My boyfriend just broke up with me out of nowhere!
We were together for over 6 months. (we are both 22, btw). We met in Berlin, where I am from, and he is from New York. We only spent 29 hours... Show More
Most Helpful Opinion
*Puts on superman cape* Remember, I'm not trying to be rude, I'm trying to get straight to the point of what the dilemas are.
[ Reality check ]
Problem 1) "He could not afford to fly me out again and I got really anxious about when we would see each other again. I think I pressured him a little too much. Then 3 days ago I booked a ticket for the 26th. I told him and he seemed not excited, but he also was at work when I called, so he was holding back as usual at work."
- Did you pay for the ticket, or did you book it against what he was saying about not having the finances available- then asking him to pay for it?
Problem 2) " He wrote me the same day (before I told him about the flight) how much he loved me and that I should be positive "
- Why was he reminding you to be positive? Did you express any feelings to him during that call after scheduling the ticket that made you seem doubtful or upset / etc?
Problem 3) "...because we are meant to be together."
- That statement is bullsh*t, I don't care what anyone says- no one will be "meant" for each other in slightly over 54 days. It takes time to grow together and understand each other's flaws, then more time to learn to appreciate those flaws.
Problem 4) (After you got the breakup email) "I called him afterwards and confronted him "
- Never call out your spouse on something. It's different if the situation demands that you do so (You notice that your spouse was cheating / etc... But in this situation, do not). Confronting someone or trying to "push" the issue and get what you want- is a subject to tread lightly on. I'll cover this more later
Problem 5) "I told him we need to talk about this and if I can call again. He said I should call in his lunch break. I didn't call"
- Just like you expect from the guy, you should call when you say your going to call ;D It's just curteousy
[ GOOD NEWS! ]
- There was nothing that I noticed which was "hostile" per se'. It seems like you are overbearing him with affection during a time that is completely filled. This in turn, makes him feel like you require more "maintenance" (aka affection) than he can hand out at this point in time. This is good news because the situation isn't hostile- it's indifferent. Meaning that there are still open doors for you to try a round two
[ My advice ]
- Work on expressing your feelings through ACTIONS and not words. You don't need to travel across the world to see him, but it's sweet that your doing so. Instead of showing up to kiss and play "love-doves" you want to show up and show that you appreciate his efforts and hard work, if you do that- he will shower you with affection.
(Example: Study with him and if he becomes stressed out, bring him some coffee and kiss him on the cheek while his nose is in a book)- bet'cha 10 bucks that he turns around to kiss you on the lips!
Call him in a weeks time and say "How have you been" and act like everything is normal.
O_O Holy sh*t I've ran out of room.
What Guys Said 4
When someone breaks up with you, it doesn't really matter what you want, unfortunately. To have a good relationship, you have to both be in it 100%. He isn't even close to being somewhat invested in it right now. You can try to "confront him" about these things, demand to talk about it and call him incessantly, but none of that changes the fact that he simply doesn't owe you a thing. He doesn't have to talk to you, he doesn't need to tell you anything. He said it's over, he said his decision is final, and that's that.
It seems that he is willing to talk, though, so that's good for you. This is the post-dump stage, where you can ask all of the questions you should ask and always forget to. Things like "What could I have done better?", "Can you ever see us getting back together in the future?", "Do you have any advice for me that I could improve being a girlfriend on?" These are good questions because it will give you insight into what he was thinking. It's nice that he's willing to talk to you after the break up, so you can ask these questions.
I'm sorry you got dumped. It sucks. I've been dumped-hell, EVERYONE has been dumped. Get this idea that he is the "only one meant for you" or whatever out of your head. That simply isn't true. It's a statistical improbability.
Ask him your questions so you can get your closure and move on with your life. Good luck!
well ofcourse its dumb 2 'fink tht he'll 4get you if u'll b dayz part frm him...if you wan him 2 get his space thn you needn't try as he'll b fine bein tht side...he's cool by his side...if you 'fink u'll disturb him thn fly after 31st...as evn you knw da xam'z much important for both of u...(I guess callin future might b much rite...)
well I cn c here is he's more concerned bt you as he dsnt wan you 2 suffer 4 'fingz.he luvs you and wan you b happy as he thinks he cnt make you happier...so you need 2 b at his side ...all you need 2 do is fly 2 him and da moment he'll c you up himself...he'll b able 2 talk...untill its useless 2 call him as he wnt answer...!
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