Relationship with no physical attraction?
How important is physical attraction to a relationship?
Here's my issue: Let's say my crush's name is "A" and his best friend's name is "Z". I've liked A for a long time, but to be honest, we don't talk much and we hardly have anything in common. Z and I have become really good friends lately, and he's a lot easier for me to talk to.
Several people I know pointed out to me a while back that Z seems to have romantic feelings for me. I've been noticing since then that he's starting to flirt with me a lot. I think he's a really nice guy, and admittedly, if he looked like A, I'd date him in a heartbeat. But the thing is, he doesn't, and I'm really not physically attracted to him at all. Would it make sense to pursue Z with the hopes that he'll start to become more physically attractive to me? Is that even possible?
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
I know what you mean, and I'm glad to find a girl who's honest and mature about the issue. It's a painful issue, speaking as a guy...
I'd say you're really better off keeping Z as a good friend, because it sounds like your relationship is truly valuable...if you really don't see anything happening between you and him, you can even tell him how great a friend he is, and that you want to keep things that way. (Now that's hard on both his part and yours, but it should be done sooner rather than later.) Try getting to know A a little bit better, but know that it'll be an empty relationship unless you can connect with him personality-wise. Ideally, you should be with someone who you're attracted to AND who you can relate to very well. Best of luck.
What Guys Said 3
Physical attraction is a must if the relationship is going to be an intimate one eventually. Is it everything? Obviously not. Many prostitutes/gigolos are physically very attractive (they earn their living with their looks!). But who wants a gigolo as a boyfriend/husband, or a prostitute as a girlfriend/wife?
Birds of a feather are attracted to, and stay with each other in the long run; for good and obvious reasons (think about them). If you find a couple who on the surface looks like they are polar opposites, don't be fooled by your eyes, lift the table cloth and look what is under the table.
Focus on the kind of guy you want (meaning you have to figure that out first) until he shows up. In your case, it looks like neither A nor Z is a good boyfriend choice for you. Accept no compromises which only means you are compromising your happiness.
For Z, if he is not your physical type, you can do the following NOW to prevent hurting him one day.
How to Tell Someone You Just Want to Be Friends?
Try subtle hints that let the other party know that you're not interested in romance. For instance, "I really value our friendship" (with emphasis on "friend"), or "It's so nice to have a guy/girl friend who I can talk to without any kind of romantic tension to get in the way."
Mention that you're involved with someone else (assuming that's true) if the other party is a new acquaintance and shows unwanted romantic interest.
Tell the person up front that you enjoy being single right now and are not looking for a romantic partner, but that you're always looking for new friends.
Make a joke out of your rejection if the person is an older friend: "We'd never make a good couple; we know each other's hang-ups too well - there'd be nothing to argue about!"
Be honest and tell your friend why you don't think a relationship would work out, unless the real reason is that you aren't attracted to him or her. Even the closest of buddies would have a hard time rekindling a friendship after such a harsh rejection.
Change the subject after you've dashed the notion of romance and try to forget about what just happened. Dwelling on the reasons why you don't want to get involved with a friend won't do the friendship any good.
Enjoy the friendship as you always have.
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I've never dated anyone I'm not attracted to, I don't think it would make sense to, even if they are a nice person. I've found nice girls who are pretty and have a lot in common. But having things in common isn't a must I'd say, because why would you want to date someone who would tell you about things you already know about? I know its nice to share some things, but I don't think it really matters so long as you can get on well together...