My boyfriend said he would hit me if I ever did ____?

[hickeysrproblematic]

I'm 16, he's 17, and we've been dating 2 months, and really care about each other. Last night we were driving around and I don't remember exactly how the subject came up but I asked, "you'd never hit me, would you?" And he said "not unless you did something really bad." As soon as he said that my heart stopped. I never thought for a second he'd say anything other than "no, of course not." I asked him to elaborate and he said "well, if you hit me first. Or if you cheated on me, or crashed my car or something because cars are really expensive." I couldn't believe it. The way he said it so casually and honestly makes me wonder if I am wrong in being so upset by this. I let the subject drop but the rest of the night was uncomfortable for me and I've spent all today being bothered by it. I don't think a man should ever hit a woman, and I never thought he'd ever even consider hitting me. I would never hit him, or cheat on him, or crash his car (?) And the fact that he said this to me really bothers me. Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

I'm in my 40s. I've never hit a woman.

If I saw some random woman abusing one of my kids, she's getting knocked tf out. So there are scenarios where I'd hit a woman, and have no regrets. But it's not usual - it's never come up in decades, and hopefully never will.

"if you hit me first" Hopefully if he could restrain he would, but fighting back is fighting back, until the other person has been beaten back, and then it's abuse.

'if you cheated on me' 'if you crashed my car' - neither of these excuse violence, in my opinion.

[Fibbett]

If you think a woman can hit a man but he can't hit back, you are spoiled. Do you want equality or not?

But you should never hit someone you love over a car, regardless of gender. I can understand being that upset over cheating, but, again, hitting doesn't help.

Ask him if he was serious. But don't expect him to be your punching bag. Men can feel pain, too.

[Vesuvius87]

I don't think anyone should hit for the sake of hitting. Self-defense isn't the same as just retaliating. There is a difference between hitting someone that's trying to choke you or hurting a family member vs justing hitting someone because they slapped you and ''omg how dare they had the audacity to disrespect me''.

[Fibbett]

@Vesuvius87 I'm sorry, but justice IS a thing. I don't exist to take abuse from a girl. So hitting back CAN be self defense.

Look, I'be never hurt a girl even tough they have hurt me. But it's not because they just get to treat me like shit. It's because I chose to take it. I don't have to.

I'm sorry, but to say "I get to behave like a child, but everyone else has to behave and play by the rules" IS immature. You are being unreasonable to expect the world treat you like a princess.

[Vesuvius87]

The last sentence is where you're wrong. I would say the same thing if a guy pushes or slaps his girlfriend first. She wouldn't be in the right either to retaliate in anger. She would be in the right to leave him and file assault charges.

[Vesuvius87]

It doesn't sound like you were reading but I was applying it to both genders. What's with the wanting to see how gets to hit who and throwing the equality word at random?

[Fibbett]

@Vesuvius8 Your last sentence is unintelligible, but I would agree that filing a report is also a perfectly good response. Most people I know would rather be hit back than get police involved, but my point all along was that you can't just hurt someone you claim to love and expect them to accept it. That is the DEFINITION of abuse.

[itsagirlthing900]

of course not talk to him about it and if he still thinks the same thing dump his ass because that's sucked up guys should never hit girls and especially because he was so casual, if u ever did accidently crash his car he won't hesitate to hit you.

[2payts1]

He could just be saying that, he might not really mean it... you should talk to him

[Prettygurl12]

Yeah so you should break up now.

Yup. Now is the time for that to be done.

[watcher617x]

listen to her too =]

[MelbaB]

If someone even has to give conditions that they'll hit you, break up.

[Spencer10]

Silly thing for him to say. I was raised old school... never hit a woman. Period. No reality if a crazy woman was coming at me with a knife and i cannot retreat well i would have to defend myself. But if my girlfriend asked would you ever hit me? it would be a strong no.

[Journeyman11]

If there's anything a man deserves pain and injury for, then a woman deserves the same pain and injury for doing the same thing.

It has NOTHING to do with what gender the perp and victim have.
Saying things like "Men should never hit women" is unnecessary and only suggests that women are more innocent, and that their health and safety is worth more than mens'.

A woman who punches a man in the face and breaks his nose is worse than a man who punches a woman in the face and doesn't break her nose.
A man who punches a woman in the face and breaks her nose is worse than a woman who punches a man in the face and doesn't break his nose.

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Yes , no guy should lay a hand on a girl or woman no matter what

yes he is in the wrong for sure and you better do a double take on him

cause i think your too young to be up against a guy who would think nothing to

hit you i think it's good you make yourself distant from him and move on

this is serious matter and yes it can get worst ,

[Dragonblood21]

If I was a girl and you said something like that to me, that would be the last ride we took.

Over crashing a car? What a piece of shit.

[jacquesvol]

He'd hit you if______.
That's enough to dump his ass.

[Gommers]

Someone throws the first punch, anything after that is self defense. Would I say that in the context to this question FUCK NAH, but that is how the law works.

[jacquesvol]

@Gommers
No excuses to hit a woman.

[sailorjupiter]

i think he was just talking without even thinking about it
and he's 17, he's not mature yet if he think about hitting you just bcoz you're crashing his car
he's just said it... let it go

[JustinTheGreat]

I mean im not saying hitting is the right thing to do. But if a guy was being an asshole, or he cheated, a lot of girls would probably slap him. So he might of meant it that way, and not in a beating the shit out of you way. I guess

[Vesuvius87]

Make him your ex boyfriend asap. There is no reason to be hitting a bf/gf, not even if they hit you first, esp if it's not even in self-defense.

[watcher617x]

listen to me - dump him, its not your job to make him understand that is wrong, dont try to fix him, encourage him to talk to someone else about that

[tenchu11]

Ever hear that song red wine?
"Red, red flags, he's not the one for you red red flags"

[JohnScofield787]

Move on from that punk.

[Rcjh1987]

and he's still your boyfriend why?

[DarkHumorRUs]

It's called a love tap.

[Anonymous]

He's probably all talk though.

[Marinepilot]

People who cheat deserve to be beaten brutally.

[Anonymous]

Leave him now!!

[watcher617x]

listen to her