If you are developing feelings for someone BUT their physical appearance isn't what you want, would you ignore the physical part?

[rudybooty]

Yea as what the question says...would you ignore the physical part? Why?

Yes

No

[jdcpa]

You mean like:

Girl A:

- Smoking hot

- Dresses and acts really sexy

- Dishonest and manipulative

- Controlling and demanding

- Very low or no sex drive

- Expects the guy to do things for her

- Because it validates her sense of vanity and allows her to tell herself that she's worth it; and this is why it's perfectly reasonable to expect such things and to be treated like a princess. It's not egotistical, shallow, vain, self-centered, or disrespectful to the other person at all. Nor does it imply that her lack of effort towards the guy by the same logic suggests that the guy is worthless relative to her.

- Has no real job, but that's okay since she's waiting for the "perfect" man of her dreams (hopefully a doctor, lawyer, investment banker, accountant) to as her to marry him.

Girl B:

- Cute, pretty, ordinary, simple, average.

- Doesn't dress sexy, but dresses comfortable instead.

- Honest, caring and understanding.

- Communicates well and doesn't just think about "she" wants or how "she" feels, or what's important to "her". When there's a difference, she doesn't try to make you feel bad, ashamed, guilty for wanting or thinking differently than her; and trying to get you to change so your wants and thinking can agree to what "she wants" or how "she thinks". She finds a way to compromise that's fair to both of you, because she understands that if one of you is getting the short end of the stick; it means a short-term win for the other in the short run, but the death of the relationship in the long-run.

- Very high sex drive; higher than yours.

- Doesn't "expect" you to do things for her; or get angry and upset at you passively.

- But still appreciates you when you do nice sweet romantic things, and show her how much you care about her, lover her, appreciate her; and how important and special she is to you.

- Being able to know she has enough money for the next 6 months of bills, or retirement, or for our kids' education; is far more important to her than walking around in the latest Louis Vuitton bag, driving a Mercedez SKL 600, or inviting her friends over to her private community beach front 4,000 sq.ft. $11,000,000 home.

- She's actually a doctor, lawyer, executive, investment banker, hedge fund manager or accountant herself. (instead of nurse, paralegal, secretary, teller, teacher, psychologist or social worker looking to find a doctor, lawyer, etc..)

Hmm.. oh gosh golly.. what a difficult choice!

"Picking a partner is like picking a jar of honey. The honey will eventually run out. All you'll have left is the jar. So make sure you like the jar you'll be stuck with more than the honey that it once used to have." - Greek proverb.

[Yurippe]

One complaint: What if I fall into type B, but actually WANT to be a nurse, teacher etc. out of a passion to help others?

[jdcpa]

I had a strong passion to be a teacher and teach high school kids; and make a difference in their lives. But I also have a stronger desire to provide the best I can for my family. So I sacrificed my selfish passion to be a teacher, and chose accounting & law instead.

The girl will also have the same priorities in her life; (ie. being able to financially provide for her family, over personally chasing after her dreams and passions)

Otherwise, why am I the only one making that sacrifice?

[toulouse]

Wow. Well cool you want be a lawyer. But if everyone had that philosophy who would you go to talk to about your broken dreams. Oh wait. You are OK with psychiatrists right- they bring in the cash. Just not psychologists...hey man the words gonna need teachers tho you know..for ever

[johnsmith2116]

Being physically attracted to them is a big element. It's just as important as their personality.

Think of it the other way around for a second. If you were attracted to their looks, but they had a bad personality, would you even consider them at all? Probably not.

I would say, don't let anyone try to convince you that it's bad to want the whole package, not just parts of it. Anyone who tries to convince you that it's bad is probably a person who can't have it, which means it's just sour grapes on their part, jealousy that they can't have it.

There are always going to be those kind of people who want to spoil it for the people who have choices. It's called misery loves company.

You'll notice, the people who can have it are not the ones who will judge you. It's the ones who CAN'T have it that will judge you. That's because they are just jealous. Of course, they will totally deny that they are jealous, even though they clearly ARE jealous.

I could share some more on this, but that's enough for right now. ;-)

[smellylittlecat]

At first this is how I felt about my boyfriend. He was not someone that would strike me as my ideal man nor a super hot 'model' type... but after knowing him, I think I fell in love with how he looks. So both go together. He is not BAD looking either so both his personality and looks balanced out and he became super attractive to me. And for me, he knew I looked very pretty (not just saying that... haha) BUT I was lacking in personality as I am quite timid and soft spoken... I think my looks balance out my personality which isn't a crazy girl he usually hangs out with. =\

But anyway, yea I think if he's decent looking and his personality is really attractive, then I would date him. There are hot looking guys but a lot of them are really shy or really jerks! Those are the guys I probably wouldn't date... even though I've dated the jerks. And as for shy guys, well I am friends with them. lol

[girlsguys88]

BUT I was lacking in personality as I am quite timid and soft spoken

->bullsh*t. your personality is the softness and gentleness of your spirit/aura and it is just as legit as the typical lauded loud, brash, hard laughing, broad humoured personality that north americans deem as real 'personality'.

go to europe and you have personality there, it is natural and not obnoxious.

my 2 cents, as a loud, brash, hard laughing gal haha.

[janelov]

I have yet to see that happen to me... I am very into the physical part and I don't know if I can get passed that... but anything is possible... personality is important to make me fall in love with the person but before I get there, the physical part has to be there before in order for me to continue seeing that person as a potential BF, meaning the attraction is what it's going to keep me interested in him... I don't see myself developing feelings for someone that I don't find physically attractive. Physical attraction is important because its how I screen them and put them either in the friend category or the potential date category... I may sound shallow to most people but that's how I am wired... but like I said, it could happen to me one day but I don't know... anything is possible.

[ClearVision]

I would say yes, I would ignore the physical part. There are, however, exceptions, if they are a complete ogre, then no. In other words, if they don't take care of themselves then I don't think I would be able to fall for them.

I do believe that you have to be physically attracted to a person in order to truly fall in love with them, but to me if you are a good person, we have things in common, and are all around someone I like to spend time with then I find you more attractive.

Because, I've met people who I thought were physically attractive when I first met them but, as I got to know them and found I didn't like their personality, they became less attractive to me, and I didn't know what I saw in them in the first place.

[swtlostchingrl82587]

If I were developing feelings for someone and they weren't attractive -I'd eventually see them as attractive.

I wouldn't say "ignore" because if you are going to "ignore" it then do I really like that person to begin with?

People define physical attraction differently.. I find that when I'm attracted to someone it was their voice... but what of their physical appearance really bothers u? Hair? Style of clothes? bad skin? I mean things I mentioned could be changed.. or it could be worked on...

[Wowz1]

I kinda have the same thing going on at the moment (of this writing). I dig a girl who doesn't have what I would consider my "dream girl" looks. However, I think she is really attractive, and though she isn't the person that would have been the first to catch my eye, she's not only a pretty girl, but I was drawn to her personality and attitude instead. There's a diagram of sorts that I used to explain to one of my friends why this can still work for guys, and maybe even girls.

Say there are two girls. Girl A, Sally, is a really hot chick. Girl B, Betty, is just averagely pretty.

Now, obviously, the guy, um...Guy, will think very highly of Sally at first, because she is uber-hot. On a scale of 1 to 10 that rests in the back of Guy's mind, Sally starts out at about 85-90%. But as he gets to know her, she isn't at all what he would want from a girl that he would spend time with, and her rating steadily decreases. Add onto that the fact that very hot girls tend to lose their beauty a good bit faster than generally pretty girls, and what Guy liked Sally for originally is also lost. So, Guy eventually loses all interest in Sally.

With Betty, Guy finds her attractive enough ot want to get to know her. She starts out at about 40-50%. Once he begins learning things about her, he discovers that he enjoys talking to her, and spending time with her, and her rating goes up 10-20%. He really starts liking the way she does things, her personality, and he discovers that they share many interests. This pumps up Betty to 80-90%. Maybe even 100%, given a good amount of time. And when her beauty begins to wane, Guy will have learned more about Betty that makes him like her even more, keeping the rating up high. And it stays there.

So, physical attraction plays a pretty big role, and often decides if a guy is even going to strike up a conversation with a girl in the first place. But it doesn't make a solid relationship. No guy is going to go out with a girl he isn't attracted to, and that means attraction in every manner. And even though they might not have black hair like the guy usually goes for, he can easily like a girl with brown hair, and so on. The girl isn't perfect, but they're desirable, and they're what some guy is looking for, sometimes even if they don't know it.

[sef0181]

That's very nicely put!

I'd have to say with girls its probably a lot like that. I find that sometimes if a guy starts out at a 90-95%, though, the girl isn't interested because she thinks she can't ever get him.

[Hughman]

If you develop feelings for someone, then their appearance will appear fine to you.

I appreciate this is coming from a female mindset - it is much less dependant on 'looks' than the male one (at least initially, after time there is a balance, but no self-respecting man will be seen dead with a warpig, but I know countless pretty/beautiful girls that are dating the male version - think, short, fat and sweaty - but thanks to their smarts, wit, humour and social command they become attractive.)

As for myself, my personal preference on the initial look at a girl is that she is: tall, slender, especially in the legs, hourglass figure or at least slender again, some bust and ass, red/ natural blond/black hair (or if brown she has to have blue/green eyes). Good skin quality and teeth are vital as well. Actually, teeth are deal-breakers for me. Some male characteristics, such as sharp facial features, muscle tone, masculine voice etc are useful - higher testosterone means higher sex drive, fewer inhibitions and a more active sexual role in the bedroom, on the whole.

This preference though is only for short-term flings. When I want something long-term, I always find the best success with short, petite but (relatively) busty and feminine girls. I myself am short, and though this doesn't bother me, I find it too much hassle having to constantly game my date on her height and fight off and tool other suitors. Much easier to have the natural protective role ready-made for you. (few things touch my soul anymore, but having a tiny and beautiful woman I have feelings for sob in my chest as I protectively bear hug/cradle can still break my armour)

And yet I can develop feelings for a girl that isn't my 'thing'. In my work group is a tall slender girl, but she has wonky teeth, poor quality hair, no ass or bust. And yet her amazing femine charm and upstanding personality mean I've fallen for her. (she has a boyfriend unfortunately, whom I've met and he reminds me of myself - that is to say he's short, dark, brooding and pretty damn manly. There's no way in hell I'm going to take him down, it goes against my principles to tool a worthy fellow. To distract myself from becoming infatuated, I've spread myself out more than usual, that is to say I'm flirtatious with any girl above a 5 rating on my course - my notch count has stalled thanks to this, so I need to get over my problem asap)

[sef0181]

At the age of 18 few things touch your soul anymore?

I'm sorry.

[Hughman]

*shrug* A little over the top perhaps, but I feel that I'm over-sensitive and I reacted excessively to the problems in my early teens (excessive verbal and physical bullying, absolute rejection from women, a frankly schizoid mother, emotionally absent and useless father)

I frankly don't give a sh*t about most things except my own personal gratification - it doesn't stop me being kind/helpful. (but under Kantian philosophy I'm still a bad person as I do it to futher my own aims and pleasure.)

[jusabarasida]

There are lots of so called "perfect" answers in here.. loll.. of course we can all say "looks fade eventually so no, we don't care.. love is blind. blablablaa''.. but we all know deep down that looks play SOME sort of role into the equation.. If you can't look at the person, how can you open your mouth and say something? and how do you "develop feelings" for someone without talking to them? Unless its just sexual attraction.. you cant..

If love is blind, you can't develop feelings for the person beyond appearance because you wouldn't be able to see them in the first place.. Developing feelings must have to do with something physical.. like no one would close their eyes and go up to a random girl (hoping they are a girl) and start talking to them to get to know their personality.. its unnatural.. If you wanna say, "yea I only go by personality, looks don't matter".. then great .. that's good for you so next time don't look at the girl or touch her at all and see if you can develop any kind of feelings based on voice and conversation alone.

(not you rudybooty, I'm just sayin in general.) =D

Personally, I would not completely ignore the physical.. I know no one can be perfect so I'm not expecting perfect jaw lines and perfectly sized boobs and butt.. I just want someone who takes care of themselves as much as I do.. and that means working out, eating right.. actually putting effort into looking their best.. simply because that's what I do.. can't ask for much more in the physical looks department.. as far as peronality and developing feelings goes.. that is a trail and error process.. no one can say for sure.

[Laurence]

It depends on how much the physical part of them repulsed you. I have known people to enter relationships and believe that the physical issue would dissipate as 'love overcame everything'. However, sadly in those cases, it did not. The issue will always remain, but it is your choice whether or not, you acknowlege who they are as unattractive. When I have been in such a relationship, I made the decision to accept that this appearance represented their character, it was not considered attractive by common opinion, but that did not concern me, their beauty was in their uniqueness, they came as a single package, and I acknowleged that that was what they were. Everything that person is includes their personality and appearance. If they are overweight that can change, but most other aspects of appearance must be accepted.

Despite saying this, I must be honest in suggesting that you must, in my opinion, never enter a sympathy based relationship. This is extremely foolish, and normally only results in significant issues as the relationship matures.

[Subotai]

Depends on how much they are away from your physical preferences. I happen to be into a lot of curvy women other men don't find attractive so my beauty queen isn't The Beauty Queen lol. If you have ever seen the show Ugly Betty that girl minus those braces is really hot. That said I find that when I really get to know a girl and start to like her she looks prettier to me. It takes some time but it happens. Like the very first day of this class I took at Comm College I sat down next to this girl. If you asked me not knowing anyone in the class on the first day who is the most beautiful girl I wouldn't have picked her but she let me borrow her book until I got mine and she helped me with stuff because she was better at the subject. After about a week she was the most beautiful girl in the class. I can't really explain it. Also I agree with the guy who said really good looking girls can be high maintenance and mean and make you feel "lucky" and like they aren't lucky to have you which sucks. Because we like girls want someone who will help us feel happy and a lot of the beauty queens aren't even that good in bed. When the clothes come off looks have very little to do with sex and how good it is.

[TexasBoy105]

If this is directed towards the ladies I apologize but I have to comment on this because this pelages me every day I step out into the world. I am not unattractive as far as looks but I am a big boy and I still find myself pushing those to the side (mentally) who don’t carry my ideal physical attributes. The real question is the person ugly (harder to fix) or just something more simple like fat? If they are "out of shape" then that can be changed I can tell you, you will have the largest and most positive impact on what you can do if you just want the person to shed a few belt sizes. Tell them you are interested but you are concerned about their physical health/ size. Offer to help and if the feeling is anywhere mutual then he will be all over doing something about it, especially knowing that you are behind him and will be there waiting at the finish line. As a big man (if that is the problem) if a women would do that for me I may breakdown right there and ask for her hand forever because that is truly awesome. It will be hard and you will want to give up at some point but if its meant to be and you feel the person is worth it then it will be. If they are just plan not attractive then you have to decide if you are going to let that bother you, what anyone else feels on the topic really doesn’t matter because certain people can look past it and some cant, some people just need the circumstances to be right, if you like him and want to go further try it, no is asking you to make a decision forever, give it a shot or don’t you have to follow you heat as cliché as it sounds its true. Good Luck

[mormongirlmichl]

I've been in both situations... I met "Mr. Perfect" (look wise) I mean he was everything I ever dreamed of in a guy, but when I got to know him, his personality was HORRIBLE! I mean eww! So it didn't last very long.

I've also known this guy, and the first time I saw him, I was like, ew! he is not attractive in any way! But now, I don't even realize that he isn't good looking because he is so amazing! He's got a great personality, sense of humor and we get along really well... so it's not even an issue.

So based on these experiences, if the personalities work, I would usually forget about the looks... :)

[superbus17]

I said no. To me looks aren't everything and I don't have specifics for what I like in a man, but I'm not going to be with someone I don't find physically attractive because it's not fair to anyone. There is a guy I know who has a slight crush on me and if I asked him out or said I liked him he would probably say yes. I wouldn't though because even though we mesh well mentally and emotionally, I'm not attracted to him. I wouldn't want to kiss him or have him hold me and be intimate with me in any way. Without that intimacy, I don't think it would be a very satisfying relationship for anyone. And you would be lying to the person by entering a romantic relationship with reservations about their appearance and how it will affect intimacy based on how attracted you are to them. I don't want an adonis and I'm not shallow, but I won't make a lot of problems for a sweet person if I know we can't work because I'm not attracted to them.

[AtomizerJr]

I voted "yes" But my answer kinda depends on what you mean by "their physical appearance isn't what you want."

I mean, I _want_ to date a woman who looks like Natalie Portman or Marissa Miller. But would I turn down a chance to date a cute girl who didn't look like a supermodel? No. But are there women I have zero physical attraction towards? Yes.

But I'm not too fussy about looks. Somewhere near 75% of women are attractive to me. Behavior is far more important to me. If she's gorgeous, but a pain in the neck, I don't waste my time with her.

[Christian_Love]

I depends on how deep my feelings have already gone in for that person. If its soon and I'm not very attached at all then I would deffinantly pay attention to the physical part and not let mty emotions get much deeper thatn that. I know that's sounds shallow but being attracted to somebody plays vital role in relationships thus the reason people become unnatracted to one another when they start to get out of shape.

But say me and this girl were heavily involved and doing things together then its far past that point of "am I attracted to this person?". Besides I wouldn't really put my emotions into somebody if I wasn't evry attracted to them in the first place so it wouldn't mater if I didn't like their physical appearance because I wuoldnt have any emtions invested into them in the first place.

[twilightfan123]

Apart from 70% of the answers here, I'm going to be honest and say I would not date an ugly guy. For me, if I'm not physically attracted to a guy to start off with, I immediately put him in the friend zone. It's a reflex, I can't change the way I think or force myself to like someone. I'm not saying a guy has to be incredibly good looking, it's only when his physical appearance literally disgusts me or is far from attractive.

It's true, personality is everything. But sometimes it doesn't cut it, all I'm saying.

[the-love-guru]

If you're developing feelings, you must obviously not be turned off by the person. We all have an idea of what we want our significant other to look like, but the inward stuff is far more important. Physical attraction is necessary in the beginning, but in the end, if they make you laugh, are dependable, are able to communicate how they feel, and care for you... that's all that matters. The rest fades away.

Be supportive, and perhaps the person will feel motivated to make some minor physical changes, like a better haircut, clothes that look more flattering, or even exercising. The key is to be supportive and allow them to WANT to change.

Best of luck!

[angel-gt]

it is quite easy . for someone to have feelings for someone else there must precede some visual contact . now , if by some weird way , you get to have feelings for someone you have never seen , but you are not attracted to him or her(since I strongly disagree with the oppinion that wants there to be a standart of beauty . ) physically you'll just have to surpass the desires of the flesh . cause the flesh gets old and withers . the skin breaks and the glow fades . but the soul remains and leaves its mark.

[HopeIessRomantik]

Of course, you can ignore the physical aspect of someone to a point, I mean, the edward cullen in my imagination wasn't exactly translated on-screen with robert pattinson! aha, sorry about the twilight reference.. but I hope it makes sense.. we all have an image of what our perfect guy/girl is, but really no one can match that.

I'll have to admit though, there was one time that I did ignore my feelings for someone because of their physical appearance. I know, it's shallow, but I don't regret it. Many people have told me after that the guy I thought I knew and was attracted to on the 'inside' was not as great as I thought him to be..

[katiesmuff]

If I am growing feelings for someone (Oh that's right "I Have") the physical appearance is not very relative any longer. Much rather have a person who maybe didn't make a 10 on my list of physical features, but is kind, gentle, humorous and just plain fun to be around.

You will soon learn that life is'nt all that much about the physical look, but the inner look.

Past experience: The really hot good looking stud I thought was everything, was so much into himself that I was just his f**k hole! That only lasts a short time. And the best part was he was so into himself and was a very lousy lay!

[CountDove]

I say no, but only because I think the order is messed up. Generally with men, physical attraction is a prerequisite to a relationship. Of course, there are more attractive people than others, but I think that everyone must find the person they're going to be attractive to them. Attraction can (and usually does) develop more as you become more fond of a person, and sometimes it can spawn solely from that end. Generally though, physical appearance is a part of a good relationship. Not the most important, but still a crucial piece.

-Count D.

[ALWAYSclassy]

Personality can make someone look better, but if I am completely not attracted to you a good personality can only do so much. I have to feel attraction for the person I date. I've never had romantic feelings for a person I thought was unattractive. I don't see how that works, I might like your personality and value your friendship but I have never wanted a relationship with them. I'm not saying I'm only interested in perfect models, a lot of times an average regular guy can be attractive too. He doesn't have to be a 10, but he has to have some attractive feature or else it just doesn't happen. I don't think it's fair for the other person either, because you're wasting their time knowing you're not fully satisfied with them. If you're not attracted to them, you probably are physically attracted to other people...it's just not a good feeling for that person. So no, I would not ignore the physical part. We could just be friends but not date.

[somegirl20]

Honestly, initial attraction includes the physical aspect, so to some extent, physical appearance definitely matters. But for girls, you know how it goes (most of the time)... "it's more about personality". So, it's possible that a person you really like for who they are will change what you perceive their attractiveness to be. Granted, it will really take something amazing about them if you don't like their physical appearance. In the end, if it were me, I would probably be able to ignore it if there is something else about them that's right for me.

If you already are having feelings for him, I think you've mostly gotten over their physical part.

[bellybuttonlint]

I agree. If you already like him, then clearly you've answered your own question.

[timberlake]

yeah, I would ignore it because my subconscious already has if I'm developing feelings for the person. besides, I don't think you can have feelings for someone unless you find SOMETHING about them physically attractive. humans and too sexual for that. even if it's just the way they walk or their smile or the look in their eyes, you need some sort of sexual pull to attract you to a person or you can't develop feelings for them...even if you have to learn to like something physical about them, it needs to be there.

[mintytoadstool]

This is completely up to you. If you like a guy so much for his personality that you don't care about their looks, you should go for it. However, if you can't stand to look at the guys face, you just may end up breaking his heart in the future because you're not able to look at him. IT depends on if you are able to overlook his loooks or not. Some people do find guys whose personalities are just about perfect, but their looks aren't "the hottest in the world." But they still love them for who they are. That's why girls ignore the physical part, at least ones I know.