Do you do this, or have you ever done this?
Do you date until you find someone "better"?
Do you do this, or have you ever done this?
That might be my only option, the way things are going. I met some girls a few years ago who really stood out from the rest in terms of looks and personality, but I didn't have myself together, I didn't know the correct way to pursue a woman, and I wasn't on their level yet. So all that's left for me to do is go through the motions with someone who's not the ones I wanted, or stay alone for the rest of my life. I know it's going to feel like a chore, a waste of time, and not the nicest thing to do, but the girls who I wanted to be with might not be single again, and they might never give me a chance. My only choice is date someone I'm not passionate about, or nothing - be alone, or with someone who makes me feel like I'm still alone. Not a choice I relish, but it's the only choice I have.
A word to the wise - get yourself date-worthy as soon as you can. Don't waste time thinking bad thoughts about yourself, don't waste time in general. Solve your insecurities pronto and don't get more. Don't fall into bad habits that waste your time. Build yourself up fast and early into an interesting, successful, confident person and know what you want out of life, because you never know when you'll meet your dream girl and you don't want to be unprepared when that happens, and watch her to go some cocky douchebag. It feels like you've been kicked in your very soul to know she's having the adventures and conversations you wish you could have had, with that asswipe. It makes you feel like you'll never be fulfilled romantically. It's an experience you'd do well to avoid.
I don't date anyone exclusively unless I see some kind of future in the short term. I make it known that I'm not asking for an exclusive relationship, until I come across "that one". That's when I say goodbye to the other girls and date her exclusively. Because I see more of a future with her and those feelings of love she brings out of me.
I've only dated one girl that I seriously thought of marriage with. I'm not one to say "forever" in regards to relationships. But I was definitely feeling that way with her.
This is not something I do at all. I would feel so bad if I was seeing someone, and then broke up with them because 'someone better' came along.
I've been the person, many times, who was the one dumped for 'something better'. It hurts like hell to have someone dump you when they want to date someone else. I'm not saying if they are unhappy with me to stay. But I believe there are a lot of people out there who suffer from "the grass is greener" syndrome. Turns out, something better doesn't exist. It's only a state of mind.
There may be some people who are better, if they are in a really bad relationship. But if the person they are with is treating them right, and the only complaint is that the new person is more exciting, chances are they might be suffering from the 'grass is greener' effect.
Someone can seem better because they are new and exciting. But that wears off real quick. Then you are left having to make or even force conversation with them, and the relationship becomes taxing after a while.
I had a boyfriend once who dumped me for another girl. Because she was prettier and more exciting than I was (his words). However, when she didn't want to be with him, he came running back. Telling me I was the best thing he ever had. Still to this day he wants me back. But I don't want to be with someone who always has their foot out the door. Turns out the whole relationship he was on a dating site looking for someone else. He wasn't a good boyfriend, so I let him go and won't go back.
Not my style! I've never been the type to do that because I've always enjoyed being single and kinda falling in love with life again and again in different ways. Whether it's work, dance, local modeling shows, sewing, hosting/coordinating events, or whatever catches my interest, I tend to consume myself with the activity and commit myself to creating an awesome experience. So I don't really have the time or care to make the time to keep a guy around as an emotional or mental substitute.
However, I have quite a few friends and family who have done this. It's not uncommon.
I don't do it, it's a loss of time and emotialy draining plus you end up hurting the other person and losing their time so it's super selfish!
I would rather stay single until I find someone who has everything I like even if it means staying single for 20 years 😢😭
@questonin haha high five!! :p
This sounds terrible. And honestly, I think one of my exes saw me as only a "placeholder" relationship.
36.media.tumblr.com/.../...v9YDNJ1r6087go1_500.jpg
I'm talking to this girl who said basically the same as the pic... but I'm having trouble believing it, not because I think she's bad, but because why would they stay committed to someone if there's someone "better"?
To me, it doesn't make sense. But if she's not showing any signs of wanting a "better", then believe her and give her a shot.
Asker-
When I have feelings for a guy, no one is better. I don't give any other guy much thought, I can find other guys cute but I'm not attracted TO them. I'm not even considering other people.
But that's just how some of us think. Others (I'm guessing like yourself) are constantly looking for the next best thing. .
@RachelBrigs I am definitely not the type of guy you think. When I have feelings for a girl I fall hard and I'm loyal even when there's no real commitment yet, I just can't be with another girl, or search for another one while I have feelings for someone else.
That's why I have trouble believing that she's committed to me, cause I fear being fooled and give myself to someone who will easily drop me for someone "better".
Your fears are silly. They'll only hold you back from something great. And at this point she's done nothing to indicate she's gonna do you like that.
@RachelBrigs I know they're silly, insecurities are stupid, I'm not gonna deny that, and I know they only do harm, but it's not easy to just push aside those thoughts.
And I know she hasn't done anything like that, but I still can't stop thinking that it may happen.
All I can say is sometimes you gotta take a chance.
@RachelBrigs I know, and that's what I'm doing. I'm trying to put her above my "fears and insecurities".
Well good luck hope it works out
Opinion
20Opinion
You should never expect other people to treat you better than you treat others, and I would never want someone to do this to me.
No I would never do that. I like the feeling of falling in love with someone who is perfect and when I least expect it. Not lying to myself and saying that i like someone when i dont. People who do that don't like single and are insecure. My brothers ex girlfriend did something similar but she basically dated him so she could make her ex-boyfriend jealous. I hated her for it and she wanted to fight me when she found out how much I hate her. Then she found out that I am friends with girls who have been suspended multiple times for fighting.
not seeing a future doesn't mean place holder. a person can have a really good experience with someone they could otherwise be with long term, but at a time when they are not looking for anything long term. or just not be looking for long term but enjoying a relationship.
., place holder is when you're looking long term but settle along the way. totally different.
Yeah, but does the other person know you don't want a future with them? Cause maybe they do see a future with you. That's the problem, that the other person don't always know and you end up messing with their feelings.
does the person communicate op me that they are looking for something long term/bc if they dont i won't know. of course if they do i would tell them whether i was or was not or just taking things one day at a time.
i dont usually look for flings i never do actually. but i also dont 'look' for log term relationships. i just take things as they come and see how it goes. you really can't know how its going to be until you've given it timer.
but absolutely. if someone KNOWS they dont want anything serious and the other person does, they should be honest.
but if you dont communicate what you want and someone doesn't guess, is not them playing games with our feeling. all of us have to be honest about what we want, so others can be honest with us , and ultimately so that we can make the best decisions for ourselves.
i dont think any kind of relationship is inherently bad, as long as its mutually respected. the problem and games come when people dopnt communicate honestly.
I 100% agree with you here, communication is key.
no relationship wiill work-ons friends with benefits casual dating exclusive darting engagement relationship friend ship etc- without proper communication. people do everything they can to be secretive especially when they know what they want.
the amount of questions on here that shouldn't be here at all, but rather stated to the person they involve, are astronomical. its insane. and unfortunate. and there's tons of emphasis on the problem with women or men or this kind of value or that or the type of arrangement.. but none of it would matter if communication was honest and timely. if nothing more than bc you can get out as soon as you see it won't work. instead people drag on and on playing games, and asking everyone but the person they want, what to do.
i think its horrible if you've been in a position where you were honest and someone used you. it does happen. but i think the more you communicate the harder it is for people to deceive.
they'll feel guilty or just tired of trying to cover themselves, or it will become painfully obvious that they are not on the same page.
only way to know of yore in something real as in something you really want, is to always be upfront about what that is, with yourself and the partner. and ask them questions..
deception usually has its success ion the caraculs and corners of evasiveness. it takes tremendous energy to be dishonest with someone who is always honest and upfront and clear.
Tons of times mate (hello again)...
Its not nice but as guys or humans you have gotta test (you never know where love comes from). I dated someone that i didn't see a future with... at first... but it lasted way longer than i thought... and only ended because I fucked up... i wanted to get out. but she was a keeper. stupid me eh.
I really don't see the point in wasting time with someone I know I have no future with. Maybe to gain dating experience but that's about it. It's pain without gain if you ask me. I'd rather just end it to decrease chances of heartbreak instead of wasting time and enjoy the freedom of being single until I meet my desired partner.
See. No one is better? Its the time and effort you put into other people that will better your relationship with them.. No one is made perfectly, and wrapped with a perfect little bow waiting for you. I can first handedly say that the person I am with today gets "better, and better" everyday.. This is by growing together, being there during their worse times, but most importantly not giving up when the going gets tough..
As odd as this is going to sound, I've only dated one guy and I married him!!! He is and has always been my BFF, I've never thought of anyone else but him, he says the same about me. He and I could have dated anyone we wanted, yer we wanted each other. So, no neither of us dated until we found someone better, we are already convinced we found the best for each of us!! = ]
At this age and stage in my life, that serves no purpose to me. It's basically wasting time. I'm not looking to date around. I'm not that lonely lol. In my opinion, that's settling. I'm not gonna enter a relationship with someone I can't see a future with.
Yes, I would. I like to test the waters when it comes to dating. Besides, who said you can't have fun with anyone dating casually.
Would I go in a exclusive relationship with her? No, I would rather tell her I don't see her that way.
Yeah, I mean relationships. I've dated girls I never saw a future, but it was still fun.
Well I've dated or settled with someone I guess because I wasn't having much luck with other women and while I had no issues with the girl, I just wasn't feeling it so I thought it was best to end it because if it wasn't going anywhere, then what's the point.
Besides, having been used as a rebound only to have the girl go back to the same ex she complained about, it's not a good feeling.
I've always stayed single for a yr or a few in between relationships.
people who do this are always flirting and emotionally cheating while in a relationship, keep making guy friend saying he's just a friend and always need t get attention from other men. I've seen these type of serial dater. s
It's a shame. Loyalty is not in their priorities
I don't do this. If I like someone I have blinkers on, can't look at another dude. Even if we're not together, I crush too hard on one person at a time, this has been done to me though.
Same. I think that oneitis though is hindering me more if anything. Its one thing if I'm in a relationship, but if its just someone I'm day dreaming about, I feel like I'm missing out on so many girls out there.. Several right under my nose who showed interest in me.
@MrNameless I don't think I'm missing out on anyway myself. My options are very limited but I do get the blinkers, can't see anyone else because I just like that one person. It also ends up with me being manipulated or emotionally abused because if the other person isn't as nice as they seem, they will take advantage of the fact that I'm really into them. So I just wish I could take the blinkers off sometimes.
I have been with my boyfriend since I was 15 years old , and I could never find better. I love him so much. I'd never leave him for anyone else
You're so lucky :)
Well, him too, both are lucky to have found each other so early.
No. I wouldn't get into a relationship (let alone date around) in hopes to find someone else better to be with them. I like to focus on one person and be able to give them 100% of who I am as a person. If it doesn't work, well it doesn't work.
If I wouldn't see a future with her, I'd consider to build up some friendship and tell her I'd like to stay in touch. But that there was no match allowing us to get into a relationship.
I like to be open with people :D
I use to but not exactly settling more like I'd compromise my beliefs and if my ideal guy came along I'd go for it.
That was a waste and now I Do Not compromise my values, i'd rather wait for a good one instead of ok one
For all you know the one you are with could be the one for ya.. but if you have your sites set high on thinking there is always always someone better.. you will be looking your whole life and probably be miserable as well
No. If I am dating someone, I tend to focus just on them. I don't look at other people when I am dating the guy, not in an obsessive way more like my care is just for him. Plus, I date the guy if I can see a potential future with him.
No, I would never do that, is completely unfair for the other person. I'd only be with someone if I have feelings for that person, if the feelings are there, then I wouldn't look for someone better, because I'd consider that person the best
Never. I won't live a lie just to have someone around. Plus I just can't be around someone once I have no desire to be with them. Men and woman cannot be friends. I don't date someone to be friends. so I move on.
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