Women... if your partner asks you how many men you've been with, do you lie? Men? What about you?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend soon to be fiance told me she'd only been with two men. Literally about a week before our wedding, a guy came to our door to which she objected letting him in. He told me he just wanted to talk to me about her past as she probably wasn't entirely truthful. I didn't want to hear it because he was some random guy not to mention she was totally objecting him coming in.

Cool, fastfoward a few days later. I get home from work and check the mail to find a letter from him not only detailing a myriad of escapades with her, but pictures of her being trained by more than 20+ different men. When I walked in with the photos, she broke down crying and started shaking.

Why didn't she just tell me? On one hand I understand why she hid it, but on the other now I feel sort of... I don't know. She broke off the marriage though. She said she felt tainted. Even though I'm asking this question, I'm not sure how I would've taken it. Honestly... I was pretty disgusted.

I'll lie if I've been with too many

I'll tell the truth no matter what

It really depends..

Other? Explain below

Updates

+1 y

I wanted to say I'm really happy how civil we've kept the comments below. Lets keep it like that.

[karahiri]

So she did it to support herself and her family when her dad was incarcerated? That kind of... well, that's different from having sex with guys for shits and giggles. This 'training' things sounds weird. And the guy with all the pictures sounds weird. I wonder what his motives were. Maybe he was blackmailing her or something. Or maybe he just felt you deserved to know the truth.

Well, I guess in most situations, it's just better to be honest. I suppose she just didn't want to get judged for a dark time in her past but at the same time she hid a significant part of her life from you. Hmm. Sorry it ended man.

[Asker]

the whole thing is so weird. I've tried to contact her but she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I don't even know what to tell my family who was getting all prepared for the wedding. I'm only really talking to her mother still..

[karahiri]

i'd go to her in person, if you really want to talk to her. i think it's important in order to either move on or get closure.

[Blonde401]

It kinda depends for me. I mean, it's not something I would volunteer willingly but also because it's not something I would ever ask of my partner - both of our numbers are nobody else's business! If someone wouldn't marry me because of my number, well they clearly don't love me enough to want to be with me but I would only volunteer the information if they really really needed to know but I don't think anyone should share their sexual history, numbers. It always offends someone and it's not necessary if you're commited to that one person.

[Goldie757]

She was ashamed and clearly deeply regretted her actions. A person wants to be judged on who they are not what they were.

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I honestly wouldn't lie but my number is low.

[longjohndan]

I'm always one to say that a girls history is not my concern. However, I draw the line at something like this. If there's something in your past that's gonna slap me in the face then yeah its my business and I should be told beforehand. I don't ask, but usually they tell me more than I want to know.

[tenchu11]

I wouldn't ask... why would you want to know? Unless it was a standard you wanted for yourself but sounds like a relationship based on judgement.

[Asker]

I didn't ask. she wanted to air out the closet to clear up any "insecurities" I might've had. Thats why I sort've took it really hard, because not only did she present it to me but she lied almost like - trying to set up an alternate story that would never have to be tread upon again, to reassure herself that its okay to move forward.

All I can say is never ask. I don't ever want to know again, yet at the same time... its a really strange situation.

[tenchu11]

Why would she think you had insecurities?

[tenchu11]

Sounds like there hers

[Asker]

she said they were mine at the time, but truly yes they were hers to cover up her past.

[tenchu11]

Some girls don't realize that although we don't care it doesn't help with mental pictures. How did she/you take her number?

[Taborlin]

I wouldn't lie about it, but I completely understand why she did, and I'm sorry she left after you found out. I might lie if I had been in that situation to... she probably wants to forget all about it and move on. I hope that she lets you contact her after a while and talk about things if you still want to be with her... she will need a lot of support and maybe even therapy to come to terms with her past.

[Caramel_creme]

I haven't had any problems answering this question, but if I had been in place of your girlfiriend, I would just give a vague answer like, "well, you know, by my age, one has had a few."

I actually haven't asked this question of my boyfriends... Kinda felt like it's none of my business what they did in the past.

[BroDudeBro]

You won't be saying that if you end up with an STD.

[Caramel_creme]

@BroDudeBro ah good point!

Yeah admittedly I haven't checked for that before, but with my next partner I will be asking for a test.

Besides lesser number of partners is not a guarantee against STD. Even if you have had one partner in the past you could end up with It... Heck you can contract some through oral or even kissing for that matter.

[BroDudeBro]

That's true, but by having sex with more people you expose yourself to more diseases.

If the person is clean, loyal and respectful that's all that matters.

[Caramel_creme]

@BroDudeBro
Yes, but my point is it's not fool proof. You need to test anyway. So what's the need to ask.

[moistycakes]

I would tell the truth no matter what. I'm not ashamed of my past but if he can't handle it I would want him to know so he can leave before it gets serious. I think that's just basic respect. She definitely should have been honest with you from the beginning. It's a shitty situation to be in and I'm sorry that you were put in the middle of it.

[AleDeEurope]

I don't wanna lie, but I've lied before. To my last girlfriend I lied, I said less... I don't know if she'd be accepting of my real number (not that it's huge), but when she asked I kinda just went with a lower number.
But I'll try not to lie in the future, it's not a good thing to lie about.

[Prettygurl12]

If my boyfriend asked for my sexual history I'd just stare at him and make cricket sounds.

[Asker]

hahaha thats awesome.

[I_am_repulsive]

I would tell her the truth. There's no point of me lying; she has a past and I have a past as well and I don't really care how many sexual partners she had because it's something I can easily look past and besides, my pasts is probably worst than her, if not the same, so I would tell her exactly how many. I don't need to lie or exaggerate about it.

[Anonymous]

I'd ask her if she really wanted to know and let her sleep on it, then if she still did I'd tell the truth but I don't have anything weird, I just had a lot of women interested in me and saw no reason why I shouldn't take them up on it if I liked them.

[BubblyMaria]

The truth always comes out so its better if they hear it from you than anyone else. I'll be honest about it. There's no point in lying. If they can't accept my past then its not going to work.

[nalaa]

"being trained by more than 20+ different men" what does trained mean? Maybe it looked worse than it was?

Personally I'm not sure if I will tell a guy he's my first, beyond that I wouldn't lie

[Asker]

train'd* as in there was numerous pictures of her in varying positions with different guys in every picture.

Her mother told me the story because I went to ask, but she used to do it for money when her father went to prison.

I know its terrible - but she won't speak to me anymore and I really don't know what to say.

I never imagined myself being in this kind of situation. It sort of showed me I might not be ready for
marriage either. I'm a fool.

[annoyymouse]

If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question.

[Anonymous]

I just circumvent the question. If she keeps pressing, I tell her to stop being insecure or I'll break up with her because her behavior is so unattractive. Usually does the trick.

[Bandit74]

I'd tell the truth if asked but I'd never believe a girl if she volunteers that info. They all lie.

[jordan90]

I'm always honest. You cannot start a relationship and certainly a marriage with lies like that. I would have advised you to break it off if she didn't. Because if she can lie that easily about something so big, what else can she lie about?

[RedThread]

I've never lied about my sexual past to anyone. I won't talk about it unless she brings it up but I'd always be totally honest. Why should I lie in a relationship? It should have a foundation of trust.

[Azara]

he shouldn't ask if he doesn't want to know,. anyhow i dont want to be with someone who thinks i shouldn't have sexual life outside of him.

[Poppykate]

I just tell the truth, and expect him to do the same!

[Anonymous]

There's so reason for me to lie, but if I was the type to sleep with many, I'm not sure what I would do.

[Opinion Owner]

no* ----

[BroDudeBro]

I am not scared of being judged or rejected, so I'd reveal my number.

[MissIndependent111]

I never lie about it. I wouldn't marry her if i was you.

[MissNowhere]

I'm no liar, truth it is.