I cheated, he forgave me. Will he ever trust me again?

[Anonymous]

I cheated on my boyfriend, with a guy I barely knew. It was a one night stand type of thing. But the guy kept trying to talk to me. Him and my bf are the only two guys I have ever been with (sexually). My bf tried to shoot him, Yes, shoot him it was all very hectic. The guy (A) didn't know when to stop and he just caused more problems. He just kept trying to talk to me and my bf hated it. He threatened him a couple times then I had to delete all my social media accounts and block his # ... I apologized and I meant it. I love my bf too much to lose him. I was stupid for doing what I did and I regret it with my life. He forgave me. And we are still together. He is very jealous tho. And very overprotective. He constantly makes me cry over the way he acts. He has always been like that but what I did made it worse. I just want to know if I will ever get his full trust back. I mean I love him and am grateful he gave me a second chance but I can't talk to anyone. I can't have any friends. Besides girls of course and it all depends if he likes the girls if not I can't be friends with them. And if a guy even says hi to me he overreacts. What I did happened six months ago. And ever since he just doesn't trust me at all. I love him to death but it's hard to put up with. I don't talk to any guys what so ever and have no problem with it I just want him to trust me again. Will I ever gain his trust back? I need advice.

Updates

+1 y

I honestly don't understand you all. I wasn't victimizing myself. I simply don't want to lose himself smells was asking for advice. I accept my mistake. Why are you all so cruel? I really do love him. Thanks for making me feel worse than when I first asked for advice!

Updates

+1 y

Lose him I was simply*

[master24]

everything is on your hand. from now on you need to start being fully open and honest about everything with your bf if you want to gain his trust back. its quite normal that he will not trust you for sometime and probably is going to have septistic thoughts and start questioning you he might even wanna regularly check your text massages and emails.. what you have to do is never hiding anything from him. and openly and honestly answer all his questions. comfort him when he feels the need to it. and be patient cause after sometime if you are not still cheating he will realize that and trust you. a cheater is not always a cheater but no body can deny that its kind of sickness. and just keep in mind that someone who doesn't accept that they re ill. won't start on medication or get operated so they will never feel or get better.

hope you understand what i mean and good luck.!

[Asker]

Thank you so much!

[Shane12]

He didn't really forgive you. And he will never trust you. Forgiveness doesn't mean he will go back to being a little calmer then he is now. He is angry with you, because you probably mean everything to him and then you went and cheated on him. Now he doesn't wanna be without you, but he can't forgive what you did either.

Not attacking you, just the guy sounds like me. Im a very jealous guy, and if my fiance were to cheat on me, or i found out she had. I would never forgive her and i would never trust her.

[Asker]

If he doesn't want to be with me why doesn't he leave? I've rd him. If you're Blythe hall with me leave, find someone that will make you happy. Bit he says hed rather die. But he still treats me like shit when He's mad. When He's not mad everything is wonderful. We're the happiest people. But when he gets mad or a guy stares or says hi to me he loses it.

[Shane12]

I said he doesn't want to be without you. He doesn't want to leave you. He just can't see past what you did. He doesn't want you to leave him, or cheat with another guy.

[Asker]

But I gave up talking to all my old friends I switched schools, and moved in with him to a whole different town. I gave everything up for him. I don't talk to say guys. I have only seven contacts on my phone! his mom, his dad, him, my sister, and my brother. My best friend And my mom. he gets my messages through email. and I can't talk to anyone on the phone without it being on speaker. I've shown I am and will be loyal to him for the past. Six Months. And he only gets worse. It's just gonna drive me crazy!

[Shane12]

So it sounds like he needs a kick. Wheneever i got super jealous amd passed my fiance's breaking point , she would tell me if i dont start trusting her she's gonna get tired and leave. And slowly she would bring her friends back into her life and just be hard on me. I had to learn to trust her and not think every woman is a cheater. But that only came from me, once she started being stern and not letting me control her life.

[Anonymous]

Forget the butthurts who Have to do their "Cheating is worse than child murder!" BS.

Personally i don't think he has forgiven you. It's up to him and you if you want to move past it so ignore all the shit waste of time comments that are just having a go.

Just because you cheated doesn't mean you are the bad guy, weird I know, but true. Yeah, you did a bad thing but you aren't a bad person. Your boyfriend has to realise that forgiving you means he actually had to move on and forgive you. That isn't possible if he keeps acting the way he does. All that will do is drive you away. You need to be honest and open with him and yourself. You cheated for a reason, all was not well before otherwise it wouldn't have happened. You both need to start being honest and open a put how you feel and your insecurities, it's the ONLY way Your relationship will survive.

[KidInk4]

He'll forgive, but, he won't forget. Guys and Girls are a lot alike, in many ways, they just don't realize it

[Asker]

Thank you so much! And honestly we have talked about it. He just asks for time. And I'm totally fine with it! The problem is that he always says the same thing when we talk about it. I've told him that I won't want or plan on leaving him but he needs to stop being so mean to me. I understand I did wrong but I'm human. Words still hurt me. I regret what I did to him and ways will. But I love him. Thank you so much for understanding me.

[Opinion Owner]

@KidInk4 I didn't say he should forget but he needs to start making an effort not to hold it against her if he is sincere about wanting to forgive. If he can't do that, and not everyone can, then sadly the relationship should end.

[Opinion Owner]

After re-reading your question I actually thing @MaskedSanity has given the most sensible response. I still stand by my opinion but in your case I think she has suggested what needs to be done. I think he will use this over you and will never really forgive. It will only destroy your self esteem and isolate you. I'm sorry.

[Opinion Owner]

MaskedSanity 9 Xper Age: 26 1h
You do realise that is not normal, asker?

Yes, you fucked up and did a shitty thing by cheating on him, but your relationship sounds absolutely awful.

Are you actually happy with this guy? Interception your messages to make sure you're not up to no good is fucking ludicrous!

It just sounds like you're with him because you don't want to be alone and because you're used to it, not because some amazing amour is flourishing.

He has been controlling you from the start and now you gave him even more power over your life.

He will never trust you and he will always use it as an ace against you in every disagreement.

Leave him and do it fast.

[Asker]

I'm not leaving him. he just needs time. He will soon realize I won't screw up again. This was all my fault anyways. Actions come with consequences. Even if he was like this before anything happened, it was my fault he got worse. He's just hurt. Thank you tho.

[Opinion Owner]

Actions do have consequences. Your cheating was a consequence of something or a series of things.

You say you're being honest, why did you cheat? You don't have to answer me but you need to answer that yourself and be 100% honest with yourself.

[MaskedSanity]

Girl, you're not even an adult yet, and you're talking like a battered wife.

Him treating you like shit is not your fault, cheating or not.

[Asker]

Okay, I slept with that guy when him and my best friend, who introduced him to me went to my house. She ended up leaving and he stayed. We were watching a movie and he just kept starring at me. I looked at him and he kissed me. Of course I reacted by pushing him away. He was shocked I did. And he apologized but he did it again. That time he ended up on top of me. I tried pushing him off twice after that but I couldn't. Then he started taking of my jeans. I told him to stop and he kissed me. And that was it... after that I just kissed him back.. and that's how it happened. I am ashamed. I could of prevented it. But I didn't. the next day I was crying and I told my bf. He freaked out and started throwing things around telling at me. I was scared but he said he wasn't going to hurt me and gave me a hug. Then he pushed me to the bed, called (A) from my phone and told him to meet him at the lake. Where he tried to shoot him. I was really scared... and I felt guilty cause it was all my fault.

[KidInk4]

He was mean to you, but, you went about it in the wrong way of how to handle his being mean. Number one failure of relationships? Communication. If you can't tell him how you feel, you won't survive the relationship

[Asker]

After that he pretended nothing happened. For a whole day. The he just sNapped. he broke my phone. And my iPad. And started cussing at me. And said he was going to kill (A) I trust to break up with him, after two days. Because I thought he deserved better. He said if I left him he would kill himself. So I stayed with him. A month after I moved in with him, to his home town. And started a new school. And now things are. The way they are.

[Opinion Owner]

It's clear your boyfriend is an emotional manipulator. You need to break it off really. Communication goes both ways, he should be speaking to you not going out and seeking vengeance.

He sounds incredibly unstable and I advise you leave him and learn to say No a bit more convincingly in the future.

[BaileyisDarcy]

I'm going to ignore the cheating thing because that seems irrelevant in light of everything else you said.

It sounds to me like he's abusive. Not physically, maybe not verbally, but mentally. You need to get out of there, he's over possessive, regardless of whether you cheated or not, and carrying on in a relationship that's failing will only hurt you. Trying to save a relationship when there's no obvious reason as to why it's failing can be plausible, but trying to save this one? No.

And to answer the question you wanted answered, no. I highly doubt he will trust you again like he did.

[Asker]

We have a good relationship. The only thing is the trust issues. Yes, he gets carried away but that's my own fault for what I did. And thank you for not being a jerk like everyone else. I really appreciate it.

[BaileyisDarcy]

And sweetie in light of your update, you cheated. Nobody was going to make you feel good about that.

[MaskedSanity]

I was gonna say!

Yes, she cheated - what a bitch, blah blah blah.

But he's giving off a controlling vibe and I think she should leave him for the same of her own sanity. It sounds like he was abusive before anything even happened.

[BaileyisDarcy]

Can you PM me? I want to talk to you but I'd prefer not to here.

[GirlsLie]

This is why I could just never be in a relationship with someone who cheated, even if I loved them. Because cheating just changes things and creates so much insecurity and drama, I don't know if he'll ever trust you again, my guess would be that he won't or if he does it will take a very long time. It just changes the relationship and it's probably really difficult to come back from that.

[spaceshuttle]

Earning the trust after what happened is a tough thing. I get it that you love him, but love is not going to just make it easy for you or your boyfriend as without trust any relationship can fail. Some people here are right that every time you guys will argue then there are potential chances that topic of cheating will come up and things will become impossible. You will get reminded of that one mistake many times. You are giving your best to mend the relation, which is a good thing, but it is a long shot.

I am sorry for saying this but I would suggest you to break up with him and start a fresh life. It is hard because you love that guy but you know it is probably the best for you and him too.

[SomeoneImportant]

Well if it's hard to put with, then leave. Why stay and victimize yourself when you're the one that cheated?

You knew he was the jealous type and possessive. So why do it?

I just don't understand it.

But anyway, you may not get his trust back, he'll be even more jealous than before.

[Asker]

I stay Because I love him. I know I'm the one at fault. but I'm just really scared to lose him.

[SomeoneImportant]

Do you really love him? Or do you love the fact that he needs/wants you?

[Asker]

And by the way I am not victimizing myself. Simply asking for advice. I understand I cheated and I did wrong. And I hate myself for it, but I want to know if we can still work things out. We have a wonderful relationship most of the time. The only problem is the issues with trust.

[SomeoneImportant]

You did victimize yourself, and your relationship doesn't sound wonderful at all.

Does he have any female friends?

[Asker]

I love him! I stopped talking to all guys for him! Deleted my social media accounts! He recieves my text messages through mail. it's been six months and it all just gets worse. I'm trying to save my relationship here. He means everything to me. He was the first guy I was ever with. Don't you think I feel stupid for what I did? You're making it seem like I'm using him when I'm not! I just want advice on how to handle this.

[SomeoneImportant]

Never said your using him, just questioning where your "love" is at.

But I'm curious, does he have any female friends?

[Asker]

You all are jerks. I was simply telling my story and asking for advice. And our relationship is very good. The only thing is the trust. And not that I know of.

[SomeoneImportant]

I'm trying to help you but you're not cooperating.

Does he have any female friends?

[Asker]

No that I know of he does not.

[SomeoneImportant]

Why not?

[Asker]

I don't know. Look we hardly fight and when we do it's always about how a guy looked at me or a guy said hi to me or he left a comment on our Facebook statuses. (We share a fb) I just want advice I don't want to leave him. I don't plan on doing so. We have a future together. Regardless on what you all jerks say. Thank you.

[SomeoneImportant]

How long has he not had any female friends?

by the way, I'm trying to help you out. Just digging for more information. Can't help you if I don't know the full back story.

[DonkeyKong1979]

Did I read that right? You're boyfriend tried to shoot the guy? I know you say you love him but honestly, I think you have to ask yourself whether someobe who responds to infidelity with gun violence is somebody you actually want in your life.

[Asker]

Yes I want him in my life. He was just reacting to what I did. I just don't want to lose him...

[Anonymous]

Why would you cheat If you love him? That's trifling. Did he do something wrong? Anyways you will MIGHT never get his trust back. You have traumatized him in trusting girls. Same thing happened to me I still remember it. Although I'm still friends with my ex. I still don't trust her for what she did. I rarely talk her. it destroyed everything i ever felt for her. Once a cheater always a cheater. So what I suggest if he keeps acting up you leave him and find somebody else to sleep with.

[Asker]

You're a jerk.

[Asker]

And I'm not one to go sleeping around. I told my bf the very next day I did it. I regret it. He decided to forgive me and I'm grateful. We have a good relationship. The only problem is the trust issues. And the way he makes me feel when he gets mad. I know I cheated but I still have feelings I'm human. Words still hurt. I don't understand how you can be so cruel.

[Opinion Owner]

Lmao I'm cruel? Sorry sweet heart you knew the consequences. Why you slept with the other guy? I don't know but I don't sleep with random people and expect that an apology is going fix everything over night. You have just made it hard for yourself and for what? Fuck that! Your not a victim! Your boyfriend is! Get that through your thick skull. Now since your going to stay with him don't make the same mistake again. Cuz I seen stupid ass girls who still do the same shit. All ik is that time heals everything. its going to be a bumpy ride. Good luck your gonna need it.

[Asker]

Like I said you're a jerk. I know it takes time but obviously you don't know how to read. You make it seem like I'm the worst person in the world. I'm sorry your gf cheated on you. But that doesn't give you the right to act like an ass. Just like what I did doesn't give my bf the right to make me cry all the time and have me as his prisoner. You don't know the full story so fuck of!! I'm sharing what I shared for advice not to make myself look like a victim. But assholes like you don't get that.

[Opinion Owner]

Prisoner? Wow I didn't know that I'm sorry.

[Asker]

Go fuck yourself.

[Opinion Owner]

How about you do it for me since like sleeping with strangers. You neanderthal slut. \n nn

[Opinion Owner]

\nlnn*

[Asker]

Because the fucking stranger I slept with didn't give me the option. To wanting to or not. My problem was that after he literally forced me, I went along with it and, Yes, liked it. so no I was not raped, Because after a while I went along with it. That's my fucking problem. You have no idea what I've done to make my bf realize I love him. And won't ever do that again. Jerks like you need to lighten the fuck up and realize that There's more to a story than one tells you. So again fuck you. And go to hell. Bye. Have a nice day.

[Opinion Owner]

God speed...

[Dandeus]

He hasn't truly forgiven you, and he didn't trust you to begin with... That's what his jealousy means, that he doesn't trust you. Your boyfriend is very controlling, and violent as well. You should leave him and avoid the other guy as well. If he's trying to shoot this guy, the next time his anger and jealousy flares up it could be you that he shoots.

[SilenRose]

No. Once you cheat the seed of doubt starts to grow. It also sounds like you gave up your freedom for a second chance. Personally I think you two should just make a clean break.

[Hephaestus]

Your relationship sounds fucked up, even without the cheating.

[Asker]

It is not fucked up. He is just over protective and gets jealous easy. And what i did made it worse. I just want him to realize I regret it and will never do it again. I really love him and don't want to lose him over this.

[Hephaestus]

That's no over protective, that's possessive.
You both don't seem mature enough for a relationship

[Yous_15]

No not really. In fact every time you two bump heads and argue he is going to bring it up and put you down. I doubt he will ever trust you again.

[kangy]

Very hard to. Once a mirror is cracked, even if u put them back together there will always be cracks shown. I knowi will never trust a cheater.

[Anonymous]

You broke the trust, it doesn't just come back over night. Be patient with him. He is probably still angry, understandably. He has to know he can trust you again, so you need to prove it.

[Asker]

I understand, but I've proven over the last six months. I don't talk to anyone deleted all social media account ta for him, he even receive my text messages through mail. Just so he can know I don't talk to anyone. I mean he just gets worse with time. I'm just afraid to lose him. But then again you're right trust won't come back over night. Thank you.

[MaskedSanity]

You do realise that is not normal, asker?

Yes, you fucked up and did a shitty thing by cheating on him, but your relationship sounds absolutely awful.

Are you actually happy with this guy? Interception your messages to make sure you're not up to no good is fucking ludicrous!

It just sounds like you're with him because you don't want to be alone and because you're used to it, not because some amazing amour is flourishing.

He has been controlling you from the start and now you gave him even more power over your life.

He will never trust you and he will always use it as an ace against you in every disagreement.

Leave him and do it fast.

[jmmmfi]

He forgave you that's more than I would've done