I love my boyfriend but he's so FREAKING conservative?

Question

In the winter I usually wear jeans and hoodies, but it's get super warm lately we're in the 70s now with tons of sunlight and it's frying me! I started to wear shorts and sleeveless shirt. He gets mad at me and saying shorts are only for attentive whores. Whenever he sees me in sleeveless shirt he said "Where are your clothes? Wear it. Don't wear your innerwears in public." He's Korean by the way. But this is te US everybody wears whatever the hell they want but he keeps getting mad at me and said he's embarrassed of me and that I make him feel very uncomfortable. What should I do now? I don't wanna break up with him over silly things like this but seriously gosh!

I_M_LEGEND · Accepted Answer

everyone is tagging me on this question but i m very westernized... I've never even had a committed realtionship with a korean girl from the west like myself...

i let my girl do anything she wants given she's not an idiot.

i want her to have her own life and mind. id can tolerate little clinginess but not the level that kroeans in korea has twoards each other.

korean women are ususally submissive and thats the culture in korea. i dont think eastern koreans and western minds are very compatible.

i grew up in Canada, I've been to korea once and felt i was far from home.

i feel i m a good balance. i find Easter men often too controlling and bad tempered and wester women too promiscuous and easy who aren't very cultured leading to easy breakups and even emotional cheating. this is a very general opinion but i know what healthy boundaries are.

i always let my gf do whatever. if she's a slut, ill find out sooner than later and control type of relatioship often leads to disaster. i want my freedom since i have a social life and id give that to her to get it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

dump him basically... he's conservative to the bone... whore becayuse you wear a shorts? those people should be arrested in my opinion and i'm not joking... they're really offensive

selfishstars · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who wanted to control what I was allowed to wear.

It may be a cultural difference, but why should you be expected to conform to his cultural standards?

If you want to try to make the relationship work, I'd say: Sit down with him and explain that these are the types of clothing that you feel comfortable wearing. Let him know that his comments are insulting to you. Let him know that the comments he's making aren't okay with you and that you want him to stop. Explain to him that you understand that the two of you have different views about clothing, but that what you wear is your own decision, not his.

That said, if you do stay in this relationship, please keep a close eye out for other forms of controlling behaviour. Consider this a red flag.

LittleSally · Accepted Answer

Well... you should've seen this coming... You two are from different cultures. I'm sure he's worried his parents will see you like that and advise him to leave you since you're not decent (according to their culture).

If this bothers you so much there's nothing else to do but to either dress a little bit more appropriately - maybe capris or shorts just above the knee and a t-shirt? Or a flowy blouse/tunic?
Why would those be bad things?

IF you are willing to compromise your relationship to show off some leg, then I guess you're not meant to be.

IF this bothers you in the sense where you think that it may come to something much bigger than just wardrobe choices, then maybe you're just not suited for each other and should simply break up now.

Angely · Accepted Answer

You need to stand up for yourself. He is dominating you without your permission. If he doesn't want you to be yourself, what will you be? A product of what he thinks is a perfect woman. You need to think about this relationship and what are the benefits you are gaining. Is all about balance and I can clearly see there is none here. If he is that conservative and after two years has not adapt to the culture, he can not expect you to adapt to his moral when You are not even in Korea or wish To submit. For your future safety and health, you should try to talk things if nothing can be done I believe you should leave him.

BarbaraP · Accepted Answer

Sounds like he's not willing to compromise which should be done by both parts in a relationship. I'd say you need to give this guy a huge talk and tell him you're not gonna put up with all his BS anymore. I'd understand if he was jealous of other guys checking you out, but he's assuming that you are looking for other men's attention. He's offending you by saying you're a whore if you wear shorts, basically.
Make him notice all the times you compromise and the 0 times he does. If he cares about you, he needs to respect you more. Relationships can't be one sided.

Hidden_P · Answer

Ha! What total gobshite.

Wearing shorts does not make you a whore. Making crotchless panties and nothing else in public makes you a whore. Or being paid for sex, that definitely makes you one.

He is trying to be controlling with you. I don't give a crap about his ethnicity, his culture, his religion or his sodding grandmothers left nipple. If you are in a different country you respect their rules. He is in the US he needs to understand it's not Korea.

If he feels uncomfortable with you and don't have any free speech then you should break up. I was in a relationship with a controlling person and it starts small... it can start with shorts and next thing you know, he's controlling what you eat and making you have eating disorders.
You deserve someone who isn't going to flip every time your toe peeks out of the burka (making a point not being offensive... he will make you cover up more and more and be more aggressive each time you "cross the line).

Good luck.

hardcoeur · Answer

I assume that by shorts you mean short shorts. Otherwise, I couldn't understand him. It makes me uncomfortable too... not b/c of what other guys' stares, not b/c of "slut-shaming," but b/c I value modesty. I wouldn't like to have a sexual image of her all the time. While sexuality is important, I feel we should be discrete about it. I sort of distanced myself from someone, partly b/c of this. I know I won't change her (nor would I want to try). I think she's better off w/ someone who isn't bothered by it. If you care about keeping the relationship, I'd suggest to talk to him, and compromise each other, to find a middle ground.

heavensgift2girls · Answer

Neither of you are right or wrong, he just has a different value system than you do. If the two of you can't find a compromise then you are simply incompatible in this area of your lives. No couple has 100% compatibility in every part of their life. This is why all couples need to learn to compromise. Either find a compromise or break up. He is entitled to have his values and standards, just like you are.

hypno-trip · Answer

Every girl I've heard on here dating a Korean guy from Korea has said they have problems. They all are picky about how things should be one woman on here married a Korean and said she has a lot of problems with him. He thinks ways have to be done a certain way and an American woman like her would never be good enough at it. Just becareful this seems common with Korean men. I'm a Chinese guy we're probably similar -___-

You should lap dance him to get him to relax and accept American norms haha

Red_Arrow · Answer

Wanting you to sweat to death to meet his standards is more than a silly thing. llIf you cannot get him to open up a bit, you may we need to find a different BF

Anonymous · Answer

Mine is the same. He's Lebanese so I kind of expected it from him when we first started dating. It's FRUSTRATING!
Don't break up with him over it, but stand your ground and ask him why he doesn't want you to wear those clothes. Then maybe you can come to an agreement or get him to understand.
BUT mine does it because he's jealous. If yours is saying it's because you embarrass him, dump him asap.

Chinkabelle5 · Answer

He is verbally abusive, controlling, woman-hating, and you need to dump him before he starts telling you what movies you can see, what books you can read, and what movies you can listen to. Not exaggerating.

DodgersGM · Answer

Well, one of the two of you is going to have to make some pretty major concessions, or this is likely to create even bigger problems down the line.

He likens your wardrobe to that of an attention whore? Hmmm, yeah, my guess is that the relationship probably won't last. There's just too big of an ideological divide between you guys.

TripleAce · Answer

Thats odd that someone that loves you wouldn't want you to be comfortable when its hot out... Does he wear shorts and a t-shirt in the heat?

Being in a relationship with anyone doesn't take away your own personal rights as a human being... If my gf ever told me that, it would tuff luck for her because that ain't happening, don't care who you are

Theguyoverthere · Answer

Ask him why he dates "whores" if it is so much of a problem. I do think girls need to wear more clothes these days but hot weather is hot weather. As long as your shorts aren't like a lot of the practically naked photos of girls I've seen online he shouldn't be making such a big deal out of it. Tell him to get over it.

peachblossomluck · Answer

He comes from another country and tries to tell you what to do in your own country, even though it's the cultural norm here? That's very disgusting of him and inappropriate. He's being disrespectful towards you. Get out of this relationship now because it's only going to get worse. He thinks it's his place to become offended by such things, he ought to return to his own country where his behavior is normal. In California, USA, he is being completely unreasonable.

sobg71124 · Answer

I am quite conservative as well.. And fully understand his position. I appreciate a girl who carries herself with modesty at all times. When I look around I can't believe how women are dressed. Even young girls. If they really knew what all the guys around them were thinking when little is left to the imagination, most would dress more appropriately. It sounds like he would just like you to be a lady, and that is not a bad thing.

AleDeEurope · Answer

Silly things? You think telling you what to do, stopping you from being free is a "silly thing"? No, you tell him that's how you dress because that's who you are, that's the person he's in a relationship with, if he doesn't want it he can take the next exit.

Phoenix98 · Answer

I'll agree he went a tad to far but even I have to agree that women's shorts can get a little to short. I mean I've seen some so short that your cheeks hang out and those are not appropriate. I'm not agreeing with what he said or how he said it thoufh, wear what's comfortable but also be mindful of how look and how it portrays you. And how your partner feels.

Remember relationships are about compromise so talk to him not us about it and come to a solution that you can both agree on.

Anonymous · Answer

"but I'm from korea. This is who I am"

Pisses me off. Such close mindedness. He needs to understand that YOU ARE YOU, HE IS HE. It doesn't matter what he thinks is inappropriate, you are your own person, you get to choose what you wear, not him.

I hope you realize sometime that this is a warning sign for a possible abusive/controlling relationship. The moment you start caving in to his demands, you'll lose track of who you are and what you can do. Before you know it, you can't do this, you can't do that, etc. That's how abusive relationships develop...

Miralrio · Answer

i know a lot of koreans in México and they are always talking about sex and the need to get laid and looking at girl with mini skirts, shorts and tight jeans... i've never meet a conservative one before :/... i think that if he feels uncomfortable about the way you dress you should break up, he already knew the way you were and the thinks you used to do like wearing those kind of clothes, so he should respect your style.

Anonymous · Answer

Eh I'd have a talk with him. I'm fairly similar to him and he values modesty and discipline. I would inform him of the importance of pragmatism/practicality.

If it's hot then you wearing more clothes is potentially dangerous to you with respect to things like heatstroke. All things in balance. There's nothing wearing with you wearing less clothes persay he just doesn't want other guys staring at your body. Guys... Are very visual creatures.

muspelhem_5 · Answer

If he gets to decide what you wear, it's only fair that you get to decide what he wears.

I suppose you could try to get to the bottom of why on earth he feels like he has any sort of right to dominate you like that.

If that fails, leave him immediately. He is too immature to love you.

Anonymous · Answer

You are from different cultures and you BOTH need to compromise if you want this to work. Ask yourself, is this relationship worth that kind of effort? If you're the only one doing the compromising and adjusting, sooner or later you'll get tired of it. If you let him make all the decisions, he'll only get more controlling.

Prof_Don · Answer

This relationship is going to end badly. He is the worse combination for a boyfriend (conservative, controlling, uncompromising )

I love my boyfriend but he's so FREAKING conservative?

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