Am I a bad person because I cheated on my boyfriend?

Question

I have a boyfriend who I like a lot... but i cheated on him with someone who I thought I liked but I honestly don't think I do... The thing was I just let the other guy kiss me and touch me, and I pretended I wanted it. I don't know why but I have this thing where I just want others to be happy and I'm not trying to make excuses because I know it's wrong no matter what and I know we are just as bad as each other... If anything I'm worse because I let it happen and lied... Now I feel I'm lying to both of them and I just can't explain this. (He has a girlfriend too) It's like I just felt so empty and hated myself and I just let myself be someone who I'm not because I thought it would make me feel better, but it didn't. I felt nothing with him, I just let it happen because I didn't want to be me anymore. There is no excuse for cheating and I know that, please don't think I'm trying to get pity because I'm not. I just feel sick with guilt, so sick all the time and I know it won't get better. I feel like I'm cheating everyone I know, lying to everyone and I hate lying. I don't know what to do, and I can never say anything to anyone - that's the thing. It's not an option to tell anyone. I feel like I don't deserve happiness with anyone, my anxiety is eating me alive and soon there will be nothing left of me...

thetundrawolf · Accepted Answer

I am not sure if you can "cheat" on someone who is not your husband. Boyfriend/girlfriend is just an agreement, it is sometimes not even verbal, but being married, you are now a couple in the eyes of the government and God. Sleeping with someone you are not married to just compounds your feelings of guilt.

You are a good woman. A VERY good woman, or you would not be so consumed with guilt.

But you are lacking in maturity. Sleeping with your boyfriend is a mistake, as is sleeping with other men while you are dating your boyfriend. Your heart is pulled different directions and you are unable/unwilling to pledge it to just one person fully, which is understandable, as your current boyfriend has (obviously) not pledged his life to you, and doesn't love you on a level deep enough to abstain from sex while he gets to know you.

On level, I believe many women are put off by men who are not willing to go about things the right way, the lasting way, which is to date in celibacy, then when the man is sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with the woman, providing a place for her in his home and heart, he marries her.

So in my opinion you have a double ended problem, you are not doing things right with your boyfriend (Sleeping together before marriage) or with your sexual partner, as you are betraying a sort of unspoken/spoken contract with your boyfriend. Nobody ever draws out a boyfriend/girlfriend contract and has their partner sign it, but in marriage, this is the case.

As far as what you can do, this is what I would do, I would level with your boyfriend, and if he dumps you, so be it- then you are free, and I would definitely seek God on this one, seek Him for healing, seek Him for revelation on the hurting and damaged areas of your heart, and He will show you where you need to improve. When the time is right He will bring someone into your life who is good for you.

This is my best advice I can offer. I know it sounds religious, but the truth is, when we follow what God has set up for us, we avoid heartache, pain, and trouble, even though it is difficult and painful for a time, to do what's right.

singlebee · Accepted Answer

LOOK i am gonna be very blunt here!

Anybody who cheats is a bad person... so yes you are horrible person!!!

But with you its even more fucked up cause you are grown ass women ( if your age is real) and you are doing some real fucked up things in your life... i dont know why are you cheating!! It feels more like you got some real issues or you look like you are mentally ill...
There is something wrong with you cause you actually allow it to happen because you want others to be happy? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? You sound like a pushover or a weak person...
You should not be in any relationship cause right now you don't deserve one... because of the things you do!

You need to break up with your boyfriend and stay single for a while and go to a counselor and talk about things you do! Maybe he will be able to figure out why you do these things... and you need to stop cheating and really bring a change in yourself cause if you keep up this bullshit you are gonna end up alone for your life!

And dump your boyfriend and don't tell him that you cheated... he really deserves better! and you need to sort yourself out!

fauchelevent · Accepted Answer

'I'm young and I'm stupid' - your account says you're 30-35? By that time you should have realised that cheating isn't okay. I have a thing about making everyone happy too (to the point that I was walked over and called stupid every day for two years) but I'd never cheat on my partner to do so.

Whether you wanted it or not, the truth is you had the chance to say no and to leave, and you didn't. You let it carry on. He didn't take advantage of you or ignore you, you just didn't tell him no when you knew that you should have.

Lying about it makes it worse. I've been cheated on, and the fact that someone you trust so much thinks it's okay to lie to you is the part that hurts most, in my opinion. You need to be honest with your boyfriend and tell him, he deserves that from you at least, doesn't he?

GingerBear · Accepted Answer

I don't think you're a bad person... You did something really stupid, but everyone makes mistakes. What makes you a 'good' or 'bad' person is how you handle it afterwards.

Talk to your boyfriend, first off. It sounds like you have serious anxiety and depression disorders. These issues need to be addressed. If he loves you, and you love him, you should be able to work through these things together. But you do need to own up to it, be honest with him, and explain everything. Hiding it will only make everything worse.

I really do wish you the best.

RJGraveyTrain · Accepted Answer

I don't agree with your excuse, even if you're a people pleaser (I am a chronic people pleaser) that doesn't mean you should idly sit by while another man kisses you whilst knowing you have a boyfriend. However... I understand that everybody is different, and maybe that's how you felt, and you're not a bad person. If it was just kissing - girls hate me for this - but it's best to forgive yourself and move on from it. Cut contact with the guy who kissed you and move on with your boyfriend, and never EVER do it again.

Justacatlady · Answer

Cheating doesn't make you a bad person. The act itself is bad. You should tell your boyfriend about what happened and also think about a therapist. There is something you are missing in life and feel the need to find worth in others by either dating or sexual acts. You say you aren't even sure if you like the guy you cheated with, but you still did it. Something there made you feel good even if for a moment. You need to find a way to find that feeling with yourself without the act or by others approval of you.

BritishAccent · Answer

Think and be honest with yourself. Why did you cheat?
Is it because something is lacking in the relationship? Is there something about the other guy that you desire more?

Is it because you want to think you're horrible? Do you not trust and believe in yourslef enough to be happy and therefore you're sabotaging your relationship? Think long and hard, do some sole searching and then you'll have a better idea of what to do.

bubble_tea · Answer

I don't think one bad act will turn anyone a bad person forever. Going by that standard everyone above toddler age is a bad person. It should be about what you do next and if you repeat your bad act that really defines if you're a bad person.
I think you should decide for yourself which way to go. Some people say you should never tell anyone and let your guilt and anxiety eat you alive as a punishment or atonement, some people say the truth will set you free and asking your boyfriend for forgiveness and accepting whatever punishment he has for you is the true way to go.

Mistnigqa808 · Answer

Yes you are + both of y'all need yalls ass beat #SKANK

Anonymous · Answer

Learn from your mistakes.

Next time use your brain before acting.
People who let their emotions guide their life, are stupid, immature, irresponsible, and dangerous for themselves and others.

But everybody makes mistakes. So just make sure you learn from this and never do it again.

BertMacklinFBI · Answer

hahaa things to take highly into consideration before I decide to take the next step towards a relationship.

whats done is done, tell the truth to both parties, face and accept the consequences and move on from there aiming towards being a better human being.

Anonymous · Answer

If you cheated, honestly, the relationship is over. It'll always be in his mind and he'll always have that card to play if/when arguments come up. My advice would be to suck it up and end the relationship to find someone else. I mean it might work out with you guys but in my experience it never does / has. I've had plenty of women cheat on me and it's just a straight deal beaker.

As for what you can do to make it right; I don't see any options really. I mean you guys can try couples counseling or something like that but I really think you'd be wasting your time. Life is too short, find someone else.

zombiebabe · Answer

"I have a boyfriend who I like a lot... but i cheated on him with someone who I thought I liked but I honestly don't "? seriously?
i think you better keep your distance from him after you truly tell him what you did... he deserves someone who will love him truly

soberpiper · Answer

It doesn't make you a bad person. You don't sound like you wanted to hurt anyone. And beating yourself up isn't going to fix anything. Give yourself a break and move on. If you still love your boyfriend then go back to him and be as good to him as you can be.

RexCatholicissimus · Answer

Why are you asking a bunch of strangers this question? Shouldn't you be attempting to fix your relationship right now rather than getting self-validation?

You're in your fucking 30's and I'm a fresh-faced 20 year old having to tell you this.

OrdinaryGentleman · Answer

There is no such thing as good or bad people only bad things that people do... and some poor choices as well:P obviously you get that it was a poor choice however why not approach your boyfriend about this and then perhaps he will decide instead of letting the anxiety eat away at you

NatashaJ · Answer

Yo if you did feel guilt you would had dump the boyfriend you cheated on so he can do better. I don't feel like your sorry because if you were you would had told him and said sorry you deserve and break up with him so he can move on.

abundantlyrich · Answer

You are easily influenced by others. or just too easy to let guys rape you... I feel sorry for you. Next time when it happens again? fucken punch him in the face and kick his balls.

Dєѕιвσу · Answer

You are bad? No... You are WORST. That poor chap...

Aizou · Answer

It doesn't make you a bad person, no. It makes you human. That humans are selfish, greedy and egotistical by nature, is another case. ^.~

Strider90 · Answer

You could spare the whole text you have posted here. Just admit you are a cheating slut. 'I want people to be happy blah blah blah blah...'

AngryHorny · Answer

Because you did a bad thing are you a bad person? Not necessarily. Jesus taught to love the sinner but hate the sin.

AleDeEurope · Answer

WTF is this question? Of course you are -_-

Anonymous · Answer

Am I a bad person because I think this is the stupidest question ever?

vekin · Answer

I think you are semi saint

Am I a bad person because I cheated on my boyfriend?

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