Guys, why is making love so important to you?

[Anonymous]

, i heared lots of times that making love is kind of essential to you in ordee to really FEEL love but how does this come? why?
because when I fall in love with a guy its not because i made love with him but because i fell for his personality, his appearance and just for him as a person. sure making love would add upon this i guess but why do you guys think so differently about this? i mean you can also have intimate moments without having to make love...

and the thing is my boyfriend said that for him making love is the first step to feel love and no i know he's not just after sex but what if he will never feel the same towards me like i feel towards him? i mean we made love yesterday ans when i asked him how he's feeling now compared to when we didn't make love he just said "i feel that you trust me which is a nice feeling."
so i'm a bit disappointed to be honest

[JSmith925]

Most males are not very good at expressing their feelings, partly because society encourages men to suppress their feelings so regularly that they eventually become hidden even from them!

But women play a role here, too. When we do express our feelings, you often complain that it makes no sense or we didn't say it right. Don't expect us to feel the same as you. We feel what we feel.

As far as why we take sex as an indication of love, when a woman gives herself to you, especially with the intention of having children, it is one of the greatest, most personal expressions of love you can make. I'm not sure why this would baffle you.

[Asker]

because he never said "i love you", he doesn't really make me a priority, he doesn't surpises me with lik things, HE didn't EVEN GET ME A FUCKING BIRTHDAY GIFT (which would have been the least thing he could have done), and over all he said he starts a relationship to discover the peeson he's with and that he dowsnt necessarily love her to start a relationship. i asked lots of male friends who are in a relationship and they told me it would be bullshit because whats the point of a relationship if you dont love each other? dating is usually for discivering each other so i think he only is in a relationship with me because he might think that thats what i want (to hear) so he can mind trick me to have sex with him because we are "not dating" anymore...

[Asker]

any advice what i should do with this guy now? because when he tols about making love again tomorrow and i told him that i won't make love whenever he wants it, he turned weird and accused me to lying to him in the first place when we were still dating and i refused to sleep with him and that i shouldn't bring shit that happened in my last relationship being into the new one..

[JSmith925]

First let me apologize for misreading your situation. You titled your entry "Guys, why is making love so important to you?" so I responded to that. You also referred to this fellow as "your boyfriend" so I attached more significance to him than I should have.

As far as advice, I think you already know the answers. The man has never professed love, is not considerate enough to honor your birthday and uses sex as a "get to know you" exercise. Your male friends think he is a poser trolling for conquests and you conclude that he calls your random trysts "a relationship" to dupe you into continuing to give yourself.

There is a C&W song that talks about “the lies a heart can tell a mind.” Your problem is that you are burning for genuine love but in your cooler moments you know this is not it. You need to detach, sweetie, and go in search of someone who is capable of love. But then, you knew that. . .

[Hexxus]

I don't know why you are making a big deal out of these. Sex is important to because it is a biological imperative build into our DNA and the act of sex is one of the most enjoyable things we can experience.

But if it makes you happy... during sex a chemical called oxytocin gets released in the brain which attaches its self to certain neurotransmitters resulting in higher levels of activity in the area of the brain responsible for pair bonding AKA love.

[Asker]

so it'd be true that a guy could not feel anything love related towards a girl but his feelings could develope after he made love woth her?

[Hexxus]

It plays a factor... but there are many other issues too such has how well your personalities fit together.

[Tarvold]

You need to accept that this may be something about men that you will never truly understand. But if EVERY guy is saying the same thing on this topic, you should have at least enough confidence that we're not lying to you and you should take our word on this very seriously.

[Asker]

yeah i do and i appreciate your honesty but nevertheless my boyfriend never said "i love you" and didn't even say anything after we did it for. the first time together. as i said he only said "i feel that you trust me which is a nice feeling.." so what if he eventually won't feel the same for me in the end? i guess making love doesn't gurantee that a guy is falling for a girl so i feel like i might just waste time because i actually love him but i dont have the impression that he feels the same (yet)..

[Tarvold]

Sex to us is like food. We need to eat, and that's not negotiable. Great food helps strengthen a relationship and is wonderfully appreciated, but that doesn't mean that it's enough to make us fall in love. It's something that just needs to be there as a prerequisite for the potential for love.

[Veebee]

I am not speaking on behalf of others, only speak for myself - No, it is wrong to expect sex as a trust factor in relationships. He has his priorities all mixed up

[Asker]

ok thank you.

[DaveyBaby107]

It's not essential to feel love. But I do it out of love. It's an intimate act of love and trust. If someone says they need it to feel love, then they're just after sex. Its used for building up love that was already there.

[Asker]

ok thanks. well i also dont get rid of this weird gut feeling telling me that i should consider to dump him because he never said "i love you", he doesn't really make me a priority, he doesn't surpises me with lik things, HE didn't EVEN GET ME A FUCKING BIRTHDAY GIFT (which would have been the least thing he could have done), and over all he said he starts a relationship to discover the peeson he's with and that he dowsnt necessarily love her to start a relationship. i asked lots of male friends who are in a relationship and they told me it would be bullshit because whats the point of a relationship if you dont love each other? dating is usually for discivering each other so i think he only is in a relationship with me because he might think that thats what i want (to hear) so he can mind trick me to have sex with him because we are "not dating" anymore...

[Asker]

any advice what i should do with this guy now? because when he tols about making love again tomorrow and i told him that i won't make love whenever he wants it, he turned weird and accused me to lying to him in the first place when we were still dating and i refused to sleep with him and that i shouldn't bring shit that happened in my last relationship being into the new one..

[sobg71124]

Your boyfriend is just manipulating you to get laid.

[Asker]

why exactly would you think that?

[sobg71124]

Sex with one's girlfriend is not necessary to feel love, intimacy, trust, closeness, etc.

[Asker]

thats what i alwayd used to think!

[sobg71124]

And you aren't wrong. You've just been brainwashed that you are obligated to "put out" to whichever guy you happen to be seeing at the time. And guys know they can get away with it..

[meatballs21]

We know what it means for a girl to allow us to be intimate with them... it's not something you give up easily, so if you give it up for *us*, it means something special.

[Anonymous]

Guys get horny. Me as a guy I love sex and I love knowing that only I can see my women in her natural form. And I know that she is beautiful and it feels like I am the only person that gets to see her like this. Like someone with an amazing item and only they can see it and they only want them seeing it. Plus it's better than masturbating

[Anon-ymous1]

"Making love" doesn't exist; if you're asking why sex is so important to us... it just is. It feels good and we desire it. It's that simple.

[KhaysunDei]

Um, making love is only important to me after marriage to be honest. Pero es muy importante (But it's important).

[Consultant]

You literally can't get any closer to each other than sex.

[YanoaYanza]

not the most important thing for me
Affection is important, but that can be shown in various ways