Should I forgive my new girlfriend who cheated during the honeymoon phase on me after only 2 months together?

[Anonymous]

Me and my girlfriend have been seeing each other for 6 months now. We have an unmatched love for each other we do everything together and our chemistry is the best I have had and she told me I'm the best boyfriend she has ever had...

That said during the 2nd month of us being together she went out w friends on a Friday but her phone was off and she didn't come home until 3pm the next day her excuse is her phone died and she crashed at her friends... After a few arguements I trusted her so we moved on... A few red flags were showing but I ignored them... She told me I need to stop being insecure and stop overthinking so I kept trusting her..

Well last week I found an email she sent to her ex boyfriend that was dated that weekend she was gone with her phone dead... I confronted her about it and said if this is the case then we both know were she was that weekend. She finally admitted said she was at her ex boyfriends house they watched movies had food and smoked joints... My heart just sank I was so devastated...

The next day she wrote me this long 6 page letter saying she made a mistake and our relationship was perfect she can't think of a reason why she went behind my back the only reason is bc she wasn't over him and during that weekend she told him about me and how she was w me etc... And she got closure.

She asked me to forgive her bc she fell in love with me and wants to be with me...

So she felt like she found the best boyfriend and cheats on me after only 2 months into the relationship? How is spending the night at his house getting closure? Well I never responded and she text me good night the other day and I never responded I really don't know what to say to her... I'm pretty much on silent with her out of sadness I'm speechless.

Should I forgive her?

[truthbeknown]

I would not forgive her. Basically in that first couple or few months in a new relationship the two people are usually SOOO into each other and spend all their time together and totally happy because it is a new relationship. This should be the time when friends and family get ignored because you two are together so much and into each other so much. So for her to allow her ex to come between you, then spend a night with him, and then lie about it, and keep it from you, to me, shows you two are in different places and you aren't as important to her as she is to you. She knows she fucked up. So here is the test... Take a break for now. Restart the relationship in July and start over. If she is being honest and genuine about how she feels for you, then waiting for a couple of months is no big deal. If July rolls around and she is with another guy, that only confirms you really don't mean that much to her.

[Asker]

I have letters and cards and texts from her expressing her love for me. Te trust is gone it was already tainted bc I kept catching her in lies and this is icing on the cake. She is very deceiving it seems. I thought about telling her I don't want to see her for a while but eventually I think I will disappear from her life.

[truthbeknown]

Good luck!

[Bandit74]

Dump the bitch

do you honestly believe if the roles were reversed that she would take you back, if YOU were the one who cheated?

Also she seems like she's only guilty because she got caught. If you never saw that email, she probably wouldn't have come clean.

Have some self respect. You deserve so much better.

oh and let me guess, you probably have more money than her ex who she got high and fucked around with.
right?

[Asker]

Actually no the ex is a muscle built guy who owns a home owns a camper he's like 49 I think so he is well set... Me I'm skinny I live in a apartment no money she loves me bc of my personality and how I treat her it seems she likes the ex for superficial reasons bc they broke up bc they were not getting along.

[Bandit74]

Ok well she still cheated on you. However if you really feel it in your heart that she's truly sorry and you want to forgive her and continue your life with her then go for it.

[Asker]

My heart loves her to death but I've gave 2 cheaters in my past another try and they cheated again... My mind tells me no my heart wants her.

[Bandit74]

do you think she would have come clean if you didn't find that email?

also if YOU were the one who had cheated on HER, do you think she'd forgive you?

[Asker]

She she wouldn't bc I questioned that weekend months and she kept denying...

She told me if I cheated she would ask me do I want to be with her etc but I don't believe that bc her marraige ended bc her ex husband cheated...

[Bandit74]

this is your decision to make. Personally I'd probably break up but thats because I have a zero tolerance for cheating and my ego wouldn't let me forgive. But that's me, YOU need to decide what's best for you.

[Asker]

I'm the same way but with her I'm trying to see if it's possible I was just on the phone w her and no more mister nice guy I told her off bc the whole time she kept telling me I was crazy the whole time for accusing her of cheating when she actually did I told her she is not getting off easy and to give me a reason why I should forgive her just don't ask for forgiveness.. She just said she had to go and hung up lol geez

[Bandit74]

doesn't sound like she too remorseful. Just end it and cease all contact.

[pyramid_princess]

People always make excuses for cheating. Even if she cheated 1 day into the realationship it is still cheating and disloyal to you. Personally, i couldn't remain in that relationship. Her cheating is evidence of her true character and potential.

She deceived you and betrayed you. Forgiving and staying with someone who admits they cheated, regardless of their reason , is giving them your consent to do it again. You trusted her and she has given you one good reason to not trust her again. I could never trust a person who has broken faith once.

This isn't a case of " should you forgive her" , it's a case of "can you trust" her again. I don't believe people can truly trust the same person twice. Trust is so hard to find, once it's broken you can never get it back.

The worst thing about someone betraying and lying to you , is knowing they don't believe you deserve the truth or Loyalty

[Asker]

Amen! I'm going no contact bc this isn't the only lies I found out... She was doing shady stuff w her cell too like she was hiding something etc also caught her in other lies... She works w me so I plan on being indifferent and if she speaks to me I'll just say I have to go back to work leave her hanging...

[pyramid_princess]

I agree! Bring indifferent is the best thing to do, after you leave her that is.

Why be someones other when you can to someone elses only. You deserve so much better than being lied to and betrayed. Good Luck!

[pyramid_princess]

* Being*

[lumos]

Whether you should forgive her or not is totally up to you. However, if something like that happened to me, I wouldn't be able to trust my boyfriend anymore. At all. No matter how much he'd tell me that he won't do it again, that he's over his ex, that he wants to be with me, I simply wouldn't buy it.
That saying about trust being like a mirror is completely true. Once it breaks, you can glue the pieces together all you want, but the cracks will always be there. I have zero tolerance for cheaters. However, this is just me. If you feel like this is something you can get over and that you'll be able to trust her again, then by all means, forgive her. If not, dump her.

[Asker]

I'm sitting here in pain because I love her and I want to call her or see her but I'm fighting it and it hurts so bad I have to be strong she really crushed me with the cheating. I gave her my heart I told her this and she accepted it she was like my drug and the urge is killing me. I know she will drive here if I call her bc she feels bad about what she did even though it's only bc she got caught :/

[PonyCar]

pyramid_princess is correct. IF you can repair your trust in the relationship (& the relationship is worth that much to you) then yes, it's worth it to give it another go.

If NOT (and this is the case with most relationships) it's best to anchor the ship and find another crew.

Attempting to maintain a relationship you're constantly questioning is a sure-fire relationship killer.

[Asker]

Our bond is crazy strong but it appears as if she likes to maintain relationships with other guys on the side and judging by her pass she never had a gap in her relationships...

Also there are other things she did that was already eating at my trust for like that disappearing act she did that weekend started it... Then after she was being emotionally distant with me... Being shady with her phone... Then another ex started blowing her up and she claims she ignored him... Plus this guy friend who wants to be with her but she tells me she looks at him as just a friend but he has verbally expressed he wants to marry her and they even have a gym membership together that she won't cancel when I asked her about it...

There was this guy texting her for business purposes I saw the text but when she told me their history she said she went to the lake with him and his wife... Well a month later that conversation came up again bc he was texting her about jobs

[Asker]

She told me the story again saying she went to the lake with him and some other girls... I asked were was his wife she said oh the wife couldn't make it... See the lie? So that was a huge fight... I asked were they having an affair? She said she lied bc she didn't want me to get mad and get suspicious of her hanging at the lake w him without his wife being there... Plus she told me he flirts w her... Loooool

[PonyCar]

Insecurity is also a relationship killer.

[Asker]

I did trust her and after the incident of her sneaking away that weekend I got insecure and started questioning everything... Now it's clear she was with her ex and even crashed at his house and slept in the bed with him...

[PonyCar]

Have you really not figured this out yet buddy? Are you not seeing what you're writing to literally everyone who answers this question?

(Hands you a boat anchor)

[Asker]

Just give me an answer I'm going emotionally crazy right now bc the woman I'm in love with cheated on me wit her ex

[PonyCar]

*headdesk*

Anchor your vessel and abandon ship until you can find another crew.

No one knows all the details about your relationship except you man, you have to make that decision for yourself. In the original answer I gave, there was ONE question you had to answer:

"Can you repair the trust in your relationship?"

Yes > stay in the relationship
No > break up

Is this clear enough?

[BellePepper]

If all she was doing was hanging out like she claimed then I don't know that I would call that cheating.

However a six page letter seems a little excessive for movies and closeure. Why didn't she just tell you the truth in the first place? Something's not adding up.

[Asker]

That's cheating she was with her ex and she states in the letter it was bc she wasn't over him... She claims they didn't have sex that the joint made her guilt come out and she cried in front of him etc... It still hurts the fact that she lied to me all of the rest of the 4 months about it and the thought of her being with another man watching movies smoking having a good ol time is just painful

[BellePepper]

Dude it is really hard to read your posts when you run all your sentences together like that.

Honestly I'm confused by the timeline at this point. She went out that night to the ex's and then didn't smoke until the next day at which point she was so consumed with guilt she left as soon as possible?

Uhhhh that's not exactly the usual progression of events in those situations.

[Asker]

We got together Oct 2014, she crashed at the exs January 2014. I just found out end of April 2015...

She went out on a Friday night, phone was off couldn't get a her. Her daughter called me Saturday morning asking were was her mother... I went looking for her she wasn't were she was. She came home at 3pm I told her she wasn't were she was she said they ended up going to another friends... Etc.

Her detailed letter to me states he invited her over to come see his new house she didn't plan on crashing he cooked, they watched movies smoked pot and she then started crying but wouldn't tell him what's wrong. She went to sleep in his bed she told me they didn't cuddle or anything but hey she has lied the whole time so I don't know what to believe...

[Asker]

She said she crashed after smoking and being consumed w guilt she said he payed next to her and said I hope you are better and in the morning before she left she told him about me said they won't work out and gave him a hug kissed his cheek and left... Sounds like a bunch of crap to me

[BellePepper]

Yeah I'm with you on the bs. Like that doesn't take 6 pages to work out. And then to worry you AND her kid for movies? Is that the kind of judgement you look for in a partner?

[Asker]

Letter also states the guilt was eating at her for lying to me and that's why ever since she showed hot and cold behavior... Example she would get irritated for no reason etc she said at church with me she felt even more guilt and she wanted to break up with me. She actually did break with me once for some weird excuses but we got back together the next day but that pretty much explains the break... She ended the letter she will wait for me to call her and to let her know if I can forgive her or do I want to move on... I just haven't called my friends are telling me she doesn't deserve any respect or closure from me...

[BellePepper]

Well you've been dating six months so yeah if you're going to end it you need to be an adult about it and communicate tht to her.

I don't approve of her decision making process more than anything. She prioritizes all the wrong things. I'd move on to someone with more common sense.

[emerald77]

NO! The first few months of a relationship is where you're supposed to be "perfect", pretty much. If she is acting like this now, imagine how she will be a few years down the line. You can't start off a relationship like this. Let her go man, you deserve better!

[Asker]

Good point...

[HappyDominant17]

Don't mean to be rude mate, but she sounds like a bit of a cunt to me. Similar thing happened with a long term ex girlfriend. And i will never only be with one woman again, eg not for a long time. Just don't let her take you for a prick. Fuck one of her friends, see how she reacts.

[Averlinlove]

It's too early to fuck up, and that's what she did. What is she going to do in a few years? She's not over him, and she wasn't getting closure. If you stay with her the relationship is going to fall through, find someone who you aren't going to have to question that early in the relationship. You definitely deserve better.

[Nathand]

HAHAHAHA!!!

LIKE I ALWAYS SAY DON'T TRUST A FEMALE.

www.mgtow.com/.../objectification.png

[martyfellow]

She'll do this again at the drop of a hat. Sure you can forgive her, but will you forgive her the next time? And the next?

[Asker]

I was on cloud 9 I didn't even think of another girl I was excited and she played the same roll I thought the feelings were mutual... Come on 2 months into the relationship? It's been 6 months total now and we were telling each other we love each other everyday... What other sneaky stuff did she do when she was with me?

[martyfellow]

You can be pretty sure she will do similar things, especially if she does this even in the honeymoon phase!

[Asker]

I've been ignoring her texts but we work together so I have to see her tomorrow lol I'm going to act indifferent I really don't have anything else to say to her she doesn't even deserve closure.

[martyfellow]

Yes, drop her right now, she's already gone from your life by the time you see her again.

[KidanisCortes]

I personally wouldn't because of the simple fact that she is capable of doing it AND keeping in a secret. she probably just felt guilty so just count the loss and leave or you will be in world of hurt latter on when you are more attached

[Asker]

We work together and spent almost everyday together it's already to the point we tell each other we love each other and talked about a future together etc... Looool damn I got played

[Anonymous]

You're only 2 months in. You still barely know each other! So why risk it? Just dump her and move on. You shouldn't have to be spending time thinking about shit like this.

[Asker]

Amen

[Longblackveil]

i didn't read your question, but no you shouldn't