I'm a 30 year old burn victim, Am I destined to live a lonely and bitter life?

Question

I recieved 3rd degree burns since I was 5 months old. For the first couple of years, I had to constantly recieve surgery.
I suffer from lonelyness and clinical depression which hit me hard during my late highschool years. I am 30 years old, never was able to get a girlfriend. When I manage to go outside, I always act happy go lucky, as if nothing fazed me at all and nice to everyone, but deep down inside, I am always hurting. Everytime I would talk to a female, 99% of the time, she says she has a boyfriend, even when I am not trying to hit on her! I hear it so many times that it feels like an escape, an excuse. One time I ask a girl if she had a boyfriend, she said no, when I asked for her number, she looked as if she wished that she said she had a boyfriend and felt forced to give me her number and then made up a story that she was moving out of country for education. 

Currently, I signed up for three different dating sites. After three months, not one female showed any interest at all. All those sites did was crushed whatever self esteem I have and make me assume that the world is just full of shallow people. My friends had the nerve to be hipocrites by saying that dating is overrated when they themselves have girlfriends. When I was younger, I never understood why people would come up to me and say that I am a strong person, was it because they knew that I was destined to live a hard life? I don't know, I really have no one to talk to about this because nobody would ever understand. Everyday, I wonder what is the point to keep on living when there isn't really anything to look forward to or something to fight for. This life just feels so hollow. Like I am living but at the same time I am not. I definitely understand that there are a lot of people suffering out there, but it still doesn't help. I feel like I am in a world where everyone just rejects me. Living only prolongs my suffering. I'm just curious to what everyone thinks. This is the only time that I am speaking about this (besides my therapist). I usually hate talking about my problems because I don't want to sound like a whiner.

Foxxtrot · Accepted Answer

It is hard to grow up (and live) being so "different." This world has been taught what is acceptable and what is not by watching media. And social media sites making everyone so much more antisocial. People want likes, they want followers, they want to be known, and they want to "fit in" to the social norm of brainwashed media based culture. I am sorry that girls don't take the time to date you, I am sorry that you feel so alone. This world is hateful and cruel. No one wants to do the "right" thing unless they know that they are being watched, because they demand the acknowledgment for their "righteousness deeds." Find a group of people that will look beyond your shell. Find a group that will accept, appreciate, and praise who YOU are. I believe in you... Don't forget to believe in yourself.

JulyAndrews · Accepted Answer

Maybe try connecting with other burn victims? Or people with physical handicap?
Or do you already do that? Are those the women you also approach? Who are in a similar situation?

That's your best chance. Most people who have no disabilities wouldn't really start a relationship with a disabled person. It's different when your wife or husband gets disabled during the course of the marriage.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

i know how you feel i have an incurable std and no one has wanted to be with me for years. be glad you have your health and keep persevering! dating sites are full of women who get swamped with hundreds of messages every day so its more likely to be the quality and thought put into your messages rather than your looks or profile that is getting you no replies.

tyber1 · Accepted Answer

My suggestion to you is to try to find someone else who is handicapped or disfigured in some way such as yourself. In a way, you would be able to relate to each others struggles and look past each others 'flaws'. They don't need to be a burn victim but perhaps someone with a birth defect, someone who has an autism spectrum disorder, someone who was disfigured by an accident, etc. I don't know where you would find someone like that but perhaps there is a specialized dating site somewhere on the internet for people such as yourself who struggle with dating due to unfortunate circumstances.

Klaatu51 · Accepted Answer

no of course not. just b glad u r still ALIVE bro ;)

Friend4all · Answer

I completely understand how you feel. I became a 70% lower body burn victim at age 4 and a leg amputee when I was 6. All I have known is a crutch under my arms to get out of bed. Yes I use a prosthesis now which slows me down. I grew up in the best neighborhood imaginable. Neighbor boys were mostly my age and we all played sports. Yes including me and I was not the worst. These guys were the best. They never teased me nor disallowed me to participate. That came from strangers and adults. I always had kids looking at me and constantly saying, Where is your leg?" You can forgive kids but the adults stood there with their mouth open staring too. That hurt so much. Talk about discrimination! A whole other topic.
Because I had the two best brothers I could have possibly had, I grew up pretty normal and did more things than my friends including my 'Al Bundy' moment where I actually played HS tennis on one leg and one crutch and was a starter for two years. Yes for real. I did those athletic things back in the 70's that we now find so impressive on TV. I even won a tennis tournament against all able bodies players. I have never been able to find disabled sports games but sure wish I could. I went to college, graduated then wore my prosthesis ever since. While the stares stopped I could never do what I used to do on crutches. I let nothing stop me back then. NOTHING.
Then I met a women and we actually got married. Lasted only 3 years where she cheated on me so bad and at that point my self esteem started to disappear. She said later she only married me to get out of the house. So sure we all want a g/f or b/f in our life but please know love can hurt much more than not being in love. Its a double edge sword here my friend. That pain of being cheated on and divorced hurts 1000 times worse to the deepest part of your heart when you gave her yours. You give them your heart only to have it crushed by shallow people who care more about looks that real love.
Real friends, male and female are what is important. They give emotional support, honesty, compassion, and someone to talk to. They do not need be a g/f or b/f. Sure I am very lonely too. I miss the passion, intimacy, and yes I admit it the sex. We all need a little now and then lol. But I had great friends where we DID THINGS together. Go out, play sports like ping ping, Darts, Billiards, cards and other fun things so that competitive side of me still gets to come out. Those friends kept me busy to where I did not dwell on my loneliness. I wish you could find friends like that to help you.
Lately I have not enjoyed their company and so I think about being lonely more often now. I understand you. You are still young. Lots of time and ways to find new friends and a g/f. I fear I may never have that again. You still have a chance to set goals, go out and do things and live life. Foxxtrot told you to believe in yourself. Great advice. Only you can limit yourself. I do not like the word disabilities. I prefer the word DIFabilities. Disabled means broken and not able to function. We are differently able'd but can still do things we choose to do.
Take a deep breathe, smile. Yes I know we have to put that brave face on when in public but keep doing that. A smile is more attractive than anything. It says Hello, Hi, and welcome. Appearing receptive is the first step, always. I think you have that covered my friend. I support you. I believe in you to. If I can do it so can you.
I sure wish there was a site us burn victims could connect with each other. We are not monsters. I do not lie and say we are beautiful people but we can give love, encouragement, support like anyone else can. Our love is as strong and most times more genuine and real than normal shallow people. We just need a chance right? Hang in there I know you will do just fine.

Anonymous · Answer

It could be worse:

Anonymous · Answer

Oh trust me you are not going to live a lonely life there is someone out there for you that will accept you for who you are. Most women go for personality over looks I know I do. When you least expect it you will meet that special girl that is going to love you for who you are.

lulu-werks · Answer

not sure what to say, i think explaining your story to people would help them relate better

Anonymous · Answer

and yet people say men get better with age, I DISAGREE!!!

Anonymous · Answer

"then made up a story that she was moving out of country for education. " WOW!!!

Anonymous · Answer

find someone who is also a burn victim

I'm a 30 year old burn victim, Am I destined to live a lonely and bitter life?

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