truly think he's had enough. "

Believe me if you were a guy, you would be sentenced to spend some time in an insane asylum, and jailed for a while. It's like a rapist claiming, "Her dress provoked me" If you have been too drunk to have control of your body, you wouldn't remember the things you said, to the finest detail. So either this is a troll post or you are just a disgrace to womankind. Karma will get you soon, :) Good Luck!!

madhatters4 · Answer

are you kidding? you aren't an abuser? but then you make a statement like "At least he learnt his lesson"?

I'd dump you immediately and probably call the cops, because it is abuse and you can be prosecuted (at least in America).

"This is not what I wanted so I am not an abuser at heart" ... I'm pretty sure this falls into the classic abuse excuse, "I didn't mean to hurt you" or "it was an accident" or "I don't want to hit you but you have to..."

don't make excuses for bad behavior, profusely apologize and fix it

Anonymous · Answer

Okay,
I had a very similar situation happen to me. I got blackout drunk at a party with my boyfriend. I just remember bits and pieces, but basically what he's told me is that I got really mad because he wouldn't let me sleep naked on the floor. I pinched him like a million times, never hit him, but was being a total bitch, which I never do unless I drink. He left the room, and I cried myself to sleep, and in the morning I found where he was and he wouldn't talk to me, rightfully so. I kissed him on the head told him I loved him, and left. I gave myself 5 days of me thinking about my actions... I sent him sushi, pizza, basically a meal a day while we didn't talk. I would have them write sorry on the box, etc. Finally, I worked up the courage to bring him breakfast, and I cried while talking to him. I told him I would never drink again, and he just kissed my forehead, and said he forgave me. He didn't really forgive me, until months later when I would not drink, and have never violently touched him again. Sometimes alcohol brings out the worst in us. I don't drink around him anymore, and that's my decision because I don't want to lose a guy who I really care about because of something that makes me not control my actions. We've now been dating for a year since that happened, and nothing of the sort has happened again.
So yeah, you're a shit person for hitting him, as was I, but if that honestly isn't your personality then you need to decide how you are going to change the relationship so that it never happens again, and if it does happen again then you should leave out of respect for him.

musicbrain5 · Answer

WTF does "at least he learnt his lesson" mean? You obviously show no remorse for your actions based on that statement. He may have said something you didn't like, but you have to deal with it like an adult. I hope he leaves you and that you learn your lesson to not be abusive.

Bysshe · Answer

Is this serious?

It should be obvious enough that doing that is wrong, and saying this "At least he learnt his lesson, right?" is quite disturbing as I feel it indicates a lack of remorse (or limited remorse anyway).

I'm not sure if you're genuine, my first thought was that you could be a guy trying to show that people have double standards about this type of thing. I'm not saying this didn't happen, but I'm not sure - I know domestic violence against men does occur, and it should be dealt with like violence against women.

GamerArtNerd · Answer

What was the point of this? It wasn't even a question. It was just you telling the world that you got drunk and beat up a man you were dating and then proceeded to get pissed off when people told you that you did a bad thing. The purpose of this site is to ask a question and seek advice. Long story short, I'm not gonna be a douche and tell you how terrible you are but I will say that if you want advice then ask an actual question. Lastly, he probably didn't really "learn his lesson" it sounds to me like you took him by surprise, no girl will usually "beat up" a man. It is usually just a single slap. Most men will suppress her before any serious damage can be done... he must've been super drunk.

Panorama · Answer

I don't mean to make you feel bad, but you cannot overstep those boundaries. Not only is it ugly and detrimental to someone's psyche, but it reverses mass amounts of trust and intimacy you two worked to build. As a significant other, you're supposed to be the last person your man has to worry about hurting him, causing him distress, and puncturing his happiness. You cannot put your hands on someone and be the same person to make them feel warmth and love. It doesn't work that way.

You clearly have some anger issues that you should seriously address with a trained professional because what you did was absolutely unacceptable. Honestly, I think a break is very necessary for the both of you. It's absolutely crazy that you put bruises on you. He needs time and space away from you to heal from that incident.

SweetSweetheart32 · Answer

You know people are right here you shouldn't have hit him I don't care if you were drunk you knew better , it's still abuse , I agree with most of the people here , soon or later your boyfriend well call the cops on you , for hiting. , he should have already called the police. Usually the person that hits the other person actual goes to jail. Don't ever say he made me do it. Or he started it. You know better to say something like that. You are getting mad at these people trying to answer your question which is not smart. Listen to the advice . GET HELP

Mesonfielde · Answer

I sure hope this is a trolling attempt, because otherwise you are a woman with psychotic and antisocial tendencies, and should be medicated or put in jail or an asylum. You might think this is "antagonistic" but these are the facts.

Stacyzee · Answer

I thought you had major regret until I read, "at least he learned his lesson".
You are contradicting yourself.
You present the situation as if you feel bad about its, then you say that as your final line.

Your behavior was disgusting.

I wonder what people would think if a man beat his girlfriend to a pulp, and said the same line "I am not an abuser I just lost control".
He would be crucified!

Do yourself a favor and don't drink as heavily.
If you are truly sorry, don't let it happen again.

dipta · Answer

What did your bf say? Is he just acting normally after all of it?

In my opinion, what you should consider is if you really love this person (and can control yourself even when he's being an idiot), because you don't go around losing control and beating up people you care about no matter what. Actually you shouldn't go around beating anyone up, but I've a bigger issue when the person is someone you supposedly share an intimate relationship with and it wasn't even just a slap in the heat of the moment... If you can't trust each other, then it's not really worth it, is it?

PiuBelloAmante · Answer

You are lucky he didn't retaliate
I suggest you break up with him, do him and yourself a favor, he should have smacked you and it would have been deserved especially after you say "At least he learnt his lesson, right?"
maybe you should have learned the lesson "treat as others like you would want to be treated..."

You can make it up by writing him a heartfelt letter, letting him know that you are sorry for abusing and humiliating him like that and that you regret it. That your re-action to what he said was uncalled for but you felt disrespected and hurt. Also add something like i hope we can move forward and be stronger together, but i would understand if you wanted to leave me, give me another chance... something along those lines

good luck

Raniiaa · Answer

Not right that's not appropriate!! Imagine him beating you up and you waking up with a blue face? So you were so drunk you lost control of what you were doing? Honey that's not an excuse if you can't handle your drinking behaviour maybe you shouldn't drink at all. So instead of making it up to your boyfriend your out here bragging about how "he learnt his lesson" wow darling get your act together and act like a lady I'd be surprised if your boyfriend didn't leave you so you're saying what he said was mean well hello sweetie wake up what you did was mean too 👌

harakiri · Answer

you failed at trolling. let me tell you where you went wrong.

i was with you all the way til this bit: "At least he learnt his lesson, right? :'( "

too glib. that was your giveaway. next time be more... unsure and yet, also sincere. you should have ended with "i feel really bad about what i did... but in that moment, i felt like he deserved it. what should i do know?"

THAT would have been an effective end to this trolly saga.

brookeh09 · Answer

Trolling at its worst. At least make it enjoyable to read. This was just a pathetic attempt.

RoseBloom · Answer

maybe you gave him a misunderstood lesson , do you want to go back to him the way you used to or just move on? because he probably  hasn't  broke up with you or not , and i can't tell either if he still wants to be in relationship , it sounds like you guys need to talk... a lot. i mean you were drunk and no one controls themselves when they are drunk , if you want to let it go then i guess you should let it go on a message or a text at the same time explaining yourself , (i would have at least send him flowers or chocolate infront of the door if that happened to me saying sorry ! even tho it won't make it up for the swollen face but the consideration of the apology is more valuable ) i hope this helps at least and be careful.

BabyImAUFO · Answer

You're just trolling right, you can't really be this dumb?

Haha, news for you; You would be arrested. Without a doubt, I've witnessed this.
It was so damn funny too because she thought the same thing you did, haha.

How did He make You, control your arm and become violent. Is he a super skilled ventriloquist?

BE ACCOUNTABLE.

Or eventually you'll get what you deserve; a guy that just reacts without thinking and knocks you out, or jail.

Anonymous · Answer

I can KINDA relate, I said kinda in caps.
Its not okay to hit your partner, you dont want to have that kinda relationship. I do understand how you lost control, my ex was abusive in all ways physical, mental and emotional and one day I just "lost control". I wasn't drunk or under any drugs nor was he but he was cursing at me, yelling, call me a bitch and all. He ended up punching me and calling me a worthless... let me tell you, if he have tried to call the police he wouldn't have been able to reach the phone in time before I got in that ass...
I just slapped the shit of him, I was crying because I let him get to me and im too nice and good of a woman for that. Anyway its definitely not okay and I hope it doesn't happen again. Your relationship can take bad turn where you could end up hitting him again and he might just hit your ass back then what are you going to say... if your going to be physical then you shouldn't be together ijs.

Sigma88 · Answer

"Cops won't do anything to me... " "He learned his lesson... " "He'd be the one getting arrested... " "I'm NOT an abuser... " "He made me do it... " "I'm a good girlfriend MOST OF THE TIME..."

If you're not a troll, then you are a shitty person, let alone girlfriend. Your boyfriend, hopefully, will leave your triffling, ABUSIVE ass.

I lost control and beat up my boyfriend?

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