Can a frat really ruin your boyfriend?

i fell in love with my boyfriend nearly two years ago. he just started attending a college about one hundred miles away. I can't drive so I can't go see him on the weekends and even if I could drive he's always so busy with school work or working for a fraternity that he's pledging to. since he started pledging, he's gotten drunk on a school night, driven home drunk, he's tried smoking weed(which I'm totally against), and his behavior towards me has done a complete 360. he tells me he loves me and doesn't want to lose me but when we get in petty arguments he tells me to shut up and says a lot of mean cruel things. he tells me the things I do are stupid and he acts like he's better than me. the other night he told me he was going to ask me to marry him in the near future and I was so excited and the next day it seemed he had failed to tell me that he was just kidding about the 45 minute convincing conversation. I asked him why he would even do such a cruel thing and his answer "why not?"

my jaw dropped. my mom says that some guys will have a goal of seeing how crappy they can treat their girlfriend until she just gives up. and I'm afraid that this might be one of those situations. we're nearly two years into our relationship and I love the guy whose smile and laugh I would give anything for but I don't love the guy who treats me this way. but I don't want to break my own heart. I don't want to be another damn statistic. I don't know what to do. what if I'm suspecting wrong? but what else could it be? you don't treat someone you love that way.

he laughed at me when I admitted to believing him about the proposal thing. he made me feel like a fool. and I really don't believe he understands how much he hurt me. have you ever wanted to throw up from heartache? that's how I feel.i just want to puke all of my emotions out. when I see him in person, how should I go about this?i don't know what to do anymore. memories of him would haunt me everywhere I go:(


Most Helpful Girl

  • i know long distance is hard. I go to school 300 miles away from my boyfriend. I'm having the same problem with him joining a frat too. he honestly doesn't believe that he's changing. and quite honestly, I'm becoming really bitter about this whole situation. I totally understand when you say that the memories will haunt you. but you have to ask yourself if it's worth it. you don't deserve to be treated like that. that was such a cruel and sick joke. I know it's hard to hear, but maybe it's time to move him what he's missing. because if he really loved you like he says he does, he would never EVER want to see you hurt. that's the problem with my boyfriend too... he doesn't understand that he's hurting me. Him hurting me is starting to make me feel so empty and cold though. I'm beginning to think it's time to move on too... which will be so hard for me because we made so many plans for our future. "forever"... maybe he's not the one. just surround yourself with friends and family... with people that love you! your heart will heal.