Boyfriend had sex with another girl the night I broke up with him?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. Two nights ago, I was really stressed out and we had a nigh fight over nothing and I told him that I wanted to end it. He asked if I was serious, I told him "yes" and that was it.

I called him the yesterday to apologize and he said that we should meet and talk. Last night we met and we said we still loved each other and wanted to stay together. Then he told me that the night before, he was heartbroken and hurting so he went to a bar. He got really drunk and then slept with another girl.

I don't know what to do. How could he do that to me? Should I take him back?

loveisbeautiful · Accepted Answer

Let me break this down in simple terms, okay?

You two had a fight over (in your words "nothing"). So, in the heat of that moment you told him you wanted to break up. He asked you if you were serious about that (probably to clarify if you meant it or were just acting out of emotion) and you said "yes". So, in his mind and especially in his heart you two had official ended things. Because, that is what you told him.

Now, he was hurt and upset and probably very confused. To numb that pain and lessen that confusion or to forget everything altogether, he goes to a bar to get drunk and forget he's troubles (which a lot of people do). Then in his vulnerable state, he meets a girl and she was probably nice to him and between the alcohol and the broken heart, they slept together.

The conclusion or lesson of that story is, there's difference between something you intend to do on purpose and something you do in a vulnerable emotional state. He did not plan to cheat on you or get drunk that night, you broke up with him and he was trying find a way to cope with that. The alcohol was to numb the pain. Sleeping with the women from the bar, was his way of seeking comfort in a weak moment (which people also do a lot, whether they admit it or not).

My advice, he didn't actually cheat on you. So, he didn't sleep with that girl on purpose. You both made mistakes that night. Your mistake was taking a fight about nothing and deciding to break up with him in that moment and thinking that when you said "yes" you really meant it, he'd somehow know that you really meant "no" but just felt like saying yes. His mistake was numbing his pain with alcohol and then seeking comfort in another (alcohol and emotions, are never a good combination). So, neither one of you is saint here. So, you both need to sit down and decide what the right thing to do here is and maybe take it slow.

MichelleUFO · Accepted Answer

what I am thinking is... you both have to be realistic. There is relationship called friendship or open relationship. If you think you need more experience then you should open about it and he do too. maybe you need something in between friendship and lover. in fact, love is all lies mostly. they just stick together because of social condemnation otherwise we would be just single. maybe there is lover in the world but mostly they are sick or drunk? poor people do the drama in order to forget about the pain of living low life?

Rcjh1987 · Accepted Answer

@loveisbeautiful said it perfectly, although he didn't cheat on you YOU broke up with him over something You said was nothing. . completely agree alcohol and emotions are a set up to disaster. . he told you IMMEDIATELY after that speaks volumes. Honestly I think it's more him forgiving you for acting in heat of moment and breaking up with him... his reaction was based on our actions I am also guilty of reacting on emotions when alcohol is involved. I haven't really touched alcohol since... I hope you guys work it out!

PHILR · Accepted Answer

when he ask if you were serious about the break up what did you say your answer was? your answer "YES" and by that it seemed with some finality...
he nor any other person is a mind reader nor can they predict the future.. he had no idea weither or not that you'd change your mind or not... you must have been pretty upset because he took your answer as that it was truly over...
technically he was a free agent even if drunk so he did nothing wrong...
however he should be commended because he could have kept that info privately from you...
as to the question if you should take him back I would say that's totally up to you... however must remind you you inadvertently was the one that caused him to do so because of YOUR decession to end the relationship over I believe you said was stressed out and ended it over something minor!!!
words have consequences... I am not saying what he did was the smartest move but as a guy I can relate to the situation he found himself in... and being drunk didn't help his judgement neither...
I quess what i'm trying to say is that you should have even though stressed out should have tempered your words. when he asked you if you were serious maybe you should have said..."i am pretty upset at present I just need to be left alone until I calm down " he could have possible have understood that and wouldn't have gotten as emotional bothered enough to do what he did in your case...
just food for thought here

kheserthorpe · Accepted Answer

Monogamy isn't something most men magically do because they're in love.

Its a conscious choice to forego other women to focus on you. They aren't necessarily doing it just 'for you', but for the relationship.

no relationship, doesn't matter if they are in love with someone or not, they're still interested in having sex with attractive women.

You said you were done, that's what happens. He doesn't go wait on the shelf for when you want to pick him up and play with him again. His life moves forward.

gray_sailor · Answer

I will say this, he should give some serious consideration as to whether or not to take you back. You appear to have a propensity to say words you don't mean, even if those words cause others pain. Relationships are not something you move in and out of like putting on a sweater to get rid of a chill.

Your first responsibility was to the maintenance and support of your relationship. You through off that obligation, acted selfishly and caused your boyfriend very real pain.

Now, having acted badly, and in the search for some justice, you want to know if your boyfriend had acted worse than you.

The problem is that he is not your boyfriend. He has not been your boyfriend since YOU broke up with him. You have no claim on his fidelity. He has had no obligation to you. He has done you no wrong.

If you want him back, apologize and hopefully he will forgive you.

godfatherfan · Answer

YOU broke up with him and YOU do not know how he could do that to YOU?
SERIOUSLY? you pretty fucked up. You tell him to fuck off and then you try to turn it around on him.
Sorry, this is all on you sister. You broke it off. There was no reason to believe he was going to get you back. So you break his heart, throw him away, the play the hurt card when he finds comfort from another woman. He probably was saying "goodbye" to you while he was screwing her. In his mind, it was you he was having sex with and it was one last time.
SO he is not at fault in any way. He is the one that should be wondering if he should bother to take you back

Hidden_P · Answer

There is no right or wrong answer to this.

Step back and look at this objectively.

If you really wanted to be with him, you wouldn't have risked losing him. And when he asked if you were serious you said yes. You ended it. He was then single, and your ex.
He went to a bar to try and ease his pain. He probably got drunk alone and a girl took pity. He indulged in her company and smiled, one thing led to another and he drunkenly had sex with her. I mean drunk brain said "I'm upset, I'm single, she's paying attention to me".

So put aside the him sleeping with someone else. The issue started the moment you decided to break up with him. Whats the point in getting back together with him if you are going to do it again? Can you deal with being in a relationship? What is it that tipped you over the edge?

Once you answer those questions, you can answer whether you forgive him for this.

looneymalooney · Answer

you two are weak so you deserve eachother. Take him back. This way you can make sure someone else is not going to suffer for falling for any of you two.

"how could he do this to you"? are you serious? you specifically told him that it was over. Would have been better if he cut his veins and die? Guess it would have for you. Wanted him to sleep in front of his window over the night because he loved you so much? you've watched too many cheesy movies.

Hurts like shit knowing he fucked someone else, huh? Well you pushed him to do it. Why would you tell someone you love, that you want to end it in the first place? It's beyond me.
Sure that it's not the most honourable thing to do on his part either.
I actually am against one night stands after break up, because it brings trouble.
But yeah drama is the name of the game with you two, so call him and get back together.

Red_Arrow · Answer

How could he do what to you? You broke up with him. At that moment it was over. You did something to him, he did nothing to you. You want to get together again, then forget anything that happened when you were broken up.

lumos · Answer

Tbh the both of you have acted like shit, you for breaking up over "nothing" and not really meaning it, and him for sleeping with another girl immediately after the breakup (even though you weren't together anymore, it wasn't exactly the classiest thing he could have done). Either you try to forget about the whole thing and get back together, or you break up FOR REAL and move on.

Ladrason · Answer

Well you can't really blame him for having sex with another girl because you had already broken up with him at that point...
If anything I think that he didn't have sex with that girl because he liked her but because he needed some comforting from someone else and as drinking is one of the first options that comes to peoples mind that is the first thing he might have thought about.
I think that he really do still love you and is probably feeling awful about having sex with someone else.

heavensgift2girls · Answer

"How could he do that to me?" He didn't do anything to you. You broke up with him. He was single at the time, so he was well within his rights to sleep with anyone he wanted. This is a problem you created for yourself. This guy is completely innocent.

Bubblesi · Answer

You were not in the relationship when it happened. So he was under no obligation to not to have sex. with someone else. If you had fight over nothing and you actually broke up with him over nothing as you youraelf admit the blame seems to be on yoir side. The choice of pursuing the relationship is yours and if you mind by all means do not get back togethet but blaming him seem self absorbed and unjust to me.

john2 · Answer

It's kind of your fault he did that tho. He asked you if you were serious when you said you was gonna break up with him and you said yeah. When you broke up with him, for that short period y'all weren't together so it isn't like her cheated on you. I say you think about that... take him back

LittleSally · Answer

Didn't YOU break up with HIM?

Anyways... he was literally single then.

On the other hand - you'd think that if he really loved you he wouldn't have slept with someone else so quickly... BUT maybe he is the kind of guy who drowns his sorrows in drink... and apparently other women.

Go with your gut on this one... It could go either way.

Vesuvius87 · Answer

If you were broken up right at that moment then nope, he didn't cheat. Technically though he did nothing wrong since you weren't his gf by then and you were serious when he asked if you were serious, I still wouldn't take him back.

Move on and use this as a learning experience.

singlebee · Answer

I can't really say if you should take him back or not but he was really heart broken and crushed by the feeling of being dumped by someone he loved for 2 years immediately... Out of nowhere.. and because of that he got drunk and then that girl took the advantage of him...

I don't think he cheated consciously... I mean he got goo much drunk and then the girl took advantage...

I don't really know what you should do in this situation... its your call.

performerwannabe · Answer

If every time you fight he cheats on you, he doesn't worth a second chance. I mean... yeah! You broke up with him but he really had to sleep with someone from the very first nigh? Guys, get over yourselves. We get hurt too but we don't sleep arround just to feel less hurt.

DocT1977 · Answer

Well, You broke up with him and you did say that yes, You were serious about it being over. So that freed him to move on. If you did not really want it to be over, You should not have told him so.

Mesonfielde · Answer

Well, you did throw him out, after all. The real question is, should HE take YOU back?

timmy111 · Answer

You broke up with him  What he does when you are not a couple is none of your business really

BuchitaBuchys · Answer

Personally, it wasn't cheating and not his fault cuz you guys weren't together. BUT I still wouldn't take him back. It's up to you.

Words_and_Wisdom · Answer

It's your fault for fighting with him over petty nonsense. it's best of him to ditch you for good if this is how emotionally manipulative you are.

Work on yourself before you get into another relationship.

TheGuyFromMiddleEast · Answer

The question is whether he should take you back. You ended it over nothing!

Boyfriend had sex with another girl the night I broke up with him?

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