My boyfriend broke up with me and says he doesn't love me anymore or care about me as anything but a friend.

We had been together for 3 years and 8 months. This past summer he lost a lot of weight and started changing and becoming way different than he used to be. He started getting really friendly with a coworker which I asked him to stop. But then he just got mad and said I was trying to control him and I couldn't trust him, even though this girl was being flirty and obviously wanted to be more than friends. Finally he realized we couldn't have a healthy relationship with her in it. So he told her to not call and text him anymore and that they couldn't be friends. Things dramatically improved! We became so much better I felt love like I hadnt in months and it was like things used to be! Then out of no where he says he doesn't think he loves me anymore, only as a friend. We decided to try and work it out, but less than a month later he's broken up with me and refuses to try anything to save our relationship like counseling. He says he doesn't love me anymore and he doesn't know why he just doesnt. I asked him if there wasn't anything from the past 3 years and 8 months worth saving and he said just our friendship. The thing is the night he did this he spent a half hour after work talking to that girl about our problems. I caught them when I went looking for him when he didn't come home. Then the day after he broke up with me she starts calling and texting him a lot and asked him over to her house. He went! I had asked him earlier that day (not knowing they had already talked) to not hang out with her to talk to her right away out of respect for our relationship and friendship. We were supposed to meet up when I got off work but he was at her house and didn't leave until I was already off. He didn't even care that this would hurt my feelings, he said I can't place restrictions on him if we're not in a relationship. Later he admitted that it was mean and he wishes he hadnt hung out with her (the source of so much pain in our relationship) the day after he broke up with me and he wished he could take it back. But somehow my wonderful boyfriend turned into a jerk. What happened? A year ago you could have not convinced me that this could have happened or that he would have been so mean. They say someone never leaves a relationship unless there's someone else, and I think that happened but he wasn't looking for a girlfriend just another best friend to replace me. He doesn't have any close friends besides me and always said he was lonely and that this girl was a good friend. They had never hung out before how could she be such a good friend? I feel like he cheated on me maintaining a relationship he wasn't supposed to with her. Like he replaced me or is trying to replace me as his best friend. He says he is just tired of trying in our relationship and doesn't care anymore and that I can't ask him to pretend to love me. He also dropped a lot of clues that he left me bcuz I was trying to control him in that earlier situation with her or that he wants to be able to do what he wants.

The day after we broke up he and that girl went on a walk on the beach together and confessed their feelings for each other and every day after that have been telling each other how much they love and miss each other and want to be together.
I don't talk to him anymore, I am over him, there's no reason to keep talking about this so I'm deleting it.

Most Helpful Girl

  • ok this is what you do

    if he doesn't want to be with you , then give him his wish

    u won't be friends with him... its either you are together or not. not in betweens. why let this guy think he still has you when you guys are broken up ? he knows ull always be around and that's why he's taking advantage of you. it is true you cannot control him but at the end of the day you were his girlfreind. not some random girl. his GIRLFRIEND. if he didn't have respect for you enough to not test the waters with this hoebag then he isn't gonna have respect for you chasing after him. itll be hard, but just leave him a lone for about a month. itll make you stronger. this will make him realize finally what he shouldve realized the moment he broke up with you and that is "OH CRAP. THIS GIRL THAT I LOVE IS OUT OF MY LIFE AND I MISS HER LIKE CRAZY! I NEED HER BACK. I HATE BEING WITHOUT HER. SHE MEANT SO MUCH TO ME" and trust me love, he will EAT HIS WORDS ... and he most likely will come back saying how sorry he is. don't let him backk too quickly though. he needs to earn ur trust back.

    us girls make it too easy for these guys and go chasing after them all the time,

    he says he deosnt want you?

    alright. give him what he wants,

    take yourself out of his life

    and hell realize how much he loves you


    • Thanks girl, it helps hearing that so much. I want to hate him and forget about him but it's hard after caring for almost 4 years. But ur so right! I am afraid though things were OK between us but the other night we had a huge fight and he said he never wants to talk to me or see me again and could never be friends with me again and hasn't called or texted me since. So now I'm afraid he really won't feel bad or miss me anymore because of that. What do you think?

    • Right now uve kinda been hovering over him and staying by his side. unless he has some supernatural powers , he could never forget about a 3.5 year relationship and the person he was in it with ! he says that now because he is mad. you need to go on without him for a while. at first hell feel freed of the fighting and all that stuff, but later hell feel lonely and realize that no one was like you were when you guys were together. all guys make mistakes.. he just needs time away from you to realize how