Why do girls use sex........

why do girls use sex as a way to hopefully take a guy they like and turn him into a boyfriend? what makes them think that if they give them sex the guy will magically think she's the one and start dating her?

I've noticed a few questions on here that are along those lines and not to mention I have a few friends in that situation and I just want to slap them for sleeping with the guy and expecting him to automatically be her boyfriend because she gave it up. it boggles my mind when you will give that up for the hope of a crush.

was just wondering why and would love to know if you are in that situation and why or if you were or knew anybody who has. I wanna figure out what people are thinking when this is going on.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Okay, let's take a step back and look at things from 3rd person POV.

    Men and women have one thing in common, we're both the same animal; human. We have the same desires, the same needs, and besides not being able to both produce eggs and sperm, we have the same things to offer one an other.

    All else constant, there should be no differences. But society says there are; so there are.

    During childhood development, as a male, you're told that unless you have sex with hoards of female humans, you're a loser. That the thing you hate the most is commitment and relationships, and what is most valuable to you is out-of-this-world, amazing and frequent sex with the hottest supermodels that ever walked on the face of the earth. As a female, you're told that if you have sex with hoards of male humans, you're a sIut. That the thing you hate most is being alone, and that if you are labeled a sIut, you will be alone. Ironically, if you're labeled a prude or virgin you'll also be alone, and if you're labeled a tease or whore, you'll definitely be alone. But what is most valuable to you is commitment, stability, security, and a happy marriage and family. That unless you're the perfect mom and wife, you're a loser.

    So even though we're both human, these socially created and enforced roles based on our sex, shape our behavior, thinking, and most importantly; beliefs.

    If you're a man, you might believe that women are asexual, have almost no desire for sex, or only pretend to desire sex so they don't get ignored and until they eventually get someone to marry them in which point they will no longer have to pretend anymore.

    If you're a woman, you might believe that men are emotionless, have almost no desire for a relationship or love, or only pretend to want those things so they can have sex, and once they get what they want, they stop acting and move on to someone else.

    Irreguardless if true or not, for as long as these are the core beliefs of men & women, these beliefs will cause them to behave much like two parties negotiating in a board-room.

    Men will feel that they have (love, commitment, money, marriage, a relationship, emotion) as their bargaining chips, that everything else they can offer is not of value to women. Women will feel that they have (sex) as their only bargaining chip, that everything else they can offer is not of value to men.

    And so, the negotiations begin.

    But as men discover, women want sex too. And money and emotion just won't cut it.

    Similarly, women discover, men want emotion (and sometimes money) too. And sex just won't cut it.

    So why do SOME women do it? For the same reason SOME men take girls shopping, get them stuff, do things for them, listen to their problems, tolerate playing hard-to-get and games, go through the motions of dating, etc; because they believe she'll appreciate getting what she wants, and will make her feel for him, what he feels for her.

    That's all there is to it..

    • I never thought of it that way. but it really makes sense. girls think guys only want sex and guys only think girls want material items so I guess depending on who's chasing who depends on who gets what.

    • Show All
    • The only part I disagree with in your answer is the idea that we are the same and only society's standards tell us we are different. We are biologically different. There is no doubt testosterone plays a part in men having a drive for sex that is different than a woman's drive for sex. Further women get pregnant and men do not, so women have a certain risk in having sex, whether they think about it at the time or not.

What Girls Said 20

  • Well, can't really add much to what jdcpa already said but here are some thoughts that went through my head.

    Studies have found that men and women fall in love differently. For a woman it goes-attraction, love, sex. And for a man it goes-attraction, sex, love. That doesn't mean a man can't love without sex but it means that to get to the highest point, he usually develops the feelings of attachment and so for, after the physical union. So women are just looking at it from their perspective. If he sleeps with them he must have some form of attachment right? Cause after all, she has some form of attachment. So sex can make him be attached to her more and more everytime. That isn't the case but that's what a lot women think.

    Another thing to realize is that a lot of these guys aren't saying they only want sex. A lot of them are smart enough to make it seem like they want more. One friend had a guy keep asking her for sex but he never said all he wanted was sex. He kept saying that he didn't feel like they could really go to the next level in the relationship until they had sex. He said he wanted to marry her, have babies with her, move to other states with her. All the while the relationship is such a joke any other person can see that. It wasn't even a relationship. It was just him talking to her occasional so he could get sex. But she believed him and wanted it to work. So remember a lot of these guys are offering these women their hopes and dreams.

    Another issue, some women really think they can go into it and keep their emotions in check . But she finds out that sex is only bonding her to him and she begins to want more.

    But it isn't always women. I know guys that wanted to take a relationship slow but gave in and had sex cause they thought they needed to. And ended up hurt because the relationship fell apart because of it.

    I think the part that causes the biggest misunderstanding though, is that most women don't see sex as a need but a want. To them it's like dessert, not dinner. So they don't realize that to a guy, sometimes sex is just like jerking off into someone else. You just need to get rid of the tension so cause you have a warm body who is willing, it's better to do that then do it in the bathroom by yourself. Most women would really be shocked to realize that. So it would never occur to them that they are being used for something like that.

  • It's because they already think you are the one and somehow believe that the only thing left is to have sex, and certainly you will see how great she is.

    It is because girls/women have this silly idea that you guys want sex so bad that the first sure thing you get in the sex department, you will be ready to settle down.

    It's because girls think relationships are so wonderful, that you do to.

    It's because girls think that if you like her sexually you like her completely.

    It's because the media and society portrays sex appeal and physical attraction as the end all to getting the guy.

    It's because no one wants to talk about emotions and emotional connection, it makes people uncomfortable.

    It's because it is so much easier to jump into bed with someone rather than take the time to get to know them and let them get to know you.

    It's for the same reasons as guys who have all these crazy, false ideas on how to get laid that don't really work.

    It's because girls need advice from a website like this to learn how guys really think.

  • I think a lot of guys get it backwards... we don't develop emotional attachment just from having your glorious members satisfy us! :P And we don't all want a traditional relationship to develop just because we've developed feelings.

    A guy wouldn't be able to get that far with me unless I already had some feelings developed. And just because I sleep with him, doesn't mean I want to hang on to him forever! But when I've shared my true self and eventually intimately shared my body with someone, it's because I feel like a closeness is developing and I want to open myself to him. Guys who act like they feel the same way till they get what they want know exactly what they are doing.

    BrettH, can you honestly say you have never lead a girl to believe you were genuinely interested in her and interested in a relationship for the sake of sex? I bet at least 5 of your friends can't say that. Now you know why some younger girls believe that.

  • it's not that we "use" sex to get a boyfriend. girls naturally involve more emotions with sex than guys so we kind of associate the act of sex with love which makes us want more than just sex - eventually a relationship.

    • I agree with all except one part... "girls naturally involve more emotions with sex..." I think guys do too, but the majority of them are socialized not to express it openly.

    • I agree with rainydaydreamaway...... I think that is still dumb as can be that girls would have sex so they can eventually be in a relationship. What happened to getting in a relationship and then if they guy is lucky, having sex with the girl? Girls that do this are in general easy. All a guy would have to do is know the girl thinks the guy is attractive and a "smart" guy would know how to work his way to getting sex, if that is what he is after.

  • not all girls are like that

    on a different perspective, if a guy just wants sex with a girl and he doesn't care about her-that doesn't mean she was using sex to do anything, maybe she didn't know any better because some out there don't - there are so many possibilities to a situation

    i never liked to see things attributed to one reason and biased towards on aspect, if you look at situations more critically, it isn't as slanted or just for one reason, there's always more

    reasons to it.

    • And that's why I asked the Q to find out more reasons.. the bigest exaple I see of this is my friend jen.. she's using sex to try and get this guy to be her b/f. and in watching this I'm just trying to figure out what would drive her to do such a thing. but jdcpa explained it well. because I would get girls things in order to earn the boyfriend title and use what I thought would get their attention.

  • You aren't describing girls of quality, so I suggest you and your friends start going for girls who don't do any of this nonsense. A girl that's actually worth pursuing isn't going to use sex to date you (and why would you, if you can get it from her anyway without the relationship?) Any girls I've ever known that did that kind of thing weren't actually interested in relationships if they put out that quick and used their sexuality that way. You are right, it is pretty lame logic. I'd stay away from that level of insanity and sheer stupidity.

  • because when girls are young and therefore dumb and inexperienced, they think physical attraction = love, and therefore sex = love. which of course, is completely ridiculous.

  • we can associate sex with emotions, being wanted. especially as sex is sometimes a way of expressing how much a person means. if that makes sense...

  • I think if a guy gives it up before they're dating. She will be seen as just that, sex. I think most guys like sleeping with sluts, they don't like making them they're girlfriends.

  • Its most likely because guys lead girls on and tell them things they wanna hear just to get them in bed. so perhaps the guy your friend slept with was tellin her stuff like how much he cared about her and how pretty she was, things that lead her to bealive he was actually interested. or maybe the girl was horny and just wanted to have sex, but tried to turn it into a relationship to save herself from lookin like a slut.

    and sometimes girls think sex is the only way to make a guy stay around, better to have a man then not have one, even if he is staying for the wrong reasons.

    And girls are capable of doing this to guys as well ya know,

  • Because when we are inexperienced we think that if the guy wants sex, he must have a crush on us as well, like we do. Most women only want to have sex with guys they have a crush on so they believe that men must function the same way. Only with experience - or helpful advice - do most women understand the concept of purely carnal sex without emotion. I personally still don't understand it and it still hurts me that men function in this way, although I learned long ago how not to fall into such traps.

  • because most of the time it works... and you should be slapping the GUY for sleeping with the girl if he doesn't want anything out of it... cause that's how girls get labled sluts and whores...

  • girls think that all guys want is sex so if we give it to them then they will stay with us and we will have a bond that no one else has with that guy and that's all girls are really looking for

    help me out with my question pleaseeeeeee

  • Well I don't think I've ever slept with a guy because I thought that would make him my boyfriend. But generally I sleep with a guy I'm dating if I like him and I think there's something there. But I have come to the realization that when you give it up doesn't seem to particularly matter, because everyone is different. If you give it up on the first date with one guy he might think you're easy and another might not.

    It's kinda of hard sometimes, cause I've heard guys say a lot of different things on the topic.

  • well some women think that if they give the guy what he wants, that he'll give them what they want.

  • guys do this too. it's clingy and annoying. I'm not sure why girls do it though. maybe they like the guy? I have no idea.

  • INSECURITY. girls need to spend more time getting to know themselves and being comfortable with who they are and what they want before they can be ready for a relationship - too bad too many don't respect themselves enough and are too insecure to get to that point first. Only then are they really capable of a mature, healthy relationship.

  • younger girls have lower/lowish standards, they're inexperienced and don't know what they can get so they settle. girls settle settle settle! it is a trap but its not hard to get into esp if the girl has low self-esteem or going thru dry spell/just wanting an inbetween guy. if a girl has sex, she presumes most of the time that its leading to something whereas for most men sex just means...sex. To me, sex is just like scratching an itch. obviously that's not ideal at all and I definitely want to have it special or whatever but its hard to meet someone you're really into so girls will settle. oh a lot of girls read cosmopolitan and other magazines which harp on and on about sex so it seems like every girl is having sex with every guy when not every girl is in reality that promiscuous. fine if you are but it does promote this blanket promsicuity culture so girls think its fine to sleep with guys too early on etc. I'm not a purist or religious nut, I just think girls need to increase our standards and not settle! most girls will like having a guy for the comfort and security even if they're not into them-some guys I've dated were purely out of comfort and they only really grew on me after a while-im sure I'm not alone in this

  • . I would think that in the times of friends with benefits more people would DOUBT the intensions of those who seek sex, rather then assumee it will lead to progress. I happen to think , not only will sex not create intimacy that is not there, but will prevent it from coming to fruition. When I feel close to somemone and they express interest in sex, I immediately think that we are not actually friends, or that this will ruin the friendship. I have never had a friendship ruin over sex ... I have also never had sex. Intellectually I think sex would have the use of giving greater expression of care for someone, but on a gut level I can't get all the junk that everyone is always talking about. Use her , use him. Use each other etc. Sex Is just a physical act without the relationship of the individuals involved. How you can know the meaning of an act before the people who are involved in it have even acted lacks logic... To look at people in such a dehumanized way as thought they are just emotions or thought unto themselves, with no possibility of communicating or respecting themselves helps to keep alive all the stereotypes that demean people and make you want to throw up. By the way, outside of cultural pressure, is there there actually proof that woman are so much more emotional then men? Perhaps they have better access to there emotions which in the long run would mean they will be better able to handle themselves emotionally, be less likely to blow up with no provocation, or pick a fight when they are frustrated. Maybe be the point is that people should work to harmonize needs and wants and respect of other human beings.

  • i did it because it was either offer him a sexual relationship or give up on him entirely. and I wasn't ready to do that. we are currently dating... :)


What Guys Said 7

  • A girl who does that knows that many guys do with their penis tells them. You seem to ignore what your penis tells you and choose for yourself. Are you going to commit violence on that guy for listening to his penis or the girl who exploits the guy. Both are at fault.

  • I guess they figure If you like the sex you will want to be with her. Sometimes it works. Maybe she sees it as loving she is pleasing you making you feel better after a hard day at work. Maybe she has sex because she wants to. I suppose some women want things like money from guys so they do this. I am not accusing this girl of that because I don't really know the situation. If she loves you this is a way of showing it. Its not a real complicated thing

  • Where are these women who give out sex before they even went on a single date with the guy. I have yet to meet them.

  • why do guys expect that they have sex with women, without realizing that women respond to sex differently from men?

  • It must be the sort you are hanging out with, not all girls use these sort of "Game-play" style, but for some girls its all they think the guys want, personally I would like a cute shy girl over the type that would jump into bed with me at any moment, I mean yes it would be nice but, hay wait a second its not everything I am after...

    Some girls just see guys as people whom just want sex, possible your mixing with the wrong crowd or just giving off the wrong signals, though I am not too sure, its usually extremely hard to tell. Gotta love it =]

  • Emotional attachment. They think a guy can be hooked by sex alone.