I dont like my girlfriend going to parties without me and thats a two way street with me but she seems insistant on going either way. My girlfriend likes to party but I don't. Am I wrong in asking that we both go together or don't go at all? Can someone tell me if I am fucking insane or reasonable?
I don't really think it's super reasonable. There's kind of three things that I'm looking at considering here. One, she might not always want to stay home, but really wants to go out and socialize. There's nothing wrong with that, but if 100% of the time you don't want to go out she goes out without you... then that isn't super cool. If that's the case, it kind of shows she'd rather be out with other people. If it's just some of the time, then she likely doesn't want to sit around at home. The other thing is that maybe you guys have different preferences for how to spend your time? That doesn't make either of you unreasonable it means you have difference preferences. What makes it unreasonable is if she is always leaving you behind or you don't want her to go out without you ever. There's got to be some kind of compromise and middle ground for two people with different preferences.
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it's not fair of you to ask her not to go just because you don't want to go. why not let her have a good time? are you worried she will cheat on you? because if that's the concern, you should really address that with her. it's really not ok for you to demand she doesn't go to parties.
It all depends on the context and how much you trust your girlfriend. Your girlfriend does not need your "permission" to do things, and expecting her to seek it each time she wants to go out is going to make her feel controlled and it also makes you look insecure in yourself. If the parties she goes to are with friends of hers and she hasn't given you reason not to trust her, you must trust your girlfriend. On the other hand, if she's getting hammered drunk or high and hooking up with other men, this is where you draw the line. The best thing to do is communicate with your girlfriend and get more information, and from there you can express your concerns. If you're not satisfied with her responses or do not trust her to be in these situations, I would seriously rethink the reasons why you are in this relationship to begin with.
I think it's perfectly reasonable. A lot of dumbass people are going to bring up trust and blah blah blah. But when has trusting someone ever stopped them from cheating? What if she gets drunk and sleeps with a guy? Dumbass people will say, "Well you have to trust her." OR, you can be there and make sure it doesn't happen or you can both not go to make sure it doesn't happen!
You know, for people who keep saying trust, you don't seem to really care about the one you supposedly love. You're just letting them go and do whatever and think, "If they cheat they cheat, if they get drunk and fuck someone else, oh well." Well if you truly loved that person, you would make sure to protect them and make sure to keep them by your side.
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It really depends on the context. I don't think it's insane or anything but in the same breath I'm not sure where your concerns stem from. Is it trust issues?
Yes, this is reasonable and she wouldn’t either unless she believes something else out there is better. You are easily replaceable by next mor shiny thing.
- u
Is the problem that you don't trust her to remain faithful to you?
I don't know the deep specifics of the dynamic between you two but on the surface it just sounds like you two might not be compatible.
Here is where people beat their heads against the wall, here is where couples end up fighting all the time and being miserable a lot of the time, here is where one partner may start to look controlling. You two just may have a DIFFERENT VALUE SYSTEM and although you may be attracted to her and in a lot of OTHER WAYS she's great... on a core level you two just have a different value system and you just may not be compatible.
You two can be totally honest up front and for you that means to be honest you express that you feel you don't think going to parties... with drinking and horny guys dancing with her and coming on to her all night long... or whatever. She can either say, you know I see your point, I don't think it is very healthy for our relationship and this relationship is more important than hanging on to my single party lifestyle and she no longer goes alone... or she can say I want to do this and I'm going to these parties alone... even though it makes you uncomfortable.
That's kind of all you can do. So apparently she is going regardless. This is your queue that you two just don't see eye to eye on some core relationship boundary issues. As hard as it may be, the honest thing, the brave thing is to just realize that you just aren't a compatible fit so instead of always arguing about this and instead of trying to get her to change her ways and to do what you want it is wiser (even though it may hurt) to admit we aren't a good fit, end things on good terms and to start dating other girls.
Just look for the girl who isn't that into partying and it also seems weird to her to want to go to parties without her boyfriend.
Think about it.No , you have every right to feel the way you are feeling , When a girl needs space from her partner it pretty much means she is up to no good , if she is constantly excluding you from going to these party's , Party’s usually involve alcohol and drugs and hooking up , so if she is excluding your feelings and trying to act like you are being insecure , she is talking out of her ass , because it has nothing to do with insecurities, it comes down to respect for your relationship , how would she feel if you were going to partys every weekend without her? , So it sounds like she isn’t wearing your shoes like she expects you to wear hers , Her actions is selfish behavior cuz she is only thinking of herself , Most girls’ today have this selfish behavior where they feel like they want their cake and to it it to , that they see no wrong in their doings , So if you really like your girlfriend and you want this relationship to survive , you need to put your foot down to her and tell her that you aren’t going to be in a relationship with a girl that excludes you from partys and shit , if you can’t respect me I can’t respect you if you want to be selfish I will be selfish to , If she doesn’t listen to you and change her ways , let her selfish ass go because she only loves herself , she will never experience love in a relationship she will be treated like a whore period , you will never be happy with a girl that can not remove selfishness for you , realize you deserve better than that shit, if she can’t follow boundaries then she has no right being in a relationship , Most girls need a man to set her straight and to keep her in line Don’t be scared to lose her if she doesn’t listen to you , realize you can only give what you want to receive , Respect for each other is the only way a relationship will survive , if she can’t respect you let her go and realize not all girls are whores
It depends. You can't be there with her at every single event she goes for fucks sake, sometimes she may want to hang out with her friends, and often maybe only she was invited, so you should consider that.
It is quite controlling that you're getting angry because she's not going out with you. UNLESS she NEVER goes out with you. That's where you have to draw the line. If she's casting you out every time she goes out then you should talk to her about it, because that's not good at all. It's perfectly fine to want to be together as much as you two can, but sometimes you may need time with your friends alone and her, with hers. Best to talk to talk to her and find a balance.
On a personal note, I don't mind when girls go to parties, as I like hanging out on occasion and I drink on occasion as well. But I don't really like it when girls are constant party goers and heavy drinkers, like, when they HAVE to go party every single weekend, because is Friday or Saturday, and don't like to just stay home some weekends and watch a movie or smth, and don't really do any other activities such as traveling, etc. So you should also be with someone that does things at a similar pace to yours, as these differences can really affect a relationship.It's natural to feel a bit uneasy or uncomfortable when your partner is socializing without you, especially if you don't know or trust the people she's hanging out with. However, it's important to communicate your feelings with your girlfriend in a respectful and honest manner.
Rather than making demands or ultimatums, express your concerns and discuss potential compromises that can help you both feel comfortable and secure in your relationship. For example, you could suggest that your girlfriend check in with you periodically throughout the night, or agree on a specific time for her to come home.
It's important to remember that relationships are built on trust and mutual respect, and both partners should be allowed to have independent social lives. If you find that you are unable to trust your girlfriend or feel uncomfortable with her spending time without you, it may be worth exploring these feelings with a therapist or counselor to address any underlying issues that may be contributing to your insecurity.My boyfriend will NOT go to a party without me. It is all about respect, it’s not a trust issue thing. If he wants to go to a club get drunk and have fun, he can do all that with me. Because at the end of the day clubs and parties is not for people in relationships. It’s not about being controlling or demanding because once you put yourself in a committed relationship there is boundaries. There will always be certain boundaries and the people here who are all for letting your girlfriend go to a party without you obviously have never been in a truly committed relationship. Now if it’s agreed on both sides that it’s ok to go without each other than that’s a different story, its a compromise that both parties can be comfortable with. But if it’s a disagreement between the two and can’t even come with a comprise then relationship shouldn’t even continue, because one party is uncomfortable and you’re partner being uncomfortable should bother you. Why argue about going to a club anyways.. it’s more fun to just have a girls or guys day at places where a party environment isn’t involved. Like if you wanna get drunk and have fun do it with your homegirls or homeboys without going to a club or party.. people nowadays are too lenient on shit and wonder why they’re getting cheated on. I will let it be known to my man that something bothers me, and he needs to respect it just like how I’ll respect something that bothers him.
Your girlfriend is a grown-up she doesn't need your permission to do anything. What if there is a party she want to go to and your sick? If you don't trust her enough to let her go to a party alone then you need to break-up. Lack of trust destroys relationships. All your doing is pushing her further away. If my boyfriend even slightly suggested something akin to this we would be done. Another poster said if you love someone you protect them. This isn't protection it's controlling. You can say it was an agreement we both made till the cows come home, but the fact of the matter is you are stipulating when she can and can't go out. It's completely unreasonable and isn't going to work in the long term.
I think it is reasonable but I think it depends on how she parties. Lots of girls meet guys and cheat if they are drinking and hanging with the wrong friends. Does she seem like the cheating type?
The thing about drinking at parties. I've cheated because I was drunk, I did shit I never would have done sober. And a relative slept with a girl on spring break who had a girlfriend back home who hadn't slept with her boyfriend yet.
That is not to say there are lots of girls who won't cheat when alone at a party. The thing is if she cheats at a party there are a lot of people to gossip and get back to you. I don't date party girls anyhow.Just make it clear and in paper that if she goes and parties and gets knocked up and for sure its not yours its on her to pay for the clearly not yours paternity test. And if the baby isn't your's then you will leave without looking back as you have zero intrest in unwanted adoption/stepfatherhood.
You will love the kids she has with you if she is desperate for other mens attentions the door is open for her to leave.
If you are serious about the relationship being forever I say your well within your rights to make it clear what your boundaries are and if she doesn't like them well then she can leave.
Why aren't you going with her? I think it is reasonable as long as your willing and able to go, but by saying she can't go without you ends up moving into controlling behavior.
No one likes to be controlled by their partner, men or women.
For myself I would say if he could go and just doesn't want to, then I'm going but if he has to work or something I might skip that time. That can be questionable though, cause what if he intentionally works a lot to try and stop me from going? It depends how often and why to me.
Jealousy is normal and if my boyfriend went to parties all the time it would make me raise an eyebrow. However, I'm not the party type, and in the rare event I go to one, I don't see it as a place to find a guy/hook up, my instincts weren't wired that way. However, many people do and if your girlfriend is one then it is possible that that subconscious reflex kicks starts when she is drunk. You however cannot tell her not to go. It will stop her from being with her friends and will make her resent you. If you are together with her and you know what type of girl she is then trust that she will follow her instincts and not mess around at a party. Maybe find a middle ground, talk to her and lay down some rules with her/ask a friend of hers to watch out for her.
If she would be ok with you don’t the same thing then that’s what she wants. If these parties have the possibility of her being in a compromised position where men are pressuring her or she is flirting a little too much than she has to be willing to let you do the same. But it’s tough for that kind of independence in a relationship. I mean sure when you don’t want to or she doesn’t want to sure it’s ok every once in a while or with the guys for you or girls for her but I get that it makes you a little uncomfortable. Especially if she’s a great catch
If she doesn't always want you to go it is unreasonable not to give her space. But she can't be a hypocrite about it either. I myself would love for my man to go with me. But when I love someone I don't require much space from them unless we had an argument. Even then it doesn't take me long to want to make up. She just might not be the right person for you. Some people do need more space than others. You may need to find someone that's more like you.
I suppose it depends on your relationship.
I will say this, tho - for me, before I was married, spending time with my boyfriend trumped anything else. He wouldn't have had to ask me not to go to parties without him because I just wouldn't. To me, he was more important than going to a party and I really just wanted to spend time and be with him. I feel like I may be the minority here, tho. I'm not sure this answers your question but I hope things work out favorably for you. 🙂
That's reasonable in my opinion. I mean it also depends on the party. Bachelorette party it's fine by herself, baby shower fine by herself, etc. House parties and such I wouldn't want my partner to go to without me unless I trusted the people who were gonna be there.
Well, what's the context.
Does she specifically want to go to a party alone? Because that's not cool, bro.
Or does she want to go out to a party, and you don't feel like it? So she wants to go by herself because she really wants to go. Because that's reasonable.
Also something to consider, if it's because you don't want to/can't go, is why you don't want her to go anyway? Do you not trust her? Something to think about.The thing is that if you guys stay on each other's backs all the time, you will both get bored of each other. Let her do her thing when she can if she wants to and do your thing when you can if you want to.
Two rules for a relationship to work : be faithful and trust your partner.No, it is not. You either trust her or you don't. If you don't, then why would you even be with her. And if you do, your attitude is unreasonable and unjustified. It is also extremely possesive on top of that, and that's not how a healthy relationship works.
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