Okay, so there is this girl, we have been friends since the beginning of college. Anyway while I kind of thought she would be okay to date, I never really wanted to while she was singe, and was kind of grossed out by it, but lately I've felt more attracted to her, but she has a great boyfriend and I don't want to ruin their relationship. I need a way to get over her, but it's hard because I'm not really friends with a lot of girls (although I know quite a few), and it's hard for a guy like me to get a girl. Any suggestions
just an update, but more and more I've fell out of love with her, plus her boyfriend and girlfriend are having problems (not because of me,or so I think) so I've kind of started avoiding her
I suppose it all depends on your exact ages and dating/flirting/relationship experience, but I'm getting the big warning bell that says you became interested in her at least partially because she got a boyfriend. Her ability to get a boyfriend means she must have something attractive or appealing about her, either leading you to subconsciously seek it out and/or making you realize that if YOU had her, some other guy might envy YOU, because she now has at least one Boy Seal of Approval.
Alternatively, you might be confusing jealousy with attraction. With a boyfriend, she is probably not showering you with quite as much affection as before (probably some, but not as much.) You are missing that attention... perhaps not her specifically, but the sense that someone was paying attention to you.
Plus there's always a little "want what you can't have." My suggestion is to take a little space from her... don't stop hanging out with her all together, but hang out with her less. Hang out with her and her boyfriend, or her in a group.
As far as "getting over her/finding a girl," start expanding your social circle. Ask yourself what qualities you'd want a girlfriend to have. What similar hobbies. Now, go do those hobbies and keep an eye out for a girl that seems cool that is also doing those hobbies. But DO NOT get in the middle of this relationship. If it's gonna fall apart, let it fall apart on its own accord.
Well, first of all - about getting a girl - I think that it's mostly how you project yourself. Sound to me like you have a little self-confidence thing going on. Work on that, because we can smell the shy and the lack of self confidence.
Some girls are attracted to that, but if you improve your self-confidence, you will attract more.
About this girl - It's funny, but it seems to me like you like her because she has a boyfriend, and not because of her. So think why you like her, and if you think you like her because of who she is and not because she's unavailable...well...I don't really see anything you can do if she likes her boyfriend.
If you want to forget about her, try to stay away for a while.
she probably sees you as a brother figure. I wouldn't make it obvious that you are attracted to her or it could really make it weird between you. Just let her relationship play out. You'll get over her eventually and find someone else who is single.
Do yourself a big favor, let go of her and move on.
Tip: Every time you reinforce your belief "Its hard for a guy like me to get a girl" your setting yourself up for exactly that... If you said this 10,000 times in your head what do you think you will conclude? Your brain is a fantastic piece of equipment, only sometimes we can't distinguish what is good and bad for us. If you must say it then rephrase it in the past. "in the past it used to be really hard for a guy like me to..." that way it won't effect your present state. In fact woman or man can apply this technique to stop tripping over negative beliefs.
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