Girlfriend told me she's been faking it in bed last four months, what do I do?

[Anonymous]

Long story short I've been trying to figure out what's been bothering her - she came out with it yesterday and said that I'm not as big as her ex was.

I put on the front and nodded whatever, wasn't really even sure what to say. She felt bad that she had lied for so long, which made me qeustion what she even meant - to which she elaborated that she really hadn't enjoyed any of the times I was inside her.

I really didn't know what to say. I mean, she wasn't mean about it, she was crying. The whole thing though well, hurts. She wanted me to say something, but I didn't know what to say. Just sat there trying to find words. She kept trying to get me to say something, started crying and ran out. She texted me a few times today, but I just don't know what to do or say. I mean, four months.. why, why couldn't she have just said anything sooner?

This is extremely devastating because her father already gave me his approval to marry her. He said I was her only boyfriend that treated her entire family with respect even if they undeserving, and it made him respect me. I know its only been four months, but the reception and everything was on the rise. This was without a doubt the best relationship I'd been in... apparently, aside from sex.

Guys: what can I do here? I'm at a really low place and need something. If you were me, what would you do?

Females: I don't even know what to ask you all. What would you tell me if you were my girlfriend?

Anyway -

I sort of feel like I've been lied to, well, actually i'm unsure in general. My past ex's used to say I was so huge, and would moan all the time. Now after hearing this, I wonder if everyones just been faking and lying to me this whole time?

This is one of the worst feelings I've ever felt. When you essentially have to question everything that ever once was.

Updates

+1 y

Well I was going to reply to her after I received advice here, but she came back to my house today even though I hadn't responded to her texts, and broke up with me.

I wasn't really sure what to ask first -why? was it because I didn't respond?

she just shook her head and cried, just saying "I just cant"

She just turned and ran even though I yelled I'd be willing to try she just drove off crying

[redeyemindtricks]

Dude, this shit makes my heart hurt for you.

I've pretty much collected 'em all, back in the day, and... yeah, no. Shouldn't be something that matters that much.

Srsly, length is pretty much irrelevant once you get past "a little above average", unless that whole visual showmanship is (for whatever reason) indispensable. And I'm 6'2", which means my cervix is probably deeper in there, proportionally speaking, than a shorter girl's. So, honestly, unless yr girl is freakishly tall like me, any length that's average or above should pretty much be exactly the same.

Width is a bigger deal in sensory terms, but, again, that's not a black-and-white issue either. Smaller circumference means you've got a lot more latitude to get extra stuff, like fingers or toys or whatevs, in there. So, like, a thicker dude can create more friction, but a thinner dude can much more easily sneak some fingers in there, curl 'em around, and knock the girl straight OUT with some g-spot luv.

Ok, them's the facts. Shouldn't be an issue, unless (1) you make it an issue, or (2) the girl is an unimaginative asshole. Unfortunately, I think #2 may obtain, here.
I mean, size queens are a thing that exists. I don't understand 'em, but... they exist. If she's one of them, this relationship's past tense, dude. Hate to say it.

But, yeah. Seriously, what the fuck.
As I've explained... size really shouldn't matter that much, provided yr at least in the fat part of the bell curve.
And that's just the physical. Fuck, dude! I mean, I'm just speaking for myself, here, but sex is like 10% physical and 90% psychological, for me. That's what I mean by "unimaginative" up there -- I can't imagine how boring and one-dimensional her sexuality must be, if the psychological part isn't strong enough to whitewash that issue away.

Like I said, my heart hurts, dude. This girl is the sexual equivalent of the retarded kids who ride the short bus -- she's, like, missing whole parts of that development.

[Asker]

haha, you made me laugh.

thank you for these words. I agree with everything.

[redeyemindtricks]

<3 xx

[Asker]

thank you for the advice. read the update - its over.

I don't feel sad, I just feel incomplete. Not knowing what I've done is what hurts the worst honestly.

I feel like I'm the one at fault for something here, and I shouldn't , which makes it hurt worse.

[redeyemindtricks]

Oh no.. Well, take from it what you can. The hurt will fade with time, and, most likely, the positive memories will remain after it's all said and done.

Tx for the MH luv.

[anon47]

Well, my husband and I had never had sex with anyone before we got married. We have had much bigger erection related issues. And there are times when I seriously consider that I should explicitly say whats bothering me, which is an almost sex less marriage (today being one of those days) but then I wonder that since he already knows what the physical problems are, he should be able to figure out himself what I go through emotionally (Sounds like a typical woman :D ). All that aside though, I value other aspects of our relationship and would never blow this out of proportion.

So, if one day, we get down to discussing things and he feels like he has been lied to (like in your case), I wouldn't know how to explain that it was never intentional. Therefore, I would say that you don't think too much about it either. Everyone has different levels of coping and communication skills and may be you just met a person who wasn't sure for the first four months about how she should go about it.

The fact that she has broken up with you shouldn't bother you much either. She is either taking time to figure out what she wants out of a relationship and may come back or she is really just not that emotionally mature yet. I would never break up with my husband on much bigger issues, so I don't see why she should've broken up either. Its all on her I guess, you don't need to feel bad. Just wait for a few days and then move on with your life.

[96angel]

you really have to ask her and make her absolutely comfortable to tell you what she likes and what she doesn't, have open conversations. try to give her pleasure and make her orgasm with fingering and oral sex before going inside her again. there's a very good method that makes women squirt (i mean, not necessarily squirt, but anyways she will have a very intense orgasm). i think once you pass this barrier, you will both feel much better and will be able to work on a good sexual relationship. i can imagine how you feel, but also dont resent her for lying, this whole faking orgasm thing some women do comes from the fact that women are required to satisfy men and make them feel good about themselves. just make sure she can be honest and that you wanna actually please her. dont question your entire sex life because of this, just think of things from now on.

[JohnAnonDoe]

I'd suggest finding a way of helping her enjoy sex that isn't just 'the battering-ram technique'. Try different positions after finding out where her sweet-spots are with your fingers/a toy and find out what works best for her. Remember, a girl can enjoy the whole experience throughout whereas guys mostly enjoy oral and cumming, so try to last long and do stuff that doesn't actually involve stimulation of your penis.
You might want to try some stimulation gimmicks like the studded/ribbed condoms or vibrating penis rings, using a second toy at the same time, clitoral vibrators, etc. if it makes a big difference in your relationship (which I suspect it does and should).

Don't know about her, but in my experience girls like that actual thing to be done deep and hard where possible, with some easing in at the start.
Any questions or comments, ask away.

[Asker]

Well, once in bed, I'd generally do controlling but she occasionally says "I want this position"

and we switch, yet she doesn't really like to be dominated, but doesn't exactly exude control and dominate me either. She just sort of... is very neutral? I wouldn't say she's a starfish, (Well, now that I know she was faking, maybe she was)

I don't really know now.

[JohnAnonDoe]

I think you should try talking about this over personal messages, to avoid (given, anonymously) talking publicly about your girlfriend's sexual fantasies and preferences, also because I can only talk from experience and I'm not comfortable talking about my girls personally. I'll shoot you a PM and you can feel free to reply on there.
DIsclaimer, I'm not a sex coach XD

[JohnAnonDoe]

Having said that, we're both anonymous. I've deanonymized my post temporarily, it'll remain that way for 10 minutes. If you send a message during that timespan I'll reply.

[Asker]

Thank you for the offer, but read the update - we just spoke, and I've been dumped.

any idea into that? for some reason I feel like its not just about my dick.

[JohnAnonDoe]

Well really it depends on the contents of the conversation.
If you talked about the whole sex issue and then you got dumped and it was that simple a conversation then I imagine she either dumped you because of bad sex ( see www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1907259-how-come-my-boyfriend-sucks-at-pleasuring-me) or she pretended to be faking to make it seem like it was you when she actually wanted to leave for another reason. Probably not a good one considered she hid it with that bombshell though.
If you didn't actually talk about the sex issue that much, I'd say it's a coin toss as to whether that was really an issue or not, but she probably didn't really give a damn about it and there was likely another reason or that was one part of it.
Still, feel free to message for a pep talk if you're feeling shit about it. Tough break man

[CROVVNED]

I would begin to question what she values in a guy, if she is that focused on size maybe she should get a damn cucumber.

Fucking disappointing on her part. Will that cause her sleep around with other dudes even though you have a perfect relationship. How big does she want it bro? Are you 6'? Because that should be fine. She should just chill. But bro honest. I would really talk to her and see where her heads at. Figure out if she will really be loyal or if she's just putting up a front like she'd been doing for 4 months...

[Asker]

I dont have measurements, but looking around the house I'm about the same size as a 16.9 oz water bottle, with the head obviously being a bit bigger then how it narrows out at the top.

However, within her, I know someone else mentioned foreplay, but she's usually doesn't need much to get going. She always stops me and says put it in im ready when I've only been fingering or licking her for a few minutes.

I think she really really enjoys penetration, but no so much on say - everything else. Thats also whats odd to me, every past girlfriend has wildly preferred the oral I gave - even if the sex was great, they never turned down foreplay or rushed through it.

Now that you point that out, sort of makes me question if she was just rushing me to get the thing over with. great.

It just makes things worse that during the four months, she'd say things like "oh my god its so big" and stuff when we're having sex, like... its almost like I've been dating two girls.

[CROVVNED]

Bruh thats a good size, she needs to chill TF out bruuuuh. Sounds like she's a size queen. Any returns via pleasure on her part for anything larger than a 16.9 oz bottle could be minute. Honestly.

She should be grateful bruh, I'm the same size and you'd bet that shits above average. Most women according to surveys say that's the perfect size. Every girl I've been with said mine was big too. She needs to relax, and be grateful bruuh. There's no reason for her to need a 8-9 inch dude. If she really needed to tell you that I would watch her closely. Worse comes to worse you find another girl if it means THAT MUCH TO HER. Which it doesn't seem like she would, but she mentioned it so apparently she's a size queen.

The fact that she doesn't seem to care much for foreplay confirms she's more focused on size.
I think mostly you need to worry about the lies bruuh. She's lied for 4 months . She told you because she probably cares. Just talk with her and ask her how important it is

[CROVVNED]

but yea ask her if she has thought about seeing him again because of that. Worst comes to worst there's millions and millions of girls who would be overly satisfied by you.

Doesn't mean that ex phag is better than you. Just shows you deserve better

[Asker]

no need, check the update.

thanks for the advice anyway. I feel like there was something else going on here, and after the update -I feel like there's a lot she's been hiding from me that she just doesn't want to say.

I dont even know anymore man

[CROVVNED]

Damn broski,

make sure you go out there and find a girl who deserves you, one who doesn't lie.

Best of luck

[FakeName123]

Pretty much everything was said here. The biggest key is that she didn't tell you for months and thus betrayed you. I mean if she said the sex isn't that great and you aren't as big as she likes it, it would have hurt as well - but it would have been something you can work on in your sex-life in one way or another.

The way she did it is horrible though and as people said here, you probably should break up (she did that already it seems) and see if she actually values the relationship. If she does, she will try to fight for it - if not, then it is painful, but at least you aren't wasting anymore time and didn't marry here. Even though that really doesn't help making you feel better most likely.

Additionally I probably would contact her dad and say you broke up - so you are with her dad on good terms. Else she might tell them some lies, etc. of why you broke up. Get it out and make a cut.

[Asker]

Thanks, yes I did talk to her dad and he pretty much affirmed that she cheated. He asked her directly if she cheated and she broke down crying. everyone mentioning that this is a very difficult thing to handle and stuff, but maybe it hasn't registered for me. I'm hurt from the betrayal and lies, but I really don't feel anything yet.

[Anonymous]

Dump her. This isn't recoverable.

Agree with @redeyemindtricks. If this was simply about her wanting more pressure in her pussy, and she was super attracted and had a good attitude to sex, she'd be suggesting things that would give her that sensation.

She expects to just lay back have conventional sex and get a specific situation. That's to me, a bad attitude about sex in general.

That and how are you ever gonna feel confident with her?

Move the fuck on, her family already knew she didn't deserve you and this is icing on the cake.

[tupperware]

Sorry, man. But if she's the type of person who would dump you over that, you might be better off. That's an ego shot that I can see someone not recovering from, though.

Shoot me a pm if you're ok with it. I might have a suggestion.

[Asker]

Thanks. I had a word with her father, who revealed that she told them that she broke up with me for cheating. I had a feeling, but his confirmation pretty much sealed the deal. Its unfortunate, I really get along with her family.

And I'm disappointed she never once tried to talk to me about this. My ego isn't shattered, its more that im sad that I was lied to pretty much about everything.

[PinceNez]

That's really, I feel for you, man...

First of all, it may be something else - is there something she's going through? Is her ex still in the picture (that's real by the way)? Sounds like she didn't tell you much except something wasn't right so it's going to be really painful, but do try to dig deeper to see what's out there!!

Then you can make decisions because you know what's going on.

[chriss]

its her problem she needs to accept you for who you are. why would you want to change it just so you can remind her of her ex? she has clearly not even moved on from her ex.

[Asker]

thats a solid point I hadn't considered.

She'd never even mentioned him really, ever, so the comparison and everything literally came out of nowhere, and then to add in the faking...

[chriss]

its very wrong on her part because she needs to accept you for who you are. is she your type of guy? these are the things you need to question just remember that there is always someone out there that will accept you for who you are. i really find it very disrespectful on her part was she using you as a rebound? you never know

[Errhh]

I'm not even gonna read more. Up other part "not as big as your ex was"...

Sounds like something a guy would say...

If she said that, dump her. No need to read the rest or to even try to save that relationship. Stupid the person who stays with such people.

[Anonymous]

If she says she can't enjoy sex because you're not as big as her ex, and you're at least average size, she has problems. Vaginas are not that big and they aren't that deep. Yes, they can stretch, but that's only when something big (like a penis) comes inside. And anything 4"+ is already big enough for a normal vagina.

So unless she's loosey goosey, or just a size queen that needs 7.5"+ dicks to satisfy her, she's got mental problems. It's probably for the best that you leave.

[Anonymous]

New girlfriend, I feel it's stupid to lie about pleasure I want my boyfriend to pleasure me and make me feel good and if he doesn't do it right I let him know so I can feel good same goes for him. If she's lying about something like that you don't know what else she has been or will lie about.

[robinhanson]

this is Asta la vista time my friend, the sooner the better. Good luck

[selmo93]

Well she probably did it to make you feel better. Just because theyre bigger, doesn't mean better.

[Anonymous]

You know exactly what you should do
static.deathandtaxesmag.com/.../pussy.png

[Anonymous]

Focus more on the foreplay. Thats the most important bit for arousal. Another thing you could do is help her pleasure herself. Invest in toys and things like that.

[JetPack01]

Dude, you're so lucky you dodged that bullet. You were really going to marry her? You know she was still banging her ex, right?

[orphan]

let her know you don't fake shit.

cum on her face while she sleeps.

[Anonymous]

Are you busting nuts? If so then I don't see a problem.

[ShayanMortazavi1]

She sounds crazy, forget her