Can a frat really ruin your boyfriend?

i fell in love with my boyfriend nearly two years ago. he just started attending a college about one hundred miles away. I can't drive so I can't go see him on the weekends and even if I could drive he's always so busy with school work or working for a fraternity that he's pledging to. since he started pledging, he's gotten drunk on a school night, driven home drunk, he's tried smoking weed(which I'm totally against), and his behavior towards me has done a complete 360. he tells me he loves me and doesn't want to lose me but when we get in petty arguments he tells me to shut up and says a lot of mean cruel things. he tells me the things I do are stupid and he acts like he's better than me. the other night he told me he was going to ask me to marry him in the near future and I was so excited and the next day it seemed he had failed to tell me that he was just kidding about the 45 minute convincing conversation. I asked him why he would even do such a cruel thing and his answer "why not?"

my jaw dropped. my mom says that some guys will have a goal of seeing how crappy they can treat their girlfriend until she just gives up. and I'm afraid that this might be one of those situations. we're nearly two years into our relationship and I love the guy whose smile and laugh I would give anything for but I don't love the guy who treats me this way. but I don't want to break my own heart. I don't want to be another damn statistic. I don't know what to do. what if I'm suspecting wrong? but what else could it be? you don't treat someone you love that way.

he laughed at me when I admitted to believing him about the proposal thing. he made me feel like a fool. and I really don't believe he understands how much he hurt me. have you ever wanted to throw up from heartache? that's how I feel.i just want to puke all of my emotions out. when I see him in person, how should I go about this?i don't know what to do anymore. memories of him would haunt me everywhere I go:(


Most Helpful Girl

  • i know long distance is hard. I go to school 300 miles away from my boyfriend. I'm having the same problem with him joining a frat too. he honestly doesn't believe that he's changing. and quite honestly, I'm becoming really bitter about this whole situation. I totally understand when you say that the memories will haunt you. but you have to ask yourself if it's worth it. you don't deserve to be treated like that. that was such a cruel and sick joke. I know it's hard to hear, but maybe it's time to move him what he's missing. because if he really loved you like he says he does, he would never EVER want to see you hurt. that's the problem with my boyfriend too... he doesn't understand that he's hurting me. Him hurting me is starting to make me feel so empty and cold though. I'm beginning to think it's time to move on too... which will be so hard for me because we made so many plans for our future. "forever"... maybe he's not the one. just surround yourself with friends and family... with people that love you! your heart will heal.


What Guys Said 3

  • It's definitely the frat. I promise you. Frats change every guy. I'm almost finished with my first semester in college and I had a friend join a frat at the beginning of the semester. I had been friends with this guy for 5 years. A very long time. We were always cool together and stuff but then in college he wanted to join a frat and I didn't. Personally, I knew a frat would be a bad idea, and one of these reasons is why. Frat guys always think they are so cool and great. They look down on everyone because they get to stay in a house together with a bunch of other guys. Yeah that's real cool. Hate to say it, but if he likes the frat, he is gonna be like this for quite a long time...

    • Ya he's nearly failing all of his classes. ha doesn't get any sleep. right now they're in solitary so I can't even text him or MySpace him while they're doing useless lessons on people who founded the cult. it's sickening to me. how could you like someone running your life? its a frikkin socialistic dictatorship.

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    • Thanks you seem like a pretty genuine guy yourself. and my whole family has told me I can do better but that better guy has not come along to show my boyfriend up so I don't really believe there is someone better out there that exists you know? lol I worry about this stuff and I'm so young. atm I'm gonna sit it out until I can talk to him again. and we'll see how it turns out.

    • Yeah I completely understand 100%. Wouldn't blame ya. Lol. Ok well best of luck to ya. Keep me posted. I'd like to help in any way possible

  • Its "stereotype us and we will show you what an arsehole really is" but ye it do sounds like its his fault. Being a frat bro myself, I can say I didn't change shit So I disagree from guy below. And your mom is sooo fucking wrong, even lindsay lohan feels right now.

  • Let me start off by saying I'm sorry your going through this, it's not easy. I personally went through it my self but it it was my now ex girlfriend who joined a sorority. We were together for 4 and a half years before she decided to end it. I stumbled upon your post and I saw a lot of similarities that I went through. My ex and I had both started school at a university in California, we both transferred from a community college so it wasn't our first year, I going for electric engineering and her culinary. Everything was great before she joined the sorority. I consider myself a nerdy guy and she loved that about me, we would have doctor who, game of thrones, and walking dead nights where we would just relax after a long day and watch tv. After she joined those nights ended, she became so busy with the sorority and i slowly felt her pushing me away, when we did find time to see each other all she could seem to talk about was the sorority, that's not to say I wasn't happy for her because I was, she always had trouble making female friends so I was happy to see she had finally found girlfriends but I never in a million years would've thought that it would've led to our break up. She slowly became distant and would make me feel bad for wanting to hangout with her so I completely understand what you're going through, I know that feeling of wanting to break up with them but fearing the pain it will bring because you love them so much. I never did because like you said I didn't want to be another statistic and I wanted to try working on it, we lasted the spring semester and summer but honestly it wasn't the same, I slowly lost the girl I fell for, the nerdy girl i fell for was becoming the stereotypical sorority girl, partying, drinking every weekend. I felt that she looked down on me because i wasn't part of the Greek life. i never found the strength to end it, she did that for me 2weeks before this fall semester started and as much as it hurt I'm glad it happened, i was tired of feeling like that, i felt more alone in the relationship while she was in The sorority than i do now single. I really wish you and your boyfriend could work it out but if not just know it does get easier. They're lost! Lol


What Girls Said 3

  • well a frat can college can change your guy unfortently. they get into drinking and not having parents around so going to college and have a boyfriend in college when your not there is extrmelly hard. my friend did that it was the hardest thing ever for her. but they got through it but still being in college or a frat can change your guy it doesn't just have to be a frat. But a frat can depending on the frat shape your guy up to he can become a better person too. I hope everything works out!

    • Me too. I can see it working out but he has to realize how childish he's acting and I think with the frat boosting his ego, he's not going to recognize his faults for a long time:(

    • Yea just becareful. he could very well change. which is sad but it could happen. how long hav eyou been to gether?

    • Two years on january 5. *sigh* it just makes me sad that we've come this far, yet we've sunken so low:(

  • What an asshole! Pardon my French, but you need to end it with this creep ASAP, before you get too far in.