Is it ever okay to settle for Mr. Safe Bet? Please share your experiences?

[Anonymous]

Hypothetically:
You are my age +/- (29 going on 30 in a few months). I sort of have my life together (little debt), decent career, car, apartment, spending budget, leading a healthy and active lifestyle, etc.

Went on a date with this guy (tax accountant) as you would imagine he fits the tax accountant bill...very structured, quite serious, little to none womanizing experience, a little robot-like in his approach of the dating scene (btw, he even said word for word that he was robot-like at times), leaving very little to spontaneity. The positives...he comes across as reliable, patient, trustworthy, career driven, emotionally stable, would be a great father figure. Essentially, this is the first guy that would sort of be the opposite of my father...my father is warm, very sensitive, generous, extremely affectionate but on the other hand irresponsible, addicted to alcohol, tends to be depressed when life throws him a curveball, stalled ambition, etc.

Now on an another level, this guy and I have enjoyed a fairly good conversation on a variety of subjects. We spent more or less 90 minutes together which I believe went well... the reason I am bringing him up is that I could see myself with him. Why? Because he is a safe bet.

You see, as you date online...you kind of get the hang of it and can tell earlier on whether one should entertain seeing a guy a 2nd and a 3rd time...etc. This guy isn’t making my heart race but he could grown on me...I am at a point where I want to make the right choice as opposed to the fun/passionate choice. Fun and passion do not pay the bills...stability, comfort and a good partnership are what is best.

What do you guys think? I would love to hear about your relationships...and how you went about to choosing the person you are with right now??!

[evenlift]

You should do what's in your rational self-interest.

The problem with the concept of 'settling' is that it is a murky concept. What does it really mean? Resigning oneself to an unalterable fact of reality (such as having an incurable illness) is clearly different from pretending that an alterable fact (such as being overweight) is unalterable. To what exactly are you proposing to resign yourself?

Are you in fact not good enough for your ideal guy? If so, there are two options. Go for a less good guy, or improve yourself (if possible) to reach the equivalent standard. Since everyone has free will, it is possible to persuade a guy you don't deserve to be with you, but that would destroy your self-esteem.

[evenlift]

Or, if you mean that you do deserve your ideal guy, but he doesn't want you, then he's not really that good, is he?

[Bandit74]

So you're done hooking up with the fun/interesting guys after you realized that they werent going to commit. Now that you're looking for someone to buy you a diamond ring and share a house with, you are going to "settle" for the safe boring financially stable guy.

I'm sure he'd be thrilled to hear that's your motivation. You'll probably grow bored of him eventually and either want to cheat or end the marriage in which case he will probably be paying alimony to you so I guess for you this is a great deal.

I don't think people should commit to someone you're not excited to be with, someone who you view as a safe bet whom you're only dating because they've got no other options.

[Tinywonders]

I dont have a guy right now, but I wouldn't be with one who I had not feelings for, just for having a safe bet, im same age as you, but I rather end up alone, than with someone who I don't love.

[Lithium65]

*Whom I don't love* ;)

[kaitlovesyou]

My mom always told me you never settle, because if you settle you're not gonna be hapoy in the long run.

[BertMacklinFBI]

if "stability, comfort and a good partnership are what is best" is your goal then yeah I'd say you would be making the right choice for you.

in my experience though, playing it safe has been nothing more than a huge fucking waste of my life, job wise. sure im decent, but I could have done so many other things. but my life isn't over yet, I realized the error of my way in life for me and im making changes to live the way I really want too.

[KDA20]

On the flip side, I was Mr. Safe Bet for someone and she didn't have enough attraction for me to keep it going. It fell apart and hurt us both. As a reason to be in a relationship " I love you just not like that but maybe in time" can cut very deep.

[kheserthorpe]

Could you bang him with genuine enthusiasm?

Could you see yourself feeling in love with him?

Would you want to spend months just hanging around with him?

[Endeavor]

I realize time is ticking, but I would hate to be settled for. I assume most people would feel the same way, so I don't think you should do that to him.

[Dansexuall]

No. Never settle. You should only commit to somebody that's amazing.

[ArchDruidMordred]

Do you want to get with him because you WANT to, or because you think you SHOULD want to?

[thatkaruguy]

i think you should at least give him a shot