What does 'exclusive but not official' mean to a guy?

he says we are talking and working towards being official and we are having sex and he is not seeing anyone else. but I don't understand the difference between what we have and being official in a guys mind. to me, if your only seeing and talking and having sex with one girl that is the definition of being official...?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with anonymous - I was in a similar situation when my boyfriend as I started "going out" we weren't having sex but we were doing other things. We had both been hurt and didn't want to rope anyone into commitment and having to tell others that they were with someone. this was also because of the distance and how we ended up meeting in such a short time.

    His reasoning (I happened to agree) was that we were only with each other but at any time we could call each other and without bad feelings we could say we were seeing someone else (neither of us planned on that, but it was our way of not hurting each other in the long distance relationship but still being able to develop our relationship without fear or hesitation to move forward.) He specifically was not willing to say anything but the truth and refused to casually conform. that meant he didn't say I love you for a long time and we didn't become official until about 6 months after we started "dating." It is hard enough to have a relationship without people questioning you and worrying about telling family about the new guy or girl. It was our way to become familiar with each other before we had to explain it to others - even though looking at it technically we have been in a committed monogamous relationship since the first time we met


What Guys Said 1

  • I think it means you're his one and only, but he doesn't want to say it out loud to everyone yet.

    I always felt 'official' was when everyone else knew.


What Girls Said 3

  • Well like he told you, you're not official until you take care of your personal issues. So work on what you need to work on. When you are ready to be his girlfriend, tell him. If you're really ready for an ACTUAL relationship then tell him. And by relationship, I mean are you going to introduce him to your family as your boyfriend? Are you going to be all couply towards your friends? If you're ready for that, then tell him. Maybe he thinks you're not ready for that.

    • So I think ur saying the difference between exclusive and official is just making it public knowledge? as far as how he and I are supposed 2 b in private is there any difference? and y would he choose 2 wait 4 me if he felt stronger feelings 4 the other girl?

  • It sounds like he may want to be exclusive now to make the other girl jealous or something. Sounds like you are second best and the other girl is not giving him what he wants so you're around and it is easy for him. If you feel there is no difference, then there is no difference! If he is exclusive, why does it matter if he has the "boyfriend" title? What if he said he was your "boyfriend" but didn't want to be exclusive?
    Just take him around some of your most easy-going friends and introduce him as your boyfriend and see how he reacts. If he doesn't act the way you think he should, talk to him about what ou want. If he seems okay with it, you likely have your answer.

    • No she wants to be his gf. but he is backing off with her and wants to be exclusive with me.